Meridian
Nothing says "romance" like Bark At The Moon-era Ozzy Osbourne
Fairy tales are way
scarier than we realize. We generally think of the cute, cuddly
Disney versions when talking about stories like Snow White,
Cinderella, and Peter Pan. If you go back and read original
stories, such as the Grimm Fairytales, you'll find out that these
stories were extremely violent and perverse. Beloved characters have
terrible fates filled with enough torture and pain to make even the
most ardent horror fan blush. Maybe it's our preconceived notion of
fairy tales, but these stories would make a great horror movie,
right? Right?!
Meridian (also
known as Meridian: Kiss Of The Beast) is a 1990 horror/romance movie
produced and directed by Charles Band (Puppet Master, Evil Bong). The
film stars Sherilynn Fenn (Twin Peaks, Fatal Instinct) as Catherine
Bomarzini. After her father's death, Catherine inherits her family's
castle in Italy. Excited by her new home, Catherine invites her
friend Gina (Charlie Spradling) to join her at the castle. Gina is
tasked with restoring a 15th century painting recently
donated to a church, but puts it off in favor of going to the castle.
The women come across a traveling sideshow outside the castle gates
where Catherine begins to feel a strong connection with a masked
performer. Gina invites the head magician Lawrence (Malcolm Jamieson,
Victor Victoria, Howards' Way) and the rest of the troupe back to the
castle for dinner. Both women are drugged with Gina being raped by
Lawrence. Catherine is raped by the masked man, who turns out to be
Lawrence's twin brother Oliver. He tries to be romantic, but really,
it's rape. During the act, Oliver turns into a monstrous beast. The
next day, Catherine begins to see a ghost of a murdered girl in the
castle. Her servant, Martha, explains that the girl she thinks she is
seeing may be Catherine's aunt who had been killed due to a curse put
on the family in the 15th century. The curse involves the
members of the troupe the women encountered the day before. Catherine
begins to dream of the beast and starts to fall in love with him,
believing that he is a tragic figure. At the same time, Gina
discovers the painting she is restoring is Catherine's castle, and
two figures in the painting resemble her and Oliver. Will Catherine
be able to free herself and Oliver from their curse?
When a man-beast loves a woman, can't keep his paws on anything else
The movie is
inspired by the Beauty And The Beast fairytale though I don't recall
the Disney version having so much nudity and molestation. I have to
assume they were trying to build off of the 1987 “Beauty And The
Beast” television series starring Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman.
The movie tries to be romantic or erotic, but none of that really
makes sense because the main character is drugged and raped by some
sort of man-beast. One does not build an everlasting loving
relationship by forcing oneself upon another. One also does not
create an entertaining movie by having this scene last over 10
minutes long! It's bad enough that you want to have this ridiculous
supernatural beast-rape scene in your movie, but why do you have to
make the audience suffer through what can only be described as the
extended director's cut version? There is nothing sexy or erotic
about it and anyone that thinks so should seek professional help. The
story itself is insultingly ridiculous filled with implausible
actions and inexplicable scenes. If my summary of the movie confused
you, well, it confused me too. Why would someone invite a random
group of circus performers to their castle for dinner? Why would you
not go to the police? What does this have to do with a ghost that
shows up half-way through the movie? Why the hell does Catherine fall
in love with the beast that raped her? WHY? WHY? WHY?
The acting
throughout Meridian ranges from balsam to redwood in terms of
woodeness. I can't really blame the actors that much because when you
have such a terrible story, there's only so much you can do. Phil
Fondacaro (Land Of The Dead, Bordello Of Blood), a Full Moon
Productions staple, does have a small role and he's enjoyable in just
about anything. The makeup on the beast makes it look like if the
Wolfman and Jocelyn Wildenstein (google her) had a baby. The movie is
thankfully short because I was begging for this movie to end quickly.
If there is one redeeming value to the movie, it's the music. The
heavily synthesized music is delightfully cheesy and reminiscent of
80's horror movies. Beyond that, Meridian has almost nothing going
for it.
Ssssssssssssssmokin!
Meridian is the
visual equivalent of a “face palm”. It is certainly not scary and
by no means romantic unless you also consider “The Last House Of
The Left” a romantic movie. The story is absurd with character
motivation summed up as “just because”. The plot devices don't
work and the extended rape scenes, while not graphic, are still
incredibly disturbing. It's ridiculous that the romance between
Catherine and Oliver/The Beast is based on her being drugged and
taken advantage of. This is either extremely lazy writing or
extremely disturbed writing. I supposed I shouldn't be surprised
considering Charles Band has been behind such “classics” as
Decadent Evil, Cryptz, and Terrorvision. Any goodwill he had built
from Puppet Master and Re-Animator has been gone for a long time.
While the basic idea of making Beauty And The Beast into a horror
movie is interesting and bold, Meridian fails in just about every
aspect.
2/10
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