Day 259: The Zombie Diaries

The Zombie Diaries

Dear diary, why does this movie suck?

The United Kingdom has had a good run recently with zombie movies. 28 Days Later and Shaun Of The Dead were both huge successes in the zombie genre despite being two completely different movies. They told different stories, but still respected the genre and created fun and entertaining zombie movies. As I've said before, it's much easier making a bad zombie movie than a good one. Just about every horror fan thinks they have a good idea for a zombie movie. While an idea may sound good on paper, the movie's fate lies in good execution. Today, I turn back to the UK for another zombie movie in hopes of lightning striking a third time.

The Zombie Diaries is a 2006 independent horror movie later released through Dimension Extreme films. The movie is shot in the "found footage" style and is not presented the typical (and expected) linear format, so I'll try to do my best in explaining things. The movie is also split up into chapters to make things even more unnecessarily confusing. Set in England, the movie begins with reports of a viral outbreak originating in Asia. Compared to bird flu, initially the Western world ignores the danger until reports of the virus reach London's doorstep. In the first chapter "Outbreak", a documentary film crew goes out to the countryside to interview a farmer dealing with the outbreak. When they reach the farm, they find no one is home and leave. Their car breaks down (of course) and they walk back to the farm and break in. They believe they are alone, but hear loud noises upstairs. They investigate only to find an eviscerated body and a zombie lumbering towards them. They run out into the words and try to plan their next move. The second chapter "The Scavengers" takes place one month after the first chapter and shows a separate group of people raiding a market for food and supplies. We now see the zombies have grow in number, despite being incredibly slow. In the third and final chapter entitled "The Survivors" we meet yet another group who have set up camp in a farm. They spend most of their time fighting zombies and bickering amongst themselves. One in the group, Goke, is particularly difficult to deal with. How are all these stories connected and how does Goke fit in with the first chapter?

Not-fast-enough food

There are good zombie movies, bad zombie movies, and zombie movies so horrendous that they make you want to completely give up on the genre. Look at that first picture at the top. That's the DVD cover to the movie. Looks pretty cool, right? Zombies emerging from a city in ruins and a badass protagonist ready to kick some undead ass. Yeah, the problem with that is there is no such scene in the movie. Not even close. The dupe people into thinking they're in for a fun zombie movie with lots of violence and action. Instead, we are forced to suffer through a pointless and insipid movie with the world's slowest zombies. I prefer slow zombies, but the ones in The Zombie Diaries move at the sound of smell. You could literally moonwalk past them and yet they are somehow able to sneak up and bite people. You would have to have your eyes closed, your nose plugged, and your fingers jammed into your ears while you loudly sing "Come Sail Away" in order to miss them.

As I've said in previous reviews, I'm not really a fan of "found footage", but done right, the style can create real scares. I felt it worked best in Cloverfield, but even Paranormal Activity had it's good moments. Above all else, both movies had a good reason for having a character hold a camera. It also boggles my mind that since this is supposed to be found footage, why the hell is their music during the movie? I mean, the music is really just electronic ambiance and swells, but in the characters' world, where did that sound come from? Did someone find the camera and then add music to it? Other than the original film crew, I have no idea why these other groups have cameras. It's never clear if it's the same camera being used and with all the time lapses and different groups, I have no way of taking a guess. Speaking of jumping around, when the movie switched from the first group to the second, I had no idea who these people were. Actually, I still don't know since their names are only mentioned once or twice and they're not particularly important.

Thrilling

 I know the filmmakers were trying to go for a big surprise ending, but the style just makes everything so confusing that I didn't even care. Normally, movies go from A to B to C. The Zombie Diaries went from A to Hot Dog to Elephant to B to C back to B to Beach Ball to A. They attempted at making social commentary, about man being the real danger, but it's presented in such a random way that it fell completely flat. Now that I think about it, there are barely any good zombie scenes in the movie.There is one or two scenes of gore and violence, but not nearly enough to even give the slightest hint at entertainment. The acting is "passable" with the best parts coming at the beginning when interviews are being conducted on the street asking about the outbreak. They're so good I think that they actually interviewed real people instead of hiring actors.

Horror fans have a certain expectation when it comes to zombie movies and The Zombie Diaries fails in every aspect. The story makes little to no sense and is a confused jumble of random characters that we feel nothing for. The zombies are incredibly slow and yet somehow manage to sneak up on some characters. There is no real reason why the characters continue to film and the addition of musical ambiance makes the style of shooting even more questionable. To my utter disbelief, they actually made a sequel to this movie. The only good thing this movie did was run for less than an hour and a half. At least they didn't bother to drag it out. Whatever you do, avoid The Zombie Diaries at all cost. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!

0/10

Day 216: The Others

The Others

What, the lamp doesn't get top billing?

