Day 336: The Horde (La Horde)

The Horde

Hordehouse

When you've seen a lot of zombie movies, they all start to blend together. When you need your zombie fix, you have to find movies with something special to separate them from the pack. Sometimes it's a gimmick like zombie soldiers or zombies in outer space. Sometimes it's absurd amounts of gore and violence. And other times it's as simple as being in a different language. Now that horror movies are cheaper to make and widely distributed across the globe, there has been an influx in scary international movies. For today's review, we go to France where I have already reviewed one movie, Frontier(s). I really enjoyed that one so I was looking forward to seeing some French zombies chow down.

The Horde (also known as La Horda) is a 2009 French zombie movie starring Eriq Ebouraney (Lamumba, Transporter 3) as notorious drug dealer Adewale Markudi and Jean-Pierre Martins (Empire Of The Wolves, Felina And The Master Of Darkness) as policeman Ouesse. Following the murder of one of their fellow police officers, Ouesse, Aurore (Claude Perron, Amelie, Bernie), Jimenez, and Tony plan to avenge his death by killing his murders. The gang is lead by Adewale Markudi, a well-armed Nigerian who lives in a nearly abandoned high rise. As the group of policemen are about to raid Markudi's apartment, the buildings superintendent accidentally interrupts and Markudi gets the drop on them. The tie up one cop and Markudi's brother Bola (hip-hop artist Doudou Masta) shoots him multiple times. As they are preparing to execute Ouesse, Aurore and Tony, the dead cop awakens as a flesh-eating zombie, biting members from the gang. The gang shoot him multiple times, but he does not fall until he is finally shot in the head. Chaos reigns as an unexplained zombie plague spreads across France. The police and gang are forced to work together in order to escape the high rise and make it to safety. Along the way Aurore and Tony are separated from the group. Tony is bitten and Aurore eventually shoots him. An uneasy truce is formed between Ouesse and Markudi. The meet an old soldier named Rene (Yves Pignot) who has been fighting off zombies with an ax. Together, they raid the superintendent's apartment for weapons and begin the long descent to the ground. Will they be able to survive the zombies and each other?

"Who wants a piece of me? Oh, right. All of you. Crap."

The movie's main selling point is that it's filled with loads and loads of blood and gore. Blood is on the actors, on the floors, on the walls and everything else. If you like your zombie movies violent, then you'll be pleased. The Horde tends to rely more on computerized effects than traditional makeup and blood. Certain scenes look very good while others look blatantly fake. There is one very good scene where the audience can see the destruction of the city from the reflection in glass doors. It is subtle yet powerful. Later, they show direct shots of the city in flames and it looks too much like a green screen. Of course, you may not be too happy with how certain things in the movie play out. The characters learn fairly quickly that shooting a zombie in the head kills it. Despite this knowledge, they spend the rest of the movie shooting zombies everywhere but the head. They also learn that bites change people fairly quickly, but when one of Greco, one of the gang members, is bitten in the leg, they don't just shoot him. There are also multiple hand-to-hand fight scenes with zombies that, while looking good, doesn't seem like a smart idea. They are intent on surviving, but choose to ignore some very important facts.

For better or worse, the movie is very bleak. It's not the bleakness that bothers me so much as the predictability and pointlessness. You pretty much know how things are going to end and it's fairly disappointing. While it makes sense in the full context of the story, it also makes a lot of the story rather moot. There is some social commentary and the movie questions who really are the good guys and bad guys. The movie has great action and a few scenes worthy of a “best of” zombie clip show. The acting is good with Eriq Ebouraney putting in the best performance. I was happy that the movie was in French with subtitles rather than being dubbed. Dubbing rarely works and takes away from the quality of acting. There aren't a lot of cultural barriers so those not familiar with France and the French language shouldn't feel intimidated before watching. 

Avon calling!

