Day 282: The Innkeepers

The Innkeepers

Cloudy with a chance of evil spirits

It's my favorite month of the year, October. The days are getting shorter, the weather is cooler, the leaves are changing, pumpkin pie is plentiful, and horror rules. It's the time of ghouls, monsters, and especially ghost stories. What is it about a ghost story that scares us so much? Is it a fear of the unknown? Perhaps a secret desire of an afterlife? A love of sheets with holes in them? Whatever the reason, ghost stories are as old as time, being passed down from generation to generation. There are countless ghost tours, haunted hayrides and other attractions for fans of horror and the paranormal. The United States has no shortage of haunted places, be it houses, cemeteries, or in the case of today's movie, a hotel.

The Innkeepers is a 2001 ghost-centric horror movie written and directed by Ti West (The House Of The Devil, V/H/S). The movie stars Sara Paxton (Shark Night, Superhero Movie) as Claire, an employee at the Yankee Pedlar Inn, a formerly grand hotel that is now in its final week of operation. The only other employee is Luke (Pat Healy, Six Feet Under, Ghost World) who created a website about the supposed paranormal events that take place in the hotel. Both are amateur ghost hunters trying to find the spirit of Madeline O'Malley, a bride from the 1800's who hanged herself in the hotel after her husband left her on their honeymoon. It was also rumored that her body was hidden in the basement by the hotel owners at the time. The hotel receives a new guest, former actress Leanne Rease-Jones (Kelly McGillis, Top Gun, Witness) who claims to be in town for an actor's convention. That night, Claire uses Luke's ghost-hunting equipment to record various strange sounds in the hotel. She picks up the sound of faint voices and music and even sees the piano playing by itself. She runs into Leanne and explains what she heard. Leanne reveals that she is actually a medium and is in town to meet with other psychics. She also warns Claire to stay away from the basement. The next morning, Claire awakens to see an apparition of Madeline O'Malley sitting in her bed. Later that day, a strange old man asks to check into a honeymoon suite on the third floor, even though it has already been stripped of furniture. Luke and Claire decide to investigate the basement where Madeline's body is supposedly buried, ignoring Leanne's warning. Luke freaks out and flees, leaving Claire alone in the hotel. Panicked, Claire wakes Leanne who goes down into the basement to contact the spirit. She tells Claire that she is in great danger and must leave the hotel now. How is the old man connected to the events in the hotel and will Claire survive?

Did you have that dream about being Reese Witherspoon again, honey?

Many people say that writer/director Ti West is the new master of the “slow burn” in horror. I think it's more accurate to say that Ti West is the mast of the 10 minute horror movie. Of course, that's a problem when the movie is over 100 minutes long. Much like his other movie “The House Of The Devil” the majority of The Innkeepers teases the horror out almost to the point where he risks the audience leaving before things happen. Besides the one scene where the ghost appears in Claire's bed, almost nothing of importance happens until the final twenty minutes. There are a few creepy scenes here and there when Claire is listening to the ghost-hunting machine, but it's not heavy-duty horror. It's like West enjoys forcing the audience to sit through most of his movies bored in hopes of getting a few big scares in at the end. Unfortunately, the scares at the end of The Innkeepers weren't particularly frightening. The final events in The House Of The Devil was far more unsettling than The Innkeepers. I actually had a countdown during this movie to whens something was going to happen. “There's an hour left, something better happen. There's 45 minutes left, something better happen. There's 30 minutes left, something better happen.” Forcing your audience to be bored for most of the movie just to have a “thrilling” ending is never a good idea. It makes the movie feel like a chore instead of a form of entertainment.

That being said, everything else in the movie is very good. The acting is solid with it's small, but competent cast. The conversations feel very fluid and natural, though they're not always pertinent to the story itself. It sometimes feels as if West is trying to channel his inner Quentin Tarantino, having his characters have full conversations and witty rapport rather than advancing the story. Most of the movie comes off almost as a comedy between Luke's dorkish slackerism and Claire's awkwardness and wacky Jim Carrey-style flailing. Sara Paxton does a fine job, thanks in part to her gigantic eyes conveying fear, and Pat Healy was a good foil for her. Ti West is unquestionably a good director as he has an eye for great shots, both close up and far away. There is good character development throughout, almost too much to be honest. There is an actual Yankee Pedlar Inn in Torrington, Connecticut and parts of the movie were shot there. I felt that that was a nice touch, going above and beyond what was needed to give the movie an authentic feel. 

