Day 157: Candyman

Candyman

Candyman, Candyman. Does whatever a candy can

Urban legends are a lot of fun. Everywhere in the world has their local myths, from the biggest city to the smallest town. They range from alligators in the sewers to hidden communities of mutated freaks. Urban legends can even be between different economic groups. I'm sure there's whispers around gated communities that poor people are going to take away from rich people's trust funds. This movie explores an urban legend from a racial standpoint. And what's a better way to explore race than with a legend coming to life with bloody results?

Candyman is a 1992 supernatural horror movie based on the short story “The Forbidden” by Clive Barker. Starring Virginia Madsen (Sideways, The Haunting In Connecticut) as graduate student Helen Lyle, Helen is writing her thesis on urban legends. While interviewing freshmen on their superstitions, she overhears people talking about the local legend, Candyman. The legend has it that Candyman was the son of slaves who impregnated a white woman. He was chased down by a mob, had his hand sawed off and replaced with a hook, smothered with honey and stung to death by bees. If you say his name five times while looking in a mirror, he supposedly appears and kills you. Helen and her friend Bernadette jokingly say his name five times, but nothing happens. Their research leads them to Cabrini-Green, a dangerous gang-infested inner-city project. As she gets closer to the legend, she is assaulted by a gang, lead by a man claiming to be Candyman. She recovers and returns to the projects where she is accosted by another man claiming to be Candyman (Tony Todd, The Rock, Nite Tales). He says that he must show her his powers. Helen blacks out and wakes up in one of the apartments, covered in blood. She is arrested and accused of kidnapping a baby. She is bailed out by her husband and when Bernadette comes to visit, Candyman reappears and murders her. Helen is committed to a psychiatric hospital, but escapes thanks to Candyman's interference. She makes it back to Cabrini-Green where Candyman offers her the missing baby in exchange for her sacrifice. What will Helen do?

Get lost in his eyes, apparently

The movie takes a pretty basic concept and makes it unique thanks to a unique story and really good acting. The pacing really works as the audience delves deeper down the rabbit hole along with Helen. When her world comes crashing down around her with reality and fantasy melding, we're glued to the screen because we have no idea what is going to happen next. We learn about Candyman bit by bit, but are never bored with what's happening on screen thanks to real world dangers. The movie's atmospheric fear is complimented by the bleak locations and focus on the gritty inner-city, a backdrop that should be used more often. The real world is far scarier than any far-off planet or fantasy realm. The anxiety and fear is palatable, thanks to a really good performance by Virginia Madsen.

The movie has a good amount of violence with plenty of blood and gore. Director Bernard Rose (Immortal Beloved, Two Jacks) has a good eye for horror and really captures the atmospheric terror. Candyman is a good villain because of the mystery surrounding him, but for some reason, he's not a great villain. Perhaps it's because he doesn't have as much screen time as you'd expect, but I was a bit disappointed overall in how he was used. It's not Tony Todd's fault because he's awesome as Candyman, but the movie hits a bit of a wall when the movie finally focuses on Candyman. It's not bad, but instead of being a home run, the movie is more like a stand-up double.

Let's bee friends

Candyman is a fun and thrilling psychological horror movie that capitalizes on the fears caused by the real world as well. There is plenty of violence and exciting moments with an underlying feel of dread. Virginia Madsen and Tony Todd both put in great performances and really carry the movie. The writing is solid, complimented by good direction. For a movie with the main villain in the title, I felt that there wasn't enough Candyman on the screen and what was show only hinted at his awesomeness. Ultimately, it's a good movie that could have (and almost was) great.

7/10

Day 144: Masters of Horror: Haeckel's Tale

Masters of Horror: Haeckel's Tale

I prefer Duck Tales

The Masters of Horror series sure does love them some Clive Barker. I think this is the second or third episode I've seen from the series with Barker's involvement. I understand why they use his work, since he is such a popular name, but there are so many horror writers out there that would have benefited from being included. This must be such a great story that they just had to include it. Right?

Masters of Horror: Haeckel's Tale, based on the short story by Clive Barker, stars Derek Cecil (Recount, Men In Black II) as Ernst Haeckel a young scientist following in the footsteps of Victor von Frankenstein. He believes that it is capable to reanimate the dead, despite multiple attempts that have failed. He visits a man named Montesquino, a necromancer, who demonstrates his power by reviving a dead dog. The dog comes back to life, but as a demonic abomination. Haeckel learns that his father is ill and travels by foot through the woods to reach him. He meets and older gentleman named Walter Wolfram, who takes him in for the night. Walter shares his cabin with his beautiful young wife Elise and their baby. Terrible shrieks are heard outside and Elise goes to them. Haeckel is strongly attracted to Elise and is shocked that Walter would let her go. Walter reveals that he is not, in fact, the babies father as it's true father has died not long ago. He admits that he cannot satisfy Elise and has paid Montequino to raise her husband from the dead to make her happy. Elise's shrieks can also be heard so Haeckel and Walter go to her. What they see is a most disturbing sight: Elise, surrounded by zombies, having sex with her dead husband. Walter tries to take her home, but is killed by the zombies. Haeckel tries to get Montesquino to end the ritual, but he cannot. Haeckel shoots him in a rage, but is knocked unconscious. What will happen to him and Elise?