The Horde could be considered a gorefest, though it's mostly just blood instead of guts. There is a lot of violence and good action scenes. The story is just OK, favoring action over substance. The basic premise of a police raid on an apartment reminds me of one of the opening scenes in the original Dawn Of The Dead. It's fairly obvious where things are going and the ending is disappointing, if expected. The acting and directing are good with some really enjoyable scenes spread throughout the film. The social commentary is passable, but it doesn't break any new ground or force the audience to change their way of thinking. The Horde is good if you're just looking for a zombie shoot-em-up filled with lots of blood and guns. If you need something deeper or unexpected, try elsewhere.

6.5/10

Day 287: Tales From The Hood

Tales From The Hood

Skull-Faced Killah

Horror anthologies are great for many reasons. You get multiple stories in one film. If you don't like one, you have others to look forward to. Don't want a vampire story? Well, wait a few minutes and you'll get a zombie story. Anthologies give short stories a chance to reach a wider audience as well. How many times have you seen a horror movie stretched out over an hour and a half when a 20 minute short would have sufficed? They get to the point because they have to, cutting out all of the filler and going straight to the killer.

Tales From The Hood is a 1995 urban-themed horror anthology written and directed by Rusty Cundieff (Fear Of A Black Hat, Chapelle's Show) and executive produced by Spike Lee (Do The Right Thing, Crooklyn). Broken down into four stories, the movie begins with a trio of drug dealers, Stack, Ball, and Bulldog going to Simms's Funeral Home in South Central Los Angeles. The group is at the funeral home to purchase “found” drugs from the strange funeral home director, Mr. Simms (Clarence Williams III, The Mod Squad, Half-Baked). Before getting down to business, Mr. Simms takes the men through his funeral home, telling them stories of his four recent “customers”.

You won't see any worse at your local bus stop

Rogue Cop Revelation

The first story is a tale of racism, police brutality, and responsibility. On his first night on the job, police officer Clarence Smith (Anthony Griffith, Panther, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle)

witness three white police officers beating on a black man. The man turns out to be famed civil rights activist Martin Moorehouse (Tom Wright, Marked For Death, Barbershop). Moorehouse has been crusaded against police corruption and the three cops are taking their revenge out on him for exposing them. Clarence stops them and is placated when they promise to take Moorehouse to the hospital. After he leaves, the inject Moorehouse with heroin and send his car off the docks, killing him. A year later, Clarence has quit the force and his life has fallen to pieces due to alcohol and the guilt of not saving Moorehouse. He sees a mural of Moorehouse and hears his voice, commanding “Bring them to me!”. Clarence gathers the guilty police men at Moorehouse's grave. As one begins to urinate on the grave, a hand reaches up from the ground and grabs him. Martin Moorehouse has risen from the grave to gain revenge on those who wronged him. Will Moorehouse be able to rest easy or has Clarence not done enough to placate the vengeful spirit?

Traffic in LA keeps getting worse and worse

It's important to remember that Tales From The Hood came out in 1995, not too long after the LA riots. The high-profile case involving Rodney King was still fresh in people's minds around this time. There are still many cases of police brutality and racism, but this case was huge. Rogue Cop Revelation's story is simple and straight to the point. The motivations are all believable and the social commentary is strong while not being too heavy-handed. There is a good amount of violence and some fun and creative kills. The issue of morality and responsibility is also brought up, though it should have been explored a little bit more. Some more inner toil for Clarence would have given his character a bit more depth. The effects look decent, though certain scenes, like flying syringe's, look amateurish. While this story doesn't break any new ground, it's still a fun revenge story with some great violence

