Day 331: Wishmaster

Wishmaster

More like Pissmaster

What would you ask for if you were given three wishes? Besides infinity White Castle, I'd have to say I'm still mulling over my choices. Winning Mega Millions would be pretty nice also. But what if those wishes came with a price? The “evil genie” character appears more in literature than in the movies. Why is that? If anything, having a magical being in your movie allows for almost limitless potential. You can have all sorts of creatures and situations, giving you a freedom that many other horror movies would kill for. Of course, maybe the reason why there are more evil genie horror movies is because of Wishmaster.

Wishmaster is a 1997 supernatural horror movie from executive producer Wes Craven. The film stars Tammy Lauren (The Young And The Restless, Home Improvement) as appraiser Alexandra Amberson. In a prologue, we learn of creatures called the Djinn, creatures who lived in the void between worlds. When one wakes a djinn, they are granted three wishes. Once the third wish is granted, the djinn is freed. In 1127 AD Persia, a djinn (Andrew Divoff, Toy Soldiers, Air Force One) grants the wishes of the emperor, twisting his wishes into hideous monstrosities. The emperor's wizard traps the djinn inside a jewel which is then hidden inside a statue. In present day, collector Raymond Beaumont (Robert Englund, A Nightmare On Elm Street, Inkubus) is receiving the statue when a freak accident causes the statue to fall on his assistant (Ted Raimi, Midnight Meat Train, Spider-Man) and shatters. A worker steals the jewel containing the djinn and it ends up being appraised by Alexandra Amberson. She takes the jewel to her friend josh to analyze it and he unwittingly releases the djinn, who kills Josh by granting him a wish to “release his of his pain”. The djinn grows stronger by granting wishes and taking people's souls. Alexandra shares a connection with the djinn and is able to see his murders. He takes the form of a man, calling himself Nathaniel Demerest and continues his reign of terror until he finds Alexandra and forces her to ask for her three wishes. Will Alexandra be able to stop the all-powerful djinn and send him back to the void before he destroys the world?

"Somebody stop me!"

It's important to mention that Wishmaster is directed by Robert Krutzman, an award-winning make-up and effects artists. His work includes Cabin Fever, Vampires, Night Of The Creeps, and Army Of Darkness. That's an impressive group of movies without a doubt. The monsters and creatures in Wishmaster continue Krutzman's run of great makeup and traditional effects. There is a wide variety of creatures that keep the action interesting when the story fails to do so. One thing I found funny was that characters acted shocked when they saw the djinn's true form. Truthfully, he looked like Jim Carey from The Mask with a little more detail. Beyond the make-up, there is a myriad of special effects, some decent and some clearly steeped in mid-90's computerization.

Of course, the problem then lies with Krutzman's directing abilities and the story itself. The story is all over the place while still managing to go absolutely nowhere. The movie has a lot glaring plot holes that are hard to ignore. In the very beginning, we learn that there are more than one djinn. Shouldn't these things be popping up all over the place? And why can't they get someone to ask for three wishes? It shouldn't be that hard. Why did the djinn bother to take human form? It's not like he was having a problem getting people to wish for things before? The acting is absolutely horrendous and downright painful at times. Tammy Lauren is really miscast as she seems out of place in almost every scene. Andrew Divoff is hilariously over-the-top, practically gnawing on the scenery. It's nice to see Craven stalwarts like Robert Englund and Tony Todd in small roles, but if you're going to have them in your movie, give them more than just 2 or 3 scenes. For a horror movie, there is not a lot of atmosphere and almost no subtlety. 

"You love the 90's? No way! Me too!"

When I decided to watch Wishmaster, I was expecting something at least halfway decent. I knew there were a few sequels, so, like Hellraiser and Puppet Master, I figured the original movie would be great. How wrong I was. Other than some good make-up and a few scenes of violence, Wishmaster has very little going for it. The acting really stands out as being particularly horrendous. The story is pretty boring and the ending seems pretty obvious. I think I've decided on another wish; to erase watching Wishmaster from my memory.

