Day 362: End Of Days

End Of Days

Schwarzenegger should never be sad. He should always be punching something.

Arnold Schwarzenegger fights Satan on the eve of the new millennium. That plot sounds like it was written on the back of a high school notebook next to “Metallica Rulez” and doodles of pirates battling ninjas. While it sounds like a wacky idea it also sounds like a fun one. Schwarzenegger is not exactly known for his work in horror and the supernatural so the idea of him battling the forces of evil is at least different. Even in the late 90's, Arnold was still a draw as an action hero and slightly more believable battling the devil than, say, Jean-Claude Van Damme or Steven Seagal. Add in a well-rounded cast and some fun special effects and you can't go wrong, right?

End Of Days is a 1999 supernatural horror/action movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger (The Running Man, Total Recall) as retired cop Jericho Cane and Gabriel Byrne (Stigmata, The Usual Suspects) as Satan. In 1979, newborn Christine York is chosen to bear Satan's child 20 year's later on the eve of the new millennium. The Pope sends out priests all over the glove to find the child and protect her from Satan. Twenty years later, Satan comes to Earth and possesses a Wall Street Banker, leaving death and destruction in his wake. Jericho Cane is assigned to protect the banker, unaware of his true nature, and saves him from an assassin. The would-be killer is revealed to be a priest named Thomas Aquinas (Derrick O'Connor, Dardevil, Deep Rising) who was sent to protect Christine. Jericho and his partner Bobby Chicago (Kevin Pollack, Wayne's World, Canadian Bacon) discover Aquinas's hideout and eventually find a now-adult Christine York (Robin Tunney, The Craft, Empire Records). She is attacked by the Vatican Knights, a group of Catholics that believe the only way to prevent the End of Days is by killing her. Jericho saves her, but Bobby is killed by Satan in an explosion. As Jericho and Christine escape, they first stopped by Christine's adoptive mother and fellow police officer Marge (CCH Pounder, Warehouse 13, Avatar), both who are in league with Satan. Satan visits Jericho in his apartment and tries to tempt him, offering to reunite him with his murdered wife and daughter. He refuses and shoots Satan to no avail. Eventually, Christine is captured by Satan and taken to a secret location in order to fulfill his evil mission. With New Years fast approaching, how will Jericho be able to save Christine and defeat the devil himself?

Don't leave the Prince of Darkness hanging

On the surface, the basic premise of End Of Days doesn't sound that bad. Sure, it's been done before and is fairly cliché, but it's not a terrible idea. Throwing in a mega star like Arnold Schwarzenegger, even at a price tag of $25 million, sounds even better. Unfortunately, that's where the good ideas end. The movie is a poor patchwork of various other Satanic horror movies and the final product is a confused mess that is high on explosions, but low on logic. It's never really clear why Satan chose the body that he did or why he chose to stay in it for so long. If he can control people, why does he have so much trouble finding and keeping Christine? Why is Jericho able to resist his control? Why does he need protection at the beginning of the movie in the first place? And if both the Vatican and Satan's minions have been planning for this event for two decades, why are they both completely inept? If the movie went at a quick pace, maybe some of these gaping plot hole. Instead we get a movie over two hours long full of extended fight scenes. I like fights and explosions as much as the next person, but it really kills any horror and suspense that the movie may have had. Another thing in the movie that I really didn't like was the hyper-sexual nature of the story. The entire plot is based on Satan raping a girl and along the way, he molests a few other women. There is even one scene involving incest. Implying these things would have been bad enough, but they are up front and in your face. It made me quite uncomfortable and took my focus away from the rest of the movie.

When you think of a depressed, suicidal cop from New York, do you think of Arnold Schwarzenegger? Of course not, which makes his casting in the role of Jericho Cane (nice name) a little strange. He does his best to show emotion and range, but really, it's just Arnold Schwarzenegger. He runs, he jumps, he shoots. He gets a lot of help from a pretty good cast that includes Kevin Pollack, CCH Pounder, Rod Steiger, and Udo Kier. Gabriel Byrne is out of place in his role since Satan is strangely portrayed not as evil, but mischievous. There was one funny scene where Satan told a skateboarder that he liked his “Satan Rules” shirt. The movie's soundtrack is also notable as it is a snapshot of what was popular at the time. Songs from bands like Korn, Limp Bizkit, Rob Zombie, Eminem and a new song from Guns N' Roses find their way into the movie at random intervals. The movie uses a lot of special effects, some good while others look dated through modern eyes. Thanks to international numbers and DVD sales, the movie did fairly well, but not as well as studios were expecting. Maybe the world just wasn't ready for a depressed Arnold and a goofy Satan.