7.5/10

Boys Do Get Bruised

The second story follows Walter (Brandon Hammond, Space Jam, The Fan), a young boy with a secret living in his home. His teacher, Mr. Richard Garvy (Rusty Cundieff) notices that Walter has bruises on his face and asks Walter how he got them. Walter just says that “the monster” did it. One day, Mr. Garvy sees Walter drawing pictures of a monster instead of playing outside. Walter explains that if you draw pictures of the things that scare you and then crumple them up or burn them, the monsters will go away. When Mr. Garvy leaves, Walter crumples up a picture of a boy named Tyrone who was bullying him. At the same time, Tyrone falls down the stairs, breaking both arms and legs. Mr. Garvy goes to Walter's house to speak with his mother Sissy, but she refuses to talk about any sort of monster. As he is leaving, Mr. Garvy meets Sissy's boyfriend Carl (David Alan Grier, In Living Color, Blankman). Thinking that Walter has told on him about being a monster, Carl starts beating on both Walter and Sissy, yelling in a monstrous voice. Mr. Garvy tries to stop him, but is overpowered. How will they be able to stop this monster?

He's not a monster. He's just Republican.

This story is probably has the least amount of traditional horror in comparison to the other stories, but that doesn't diminish it's impact. Like Rogue Cop Revelation, the events in Boys Do Get Bruised are very much based on real life issues, which helps lead credence to the story. I'm not entirely sure if Carl is actually a monster or not. Sure, it's hinted at with his scary voice and clawed hand, but conceivably that could have just been Walter's imagination. I would have liked a little more definitive evidence of Carl being a monster. It doesn't change the story, since he is a monster regardless of his looks or origin, but it would have made the story more horror-centric. I really liked David Alan Grier in this story as it was nice to see him in a non-comedic role. Much like Stephen Colbert in his episode of Law & Order, seeing David Alan Grier as a bad guy is quite surprising. Boys Do Get Bruised is a decent story with a good ending, but it does lack in the horror department.

7/10

KKK Comeuppance

The third story follows southerner Duke Metger (Corbin Bernsen, Major League, The Dentist), a former Ku Klux Klan member in the midst of his senatorial campaign. Duke has moved into an old Southern plantation that had a history of violence towards slave. There is a story about the plantation about an old voodoo woman who placed the souls of murdered slaves into little dolls that are supposedly hidden in the house. Duke's assistant is running through campaign talking points when he accidentally falls down the stairs and dies. Duke reviews the film later and finds a little African American doll sitting at the top of the stairs. Later, he notices a spot missing on a mural of the dolls in his house. He is viciously attacked by the same doll that tripped his assistant, but is able to fight it off, spouting racial slurs the entire time. Soon, more spots are missing on the painting, indicating that more dolls have come to life and are somewhere in the house. How will Duke survive and will anyone believe him?

Sir, please don't use the American flag to wipe up your fear piss

This story is probably the most horror-centric of the four. There really isn't much to the story other than a racist fights off slave dolls. The story could have used a little better social commentary as this is pretty basic and does not delve deeper when it should have. Corbin Bernsen is great as the racist Southern senator. You really hate him and want to see him die every time he utters a slur. It's a compliment to his acting ability considering a majority of the story is done by himself. The dolls have a very creepy look to them and combined with their viciousness, can be quite scary. This story also includes some stop-motion animation, which looks OK for the time, but could have been better. There is a decent amount of action and one very gory scene at the end.

7.5/10

Hard-Core Convert

The final story in tells the tale of gang-banger Crazy K (Lamont Bentley, Moesha, The Parkers), an acquaintance of the three men visiting the funeral home. After a life of violence and murder, Crazy K is shot by three unseen assailants and taken to prison. He is offered a chance at getting out early by Dr. Cushing (Rosalind Cash, The Omega Man, Wrong Is Right). The only catch is that he has to go through an experimental rehabilitation program. K is placed in a cell next to a white supremacist who talks about killing blacks. Angered, K punches him in the face only to cause the supremacist to laugh. He asks K what race were the people that he killed, silencing K. Dr. Cushing puts K through a series of borderline-torture exercises, showing him the consequences of his actions. He is forced to watch scenes of gang violence coupled with pictures of lynchings and the KKK. K is put in a sensory deprivation chamber and starts seeing all of his murder victims. He rejects his responsibility and Dr. Cushing warns him that he will not be given a second chance. Will Crazy K own up to his mistakes and how are Stack, Ball, and Bulldog connected to it?

