Day 311: Pig Hunt

Pig Hunt

Treif

Happy Election Day, all my American readers. I hope you voted if you're eligible. I just spent an hour and a half waiting in line and would have waited even longer. I love politics and I'm thrilled to vote. I am going to keep today's review short and sweet so I can go back to watching MSNBC like a hawk, cheering and booing like I'm watching WWE. I haven't watched an animal-based aka creature feature horror movie in quite some time. They all kind of blend together for me as the animal is usually a shark or some type of insect, with a few bears and tigers thrown in. This movie caught my eye though, focusing on a killer pig. That's so goofy, it has to be fun, right?

Pig Hunt is a 2008 horror movie starring Travis Aaron Wade as former soldier John Hickman. Along with his girlfriend Brooks (Tina Huang) and his friends Ben, Wayne and Quincy, John travel's to his uncle's cabin in the California woods at his uncle's cabin. On the way to the cabin, the friends runs into a strange cult of pseudo hippie women, led the Hippie Stranger (Bryonn Bain). He carries a large knife and terrifies the group. They learn from a local shop owner about “The Ripper” a legendary wild boar that lives in the area. It supposedly ways over 3,000 pounds and is a vicious killing machine. On the way to the cabin, they come across a group of hillbillies from the area. The next morning, John's childhood friends Jake and Ricky join the hunt. Wayne is injured by a wild pig and the group goes ahead to get help. Quincy discovers a large crop of marijuana on the land with Ricky and Jake trying to steal it. A standoff occurs and and Ben shoots Ricky. Jake flees and rounds up his hillbilly kin, one of which is played by Les Claypool from Primus. The hillbillies attack the group, eventually killing Quincy. John and Brooks come across the Hippie Stranger who helps them fight off the hillbillies. At the same time, Ben arrives at the hippie commune. They treat him for his wounds and then lock him in a pig pen where The Ripper is waiting. With John and Brooks on their way to the compound, will they be able to fight off the giant killer pig and the hippie cult?

"Hey, how ya doin'?

Despite being called “Pig Hunt” there really wasn't a lot of killer pig in it. That's the entire reason why I bothered to watch the movie. I wanted to see a giant pig kill and eat people for an hour and a half. Instead, we get a movie that focuses on killer hillbillies, killer hippies, and jerky main characters duke it out. The hillbillies make sense, but the hippie cult is just too weird for words. When the pig finally arrived, I was actually surprised by how good it looked. I was expecting a cheap, SyFy-style computerization. The big is large and has a lot of detail, down to the razor-sharp teeth. It makes me wonder, if the pig looks this good, why didn't you show it more?

The first half of the movie is downright painful to get through. They try to have character development, but every character is just too annoying to care about. The little back-story with John as a veteran is unnecessary and adds nothing to the movie. It doesn't help that some of the acting is less than stellar. It's not all bad, but there are some unpleasant moments as a viewer. The movie has a good amount of violence and takes a dark turn about halfway through when Quincy is killed. That's also when the movie becomes more interesting. Les Claypool of Primus fame contributes to several songs, making the music the highlight of the entire film. Though his role is relatively small, Claypool also does a good job as a hillbilly preacher. 

Jerry was a racecar driver...

When I pick a horror movie called “Pig Hunt”, I expect to see lots of absurd killing and gore by a giant pig. Sadly, that only comes in the last few minutes. The first half of the movie is far too slow, focusing on weak character development that really holds no sway over the story itself. Things don't pick up until halfway through with a decent amount of action and violence. The acting is mediocre, but the music is very good, thanks to Les Claypool. The pig itself looks very good and scary which is a shame because we barely see it. Ultimately, Pig Hunt wasn't as bad as I was expecting, though it wasn't really what I was looking for. If you can tough it out through the first half, you may enjoy the second.

4.5/10

Day 165: Primeval

Primeval

Attack of the gingivitis

It's been a while since I last reviewed an animal-based horror movie and with good reason. Most of them suck. I'm not talking about classics like Jaws or Cujo, I mean the shit avalanche of SyFy Channel movies like ice Spiders and Megashark vs. Crocosaurus. Those movies get a C-level star, spend 5 minutes on a story, and use about $50 to create a terrible CGI monster. It's entirely possible those movie would have been a lot better if the studios invested a little more time, effort, and money. The only way to find out is to watch a movie that does just that.

Primeval (not to be confused with the television show) is a 2007 film based off the true story of Gustave, a 20 foot man-eating crocodile in Burundi, Africa. The film stars Dominic Purcell (Prison Break, Blood Creek) as television news journalist Tim Manfrey and Orlando Jones (Evolution, The Replacements) as his cameraman Steven Johnson. Tim is linked to a falsified story about an elected official and is assigned to a story of a giant man-eating crocodile named Gustave in Burundi. He is joined by Steven and Aviva Masters (Brooke Langton, The Replacements, Sliders), a journalist who focuses on animal stories. When they arrive in the small African nation, they are warned of a dangerous warlord nicknamed Little Gustave. The country has been entrenched in a civil war for years between rival tribes. Their boat is attacked from the shore, but the group survives. They are met in a small village by their guide, Jacob Krieg, and wildlife expert Matthew. Their various attempts to capture Gustave fail with deadly results, but they are able to shoot him with a tracking device. While shooting scenic shots, Steven captures an execution by little Gustave. The guards protecting the group actually work for little Gustave and try to get the footage. Will they be able to survive the warlord and the giant crocodile?