This movie is authentic, right down to the boredom we share with the characters

The Innkeepers is essentially two movies: The first is a cutesy and occasionally funny exploration into a few oddball characters. The second is an average ghost-tale with a few jumps and decent makeup. The main problem is that this “second” movie is about twenty minutes long and if you're going into this movie hoping for horror, you'll be sorely disappointed. The film moves at a snail's pace and will truly try the patience of people looking to be scared. It's not that the movie is bad, because it really isn't, it's just not what it promises to be. If you're thinking of seeing The Innkeepers, you should, because thanks to good acting and direction, the non-horror parts are well done. It's the story itself that is the true problem as nothing of particular interest occurs until the very end. If you're looking for scares, you can probably skip the first hour of the movie. That's never a good thing to say in a horror movie.

4.5/10

Day 260: The Bunker

The Bunker

Pvt. Skeletonface reporting for duty, Sir!

War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing! There are no shortage of war movies and there are countless horror movies out there, but rarely do the two genres meet. It's actually surprising how few war/horror movies are out there given the fact that "war is hell". There is already so much blood and carnage in war that you'd think it would be a natural setting for horror. The same could be said for Westerns in horror. These movies do exist, there has just never been a great standout. What is it about war and horror that are so difficult to mix together into one great movie? All it takes is one great war-themed horror movie to spawn a a practically untouched subgenre.

The Bunker is a 2001 supernatural/psychological horror movie directed by Rob Green (House [2008], The Trick). Set near the German-Belgian border in 1944, a group of German Panzer soldiers are ambushed by American soldiers. They seek refuge in an old bunker being manned by a teenage soldier named Neumann (Andrew-Lee Potts, Primeval, 1408) and an old soldier named Mirus (John Carlisle, The Omega Factor, The Avengers). When they contact their commanding unit for instructions, they are told to just wait. Mirus informs the soldiers that there are tunnels below the bunker holding ammunition, but he has never ventured far into them. He tells a story of the forest they are in, how a plague ravaged a town and a priest convinced people to murder the infected. As the night progresses, strange sounds are heard from the forest, which the soldiers believe to be Americans. We also see flashes of a traumatic event that occurred previous to the soldiers' arrival at the bunker. Soon Mirus ventures down into the tunnels, believing he is speaking to his dead son. Another soldier follows, and when their commander wakes up, he believes they have deserted and forces the rest of the group down into the tunnels. Deep inside, they discover a pit filled with bones and rotting corpses. The soldiers begin seeing things in the tunnel, believing they are being tricked and psychologically tortured by the Americans. The Germans begin turning on each other, unable to get a grasp on what is going on and who is down there with them. Who or what is haunting the soldiers and how does it fit in with the recent past?

"You can't just yell "Blammo!" You have to actually shoot!"

Initially, I thought The Bunker was going to be a supernatural revenge movie involving dead villagers getting their revenge on Nazi soldiers. Sadly, this isn't the case, which is a shame because who doesn't like seeing Nazis die horrible deaths? The movie puts me in a tough spot because I don't want to feel sympathetic towards Nazis. The Bunker goes for a mixture of psychological horror and supernatural horror, though neither are very good. While we do see shadowy soldiers towards the end of the movie, most of the supernatural elements are implied with shadow and flickering light. Paranoia is the main factor in the movie, and while not executed perfectly, the movie does well enough to get us from point A to point B. It makes me wonder why the filmmakers even bothered trying to make this a horror movie instead of just a psychological thriller. The movie clearly doesn't have a large budget, so if you can't pull off spirits, then it's just not worth it.

Most of the money went into sets and uniforms, which both look very good. The acting is good throughout with a cast of people that you may recognize from bit parts in other movies. The film is fairly dark, not in content, but in actual color. While it makes things difficult to see at times, this styling actually serves a purpose. The dark colors are juxtaposed with the bright, dream-like flashbacks that inform the audience of what transpired before the soldiers arrived at the bunker. The atmosphere is fairly good and there's enough suspense to keep the audience interested in seeing what will happen. Unfortunately, the big reveal is kind of a dud, especially when you look at the DVD cover and expected something else. There is a mediocre amount of violence with one good scene involving a flare gun. It's certainly not enough for a movie set in World War II.

"Who left ze smoke machine on again?"

The Bunker had a lot of potential, but just couldn't pull it together for a good horror movie. The psychological fear and paranoia is decent, but the supernatural elements are too sparse to make everything come together. The movie would have been better off as a straight war film than horror. There is nothing particularly scary about the film and the lack of violence in a war movie is disappointing. The costumes and sets look very good and the solid acting helps carry the movie. The Bunker isn't a bad movie, I was just expecting a lot better. If you're looking for a better mix of war and horror, you're better off with Deathwatch.