In Europe, people pay good money for this treatment

Hard-Core Convert has a heavy social message and brings up the issue of responsibility in today's society. It's well done and brings up import issues. I can see where some people may be turned off if they're just looking for a simple horror movie. I was very uneasy about seeing the real-life pictures of lynchings, but that's the point of showing them. It does border on shaming the audience, but real-life horrors are far more disturbing than anything a movie can produce. This story does have a fair amount of psychological horror, but not a lot in the way of traditional horror. The social message is the main purpose of the story and some may be turned off by it. It's still a decent story and with an important message.

6.5/10

Overall, Tales From The Hood is a fun horror anthology with a lot of variety. The cast is very strong with some good performances coming from David Alan Grier, Tom Wright, and Clarence Williams III. While some stories are better than others, none are bad and offer the audience something different. There are some fun death scenes and a good amount of violence and gore. The movie has a lot of social commentary which will understandably turn off some viewers. I never felt lectured at and never felt that the movie was geared towards a different audience. I'm surprised that there haven't been any sequels to Tales From The Hood. Other urban horror anthologies have come out, like Snoop Dogg's Hood Of Horror and Nite Tales, but neither hold a candle to Tales From The Hood.

7.5/10

Day 267: Resident Evil: Retribution

Resident Evil: Retribution

Resident Evil: Photoshop

When you reach the fifth installment in anything (movies, books, video games, meals) you already have a pretty good idea of what is going to happen. You could never see a Friday The 13^th movie, but you already know who Jason Voorhees is and what he looks like. It's important to keep things fresh while not straying too far from the formula that got the movie where it is in the first place. It's a fine line to walk and not always the easiest. Once again, look at Friday the 13^th: They ran out of ideas and eventually shot Jason in space just to give him something else to do. The Hellraiser series is the worst offended, eventually sending Pinface and the rest of the Cenobites into cyberspace. The point is, it actually takes effort and love to make a movie entertaining and relevant when it's already been done multiple times.

Resident Evil: Retribution is the fifth installment of the Resident Evil horror/action series starring Milla Jovovich (The Fifth Element, Ultra Violent) as Alice. After a brief recap of the past 4 movies, which you can read reviews of here, here, and here) the movie picks up where Resident Evil: Afterlife left off. I strongly suggest you read the other reviews first, because this one will be hard to follow if you don't know what occurs in those movies). After being attacked on the rescue ship “Arcadia”, Alice wakes up in a surburban home, married to the supposedly dead Carlos Olivera (Oded Fehr, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, The Mummy) and mother to a hearing-impaired girl named Becky (Aryana Engineer, Orphan). Their perfect world is quickly shattered when zombies swarm their neighborhood, killing Carlos. Alice and Becky flee into the street and get a ride from the long-dead Rain Ocampo (Michelle Rodriguez, Resident Evil, Machete). They are hit by a truck and Alice and Becky run into a house, trying to hide from the zombies. It is revealed that all the people involved in this scenario are just clones. The real Alice awakens inside an Umbrella Corporation base and is interrogated by a mind-controlled Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Eragon). The Red Queen, the computer program created by Umbrella, is determined to recapture Alice or kill her if necessary. During a power failure, Alice escapes her cell and arrives in what appears to be Tokyo. She fights off a horde of zombies and manages to escape into a control room. There she meets Umbrella rogue agent Ada Wong (Li Bingbing, 1911, The Knot) who has teamed with Albert Wesker (Shawn Roberts, Resident Evil: Afterlife Diary Of The Dead) to fight the Red Queen and her zombie hordes. Wesker reveals that the Umbrella base is actually underwater and ice in Russia and that a team has been dispatched to meet her. The team is made up of Leon Kennedy, Barry Burton and Luther West (Boris Kodjoe, Resident Evil: Afterlife, The Gospel). The base is a training ground, complete with human clones, used to show governments the effects of Umbrella's biological weapons in urban settings. Alice and Ada must travel through multiple areas to meet the group and escape. After going through New York City and fighting to Axemen, Alice and Ada arrive in the suburbs and find Becky still alive. Becky believes that this Alice is her mother and is unaware that she is actually a clone. They have to fight off “bad” clones of Rain, Carlos, and James “One” Shade (Colin Salmon, Resident Evil, Punisher: War Zone). Ada is captured with Alice and Becky escaping with the “good” Rain into Moscow. There they meet up with their rescue group and try to escape the compound. Will they be able to stop the Red Queen and escape in time?