2.5/10

Day 238: The Fly

The Fly

Got you where I want you

Not all remakes are created solely to make money off a well-known movie. Some are created in order to elevate an original to new heights through better special effects, modern storytelling, and better acting. John Carpenter's The Thing is a prime example. Most people are unaware that The Thing is a remake, one of the highest compliments you can give to a remake. David Cronenberg's remake of The Fly, while sharing the basic premise of the original 1958 film of the same name, is really it's own movie. Beyond the basic premise of a scientist accidentally merging with a housefly during a teleportation experiment, this version of The Fly goes way beyond the original with effects and horror. The real question is if it is equal or better than the original. (Incidentally, The Fly's "Got You Where I Want You" has been in my head all day)

The Fly is a 1986 horror sci-fi remake co-written and directed by David Cronenberg (Videodrome, Scanners). The movie stars Jeff Goldblum (Jurassic Park, Independence Day) as brilliant, but eccentric scientist Seth Brundle. Seth invites Veronica “Ronnie” Quaife (Geena Davis, A League Of Their Own, The Long Kiss Good Night), a journalist for Particle magazine to his warehouse lab/apartment to see his new invention. Seth touts it as an invention that will change the world as they know it. His new invention is a set of “Telepods” which allow instantaneous teleportation of inanimate objects. Seth demonstrates his invention by teleporting one of Ronnie's stockings. When she starts recording Seth, he becomes nervous and agitated because he is not ready to unveil his invention to the world. The telepods are not complete as they are unable to transport living matter. When Ronnie takes the story to her editor and ex-boyfriend, Stathis Borans (John Getz, Blood Simple, Zodiac) rejects the idea as a magic trick. Ronnie soon begins a romantic relationship with Seth, much to the displeasure of Stathis. One night, Seth has a breakthrough, transporting a piece of steak through the telepods. Following his breakthrough, Seth becomes worried that Ronnie is secretly seeing Stathis again. Drunk and jealous, Seth sends himself through the transport. Unknown to him, a housefly is inside the telepods when he transports himself. Everything appears normal at first, but Seth begins to exhibit what appears to be beneficial enhancements: strength, durability, and energy. He believes that the telepod has given him a new rebirth, stripping away his flaws and faults. He soon becomes angry and violent, though, breaking a man's arm at a bar and cheating on Ronnie. Seth allows begins to grow coarse hair and his face begins to change, finally realizing that something is wrong when his fingernails begin to fall off. Checking his computer, Seth learns that he has in fact been genetically combined with a housefly. His body continues to change and mutate, causing body parts to fall off and forcing Seth to vomit on his food in order to break it down for his body to consume. Is there any way for Ronnie to help save Seth before he completely turns into a monster and what will she do now that she has learned that she is pregnant with his baby?

Oh, God! It's hideous!

The original 1958 version of The Fly is regarded as a science-fiction classic. People who have never seen the movie still know the classic “Help me! Help me!” line squeaked out by the main character about to be devoured by a spider. It's a pretty chilling scene over 50 years later. The 1986 version of The Fly has the distinctive Cronenberg flair of commonly known as “body horror”. Seth's deformed transformation is the main attraction of the film as Jeff Goldblum becomes a disgusting mass of flesh and insect. Much like in Cronenberg's other film “Videodrome,” the special effects used in the movie to transform the main character are fantastic. Seth's various mutations are hard to look at, yet we cannot turn away.. It helps that Jeff Goldblum is already bug-eyed and his 80's-style mullet helps convey his awkwardness. The makeup, done by Chris Walas, Inc. received an Academy Award for their word and deservedly so. The transformation goes through various stages, first subtle and then horrific, but each stage is believable.

The story is surprising simple as I was expecting something more complex like some of Cronenberg's other films. There is more suspense than action, but the movie is still interesting and compelling. The scares are still prevalent throughout, with more psychological fear than quick jolts and startles. Seth's transformation begins rather quickly as most of the movie is about his mutation. The entire transformation can be seen as an allegory for cancer or any disease for that matter. We are all afraid of uncontrollable change and death which makes the film all the more unsettling. The love story is classic romantic tragedy as both characters love each other until the inevitable end. The dream sequence where Ronnie gives birth to a giant larva is quite terrifying and could give nightmares to expecting mothers. Jeff Goldblum is perfect for the role of Seth Brundle as his quite awkwardness fits the character like a glove. Geena Davis is good as both the love-interest and as the audience's avatar. We, the audience, are sharing the same feelings as Ronnie, wanting to help Seth, but also worried about the baby growing inside her.

Who ordered the large Meatlover's with extra Goldblum pizza?

The Fly is able to take the original movie's idea and make it into something greater. The movie has a good mixture of both science-fiction and horror which play off each other well. The movie's dark tone and atmosphere makes the hideously wonderful transformations even scarier. The special effects and makeup are superb and the solid acting of Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis help make for a solid movie. David Cronenberg leaves his unique mark on the film with his usual brand of horror. The story is good, though I was expecting greatness. Maybe that's because I've seen The Simpsons “Treehouse of Horror VIII: Fly vs. Fly” episode so many times. Regardless, The Fly is still a fun and unsettling watch that does the original justice while still being it's own movie.