5/10

Day 216: The Others

The Others

What, the lamp doesn't get top billing?

Can a movie still be entertaining when you know the surprise ending? People are connected now more than ever thanks to smartphones, lightning-fast internet, and social media. Nowadays, it's almost impossible not to have at least parts of movies spoiled for you by a status warning free of spoiler alerts or references in other media. I love going to the theater to watch a movie, but I hate going to the theater because of the people. For whatever reason, there are tons of people who think they're at home because they don't shut up. I have specific examples, like when I saw Gran Torino in the theater and the old bat behind me felt the need to croak “Larry had diarrhea last night!” right before the lights went down. When I saw the Star Trek remake, the woman in front of me kept laughing at inappropriate moments. Because going to theaters is so painful, I wait a few weeks to catch a movie, hoping the crowds have thinned. This wait is dangerous because a movie can be spoiled in that time. If a movie is good enough, does it matter if you know the ending?

The Others is 2001 horror movie starring Nicole Kidman (Far And Away, Cold Mountain) as Grace Stewart. Grace lives with her two small children, Anne and Nicholas, in a large, but remote country house island of Jersey in the 1940's. Three servants arrive at the house, Mrs. Bertha Mills (Fionnula Flanagan, Brotherhood, Lost), Mr. Tuttle (Edmund Sykes, Theatre of Blood, The Big Freeze), and a young mute girl named Lydia (Elaine Cassidy). Mrs. Mills is tasked with taking care of the children who suffer from photosensitivity and must remain in darkness at all times. Grace instructs Mrs. Mills and Lydia to close and lock all doors when leaving a room. After their arrival, strange events occur in the house such as bizarre noises and locked doors opening. Anne says it is the ghost of a boy named Victor and after scaring Nicholas, Grace forces Anne to read the Bible for three days. Anne draws a picture of a man, woman, Victor and an old woman, all of whom she claims to have seen in the house. Grace tries to hunt down the intruders, but finds no one. Convinced that something unholy is in the house, Grace asks Mr. Tuttle to search for a cemetery that may be on the grounds. When she leaves, Mr. Tuttle covers up a headstone with leaves. Grace goes to get the priest but on her way, she discovers her husband Charles (Christopher Eccleston, Gone in 60 Seconds, 28 Days Later) has returned from the war. He is distant and in shock from the war. The next day when Grace is preparing Anne's communion dress, she finds her daughter has been replaced by an old woman. She violently shakes and hits the old woman, only to discover that she has been hitting her daughter. Charles leaves soon after, apparently unable to acclimate to the life he once lived. Mrs. Mills, Mr. Tuttle, and Lydia have cryptic conversations about Grace, making ominous comments about the living and the dead. Who are the intruders and what do the servants want from Grace and her children?

Haunt this!

I'm not sure exactly when or where I heard about the surprise ending, but it has been years and I decided to watch the movie anyway. It's no longer a surprise thanks to countless parodies. Even the DVD box touts the surprise ending. Despite knowing how things were going to turn out, the movie is still very enjoyable. Writer/director Alejandro Amenabar crafts an atmosphere throughout the movie that is both scary and sad. There are some jolts and general scares, but the fear in the movie comes from the anticipation of the unknown. We know something is going to happen, it is just a matter of where, when, and how. The sets look great along with the style of clothing for the time period. The story itself is good with proper pacing. There are hints of foreshadow, but not as much as you'd expect for a movie with a big surprise ending. I give credit to Amenabar for being able to hold off on giving too many hints. Of course, that does put in to question his storytelling ability. Occasionally, the movie does put more emphasis on style than substance, wandering away from the meat of the story.

What makes the movie work is the performances of the actors. Nicole Kidman is great as Grace with her ability to be both strong and fragile. We believe that she is a normal mother trying to keep her family together and her faith intact. Fionnula Flanagan is very good as well. She is motherly and calm with the children, but in other scenes she portrays herself as having a hidden agenda. A certain look from her or the tone of her voice works wonders for setting the mood of the entire movie. The children are thankfully not unbearably annoying. Horror movies love to make kids either incredibly annoying or incredibly stupid. The Others managed to avoid this trap and just make the children “normal”. The movie is a bit slow in parts, taking it's time getting to the point. There are a few scenes of excitement, but to call them “action” wouldn't be correct. There is not blood or real violence to speak of as this movie is geared towards a much wider audience than what the hardcore horror fan is used to seeing.