"Ugh, nothing gets zombie blood out!"

In the era of reboots and sequels, it is actually impressive that Resident Evil has managed to last this long with the same actors and actresses. It's always good to see a movie, far into it's story, recognize past events and characters and Retribution does this in spades. We get characters and references to every movie and video games as well. As I've sad before, I'm not much of a video game player, but I was still able to pick up on some references, such as a chainsaw-wielding zombie in the Moscow scene. Of course, if you don't know anything about the video games, this comes off as completely random. Cool, but random. Speaking of video games, Retribution is completely laid-out like a video game, complete with different levels and even end bosses. The previous movies all had a similar feel, but this one was the most obvious. Of course, this did allow the movie to show zombie outbreaks in fun and different locations. We've seen zombie Nazis in Dead Snow and Zombie Lake and now Resident Evil: Retribution has given us zombie Soviets. Ever wanted to see a zombie invasion in Times Square? Well now you can. I should mention that by setting scenes in Times Square and Tokyo, there is a lot of in-movie advertisements. It's a little obvious and slightly annoying to see a giant “Gamestop” sign in the middle of a video game movie. We get it.

Must...kill...Alice...weee!!!

The fifth movie in a zombie action movie is never going to be Citizen Kane. The writers know this, director Paul W.S. Anderson knows this, and the audience knows this. More attention is placed on great action sequences and stunning visual effects than a cohesive, complex story. Survival is the theme with lots of guns and explosions. While previous Resident Evil movies strayed from the original zombie path, Retribution makes up for it with one of the best zombie invasion scenes in recent memory. It's undoubtedly similar to the opening from the Dawn Of The Dead remake, but if you're going to be like a zombie movie, you couldn't do much better. Certain scenes or character motivations are questionable and require some willing suspension of disbelief. The fight scenes are the usual high-octane, popcorn-movie fodder full of unbelievable jumps and twists. The final fight scene, while fun to watch, goes on for way too long, especially when you find out that the movie doesn't end when they finish.

Well, I guess it's good she's wearing red

Milla Jovovich is as good as ever and I believe she is one of this generation's best action stars. I'm glad she has stuck with the Resident Evil series as her personality and ability plays well in these over-the-top scenarios. If they stuck someone else in her role, it just wouldn't work. The supporting cast is just as good, fitting into their characters well. This was Li Bingbing's first role in an American movie, much to my surprise, since she seemed so natural in her role. The movie is in both 2D and 3D, but I saw the 2D version. I am not particularly interested in the 3D gimmick and have only seen 3D movies when no other option was available. You can definitely tell in the 2D version which scenes were meant for 3D with all sorts of things flying at the screen in super slow-motion. Director Paul W.S. Anderson picks up where he left off in the previous movie with tons of fluid action and heavily computerized effects. We get all sorts of different angles to capture the action and plenty of slow-motion so we can see every shot and punch.