8.5/10

Day 235: Class of Nuke 'Em High

Class of Nuke 'Em High

This could easily be a cover for Heavy Metal magazine

Troma Entertainment is an independent film production and distribution company most famous for the Toxic Avenger series of movies. Founded by Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz in 1974, Troma is synonymous with hyper-violent, over-the-top, crude horror movies. While Toxic Avenger managed to break through into the mainstream with a Saturday morning cartoon, toys, and a Nintendo game, most horror fans know Troma for their endless list of gross or insane movies. The people who love Troma love it with a fiery passion. I am not one of those people. Troma gives many independent horror movies a chance to read a wider audience. To paraphrase the Al Pacino movie 'And Just for All', “In theory, what this company is doing is highly commendable, but in practice it sucks.” For every enjoyable Troma movie, there are about 50 that are borderline unwatchable. Two of the worst movies I've ever seen, Unspeakable and Dumpster Baby, come from Troma. Have you ever heard the term “scraping the bottom of the barrel”? Those two movies are below the bottom of the barrel. Thankfully I'm not focusing on movies that could be considered war crimes if they were shown in public. Today comes from the much smaller pile of Troma movies that are actually fun.

Class Of Nuke 'Em High (also known as Atomic High School) is a 1986 horror comedy movie written and directed by Lloyd Kaufman (The Toxic Avenger, Poultrygeist). The movie stars Gil Brenton as Warren and Janelle Brady and Chrissy. Warren and Chrissy are students at Tromaville High School which is only 1 mile away from a nuclear power plant. The power plant is leaking toxic waste, which seeps into the ground, contaminating the area. The school is run by a gang of former Honor Society students turned gutter punks called The Cretins. The Cretins, led by Spike (Robert Pritchard, The Toxic Avenger, Cracking Up), are a violent group that beat people up and sell irradiated pot to the students of the school. At a frat party, Warren and Chrissy smoke the toxic pot and have sex for the first time. That night, both Warren and Chrissy have bizarre and disturbing hallucinations. The next day, Chrissy begins to have stomach pains and runs to the bathroom. Her stomach distends quickly as if she is pregnant and she spits a small, tadpole-like creature out of her mouth into a toilet. The creature is flushed down and ends up in the schools basement, which is full of toxic waste. Warren temporarily transforms into a super-strong monster and kills two of The Cretins for making him and Chrissy sick with their pot. Spike and the rest of The Cretins beat up Warren and are expelled from school. They take over the school and kidnap Chrissy to the basement. Warren goes to save her only to discover a large deformed monster brutally killing The Cretins. How will Warren and Chrissy survive?

Must...get...moisturizer!

Despite Troma's somewhat dubious track record, Class Of Nuke 'Em High is actually a very entertaining movie. The movie has a good mixture of action, violence, horror, and genuinely funny comedy that most modern movies can't even come close to. It's no secret that a lot of early Troma movies revolved around nuclear waste and toxic spills. After all, the fictional town of Tromaville is the “Toxic Capital of the World”. While the fear of nuclear disasters still exists, it's not as prevalent as it was during the 70's and 80's, so the movie does have a slightly dated feel. That's not completely a bad thing because the movie does spoof the typical 80's high school movies that flooded theaters at the time. The goofy party scene, the clothes, and the two main characters worrying about having sex for the first time are all satirized throughout the movie. While not every joke hits the mark, there is a good mix of physical comedy, commentary, puns, and jokes. Another standout is the special effects used throughout the movie. Class Of Nuke 'Em High was made for relatively cheap, but was still capable of using a wide variety of traditional special effects and makeup to create a visually fun movie. I wish they had shown the monster more because it looked great.

One issue with the movie is that it tends to jump around too much. A lot of things happen in a short amount of time. Granted, Class of Nuke 'Em High isn't Citizen Kane, but proper pacing and smoothing out some of the edges would have helped. Warren and Chrissy are the main characters, but the movie goes through extended periods without seeing either one of them. A lot of time was given to The Cretins, but I feel hard-pressed to complain because they were the most entertaining thing in the movie. Robert Pritchard is particularly great as Spike and really should have been in more movies. Lloyd Kaufman does a good job of balancing the humor, horror, and action throughout the entire movie, not an easy task with so much going on.

Prom Night at Tromaville High

Class Of Nuke 'Em High is one of better movies in the Troma library and for good reason. It's mixture of humor and violence, coupled with solid traditional horror makes for an entertaining and fun watch. The movie is genuinely funny and the action is solid. The special effects are great especially with the small budget used. Class Of Nuke 'Em High is a great example of how you don't need a big budget or even an amazing story to put on a solid movie. If you're interested in getting in Troma's movies, this is a great place to start. I can't defend so of their other “films,” but at least this one is good.

7.5/10