This is her happy face. Or sad face. It's hard to tell.

Despite knowing the end of the movie, I still enjoyed The Others. The Others is a creative psychological horror movie with good direction and great acting. Nicole Kidman and Fionnula Flanagan make the movie work and Alejandro Amenabar creates a dark atmosphere. The story is good, but sometimes goes off course to favor film making over storytelling. There are a few creepy scenes, but there isn't much action to speak of. It is clever and creative with a good twist that is not ruined by earlier events in the movie. If you like psychological horror, you'll enjoy The Others.

7.5/10

Day 202: The Orphanage (El Orfanato)

The Orphanage (El Orfanato)

Get that orphanage some color, fast!

Orphanages don't really exist anymore at least not in the traditional sense. When we hear orphanage, we think of a Dickensian-era building, filled with dirty children just hoping to be adopted by a wealthy family. Nowadays, there are group homes, foster parents, and other ways of adopting children. Movies and television, though, still like to portray orphanages in the a more traditional way. This works in favor of horror movies because it has been ingrained in our minds that orphanages are scary places. It's also a good excuse to have scary children.

The Orphanage (also known as El Orfanato) is a Spanish horror movie starring Belen Rueda as Laura. Produced by Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy, Pan's Labyrinth), the movie was written by Sergio G. Sanchez and directed by J.A. Bayona. Laura moves into the orphanage she grew up in along with her husband Carlos and adopted son Simon in hopes of helping out special needs children. While walking along the beach with his mother, Simon runs off into a cave and is seen speaking to someone who isn't there. He claims he is speaking to a boy named Tomas, but his mother dismisses this as just an imaginary friend. A social worker named Beninga Escobeda (Montserrat Carulla) arrives at the orphanage along with Simon's adoption file which says that Simon is HIV-positive. Angered at her intrusion, Laura kicks her out of the house. That night, Laura hears a sound outside, and finds Beninga in her shed, carrying a shovel. She escapes before Laura can stop her. The next day, Simon takes his mother on a scavenger hunt, supposedly done by his invisible friends. At the end of the game, he finds his adoption file and reveals to Laura that he knows he is adopted and and is going to die. During a children's party at the orphanage, Laura and Simon argue, causing Simon to hide. While searching for him, Laura is trapped in the bathroom by a boy in a mask with “Tomas” written on his clothes. She is freed by Carlos, but they are unable to find Simon. Six months go by with no clues as to Simon's whereabouts. Laura suddenly sees Beninga crossing the street. As she gets out to confront her, Beninga is hit and killed by a truck. It is revealed that Beninga used to work at the orphanage and has a deformed son named Tomas that she kept hidden beneath a sack mask. He was accidentally killed by the children when they stole his mask. Laura hears strange banging sounds in the house and other strange occurrences and contacts a medium to have a séance. The medium sees sick children in the house, but does not see Simon. Laura begins searching the orphanage, finding clues, leading to her shed where she discovers the bodies of the children who used to live at the orphanage. Laura recreates the original orphanage and hopes to contact the ghosts of the children so they can help her find Simon. Will it work or has Laura gone insane?

Gah! Kill it with fire!

The Orphanage was definitely not the movie I thought I was going to watch. I expected a movie somewhere along the lines of The Others or A Haunting In Connecticut. I thought this was going to be a scary ghost story where the orphanage was haunted by the souls of tortured children looking for revenge. That's not how the movie played out, but it was for the best. More emphasis is put on storytelling, character development, and solid acting than your typical ghost movie and it's hard to complain about something like that. The movie forgoes the usual scares and tricks which make it a better movie, but does make it less of a horror movie. There are scenes of general eeriness and the movie does leave the audience feeling uneasy, but it's due more towards the content of the story than any special effect or sound swell. This uneasiness reaches it's zenith with the movies incredibly depressing, but sort of happy ending. I liked it, but it was quite a bummer. There are plans to adapt this movie for an American audience and I don't expect that version to contain the same ending.

The movie is strong thanks to the great acting. Belen Rueda brings genuine emotion to her role as Laura causing the audience the share sympathy with her. The supporting cast compliments her well, but she is the true star. J.A. Bayona does a fine job directing with some good shots and an overall horror-style atmosphere that lead to some tense moments. The movie relies more on old-school atmospheric scares, which is a nice change of pace, but there should have been more. The story is good, but it had a few plot points that kind of bothered me. Unfortunately, I can't go into them or else I'd ruin the movie, but there were a few basic things that, in real life, would probably end the mystery a lot faster. Despite being a foreign movie, I never felt lost in any cultural differences, but did not feel catered to as an American viewer. That's far better than a foreign movie trying to be an American horror movie.

Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's door

The Orphanage is a good movie built around a good cast and film making. The story is decent, but did have a few flaws that stuck with me after the credits rolled. The movie lacked scares making it feel less like a traditional horror movie, but the focus is always more on the story than terrifying the audience. The sets look great and the scenery fits in well with the overall feel of the movie. You won't be terrified by The Orphanage, but you will be entertained.

7/10

Day 145: House On Haunted Hill

House on Haunted Hill

 

It's more of a slope than a hill

(Blogger's note: Ms. Meghan was kind enough to fill in for me today. I have seen both the original House on Haunted Hill and the remake. The original is infinitely better. This should be on everyone's must-see list if you're any type of horror fan.)

Hi everyone, it's Ms. Meghan here! Jordan asked me to write a post for him, and since I am a nice person, I agreed. So I decided to go OLD SCHOOL on you all and watch the original House on Haunted Hill starring Vincent Price.

 

"I love it when you threaten to kill me darling." 

The premise of the movie begins, like the best of movies, with an eccentric millionaire, Frederick Loren (Price) and his vivacious (4th) wife Annabelle (Carol Ohmart). Loren throws a party in a giant decrepit old house that may or may not be haunted by ghost of previous inhabitants that were gruesomely murdered. The attendees of the party have been promised $10,000 (which would be ~$78,000 by today's standards) if they stay the night and survive. The attendees are Lance Shroeder (Richard Long) a pilot, Dr. David Trent (Alan Marshal) a psychiatrist studying hysteria, Nora Manning (Carolyn Craig) a secretary for one of Mr. Loren's companies, Watson Pritchard (Elisha Cook Jr.) the owner of the house whose brother and sister-in-law were murdered in the house, and Ruth Bridgers (Julie Mitchum) a columnist. All of the attendees (with the exception of the Lorens) are strangers to each other, even Nora, who works for Mr. Loren's company but has never met him.

 

They just found out Chris Katan starred in the remake. 

The story gets tense as the night goes on, the partgoers are locked into the house by the elderly caretakers, with no electricity or way to get out until 8 am the next morning. The partygoers have all been spooked by a large chandelier falling and nearly killing Nora and later in the evening Lance disappearing and reappearing with a strange bump on his head and no memory of how it got there. Morbid Mr. Pritchard is definitely not helping, because he won't stop talking about the ghosts, and how they're going to claim one of the partygoers before the night is through. And poor Nora keeps getting spooked, but has no evidence to prove it, driving her more and more "hysterical". She seems primed to be "the one" the ghosts will claim, but it could be anyone!

 

"Enough with this ghost nonsense and get me a drink!" 

The effects are minimal and there's certainly no gore as this is 1959, however the scares are genuine, if few and far between. There's a scene with Nora that even impresses the legendary Tom Savini with its spookiness. This film was also best know for an effect the director used called "Emergo", where a skeleton was swung over the audience at the appropriate time*. I think this is kind of excellent and would love to watch this in a movie theater and have this effect used. 

 

Here's some Vincent Price, just because. 

I think this film does feel dated at times, but it definitely stands the test of time, I do wish I could have seen more of the Lorens bickering and being a ridiculous married couple, those scenes are especially good. I think this film is also appealing if you aren't really into modern horror that is constantly trying to outdo itself with gore and general awfulness. This film is definitely a classic and well worth checking out.

7/10

 *Thanks to the IMDB Trivia Page on the film for this info.

Day 111: Wind Chill

Wind Chill

Even the poster is boring

I had started watching another horror movie, when about 5 minutes in, I realized that it was going to be so horrifically bad that I could not bring myself to finish it. Reviewing it would have been like criticizing a non-English speaker on their pronunciation of the word “susceptible”. So I decided to try something else. How about a movie produced by George Clooney? That could be good. Emphasis on could. Damn you, Clooney!