It's like a family reunion, but with way more guns (or way less, depending on your family)

If you've seen any previous Resident Evil movie, you pretty much know what you're going to get with Retribution. The movie is a believer in “if it ain't broke, don't fix it.” It is full of violence, action, blood, and a dash of intrigue and science fiction. This movie does a good job of giving nods to previous movies thanks to the inclusion of Michelle Rodriguez, Siena Guillory, Boris Kodjoe, Colin Salmon, and Oded Fehr. Milla Jovovich is very good, as always, and the supporting cast helps keep the movie going when she isn't on screen. There are also a few scenes taken from the video game series, but I'm sure hardcore gamers picked up more than I did. It was fun to get new characters like Ada Wong and Leon Kennedy, though I would have liked a little more background information on them. Retribution uses more zombies than in previous installments and uses them well. While you may not be enthralled by the uncomplicated story, you'll still enjoy all the action and violence. It's a Resident Evil movie, what more can you expect?

7/10

Day 259: The Zombie Diaries

The Zombie Diaries

Dear diary, why does this movie suck?

The United Kingdom has had a good run recently with zombie movies. 28 Days Later and Shaun Of The Dead were both huge successes in the zombie genre despite being two completely different movies. They told different stories, but still respected the genre and created fun and entertaining zombie movies. As I've said before, it's much easier making a bad zombie movie than a good one. Just about every horror fan thinks they have a good idea for a zombie movie. While an idea may sound good on paper, the movie's fate lies in good execution. Today, I turn back to the UK for another zombie movie in hopes of lightning striking a third time.

The Zombie Diaries is a 2006 independent horror movie later released through Dimension Extreme films. The movie is shot in the "found footage" style and is not presented the typical (and expected) linear format, so I'll try to do my best in explaining things. The movie is also split up into chapters to make things even more unnecessarily confusing. Set in England, the movie begins with reports of a viral outbreak originating in Asia. Compared to bird flu, initially the Western world ignores the danger until reports of the virus reach London's doorstep. In the first chapter "Outbreak", a documentary film crew goes out to the countryside to interview a farmer dealing with the outbreak. When they reach the farm, they find no one is home and leave. Their car breaks down (of course) and they walk back to the farm and break in. They believe they are alone, but hear loud noises upstairs. They investigate only to find an eviscerated body and a zombie lumbering towards them. They run out into the words and try to plan their next move. The second chapter "The Scavengers" takes place one month after the first chapter and shows a separate group of people raiding a market for food and supplies. We now see the zombies have grow in number, despite being incredibly slow. In the third and final chapter entitled "The Survivors" we meet yet another group who have set up camp in a farm. They spend most of their time fighting zombies and bickering amongst themselves. One in the group, Goke, is particularly difficult to deal with. How are all these stories connected and how does Goke fit in with the first chapter?

Not-fast-enough food

There are good zombie movies, bad zombie movies, and zombie movies so horrendous that they make you want to completely give up on the genre. Look at that first picture at the top. That's the DVD cover to the movie. Looks pretty cool, right? Zombies emerging from a city in ruins and a badass protagonist ready to kick some undead ass. Yeah, the problem with that is there is no such scene in the movie. Not even close. The dupe people into thinking they're in for a fun zombie movie with lots of violence and action. Instead, we are forced to suffer through a pointless and insipid movie with the world's slowest zombies. I prefer slow zombies, but the ones in The Zombie Diaries move at the sound of smell. You could literally moonwalk past them and yet they are somehow able to sneak up and bite people. You would have to have your eyes closed, your nose plugged, and your fingers jammed into your ears while you loudly sing "Come Sail Away" in order to miss them.

As I've said in previous reviews, I'm not really a fan of "found footage", but done right, the style can create real scares. I felt it worked best in Cloverfield, but even Paranormal Activity had it's good moments. Above all else, both movies had a good reason for having a character hold a camera. It also boggles my mind that since this is supposed to be found footage, why the hell is their music during the movie? I mean, the music is really just electronic ambiance and swells, but in the characters' world, where did that sound come from? Did someone find the camera and then add music to it? Other than the original film crew, I have no idea why these other groups have cameras. It's never clear if it's the same camera being used and with all the time lapses and different groups, I have no way of taking a guess. Speaking of jumping around, when the movie switched from the first group to the second, I had no idea who these people were. Actually, I still don't know since their names are only mentioned once or twice and they're not particularly important.