Can a movie still be entertaining when you know the surprise ending? People are connected now more than ever thanks to smartphones, lightning-fast internet, and social media. Nowadays, it's almost impossible not to have at least parts of movies spoiled for you by a status warning free of spoiler alerts or references in other media. I love going to the theater to watch a movie, but I hate going to the theater because of the people. For whatever reason, there are tons of people who think they're at home because they don't shut up. I have specific examples, like when I saw Gran Torino in the theater and the old bat behind me felt the need to croak “Larry had diarrhea last night!” right before the lights went down. When I saw the Star Trek remake, the woman in front of me kept laughing at inappropriate moments. Because going to theaters is so painful, I wait a few weeks to catch a movie, hoping the crowds have thinned. This wait is dangerous because a movie can be spoiled in that time. If a movie is good enough, does it matter if you know the ending?

The Others is 2001 horror movie starring Nicole Kidman (Far And Away, Cold Mountain) as Grace Stewart. Grace lives with her two small children, Anne and Nicholas, in a large, but remote country house island of Jersey in the 1940's. Three servants arrive at the house, Mrs. Bertha Mills (Fionnula Flanagan, Brotherhood, Lost), Mr. Tuttle (Edmund Sykes, Theatre of Blood, The Big Freeze), and a young mute girl named Lydia (Elaine Cassidy). Mrs. Mills is tasked with taking care of the children who suffer from photosensitivity and must remain in darkness at all times. Grace instructs Mrs. Mills and Lydia to close and lock all doors when leaving a room. After their arrival, strange events occur in the house such as bizarre noises and locked doors opening. Anne says it is the ghost of a boy named Victor and after scaring Nicholas, Grace forces Anne to read the Bible for three days. Anne draws a picture of a man, woman, Victor and an old woman, all of whom she claims to have seen in the house. Grace tries to hunt down the intruders, but finds no one. Convinced that something unholy is in the house, Grace asks Mr. Tuttle to search for a cemetery that may be on the grounds. When she leaves, Mr. Tuttle covers up a headstone with leaves. Grace goes to get the priest but on her way, she discovers her husband Charles (Christopher Eccleston, Gone in 60 Seconds, 28 Days Later) has returned from the war. He is distant and in shock from the war. The next day when Grace is preparing Anne's communion dress, she finds her daughter has been replaced by an old woman. She violently shakes and hits the old woman, only to discover that she has been hitting her daughter. Charles leaves soon after, apparently unable to acclimate to the life he once lived. Mrs. Mills, Mr. Tuttle, and Lydia have cryptic conversations about Grace, making ominous comments about the living and the dead. Who are the intruders and what do the servants want from Grace and her children?

Haunt this!

I'm not sure exactly when or where I heard about the surprise ending, but it has been years and I decided to watch the movie anyway. It's no longer a surprise thanks to countless parodies. Even the DVD box touts the surprise ending. Despite knowing how things were going to turn out, the movie is still very enjoyable. Writer/director Alejandro Amenabar crafts an atmosphere throughout the movie that is both scary and sad. There are some jolts and general scares, but the fear in the movie comes from the anticipation of the unknown. We know something is going to happen, it is just a matter of where, when, and how. The sets look great along with the style of clothing for the time period. The story itself is good with proper pacing. There are hints of foreshadow, but not as much as you'd expect for a movie with a big surprise ending. I give credit to Amenabar for being able to hold off on giving too many hints. Of course, that does put in to question his storytelling ability. Occasionally, the movie does put more emphasis on style than substance, wandering away from the meat of the story.

What makes the movie work is the performances of the actors. Nicole Kidman is great as Grace with her ability to be both strong and fragile. We believe that she is a normal mother trying to keep her family together and her faith intact. Fionnula Flanagan is very good as well. She is motherly and calm with the children, but in other scenes she portrays herself as having a hidden agenda. A certain look from her or the tone of her voice works wonders for setting the mood of the entire movie. The children are thankfully not unbearably annoying. Horror movies love to make kids either incredibly annoying or incredibly stupid. The Others managed to avoid this trap and just make the children “normal”. The movie is a bit slow in parts, taking it's time getting to the point. There are a few scenes of excitement, but to call them “action” wouldn't be correct. There is not blood or real violence to speak of as this movie is geared towards a much wider audience than what the hardcore horror fan is used to seeing.

This is her happy face. Or sad face. It's hard to tell.

Despite knowing the end of the movie, I still enjoyed The Others. The Others is a creative psychological horror movie with good direction and great acting. Nicole Kidman and Fionnula Flanagan make the movie work and Alejandro Amenabar creates a dark atmosphere. The story is good, but sometimes goes off course to favor film making over storytelling. There are a few creepy scenes, but there isn't much action to speak of. It is clever and creative with a good twist that is not ruined by earlier events in the movie. If you like psychological horror, you'll enjoy The Others.

7.5/10