Wind Chill stars Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears Prada, The Adjustment Bureau) as a college girl looking to make her way home for Christmas break. She's not given a name and is referred to as “Girl” in the credits, so I'll just refer to her as such. She cannot fly home and decides to check the ride board to see if she can tag along with someone driving to Delaware. As luck would have it, she finds that someone is driving there and sets up the ride. The driver is an awkward college boy (Ashton Holmes, A History Of Violence, The Pacific) who is labeled as “Guy” in the credits. The ride is very awkward as the girl is rude and bitchy while the guy is awkward and weird. The guy takes a short cut up a snow-covered rural road and the girl calls him out on not knowing where he is going. A car headed in the opposite direction hits them and they are left stranded on the side of the road. After some discussion, it is revealed that the guy is not from Delaware and is in fact using this time to get closer to the girl. He has been watching her for a long time and even knows the food she likes. As the night goes on, the being to see apparitions. A policeman comes to their window and, unaware of their predicament, tries to get the girl in the back of his car. The guy rescues her, but they are terrorized throughout the night by spirits of people who had died on the road by the hand of the policeman. Will the guy and the girl be able to survive the ghosts and the cold?

"Wait, Bob Marley is dead? But I just bought his cd!"

Wow these people are annoying. They are so incredibly unlikable that it was a chore to get through this movie. Why should I care what happens to the characters when I hate their guts. The girl is particularly nasty and the guy is a creepy stalker. There are plenty of warning signs and red lights telling her that this guy is weird, but despite eventually finding out that he is just a creepy stalker, so still goes along for the ride and stays with him. And why does she care if something bad happens to him? WHY?! I haven't cheered for a villain this hard since The Blair Witch Project. I want only bad things to happen to them and no one else while sitting through this movie. The audience will never have sympathy for the characters, thus negating making it a horror movie. They might as well have made it a revenge movie for the ghosts. At least that way I would have had something to cheer.

The movie's story is fairly rudderless, jumping from the present, to flashback, to sort of present within a flashback within the blah blah blah. What is the real story here? Is it two unlikable people being stuck in a car or is it a murdering policeman from the 50's? A majority of the movie is spent with just the two in the car, which is very boring. Why not introduce the ghost aspects sooner than 45 minutes into the movie? There aren't a lot of special effects used in the movie and when they are used, they're not too impressive. There is very little action and the only scares are jump-at-you-from-the-dark moments and musical flourishes. I feel like they were going for some sort of psychological, slow-build thriller and ended up with psychological torture of the audience. Emily Blunt and Ashton Holmes are both very annoying. The cast is very small and they are relied heavily to carry the movie, which is unfortunate. I suppose it is not entirely their fault because they are written to be complete assholes, but it's not enough to excuse poor performances.

"Are you two under the influence of shitty character development?"

Wind Chill was an incredibly annoying and boring movie that barely registered as horror. The characters are unlikable and the story is jumbled and confusing with no real purpose. There is no real action to speak of and any effects that are used look poor. The acting was not good and the directing not much better The movie was clearly made on a tight budget, which makes me wonder what exactly George Clooney produced, because it sure wasn't a lot of money. Overall, Wind Chill is not worth your time and I have to wonder if I would have been better off watching the previously mentioned first movie.

2/10

Day 104: House

House

Our house, in the middle of our street

Don't worry, this isn't a review of that TV show with the jerk doctor. This is the horror-comedy movie from the 80's. I wasn't really sure what to expect when I chose this movie. I mean, it's called House. It's got to be a typical movie about an evil house that has bleeding walls and stuff, right? Well, this was the 80's and it was far from typical.

House, directed by Steve Miner (Friday the 13^th, Dawn of the Dead remake), stars William Katt (The Greatest American Hero, Carrie) as horror novelist Roger Cobb. Roger recently separated from his actress wife Sandy after their son disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Roger is having serious writer's block for his new novel, which is going to be about his experiences serving in Vietnam. His Aunt has recently committed suicide, and rather than selling her old house, Roger decides to move in for a while in order to help his writing process. Roger begins to have intense, graphic nightmares involving monsters attacking him and memories of his time in Vietnam come out, particularly about a soldier named Big Ben. Roger investigates the house after hearing strange noises and is physically attacked by a disfigured monster. He tries to convince his neighbor, Harold, (George Wendt, Cheers, Masters of Horror: Family) that the house is haunted, but Harold doesn't believe him. Harold actually calls Sandy and tells her that he is worried for Roger's safety. The monsters and attacks keep coming and Harold sees one of the monsters firsthand. Roger discovers another world within the evil house and ventures inside. What does this have to do with his intense memories of Big Ben and his lost son?