Thrilling

 I know the filmmakers were trying to go for a big surprise ending, but the style just makes everything so confusing that I didn't even care. Normally, movies go from A to B to C. The Zombie Diaries went from A to Hot Dog to Elephant to B to C back to B to Beach Ball to A. They attempted at making social commentary, about man being the real danger, but it's presented in such a random way that it fell completely flat. Now that I think about it, there are barely any good zombie scenes in the movie.There is one or two scenes of gore and violence, but not nearly enough to even give the slightest hint at entertainment. The acting is "passable" with the best parts coming at the beginning when interviews are being conducted on the street asking about the outbreak. They're so good I think that they actually interviewed real people instead of hiring actors.

Horror fans have a certain expectation when it comes to zombie movies and The Zombie Diaries fails in every aspect. The story makes little to no sense and is a confused jumble of random characters that we feel nothing for. The zombies are incredibly slow and yet somehow manage to sneak up on some characters. There is no real reason why the characters continue to film and the addition of musical ambiance makes the style of shooting even more questionable. To my utter disbelief, they actually made a sequel to this movie. The only good thing this movie did was run for less than an hour and a half. At least they didn't bother to drag it out. Whatever you do, avoid The Zombie Diaries at all cost. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!

0/10

Day 206: The Dead

The Dead

You know my love will not fade away

With zombies being all the rage in horror now, writers and directors are in search of new ways to break away from the pack and be something special. Some use more special effects, or better makeup, or bigger stars, or viral campaigns to get the audience's attention. What many fail to realize is that while the blood, guts, and flesh-eating is a lot of fun and certainly memorable, it's the story that makes a lasting impact. If you don't have the story then nothing else really matters and you movie just becomes another zombie film, thrown into the dollar bin at a gas station, never to be viewed. Social commentary is also an important aspect of zombie movies, but many zombie movies forget that. Take away the story and the commentary, all you have is some blood and violence. That can entertain the individual (usually one that dwells in a basement, surrounded by Evil Dead action figures), but it does not entertain the masses and makes for a boring watch.

The Dead is a 2010 horror movie starring Rob Freeman (Smallville, Dark Angel) as Lt. Brian Murphy. Murphy is an American engineer that survives the crash of the last evacuation flight out of Africa. The continent has been overrun by slow-moving zombies with no help in sight. Murphy finds a broken down truck and is able to get it running before being devoured by zombies. After a short time, the truck gets stuck in the mud. As the zombies close in on him, Murphy is saved by an African soldier, Sgt. Daniel Dembele (Prince David Oseia). Together, they are able to free the truck and Daniel joins Murphy in his search for help. Daniel reveals that he has deserted the army to search for his young son who was rescued by soldiers. They arrive at an airport in hopes of finding a plane, but the buildings are abandoned. The get gas and set out for a safe haven in the desert. During the trip, the truck hits a tree, breaking the axle. They sleep outside during the night and Daniel is bitten by many zombies. Before dying, he asks Murphy to find his son. Will Murphy be able to reach the safe haven and find Daniel's son and has the zombie outbreak spread to the United States where Murphy's wife and daughter live?

Rocks, my mortal enemy!

Before I can get to the story, I have to address the blatant racism in The Dead. Now, I don't think the writers or director had the intention to be racist. The movie brings to mind the criticism that Resident Evil 5 faced when it first came out, showing a white character shooting black characters. Most of the movie is just scenes of Murphy, who is white, shooting zombies, who are all black. Some may argue that they're just zombies and race shouldn't matter, but it is too much to ignore, especially given Africa's history of oppression enslavement by white Europeans. To make matters worse, when Murphy kills a bunch of zombies, saving a group of Africans, they praise him as their savior, even pouring water into his mouth. That just doesn't sit well with me. By having a zombie movie set in Africa, they had a chance to make some real social commentary, but didn't even attempt to do anything of the sort.

