The Gingerdead Man
I wonder if he knows the Muffin Man
Sometimes you just need to see a bad
movie. There's nothing wrong with purposely watching a bad movie,
it's an indulgence, like eating a piece of chocolate or an entire
White Castle Crave Case by yourself. You know it's bad for you, but
it doesn't matter. You want to enjoy this bad thing for all it's
worth. It's one of life's joys. There are plenty of terrible horror
movies out there and some even have a cult following. Full Moon
Features/Entertainment specializes in putting out ridiculously schlocky horror movies like Evil Bong, Demonic Toys, and Puppet Master. When
you pick up a movie called “Evil Bong” you pretty much know what
you're going to get. Despite making a whole lot of “so bad it's
good” movies, they still managed to screw one up starring the human
dynamo known as Gary Busey.
The Gingerdead Man is a 2005 horror
movie starring Gary Busey (Under Siege, I'm With Busey) as crazed
killer Millard Findlemayer. At a diner in Waco, Texas, Findlemayer
goes on a shooting spree killing Jeremy and James Leigh. As the
police are closing in, he fires at Sarah Leigh (Robin Sydney,
Masters Of Horror: Right To Die, Evil Bong), but she manages to
survive (or it misses her, it's not really clear). Some years pass,
and Sarah is running a bakery on the verge of closing thanks to
businessman Jimmy Dean (Larry Cedar, Deadwood, The Crazies) starting
his cafe business across the street. We learn through a voice-over
that Millard Findlemayer was executed and his ashes were given to his
mother who happens to be a witch. Sarah receives a package of
gingerbread spice left at the back door by a cloaked figure. While
mixing ingredients, Brick Fields (Jonathan Chase, Gamer, The
Mentalist) one of the store's bakers, accidentally cuts his hand,
spilling blood in the mixture. The contaminated dough is then cut
into the shape a large gingerbread man and placed in the oven.
Jimmy's daughter Lorna (Alexia Aleman, Close Call, Mad Men) brings a
rat into the bakery in order to get it closed down and a fight with
Sarah ensues. Lorna's boyfriend Amos (Ryan Locke, American Gun,
Supercross) breaks up the fight, but not before Lorna causes an
electric surge to hit the oven and reanimate the gingerbread man with
Millard's soul. The murderous Gingerdead Man, as he is dubbed, goes
on a violent killing spree, murdering Jimmy, cutting off Sarah's
mom's finger, and encasing one of the workers in frosting. With the
doors booby-trapped and the Gingerdead Man seemingly impossible to
kill, how will Sarah and Amos survive?
Pictured: Gary Busey in his natural state
I knew it was going to be bad. There
was no “maybe” about it. When you pick up a movie about a killer
gingerbread man voiced by Gary Busey, you know you're not watching
the next Ben-Hur or Schindler's List. With movies of this caliber,
you want lots of murders, ridiculous one-liners, and perhaps a little
nudity. Instead, The Gingerdead Man feels the need to try and be a
real movie. There are far too many scenes filled with boring dialogue
and exposition and not enough insane, laughable violence. The movie
starts off so promising as the very first scene of the movie involves
Gary Busey, who may or may not have been acting) walking into the
shot and firing a gun. No dialogue, no setup, just a disheveled Busey
and a gun. That's magic right there. Unfortunately, that's all the
live Busey we get as he voices The Gingerdead Man for the rest of the
film. For whatever reason, we never see him arrested or executed,
instead getting a 2 sentence voice-over explaining his death and his
mother's witchy abilities. The movie is barely an hour long, they
couldn't spare an extra minute to show some of this? It's not like
the rest of the movie was crammed with action either.
When the movie finally gets around to
the violence, it becomes immensely more entertaining. It's still not
great because a movie like this needs to be ultra violent and ultra
bloody. While it's funny to see an gingerbread man driving a car into
Jimmy, it's not the most creative way they could have killed someone.
With a bakery full of all sorts of tools and machines, don't you
think they could have been a little more creative? As a former baker,
I couldn't believe that a) they work without gloves and b) used a mix
that someone bled into. Lorna didn't need to bring a rat into the
bakery, it was already worthy of an “F” rating from the health
inspector. The movie is strangely very dark making some scenes
difficult to see. There are some laughs in the movie, mostly coming
from Busey's foul-mouthed Gingerdead Man and goofball wrestling fan
Brick. The actual gingerdead man puppet is kind of funny looking with
a scrunched-up typically evil face. I think it would have been better
if it switched back and forth between a normal, sweet-looking
gingerbread man and the evil one. Kind of like the snowman in Jack
Frost.
"Welcome to Wal-Mart!"
The Gingerdead Man is ridiculous and
absurd, but for all the wrong reasons. Despite being only an hour
long, the movie moves incredibly slow thanks to unnecessarily long
dialogue scenes that go nowhere. We don't need or want dialogue with
this type of movie. We want lots of over-the-top violence and lots of
Gary Busey. When you have a loose cannon like Gary Busey (see here,
here, and here for proof) in your movie, just let him go nuts and
have him on screen as much as possible. We only get a little bit of
him and it's incredibly disappointing. The violence is good, but
should have been far more extreme. I almost feel bad for criticizing
a movie about a killer gingerbread man. Almost, but not enough to
stop me from doing it. The movie doesn't reach the “so bad it's
good” level of C-list movies and tends to annoy more than
entertain. And to make things worse, they made multiple sequels. If you're with a group of friends or have been drinking
heavily, you may get a sarcastic laugh or two out of The Gingerdead
Man. If not, do yourself a favor and avoid it and stick with donuts.
Be sure to check out another review of The Gingerdead Man by Josh Langland (@TheHorrorGuru) from Blood Splattered Cinema. It's far funnier than the actual movie. Buse-anity!
2.5/10
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