Chew with your mouth closed

As far as creature features go, Primeval isn't that bad. It has a bigger budget, better special effects, and a more talented cast than most animal-based horror movies. The movie reminds me most closely of Anaconda with it's story based in an exotic location, good cast, and computerized giant animal. The movie attempts to include context to the local strife in Burundi which adds depth and danger to the story. It makes for a better viewing experience and doesn't make me want to rip my eyes out with a rusty spork. Usually a creature feature just throws an animal at you for an hour and a half. I could have actually used a bit more of the giant crocodile in Primeval, but I guess the “real” monster is little Gustave. That's fine, because it makes Primeval more of a legitimate movie, but when I watch a movie with a giant crocodile, I want to see that giant crocodile a lot.

Speaking of the giant crocodile, the CGI effects used to create the beast look decent. It's better than your typical animal movie, with more attention to detail, but it still looks heavily computerized. Perhaps that's why we didn't get to see it that often. The action is believable with more violence coming from people than the monster and there is a decent amount of suspense. The acting is good enough and makes for a better viewing experience. Orlando Jones is the comic relief and is able to get the audience to crack a few smiles. He had one line that absolutely baffled me, though. Something along the lines of slavery being a good thing because it got people out of dangerous Africa. WHAT?! How could someone write something like that, even if it is a joke. It's not Jones's fault, but that's just a crazy line and didn't need to be in the movie. 

Make 7 Up Yoursoh shit!

Primeval is proof that a horror movie based on a giant killer animal can be decent as long as it has a good cast, decent budget, and a story. Don't get me wrong, it's not like this movie is great or anything, it's just better than your average creature feature. I appreciate that they acknowledged the local civil war and used it to further the story. The special effects are decent and the acting helps carry the movie. There are some quality action scenes and a few laughs. While it's nothing great, Primeval is a decent watch and a lot better than your average animal movie.

6/10

Day 133: Slugs

Slugs

Rejected poster for Pink Floyd's The Wall

Happy Creature Feature Saturday everyone! The movie I watched for today's entry is called Slugs. Yes, really. I have been avoiding it for a while because it just sounds so stupid and implausible. I was going to watch an equally stupid movie starring Carmen Electra and Brooke Hogan, but once I saw that The Asylum was involved, I immediately stopped and went back to Slugs. I can deal with stupid, but I can deal with the criminally insulting movies The Asylum puts out. I've I ever need to kill brain cells and forget important information, I'll watch that one. This movie came out in the 80's, at least I'd get to see some old products and advertisements from my youth.

Slugs is a 1987 horror movie based off a novel of the same name. The small rural town of Ashton is being plagued with gruesome and mysterious deaths. Health inspector Mike Brady (Michael Garfield, The Warriors, Law & Order) looks into the deaths and finds strange connections to local black slugs that are appearing all over town. One of the slugs bears fangs and actually bites him. Mike is able to capture a few of the slugs in a jar and brings them to a scientist for examination. The slugs are carnivorous hermaphroditic mutants that can easily spawn thousands of times. Mike tries to get the local sheriff and the mayor to stop the slugs before they take over the entire town, but in true horror movie cliché fashion, they dismiss him as crazy. It's up to Mike to stop the slugs himself. Will he be able to do it or will him just become another meal for the hungry, hungry mutants.

OMNOMNOMNOM

As with most insect-based horror movies, Slugs is pretty damn simple and stupid. I mean, I wasn't expecting much from a movie with killer mollusc. I was willing to suspend my disbelief enough to accept slugs as carnivorous murder machines, but the story itself is just so dumbed-down and cliched. There's horrible, gruesome murders all over town and no one is at least suspicious that something might be up? I can understand not believing it's killer slugs, but shouldn't they be more concerned that there's some organ-eating psychopath running around town? Like zombie movies, the slugs kill by swarming people and eating them. I'm ok way that, but since they're not exactly fast, why can't people, I dunno, walk briskly past them? It also blew my mind that Mike's solution to kill the slugs was to just blow them up. In the process, he actually blows up a few houses and probably caused more deaths than the slugs. Why not just use a flamethrower or some good old-fashioned poison? Or how about a giant salt shaker?

You can start a Home Depot with the amount of wooden acting in the movie. Some actors are bad and some deserve the “Tommy Lee Jones in Batman Forever” award for over-the-top acting. There are a few scenes throughout the movie where inappropriate stock music is played, such as really happy, jaunty music during scenes of a police car going to the scene of a murder. Didn't anyone notice that it didn't fit? The only saving grace for Slugs is the bloody, gorey violence. There's just enough blood and guts to keep the movie from being a complete loss. One scene in which a man explodes with slugs from inside his body is particularly creative and fun to watch.

"Gasp! This is regular Coke, not Diet!"

When you watch a movie called “Slugs” you shouldn't expect to see a classic. The story is pretty silly, but not in the fun B-movie way. Cliches abound and the acting is painful to watch. The violence is fun and bloody, but there should have been a lot more. If you can find some of the kill scenes on youtube, it's worth checking out. Beyond that, Slugs isn't worth your time.

3/10