"Who wants S'mores?"

This doesn't happen often when I watch movies, but I literally rolled my eyes and slapped my forehead when the necrophilia scene was revealed. It's just so incredibly stupid to actually see that on the screen and shocking that Showtime actually allowed it to happen. As a short story, I can see where this may have it's place and not come off as ridiculous, but actually seeing it happen was unsettling (which is the point) and laughable (definitely not the point). The story itself, though, goes off in too many directions. First we see Haeckel's attempt to reanimate the dead, then he meets Montesquino, then Walter and Elise, and finally the big shocking scene. It doesn't flow well and not enough time if given to Haeckel's love interest in Elise. It just kind of happens and makes me wonder why he even cares that she's banging a corpse. Beyond the final 15 minutes or so, there is nothing of interest in the story with very little action to speak of. There is some good, bloody violence at the end, but not enough to justify very little happening for the previous 45 minutes.

Originally, George Romero was supposed to direct the episode, but has to drop out because of timing issues. I am SO glad he was not involved. Why his past few efforts in the world have zombies have had their ups and downs, I would have hated for him to be involved in such a boring story. John McNaughton (Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer) handles the directorial duties well with some good up-close shots of the carnage at the end. The acting is fine with no real complaints. The make do with a weak story and some stunted dialogue, managing to scrape together plausible performances.

"He's delicious, but he'll go straight to my thighs"

The way the story was described and the time in which it was set, I was expecting a Lovecraftian-style story. Boy, was I wrong. Why was Haeckel's Tale made for Masters of Horror? Couldn't an episode have gone to another author? Was the necrophilia scene just so amazing that they had to film it? There must have been another reason, but I cannot figure it out. The story is extremely boring with very little action until the end. What little action occurs is good with some nice gore and blood. Beyond that, and a morbid curiosity to see a necrophilia scene that aired on cable television, Haeckel's Tale has nothing to offer.

2/10

Day 137: Masters of Horror: Valerie On The Stairs

Masters of Horror: Valerie On The Stairs

She's a fire hazard

It's been a little while since I've reviewed a Masters of Horror movie. I decided to go with one that was a little out of my wheelhouse in terms of horror. While I prefer zombies and action-centric horror, Valerie On The Stairs seemed pretty far removed from what I usually enjoy. Sometimes it is good to go against your preferences and try new things. You never know when you might find a new band or artist that you'll love. Or you'll find something that reminds you of why you avoid similar things.

Masters of Horror: Valerie On The Stairs is taken from an original screenstory by Cliver Barker (Hellraiser, The Midnight Meat Train), but was officially written by Mick Garris (Hocus Pocus, The Fly II). Rob Hanisey (Tyron Leitso, House Of The Dead, Bloodrayne II), is an unpublished writer down on his luck. He has long overdue bills and is recovering from a nasty breakup. He moves in to the Highberger House, a boarding house for unpublished writers. It's inhabited by a strange cast of characters such as Everett Neely (Christopher Lloyd, Back To The Future, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?), Patricia Dunbar (Suki Kaiser, The Virgin Suicides) and Bruce Sweetland (Jonathon Watton, Breach, Mutant X). Rob begins to see a beautiful young woman on the stairs in the house, begging him for help and warning him that someone is coming. Everyone thinks Rob is crazy except Bruce, who strikes up a friendship with him. Valerie continues to appear to Rob as well as the Beast (Tony Todd, Candyman) a large demon that is holding her prisoner. Rob speaks with Bruce about Valerie and sees that Bruce has a written a story called “Valerie On The Stairs”. Bruce is infuriated and kicks Rob out. Later, Bruce is visited by Valerie and The Beast literally rips out Bruce's spine. Rob discovers that the story was a collaborative effort between Bruce, Patricia, and Everett and their story has someone come to life. The Beast returns and kills Patricia in bloody fashion. Everett explains that writing the story became an addiction for them as it became darker and more violent. He explains that Rob needs to finish the story and put an end to the murders. Will Rob be able to stop The Beast, save Valerie, and finish the story?

Hugs!

