Monster Brawl
Where's The Undertaker and Kane?
I admit it. I'm a professional
wrestling nerd. I am well aware that the results are predetermined
(it's not fake, it's predetermined. Get it right), but I am still
wildly entertained by it. I was a huge Hulkamaniac when I was
younger, but became disinterested in the mid-90's. It may come as a
shock to some that know me, but I pretty much missed the entire
“Monday Night Wars”. While professional wrestling was at it's
zenith of popularity, I wasn't watching. I felt like it was kid's
stuff. I randomly became interested again while flipping through
channels and saw that both Mr. Perfect and Big Boss Man, wrestlers
from my childhood, were back in the WWE. An occasional watch became a
weekly love affair that has extended to this day, going to live
events and watching pay-per-views. I know, I'm a dork, but I'm
perfectly OK with that. Being a fan things outside the mainstream
tend to go together. Comic books, horror movies, heavy metal,
wrestling. It was only a matter of time before there was a wrestling
horror movie.
Monster Brawl is a 2011 independent
horror comedy starring Dave Foley (The Kids In The Hall, Suck) as
play-by-play announcer Buzz Chambers and Art Hindle (The Brood,
Invasion Of The Body Snatchers) as color commentator “Sasquatch”
Sid Tucker. An independent wrestling promoter and self-professed
horror nerd has gathered eight monsters from across the globe and
through time to compete in the ultimate monster battle. The
combatants are seperated into two categories: Undead and Creatures.
On the Undead side is Frankenstein, The Mummy, Zombie Man, and Lady
Vampire. On the Creatures side is Cyclops, Werewolf, Witch Bitch, and
Swamp Gut. The battles take place inside a wrestling ring set amidst
an abandoned and cursed graveyard. Jimmy “Mouth Of The South”
Hart of WWF/E and WCW fame announces the combatants as we are treated
to background clips of each monster. Each clip reveals a little bit
of each monster. For example, Zombie Man is the product of the army
and managed by the maniacal Colonel Crookshank (Kevin Nash of WWF/E
and WCW fame, Punisher). UFC referee Herb Dean referees the match to
ensure the rules aren't broken, but he is killed in the first match.
Which classic monster will reign supreme and prove once and for all
who is the baddest monster in the world?
"Say it's fake again. I dare you."
If the above rundown of the movie felt
like it was short on story, character development, and all the other
hallmarks of a typical movie, you'd be right. Monster Brawl pulls no
punches (sorry for the terrible pun) and makes no bones (sorry,
another bad one) about what type of movie it is. Like the SpikeTV
show Deadliest Warrior, Monster Brawl takes every 7 year-old's
question of “Who would win in a fight?” There was really only two
ways of doing this movie: lots of plot and story with a little bit of
actual fighting or lots of fighting and no real story. They went with
the latter and I'm OK with that decision. If you're looking for an
actual movie with story, plot, emotions, and love interests, you're
going to be sorely disappointed. The little background clips are fun
and help break up the dark monotony of the graveyard and wrestling
ring.
"We're the real monsters, baby!"
The fights play out like typical
wrestling matches with clotheslines, jumps off the top turnbuckle,
and occasional outside interference from managers. Each fighter has
skill in the ring, some even better than those in WWE and TNA. The
movie obviously had help laying out the matches from professionals
which is great because they would be a mess otherwise. They have a
good amount of psychology and good back and forth action. Each
fighter cuts a promo before their match which are fun, but by no
means hysterical. Dave Foley and Art Hindle are funny and have good
chemistry. Foley channels his inner Howard Cossell while Hindle,
dressed similar to Jim Ross from WWE, is more of a typical veteran
color commentator. Lance Henriksen (Pumpkinhead, Millenium) lends his
gravelly voice as the narrator during the background segments. Fans
of the Mortal Kombat will enjoy the voice-overs during the fight
shouting “Excellent!” and “Disturbing!” It's fun to see Jimmy
Hart and Kevin Nash, but I would've liked to see more professional
wrestlers throughout the movie. I'm sure they could have used the
paycheck. Wrestling fans should not be surprised that Nash didn't “do
the job” even in a movie.
What a slobberknocker!
There's not a whole lot to Monster
Brawl, but it is still immensely fun to watch. Writer/Director Jesse
T. Cook knows exactly what he is going for with this movie. Rather
than muddling around with a half-hearted story, he goes right for the
action. The final fight is a little long and I felt the ending could
have been better in my opinion. The fighting is good as the actors
are all skilled and someone with wrestling knowledge clearly helped
lay out all the matches. The monsters all look good and there is a
nice variety to pick from. If you're not a wrestling fan, you'll
still get a kick out of all of the fights, but don't expect much of
an emotional connection to any character. For the wrestling dorks out
there that also love horror, Monster Brawl is a must see. Regardless
of the story (or lack thereof), I was still highly entertained.
8/10
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