Look at that emotion!

End Of Days sounds decent on paper. It has a big-name star, a good supporting cast, lots of violence, special effects, and a hip soundtrack. Unfortunately, the movie's story is all over the place, leaving huge plot holes and focusing more on action than horror. There aren't many scares to be had and certain overly-sexual scenes will make just about everyone reach for the remote. Both Arnold Schwarzenegger and Gabriel Byrne look out of place in the movie. No one wants to see a depressed Arnold trying to show emotion and no one wants a boring Satan. End Of Days is good for a nostalgia trip and for an explosion fix. That's about it.

4.5/10

Day 315: The Amityville Horror

The Amityville Horror

Home is where the horror is

The haunted house, as a means of delivering horror, goes far beyond film. Stories have been passed down through the generations, speaking of evil spirits and unholy things that dwell within our own homes. We've all been alone in a house and felt a creeping uneasiness. We know full well that no one else is home, but are sure that there is something “else” with us. Creaking floors, settling foundations, doors that never stay closed; while these may have simple explanations, the mind runs wild with fear and anticipation. It's this real-life fear that allows the haunted house story to still strike fear into the hearts of an eager audience.

The Amityville Horror is a 1979 horror film based on the the book of the same name written by Jay Anson. The story is said to be based on real-life paranormal events witnessed by the Lutz family. The movie stars James Brolin (The Car, The Cape Town Affair) as George Lutz and Margot Kidder (Superman, Black Christmas) as his wife Kathy. An unknown assailant murders an entire family without a motive in a house in Amityville, New York. Years later, George and Kathy Lutz purchase the house and move in with Kathy's three children. While George is not religious, Kathy asks Father Delaney (Rod Steiger, On The Waterfront, Oklahoma!) to bless their new house. He experiences trouble while trying to do his blessings, including trouble breathing, a door inexplicably shutting and being surrounded by flies, despite being out of season. He hears a disembodied voice yell “Get out!” and overcome with sickness, Father Delaney flees. As the days go by, George starts to change, becoming more sullen and aggressive. He ignores his work and the family finances, causing Kathy to become afraid. Her daughter Amy also begins to act strangely, saying she has a new invisible friend named Jody. When Kathy's sister, a nun, comes to visit, she immediately becomes sick in the house and leaves. When one of Kathy's boys has a window randomly shut on his hand, it becomes apparent that a malevolent force is present in the house. Father Delaney tries to use faith and prayer to rid the house of evil, but it follows him even to the church, eventually taking his eyesight. Research reveals that the house was built on a tribal burial ground and was once home to a devil worshiper. Will George be able to free himself from the grip of the house before it's too late?

"Oh, Choppy. You're the only one who gets me."

This was the first time I had watched The Amityville Horror and thanks to pop-culture references and spoofs, I had high expectations. The house in which the story is based on was actually for sale not too long ago, so that probably increased my desire to see the film. Sadly, I cam away very disappointed. When it was first released, the movie performed very well at the box office, earning more than $80 million. Perhaps my expectations were too high or maybe I've just seen too many horror movies, but I felt that the movie came off as middling and tedious. The story itself is interesting on the surface and the general mystery of what is going on with the house kept me interested. The payoff is rather weak, made all the more worse with an extra-long run time. The movie does go the religious route similar to The Exorcist, but it feels like they didn't know where to go with it. All the focus on Father Delaney could have been cut from the movie without any damage to the story itself. The is some excitement and action in the movie, but the blood and gore is pretty tame, even by 1970's standards.

It's not all terrible, though. There are some very good, recognizable scenes in the movie, such as George climbing the stairs with an axe, the walls bleeding, and Father Delaney being surrounded by flies. The music is also very good, receiving an Academy Award nomination for composer Lalo Schifirin. James Brolin is good in his role that requires a wide range of emotion. He is able to pull off both a loving husband and a deranged maniac convincingly. Margot Kidder is alright, but overacts in certain scenes. The same could be said for some supporting roles as well. The direction is good thanks to some creative angles and letting scenes run their course. The editing was a little bit off, at least to me, as certain scenes felt like they came out of nowhere. 