I usually have a good grasp what movies are trying to go for in terms of underlying messages and themes. I can safely say that I have no idea what they were going for with Valerie On The Stairs. The story itself is fine with some good moments of bloody violence, interesting twists, and good pacing. I will say, though, that it was probably far scarier in the written word than on the screen. The story, though not entirely original, isn't the problem. The problem is with the underlying themes of love, and writing, and some other stuff that I couldn't figure out. The movie left me with way more questions than answers, and not in the good way. I mean, is this supposed to be a love story or some sort of depressing descent into madness or just writer's block? It doesn't help that the ending was bizarre, convoluted, and annoying. I'm still not sure if any of these events actually occurred or this was some sort of “story within a story” type deal. Either way, it wasn't good and was the puke cherry on this shit sundae.

The acting is pretty good throughout with Christopher Lloyd putting on an over-the-top-in-a-fun-way performance that only he could do. I wish he was in more movies because he is really fun to watch. Tyron Leitso does well in his role and Tony Todd is wonderful as always. It's a shame that their performances were used for a mediocre story. There isn't much action, but for the scenes that have it, they are pretty gorey. The direction is fine, though the flashbacks with Rob and his girlfriend feel slapped together. As I mentioned before, the ending is really weak and infuriating, bringing the rest of the movie down. There is a large-than-normal amount of nudity and sex for a Masters of Horror episode, so this one should probably be kept away from younger viewers. It's not quite Late Night Cinemax action, but it's not far off.

This never would have happened to Marty

Valerie On The Stairs does a lot of things right, but is overshadowed by a mediocre storing and a confused mess of themes and underlying messages. I am still not exactly sure what happens at the end and it puts into question everything else that happens in the movie. The acting is well done and the action is entertaining. It's just unfortunate that they could be put into a better story. I'm not saying you shouldn't watch Valerie On The Stairs, I just think it could have been a lot better. Who knows, maybe someone else “get's it” and will enjoy the story. If you do, please explain it to me.

4/10

Day 135: The Midnight Meat Train

The Midnight Meat Train

All aboard!

Ah, the public library. It's a wonderful, magical place where you can borrow books on any subject you want, read the newspaper, or just enjoy some air conditioning. Oh, and they also have movies to rent. Libraries are an untapped resource that some horror fans may overlook. Why many people use Netflix or Hulu, the local library does actually have movies you may not be able to find via the internet. It also forces you a bit more to commit to watching a movie. I can't tell you how many movies on Netflix instant that I've stopped within 5 minutes because they sucked so badly. At least with having a physical copy, I feel more compelled to watch. Lucky for me, there was no need to force my way through today's entry.

The Midnight Meat Train is a 2008 film based on a 1984 story by novelist/director Clive Barker (Hellraiser, Nightbreed). Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura (Sky High, Godzilla: Final Wars), the movie stars Bradley Cooper (Wedding Crashers, The Hangover) as photographer Leon and Leslie Bibb (Talladega Nights, Iron Man 2) as his fiance Maya. Leon takes photos of the grim and gritty in New York City and photographs a woman being harassed by a group of thugs in the subway. He points out a surveillance camera and they leave, allowing the woman to get on a subway while Leon snaps a few more pictures. On the train, the woman is brutally murdered by a silent killer named Mahogany (Vinnie Jones, Snatch, X-Men: The Last Stand). When news breaks of the girl missing, Leon searches his photos for clues, leading to the mysterious, silent man. Leon begins to track Mahogany, following him to his work as a butcher in a meat packing plant. Leon becomes obsessed with the man. He tails him one night into the subway and witnesses Mahogany butchering passengers and hanging them on meat hooks. Leon passes out and strange creatures paw and scratch at him, leaving strange markings on his chest. Meanwhile, Maya and her friend Jurgis sneak into Mahogany's apartment to find clues as to who he is and why he's killing people. He returns to his apartment and captures Jurgis while Maya escapes. She goes to the police to report Mahogany, but the detective, seemingly involved with the conspiracy, won't listen. She goes down into the subway to find him while Leon does the same, arming himself with various butcher knives and implements. A bloody battle ensues, taking the trio deeper and deeper down into the catacombs underneath New York City, where the creatures from before are waiting for their meat. Will Leon and Maya survive and what did that symbol the creatures carved into Leon's chest mean?

