Day 160: Masters of Horror: Pro-Life

Masters of Horror: Pro-Life

Oh, baby, baby. How was I supposed to know?

Abortion is a very serious and personal issue. It's also one of the most divisive issues in the United States. There are plenty of horror movies based around Satanic pregnancies, Rosemary's Baby being the most well-known. I don't believe any of these movies ever focused on abortion, though. They may have been mentioned briefly or in passing, but it was never the entire basis of the movie. There's probably a good reason for that because most movies don't want to make the audience angry, one way or the other. Whatever you feel on the subject (Personally, I quote Jay from Dogma, “A woman's body her own fucking business.”), it's a very strong catalyst for a horror movie. With John Carpenter (Halloween, Escape from New York) in the director's chair, maybe he can avoid the minefield while creating a fun and scary movie.

"This orange is gigantic!"

Masters of Horror: Pro-Life stars Caitlin Wachs (The Legend of Bloody Mary, My Dog Skip) as Angelique and Ron Perlman (Hellboy, 5ive Girls) as her father Dwayne. Angelique is running in the woods when she crosses onto a road and is almost hit by Alex (Mark Feuerstein, Royal Pains, Defiance) and Kim (Emmanuelle Vaugier, Saw II, Smallville). They take her to the clinic they work at to make sure she is ok. Her father Dwayne pulls up to the clinic and is prevented from going inside due to a court order keeping him at least 500 feet from the facility. Abortions are performed at the clinic and Dwayne has made it his religious mission to stalk and harass the doctors. Angelique informs Alex that she is, in fact, pregnant. She says it happened last week, but she is much further along and Alex believes that her father raped her. She explains that something from under the ground grabbed her, pulled her down, and impregnated her. She wants an abortion, but is too far along in the pregnancy now. Dwayne is joined by his three sons and prays to God for guidance. He here's a voice telling him to protect the baby. All four arms themselves and break into the clinic. The kill the security guard and shoot it out with the head doctor who is fed up with being harassed. He kills one of the sons, but is shot and tortured by Dwayne. Meanwhile, Angelique goes into labor and gives birth to a monstrous demonic baby. Will Dwayne protect the baby when his real father comes for him and will Alex and Kim survive?

This is what awesome looks like

The story of a demonic pregnancy and baby is nothing new, but setting the story in a clinic is certainly different. The movie focuses a bit too much on the political back and forth between Dwayne and the clinic and not enough on horror. Believe me, I like social commentary, and the episode does it well, it's just too much for an hour long episode. Ron Perlman is awesome as always, so I don't mind him getting ample screen time. He is the real villain of the movie anyway. The entire “demon impregnating Angelique” story is very rushed and not given much thought. When the demon father is revealed, his look is a little disappointing. Derek Mears (Friday the 13^th, Predators) plays the demon and does these goofy poses. If you've ever seen the SyFy show “Face Off” you've probably seen the models do the same pose; bent at the knees, arms low and slight bent up, head arched back and moving around in a roaring motion. It comes off as silly and not scary. The demon baby, though, is extra creepy looking, sort of a mix between a spider, a crab, and a Cabbage Patch doll.

Even though John Carpenter was the director, you'd never know it. This easily could have been directed by just about anyone. Beyond some real good background music, there is nothing Carpentery (that should be a word) about Pro-Life. The baby does remind me of some of The Thing, but maybe because it is so horrifying. The movie has plenty of violence and a few scenes that will make you wince or cover your eyes. There is a decent amount of blood and enough action to keep things interesting. The acting is good throughout, though Caitlin Wachs is a bit annoying at times. Her screams were particularly grating and she does that for a good chunk of the movie. 

"I'm a demon! RAAAWWWR..um...RAAAWRR"

Masters of Horror: Pro-Life takes a tried and true horror genre and tries to put it in a different location. It's an interesting, if controversial, idea, but it doesn't really come off well. It's not very scary, more unsettling than anything. The acting is good for the most part, but the directing isn't special. There is lots of action and violence, but they really missed out on the entire demon portion of the story. I fell the hour-long format hurt the finer parts of the story and made everything feel rushed. While not the worst Masters of Horror, Pro-Life could have been a lot better.

5.5/10

Day 134: Blessed

Blessed

I can think of some curse words to describe this movie

Happy Mother's Day everyone! Be sure to treat your moms to a lovely brunch and give them something nice. They put up with you when you were a teenager, so they deserve it. There's a few Mother's Day and “mom” related horror movies out there. Maybe it was subconscious, but I watched didn't watch Blessed because it was a mother/pregnancy based horror movie. I really watched it because it had Heather Graham. I thought, “Hey, she's a real actress. Maybe this will be good.” Of course, if you've never heard of a movie before, there may be a reason for that.

Blessed is a 2004 horror/thriller starring Heather Graham (Boogie Nights, From Hell) as Samantha Howard and James Purefoy (Ironclad, John Carter) as her husband Craig. They are having trouble trying to conceive, so they briefly move to Lakeview, New York in order to receive treatments at the Spiritus Research Clinic. During the treatments, Samantha witnesses her neighbors being stalked by a hooded figure and they soon disappear. The clinic is involved with some experimental procedures and Samantha is given two eggs injected with a strange red liquid, supposedly to help increase her chance of conceiving. She learns that she is in fact pregnant with twins and they move back to the city to discover their apartment has been vandalized. They decide to move into the now empty house in Lakeview where their neighbors used to live. Craig, who is publishing a book, meets with strange publisher Earl Sidney who gives him $100,000 advance on his work. They adjust to live in Lakeview, but Samantha starts to have strange sensations and feels she is being followed by the same hooded figure from before. She meets an Italian priest, Father Carlo (Andy Serkis, Lord of the Rings, Deathwatch, who tries to warn her of the clinic and their dubious associations with a devil-worshiping cult. Supposedly the liquid injected into her eggs was the DNA of Lucifer. Father Carlo is convinced that she must kill the babies to keep from unleashing unspeakable evil in the world. Is all of this true and what does that mean for Samantha and her babies?

 And what about her giant, dinner plate-sized eyes?

 

This movie is a mess of half ideas and no ideas. It strives so hard to be Rosemary's Baby and it fails in every conceivable way. It is not scary, it is not creative, and it barely qualifies as horror. Throughout the first part of the movie, I thought they were going for the slow build, teasing the action and thrills for the second half. Then the second half occurred and still nothing. It wasn't a slow build, it was a no build. There is no flow to the story and the writing is just horrendous. If you want to see a slightly annoying couple have cutesy conversations, this movie is for you. Of course that's not the case because you want to see a horror movie. The injection of religion and the devil is muted, which is funny, considering this is supposed to be a Satanic baby movie. Why even bother if you're not going to go all out with the religious imagery? You might as well inject her with wolf DNA to make a werewolf baby or something equally stupid.

The acting is passable and is really the only thing that keeps the movie going. Heather Graham does well as the mother in trouble. Andy Serkis comes off as a bit weird in his role as Father Carlo, though I think that's just terrible character development and writing and not his acting ability. The direction is no good and the motivations of the characters are either confused or just non-existent. We see Samantha researching the clinic and finding it's weird connections with cloning. She couldn't have done that before, you know, being injected with devil juice? And why is Father Carlo the only one trying to stop this from happening? Where is the rest of the Church?

Jesus loves ya

Horror fans will be incredibly disappointed with his movie and fans of staying awake will also be disappointed. The story is weak along with the writing and directing. There is very little action and nothing particularly scary. Nothing if interest really happens and the ending is particularly stupid. Do yourself and you mother a favor and skip this movie. Happy Mother's Day.

2/10