The flies love Father Shitface

I expected a lot out of The Amityville Horror, but it didn't meet my expectations. The film is slow most of the time, but there are a few good scares and jolts. The music is good and there are some fun, iconic scenes. The movie is a little too long and the acting could have been better. The mystery is enough to keep the movie going, but the ending was not very satisfying. By today's standards, the movie lacks the necessary violence and blood to be truly thrilling. It's fun to know that there is an actual house where the movie was based on, even though the movie was actually filmed in Toms River, New Jersey. While The Amityville Horror isn't great by any means, it still has it's moments and is a good starter movie for people who do not like horror.

5.5/10

Day 274: The Reaping

The Reaping

Read 'em and reap

Religion and horror. I've said it before and I'll say it again. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. Most religious-based horror revolves around possession and exorcism, but there are a few that try to go a different route. Or, more accurately, they try to portray themselves going a different route in hopes that the audience thinks they're being original. Throw in some special effects and an Academy award-winning actress, and you have yourself The Reaping.

The Reaping is a 2007 horror movie starring Hillary Swank (Million Dollar Baby, Boys Don't Cry) as Katherine Winter. Katherine is a current professor at Louisiana State University specializing in debunking supposed religious miracles. She is also a former ordained minister who lost her faith after her husband and daughter were killed during a missionary trip to Sudan. Katherine receives a call from her former missionary partner, Father Michael Costigan (Stephen Rea, The Crying Game, V For Vendetta) saying he has received a warning from God that she is in trouble. Doug Blackwell (David Morrissey, The Other Boleyn Girl, Basic Instinct 2), a science teacher from the small town of Haven, comes to Katherine asking for her help. The river by the town has turned red and the locals believe it is a plague brought on by a young girl named Loren McConnell (AnnaSophia Robb, Race To Witch Mountain, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). They think that Loren killed her older brother in the river and that God is punishing the town. Along with her colleague Ben (Idris Elba, American Gangster, Thor), Katherine travels to the town and tests the red water. There, Katherine meets Loren and has a vision of Loren turning the water into blood. At the same time, Ben witnesses frogs falling from the trees. Soon, lice infect the town and the livestock dies. It appears that the 10 plagues of Egypt are now befalling the town. Katherine gives scientific explanations as to why things are happening, but people do not believe her. As the investigation continues, Katherine has more visions of Loren seemingly killing her brother. She meets Loren's mother, who has a strange symbol carved into the door of her home. Loren attacks her mother and Katherine flees. She calls Father Costigan, who explains that the symbol is from a satanic cult that sacrifices the second born in an attempt to create a child with “the eyes of the Devil” to bring them to power. He also tells her of an angel being sent to destroy them. The plague of boils strikes the town and a mob forms to kill the girl. A plague of locust, controlled by Loren, swarm the mob. Will Katherine be able to stop Loren before the town kills her or is there more to the story than she knows?

Who set the heat lamp to "Kentucky Fried"?

Initially, I thought The Reaping might have been a different sort of religion-based horror movies. I'm not really sure why, but it probably has something to do with the use of the ten plagues. I like the use of the plagues as a plot device since most people know what's coming, but isn't sure when or how it will be done. Beyond that, though, The Reaping plays out like every other religious horror movie cliche. We have the crisis of faith from a formerly religious character, the town of religious zealots, and the outcast “satanic” family. Just in case that wasn't painfully obvious, we're given a character named Katherine Winter. They might as well have named her Jesus Neverbelieve. The spirituality in the movie is particularly shallow and not believable. I appreciate that the movie tries to give a scientific explanation for the plagues, but about halfway through, Katherine just kind of accepts things. When the movie focuses on cults and rituals, it became obvious that The Reaping was no different from other movies and I essentially stopped caring.

My biggest issue with the movie comes within the last 15 minutes. The Reaping goes from “boring, but passable” to “screaming headlong into the fiery pits of lunacy”. They give their little twist, which isn't very surprising and comes off as cheap and meaningless. Then they slap the audience with a ridiculous and implausible ending, complete with horrendous special effects. They should have just cut out the ending and left some things to the imagination. Instead, we get everything laid out in a surprising display of bad film making. The cast tries to rise above the cliched story and poor film making. Hillary Swank and Idris Elba actually have a very organic chemistry together which helped the characters feel more natural. They tried to portray AnnaSophia Robb as creepy or scary, but she's just too cute for the evil villain role. The movie does have some action and a bit of violence, but not enough for your average horror fan. 

"It's not  blood, it's chocolate milk! No wait...it's blood."