Sgt. Fury And His Howling Corpsemandos

I can definitely say that this was not the type of movie I expected when I began to watch it. That's not a bad thing, it's just unexpected. The story is pretty weird and the people involved may or may not have been on illegal substances. It bounces around a bit too much for my liking, particularly with the Vietnam flashbacks that look like they were filmed in someone's backyard. Those flashbacks turn out to be fairly important at the end, but, in the moment, it just felt like they were wasting time. There are a few plotholes and if you think too much about it, blood might come pouring out of your ears. Luckily, the movie is entertaining enough where you can ignore some of the flaws.

The monsters in House look great with a lot of attention to detail. Modern movies could learn a thing or two in how to make monsters. No need for CGI, just good old-fashioned makeup, latex, and creativity. The acting is pretty good throughout and William Katt puts on a good performance. George Wendt is lovable, as always. The humor is not exactly a knee-slapper, but you'll crack a few smiles. The problem with adding a lot of humor is that it takes away the fear and House had some jump-out-of-your seat scary moments. I think the movie would have been better if they had focused more on the horror and a little less on the humor. Have some humor, but don't overshadow the horror part of the story. 

Newt Gingrich looks terrible!

There is more than meets the eye when it comes to House. I give the writers credit for thinking outside the horror box and including some different elements to their movie. The story itself is a bit convoluted and has a few holes, but it's still entertaining. The acting is good and the monsters look great. I think if House was remade today with a stronger focus on horror, it could actually be very good. House is worth your time just to see George Wendt being George Wendt and to see some great monsters.

6.5/10

Day 40: Ghosts of Mars

Ghosts of Mars

Apparently, Martian ghosts don't have nail clippers

We've all seen movies so bad that we like them. Maybe its over-the-top violence or a ridiculous plot that keeps us coming back for more. There are times, though, when you know a movie isn't good, but you enjoy it anyway. You can't put your finger on what makes it bad and you can't put your finger on why you like it. That's how I feel about Ghosts of Mars

Directed by John Carpenter, Ghosts of Mars stars Natasha Henstridge (Species, The Whole Nine Yards) as police officer Melanie Ballard and Jason Statham (The Transporter, Crank) as Sgt. Jericho and Ice Cube (Friday, Barbershop) as the famous criminal Desolation Jones. In the 22^nd century, Mars has been terraformed, allowing humans to begin colonization the empty planet. Ballard and her small group of officers are transporting their prisoner, Jones, when they discover a mining town deserted, save for a few survivors. We learn that a secret door created by ancient Martians was opened, unleashing the “ghosts” that possessed miners, turning them into blood-thirsty mutant killers. Ballard is possessed by one of the ghosts and sees its memories and motives, before expelling it from her body. Will Ballard be able to defeat the ghosts and warn her superiors of the danger? Will Desolation Jones use this chance to escape or will he stay and fight?

Straight outta Compton

Ghosts of Mars is a movie that had some potential, but just fell flat in so many areas. The acting and dialogue is probably the biggest problem. I know Ice Cube can act and show range, but as Desolation Jones, he has no room to show depth. He's just a thug with a glimmer of morals. Natasha Henstridge is ok, but it does feel like she is forcing her lines at times. The story gets confusing at times with flashbacks within flashbacks that jump around too quickly for the audience to get settled. The movie was shot in New Mexico, a great location choice, but the sets themselves come off as cheap and hokey. They were going for some sort of futuristic feel, but came off more like what people in the 50's thought 2000 was going to look like.

The “ghosts” themselves are intended to be menacing, but just come off as cheap. A friend once described this movie to me as “Ice Cube goes to Mars and fucks up Gwar”. If you don't know the shock metal band Gwar, google them right now. I'll wait. Throw on a little more dirt and blood, and there you have the monsters from Ghosts of Mars. These ghosts don't show much depth either, just a lot of screaming and yelling into the night and then mindless killing. Not that I'm against the mindless killing, in fact, that's probably the best part of the movie. Plenty of blood and decapitation's to fill your heart with gore-y glee, but it would have been nice to see more motivation and emotion in what they were doing.

Who knew Martians had silky and manageable hair?

With all it's flaws, and there are many, Ghosts of Mars is still somewhat enjoyable. Far from John Carpenter's best work, it still had some fun violence and a decent idea. I think given a more realistic approach and a deeper script, this movie could have been among Carpenter's better movies. Unfortunately, it suffers from poor acting, weak dialogue, and an all-around campy feel. Maybe Carpenter can revisit the idea one day and give it the time and effort it deserves.

5.5/10

Day 18: Kill Katie Malone

Kill Katie Malone

Axl Rose looks terrible

Horror movies involving ghosts can either be hit or miss. Done correctly, a ghost movie can terrify you and make you sleep with the lights on. If a ghost movie has done it's job, you will jump at every noise you hear while laying in bed and question your beliefs in the afterlife. Done poorly, you'll have some unintentional laughs and question your beliefs in movie making. Welcome to Kill Katie Malone.