I'll take a pound of pastrami and half a pound of turkey

The Midnight Meat Train is a thrilling, violent, and gruesome horror movie. I guess you can put it in the slasher genre, but crusher seems like a more appropriate title. The story is pretty basic and easy to follow, but the mystery is what keeps things interesting. We desperately want to know who this silent killer is and why he's killing and butchering people. We only get small hints and glimpses of what the creatures are, though I could have used more. I'm also not too big on conspiracies, but I would have liked to see how far it went. The other big interest factor is the bloody, gorey violence. Nothing is implied in this movie because the blood is too busy being splattered in your face. It's a face-smashing, eyeball-dangling orgy of guts and organs, making gore hounds squeal like 13 year old Justin Bieber fans. There are some scenes that are clearly “who check this on in 3D!” but it's not enough to annoy someone watching it on a regular screen.

Vinnie Jones is a big reason why the movie works out so well. For someone that has one line the entire movie, his body language and facials speak volumes. This character has one mission in life and he achieves it with sheer brutality. Bradley Cooper is a bit of an odd choice for the role of Leon, and comes off a bit awkward. He's not terrible, I just didn't really care for him that much. Ryuhei Kitamura does a fantastic job directing, with some really creative shots that still standout in my mind. One particular scene was shot from a victim's point of view. The audience is literally right there along with the victim, watching her bloody hands claw at the floor. We feel the blows of the hammer as the camera snaps back and forth. I also appreciated the parallel between Leon's psychological descent and his descent deeper down the rabbit hole, so to speak.

What a beautiful eye you had

The Midnight Meat Train is a fun horror movie with a simple, yet thrilling story. The movie is polished and visually appearing without ever feeling fake. Vinnie Jones is perfectly cast and the movie is well directed by Ryuhei Kitamura. There are buckets and buckets of blood and gore throughout, so you might need a strong stomach to get through it. While I would have liked to have seen a little more depth in the overall story, Midnight Meat Train is a fun and violent thrill ride to the depths of Hell.

7.5/10

Day 43: Lord of Illusions

Lord of Illusions

Gimme a "T"!

It's important for movies to know what kind of story they are telling. Lots of movies, especially in horror like to mix genres (see: Dead Heist). While that can make for creative ideas and good intentions, a lot of the time it puts too much focus on one genre and not enough of the other. When this happens, some movies try to cram in the horror towards the end. Movies with big studio backing have the luxury of having longer movies so there isn't a need to rush things. That may be good for some movies, but not for others.

Directed by Clive Barker, Lord of Illusions stars Scott Bakula (Quantum Leap, Star Trek: Enterprise) as private detective Harry D'Amour. In the early 80's, a magically powerful cult leader named Nix (Daniel von Bargen “Seinfeld,” “Super Troopers”). kidnapped a young girl. A group of people, lead by a man named Swann (Kevin O'Connor, “The Mummy,” “Canadian Bacon”). A struggle ensues and the young girl shoots Nix. Swann binds Nix with an iron mask and the bury him in the desert. In present time, Harry goes to Los Angeles to work on an insurance case, but stumbles upon a murder committed by members of Nix's cult. Swann's wife Dorothea hires Harry to work on the murder case. He is soon pulled into a world of intrigue and danger involving the resurrection of Nix. Former members of the group that rescued the little girl, who is revealed to be Dorothea, are dying off and it's up to Harry and Swann to save Dorothea and stop the cult. Will they be able to stop them in time or will Nix really rise from the grave and destroy the world?

 Being shirtless is not an illusion

Lord of Illusions is a mixture of film noir and the supernatural. Kind of like if The Maltese Falcon starred Harry Houdini. Scott Bakula does a fine job, but I never really saw him as a fit for this role. Not to say his character is a tough guy, but it just feels a bit off. I guess it's a compliment to him to say he was convincing. I feel about the same for Daniel von Bargen as Nix. I know him better in his comedic roles from Seinfeld and Super Troopers, so it's hard for me to see him in a threatening role. He handles it well for the most part, but I can't help wondering if someone else may have been a better choice. Again, it's a compliment to his abilities as an actor to be able to be convincing, it's just my bias from seeing him in funny roles.

This movie is close to two hours long and you really feel it. It is unnecessary long and you feel your interest drift in and out. There are enough action and danger scenes throughout to hold your attention, but it's in the slower moments where you find yourself checking your watch. I'm split towards my feelings of special effects in the movie. The make up and traditional effects are pretty good. The early 90's era computer effects are another story. This movie came out before Windows 95, and for those of you who were around then, you know that it couldn't hold a candle to the abilities of computers today. Same thing with the computerized effects in this movie. They're just bad and cause unintentional laughs, which is never good for a horror movie.

"Special" effects

Lord of Illusions has an interesting story and decent execution, but its simply just too long. The acting is good with some entertaining action sequences, but its really just not enough. Boredom will creep in with still plenty of time to go. The traditional special effects are great, but the computerized effects just weren't right at the time and the movie is brought down because of it. If you like detective movies or David Copperfield, this movie is for you.

6.5/10