The Reaping comes from a long line of tired religious horror movies that all seem to fall into the same traps. You pretty much know what is going to happen about halfway through the movie. The religious issues are delivered in a ham-fisted way and the final act is just horrendous. The big reveal is neither exciting nor interesting and the special effects are laughable. The use of the plagues are fun to see, but that's about all that is interesting in the movie. The acting is fine, but it's not enough to overcome a weak story and bad film making. The Reaping had a chance to be unique, but settled for something we've seen many times before.

3.5/10

Day 239: The Sentinel

The Sentinel

Originally titled "The Bumblebee"

Religion and horror go together like peanut butter and jelly. They serve as the perfect foil for one another, the holy and the unclean. Why there are some horror movies that touch on other religions, the main one used in most horror is Christianity/Catholicism. In exorcism movies, there is always need for a priest or holy man. In vampire movies, a cross is frequently used to ward off the creatures of the night. There are even holiday-themed horror movies based around Christian holidays such as Black Christmas and Silent Night, Deadly Night. A cursory search of Christianity in horror movies brings up a slew of websites asking if it is OK for Christians to watch horror movies. Many of these movies could be interpreted as anti-Christian while some may see the same movie as pro-Christian. Regardless of what you believe in, the imagery used in these movies is very powerful and can help a horror movie gain a sense of importance for people.

The Sentinel is a 1977horror movie starring Cristina Raines (Nightmares, Sunshine) as fashion model Alison Parker. Alison learns that her father has become ill and dies shortly after. As a young child, she witnessed her father having a bizarre sexual encounter with other women and tried to take her life. Despite living with her boyfriend, Michael Lerman (Chris Sarandon, Child's Play, Bordello of Blood), Alison is determined to find her own place to live. Her search leads her to a brownstone house in Brooklyn, New York. The top floor is inhabited by a blind priest named Father Halloran (John Carradine, The Ten Commandments, The Grapes of Wrath) who just sits at the window, staring into space. She meets other neighbors, such as the eccentric Charles Chazen (Burgess Meredith, Rocky, Magic) and a lesbian couple that makes her incredibly uncomfortable. Alison begins to have bouts of passing out and other medical conditions while living at the apartment. She beings to hear footsteps and strange noises in the apartment above her. When she speaks to the realtor, Alison learns that the house is only occupied by the priest and herself. She visits a local church, where she meets a priest who gives her guidance and tells her to reaccept Christ in her life. The priest is in fact part of a secret order of Catholic priests who actually own the building she lives in. Michael begins to investigate and uncovers a conspiracy wherein every religious figure that lived in the house went through most of their life as another person and had attempted suicide. He also finds a file with Alison's information, stating that Father Halloran will die and Alison is to take his place tomorrow. It is revealed that the building is the gateway to Hell and Alison is to be the guardian, keeping the demons from escaping. The people she believed to be neighbors were in fact devils and they are trying to keep her from becoming the next guardian. Will Alison succumb to the will of Hell or become the next sentinel?

Jesus! Where?

The majority of The Sentinel is a mystery movie with only the last 15 minutes being true horror. The mystery is just enough to keep the audience interested because we want to know just what the hell is happening. It would have been nice to have more action as there isn't much to go on. The movie does a good job of teasing out the answer with Alison's condition worsening and including references to the secret society throughout. The movie does slow down though when the focus shifts from Alison to Michael. There is a subplot with Michael and two detectives who are chasing after him due to the mysterious death of his first wife. Nothing ever really comes of it and it just serves to take away the focus from Alison which is far more interesting than anything going on with Michael. The only good part about it is that one of the detectives is a young Christopher Walken. When the movie finally goes into full horror-mode, it goes all the way. The apartment fills with hideous demons and deformed monsters pursuing Alison while Charles Chazen tries to convince her to commit suicide. The use of actual disfigured people and circus performers add authenticity to the movie, though it did create some controversy when the movie was originally released. Regardless, their looks and the general atmosphere are particularly scary and unsettling.

As far as Catholic-based horror movies go, The Sentinel is light on scripture but heavy on imagery. Since I am not a Catholic, this doesn't really mean much to me and it occasionally became annoying to sit through. The cast has an impressive list of movies under it's respective belt. Burgess Meredith is great as the eccentric and almost whimsical Charles Chazen, but he really shines as the evil Chazen. Cristina Raines is a little flat through the film and I would have liked more emotion from her. Same could be said for Chris Sarandon especially when the movie focuses on him. There are a few bit roles for actors that are now better known such as the aforementioned Christopher Walken, Jeff Goldblum, and Tom Berenger. The direction is good, though very much entrenched in the aesthetics of 70's film-making with musical flourishes in-between scenes that no longer exists in modern films.

