Piranha 3D
Get ready for Sharktopus vs. Piranhazilla
Horror parodies and
satires are nothing new. Horror, as a genre, is so over-the-top and
ridiculous that jokes need to be made at it's expense. In recent
years, thanks to the Scary Movie franchises, even the parodies have
become parodies. While they may be good for a chuckle or two, they're
mostly just painful exercises in what not to do. Comedy movies can
have horror in them and horror movies can have comedy. We've seen it
work before, but it seems to be difficult to combine the two into a
cohesive, entertaining story. Of course, it doesn't hurt when you
throw in lots of nudity and gore.
Piranha 3D is a
2010 horror movie starring Steven R. McQueen (Minutemen, The Vampire
Diaries) as Jake Forester. It's spring break at Lake Victoria and the
area is full of drunk party goers. A small earthquake splits the lake
floor, causing ancient piranhas to be released from a hidden
underwater lake. Jake meets Derrick Jones, the creator and owner of
Wild, Wild Girls, an amateur adult movie business. Derrick hires Jake
to take him to the best spots are the lake. James' mother, Sheriff
Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue, Hollow Man, Adventures In
Babysitting) discovers a mutilated body from the lake, but don't
close the lake due to fears of the town losing business. She asks
Derrick to babysit his younger brother and sister, but ditches them
to go out on a boat with Derrick. They are joined by two actresses,
Danni and Crystal, as well as Jake's crush, Kelly (Jessica Szohr,
Tower Heist, Love Bite). Meanwhile, Julie takes a team of
seismologist divers, including Novak (Adam Scott, Veronica Mars, Leap
Year) to explore the cavern exposed by the earthquake. The divers are
devoured by the piranhas, who begin to invade the entire lake. They
take a captured piranha to marine biologist Carl Goodman (Christopher
Lloyd, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Back To The Future) to figure out
what it exactly is. Carl discovers that the piranhas are a
prehistoric, long-thought extinct piranha that has survived by
adopting cannibalism. Eventually, Jake sees his brother and sister
stuck on a nearby island and uses the boat to pick them up. They hit
some rocks and begin to sink, taking on piranhas in the process. At
the same time, more piranhas invade the lake, eating hundreds of
drunken college kids. Will Julie be able to save the partiers and
will Jake be able to save the people on his boat?
Joker fish
I expected the
worst from Piranha 3D, as the commercials and previews made it seem
like a big screen attempt at a terribly SyFy channel movie. I was
pleasantly surprised to find that the movie actually had a lot more
more depth and action than the usual animal attack movies. The two
biggest differences between Piranha and typical SyFy movie is the
amount of nudity and gore. I'm not sure if I watched an unrated
version, but there was more nudity in Piranha that most late-night
Cinemax movies. Not that I'm complaining, but there is a copious
amount of topless women and a full-nude swimming scene. On top of all
that nudity is some of the best gore in a horror movie I've seen in
years. There is no shortage of blood, bones, and guts throughout most
of the movie. We get the “best” of both worlds with a scene
featuring a piranha taking a bite out of computerized penis. Yes,
really. Writer/director Alexandre Aja (Mirrors, The Hills Have Eyes)
gives the audience what it wants in both regards, giving us just
enough of a story to get us into the movie, but never overplaying his
hand. There really isn't much to the movie other than nudity and
violence, so Citizen Kane, this is not.
The movie has a
surprisingly deep cast, including Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Jerry
O'Connell, Christopher Lloyd, and small cameos by Eli Roth and
Richard Dreyfuss. Shue is good in her authoritative role and Rhames
plays his usual tough guy. Jerry O'Connell is very entertaining and
natural as a sleazy porn maker. I swear that's a compliment. The
money used to get such a cast probably put a dent in the special
effects budget because, to be honest, the piranhas look cartoonish. I
guess you're asking a lot from a movie where the main selling points
is “breasts in 3D”, but it still would have been nice if the fish
looked more realistic. Speaking of 3D, the version I watched was in
regular 2D, so it was a little funny watching scenes clearly made for
3D, but seeing no effect. The makeup and prosthetics look good for
all the injured swimmers which certainly helps keep the movie from
becoming completely ridiculous.
"I've had it up to hear with these piranhas!"
Piranha 3D won't
change the way we look at movies and it won't make you afraid to get
in the water, but it will entertain you. It's simple, to-the-point,
and loaded with violence and nudity. The story is nothing special,
but it gets us from A to B. Obviously, this movie is for the younger
audience and should probably not be watched during Family Movie
Night. The acting is good for what is required, especially given the
silly premise. There is a ton of violence and heaps of gore, enough
to make any horror fan happy. The special effects are a little silly
looking and border on cheap SyFy channel material. It's goofy and ridiculous, but it is self-aware, so it's OK. If you need
something to watch with friends or need a light-hearted gore-a-thon,
Piranha is a good choice.
7.5/10
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