Kill Katie Malone follows three college friends who purchase a mysterious lock-box that supposedly contains a ghost. They open the box and find a locket with a picture of a young woman. Wacky, typical ghost events occur; broken furniture, sudden bursts of cold air, and bloody messages written on the wall. You know, the usual. People start getting hurt and they discover that Katie Malone was an Irish immigrant that was sold from owner to owner and brutally beaten to death. Her spirit now inhabits the box and whoever opens it, she belongs to them. It is up to the three friends to save each other and free themselves of the curse of Katie Malone.

She may be a ghost, but her churned butter is delicious

The biggest trick with making a ghost movie is to make the supernatural action believable. Effects are a minimum and when they are used, they look like they were done in Final Cut Amateur. I understand that sometimes you don't have the money to have great special effects, but try flicking a light on and off real fast or something. When the actors are being shoved and abused by the “ghost,” they just appear to be stumbling around like drunks. It comes off as very silly, which is never what you want in a ghost movie.

If you can't have good effects, having good actors is the next best thing. The acting in Kill Katie Malone ranges from fair to yell-at-the-screen terrible. Dean Cain (Lois and Clark) has a small part at the beginning and end, but was given top billing on the poster. Lies! The characters themselves are all pretty unlikable and you feel yourself cheering for the ghost to finish them off so we don't have to see them again. The dialogue is decent and they do the best they can with a boring script and an unremarkable story. They delve into the past of Katie Malone, but you never really feel any sympathy for her. By the end, I was just saying fuck Katie Malone.

It either contains a ghost or my POG collection

Overall, Kill Katie Malone missed on the major key points to making a good ghost movie. Barely-existant and sometimes laughable special effects, mediocre to bad acting, and a boring story are the “three strikes and you're out” rule. I never felt annoyed or angry at the movie, just kind of bored. There are far worse ghost movies out there, but there are also much better. Not scary and not enjoyable, Kill Katie Malone is not worth your time.

2.5/10

Day 15: Death Row

Death Row

Murder was the case that they gave me

Prisons are inherently a scary place. Being surrounded by criminals and having your freedom taken away is an unspeakable horror for most people. Throw in some ghosts and you're in for some serious nightmares. Heck, throwing in a Play-Doh set into a prison would be terrifying.

Death Row follows 2 separate parties converging on the site of the infamous Isla de la Roca maximum-security prison. The first is a group of diamond thieves led by Marco (Jake Busey). The second is a group of college kids shooting a documentary on the old prison. The haunting begins as the combined groups are slowly picked off one by one. Brutal killings and spooky possessions terrorize the group and reveal the sordid past of the prison. They must find out why this is all happening, how it is connected to Marco and how they can escape the island. in one piece.

Meth Row

Death Row knows that it is a small-screen horror movie. More at home on the SyFy channel and used horror movie bin than the big screen, it focuses more on the fun kills than on a good script or great dialogue. And boy do they have fun with the killing. Excellent horror movie makeup and creative deaths keep the viewer thoroughly entertained. Plenty of blood and entrails for the avid gore fan. The special effects are good for a small-screen horror movie, but when the ghosts themselves appear, they look like they have a fog machine stuck under their clothes.

Jake Busey (Starship Troopers, Idenity) channeling his inner Nicholas Cage, is front and center in Death Row. Usually relegated to a supporting cast, Busey cranks his weirdness to 11. It's entertaining for the most part, but sometimes it almost too over the top. Stacy Keach (Titus, American History X) and Danny Trejo (Machete, Anchorman) are great, but its dissapointing they weren't given larger roles. The rest of the cast does a fine job with only one or two weak links. They do their best with a mediocre script. The characters fall in to the typical horror movie trap of being very stupid; always wanting to split up, going off on their own etc. I know there wouldn't be much of a story if everyone just stayed in one place and thought things through, but still, these people do some stupid things.

All this for an overdue book?!

Death Row is one of those movies that you watch when nothing else is on, but still manage to enjoy yourself. Better than the average SyFy channel movie (Ice Spiders, Sharktopus anyone?), this movie keeps the fun kills coming despite a simple script with more holes than a hunk of swiss cheese. Light on the horror, but heavy on the gore, non horror fans with strong stomachs would enjoy this as well. Death Row is a fun watch if you don't think about it too much.

6/10