Just another night in Philadelphia

The Sentinel has an intriguing mystery for a rather plain story, but the final act is highly entertaining and legitimately unsettling. While the mystery is solid, I could have used a little more foreshadowing as the revelation that the building holds the gates of Hell seems to come out of nowhere. I also would have liked a little more horror in the movie, especially when the police subplot threatens to derail the entire movie. The movie tries to makeup with the lack of horror by cramming in 15 minutes of it at the end. It's a great 15 minutes as the “devils” look very scary and Burgess Meredith creates a terrifying atmosphere. The Sentinel has some very good moments and while it's not amazing, it is still an interesting watch.

6.5/10

Day 129: 5ive Girls

5ive Girls

I'd rather be at Five Guys

Ron Perlman is pretty awesome. He's been an actor on the big and small for many years and has lent his voice to the popular cartoon, Teen Titans. Heck, anyone that can play the weird 80's Beast from Beauty and the Beast show and still have a career should be praised anyway. His run as main character from the Hellboy franchise is probably one of his most popular roles, but he's also starred in a few horror movies as well. He's been in I Sell The Dead, Mutant Chronicles, and Alien Resurrection just to name a few. While the quality of his horror movies range from good to not so good, Ron Perlman has always been a a bright spot. Can the same be said for the movie with a number in it's name instead of a letter? Would Ron Perlman be able to make a possession movie be exciting?

5ive Girls is a 2006 Canadian horror movie starring Ron Perlman (Enemy At The Gates, Hellboy) as Father Drake and Jennifer Miller (Lucky Number Slevin, American Pie: The Naked Mile) as Alex, a young woman with psychic powers. Five years ago, a student at the Catholic school St. Mark's named Elizabeth was attacked by a demonic force. Father Drake rushed to save her, but was powerless to stop the demon, and Elizabeth vanished without a trace. Cut to the present day, St. Mark's has just reopened as a sort of reform school for five troubled girls. Under the strict rule of Headmistress Pearce (Amy LaLonde), Alex and the four other girls are subjected to harsh punishments. Alex begins to have visions of Elizabeth roaming the halls and reveals this to the other girls. It turns out they all have supernatural powers and abilities, Connie is a conduit, Mara can heal, Leah can pass through objects, and Cecilia has ESP. It turns out that Miss Pearce has actually brought the girls together in an effort to conduct a satanic ritual that will bring Elizabeth back. Each girl is possessed and murdered by the demon Legion of New Testament fame, bringing Miss Pearce closer to bringing back Elizabeth, who turns out to be her sister. With Father Drake dead, will Alex and Mara be able to stop Legion and Miss Pearce?

Shalom!

I posted a question earlier asking if Ron Perlman could make a generic movie great. To answer that question in one word, “No.” In two words, “Hell no.” In three, “Hell fucking no!” That's not to say Perlman doesn't put in a good performance, because he does, it's just not enough to pull the movie out of the depths of cliché hell. I do think it's funny though that a nice Jewish boy like Ron has played a priest in more than one movie.  All the usual religious/satanic symbols and symbolism are present; the pentagrams, the “demonic” voice, the blood, the crosses. Even if you haven't watched many of these movies, you'll feel like you've seen it all before and will be endlessly bored. With these movies, there is the possibility where you may actually learn something. As a non-Christian/Catholic, I was not particularly familiar with who or what Legion is. They gave a quick description, certainly not enough to really explain the whole backstory and just why the hell he made Elizabeth disappear and why he's back now.

Beyond the weak story, the problems lie within the acting and the special effects. The acting ranges from passable to cringe-worthy. The direction is off in some places, with angsty rock music being played in scenes that don't really need it. It doesn't help that they are given some truly terrible dialogue that sounds like it came from a bad CW teen soap drama. Some jokes and witty banter are tossed in and it just kills the flow of the movie. The special effects are pretty bad and really hurt the overall horror. There are some action scenes, but the overall feel of Catholic school girls running around comes off more like a soft core adult film.

Those effects are "special" alright

5ive Girls (not to be confused with the instrumental metal band or the boy band 5ive) is a typical religion vs. Satan story that has nothing going for it beyond Ron Perlman. I may not have watched the movie if he wasn't starring in it. He does a fine job, but he gets zero help from his supporting cast. The story is painfully cliched, the acting is poor, and the effects are unfortunate. By the end, I didn't care if the characters lived, died, or mushrooms grew out of their asses. Wait, that last one might have at least been interesting. Overall, 5ive Girls will give you the sense of deja vu from a movie you already hate.

3/10