As for the story, it barely exists and is extremely boring to sit through. A majority of the movie is just Murphy and Daniel driving around the desert, getting out to fix the truck or get supplies, be surrounded by zombies, and then driving off. I don't think we ever learned what caused the zombies as there is very little background given. It's not like they had to ignore because the story was so great or the action so fast-paced. Speaking of action, it's one of the few bright spots in the movie. There is a decent amount of blood and some good feeding scenes. The zombies don't have much makeup beyond some powder and contact lenses, but it works fine. I didn't even know what the characters' names were until about half-way through the movie. There's not much in the way of character development and their motivations are too basic. The acting is pretty mediocre, but it's not like they had much to work with. The direction is weak as well, with certain scenes lingering too long or shots far too close to the actors.

He may be dead, but his fashion sense is alive and kicking

There are certain expectations when watching a zombie movie. Blood and gore are fun, but it should not be the sole focus. A good zombie movie requires a thoughtful story, strong characters, and social commentary. The Dead goes 0-for-3 as the story is incredibly boring and weak, there is no real character development, and the movie doesn't even scratch the surface of social commentary. What could have been a good opportunity to explore the issues of class and race, were completely ignored in favor of a white soldier killing a lot of African zombies. The Dead is dissapointing on many levels and boring to boot. It was probably called The Dead because they couldn't come up with a creative adjective, noun, verb, or adverb.

2/10

Day 186: Uncle Sam

Uncle Sam

God bless AmericAAAAHHHH!

Happy Fourth of July my fellow Americans. Today we declare our love of burgers, hot dogs, terrible beer, explosions, and that terrible John Mellencamp song “R.O.C.K. In The USA”. Oh, and the signing of the Declaration of Independence. That too. Apologies to my UK readers (and there are a lot of you). This must be a tough time for you. In keeping with the tradition of holidays being used as the basis for horror movies, I was able to dig up one that takes place on the 4^th of July. Nothing says “America” like a B-movie involving a killer zombie soldier dressed like Uncle Sam!

Uncle Sam is a 1997 horror movie starring David Fralick (Soultaker, The Young And The Restless) as Sam Harper. Sam is killed in action by friendly fire during the gulf war, but comes back to life and kills two American soldiers inspecting his body. Back home, his nephew Jody Baker (Christopher Ogden) idolizes his uncle, taking his war medals into show and tell and expressing his interest in joining the military when he is old enough. Sam's wife Louise received word that Sam's body has been discovered and is being returned home. At the wake, Jody meets and bonds with Jed Crowley (Issac Hayes, Robin Hood: Men In Tights, South Park), a former soldier that was friends with Sam. On the 4^th of July, Sam awakens and rises out of his coffin. He kills a peeping tom dressed as Uncle Sam and puts on his costume. At the 4^th of July parade, Jody talks with Barry, a boy his age that was blinded and scarred by a fireworks accident the previous year. Sam talks to Barry and feels a kinship with him because of his accident. Sam violently kills various people throughout the parade some committing unpatriotic acts like purposely singing the national anthem poorly, and some just because. Barry tells Jody that the killer Uncle Sam is actually Jody's Uncle Sam. Will Jody, Barry, and Jed be able to stop this killer zombie Uncle Sam or will the 4^th of July go out with a bang?

Stand up for the flag, jerk!

While I'm still waiting for a horror movie about Arbor Day or Daylight Savings Time, it's fun to see the 4^th of July get it's due. There is no question that Uncle Sam is a B-horror movie, much in the vein of Jack Frost, though far less silly. The story is pretty basic with an angry, mega patriot soldier coming back from the dead and going on a killing spree. It's the details where things get mucked up. So Sam died and came back as some sort of zombie. Okay, I can accept that, but I can't accept that no reason was given for his resurrection. Unless I totally missed something, I don't think they even attempted to give a reason. No voodoo curse, no toxic gas used during the Gulf War, not even being attacked by a radioactive Iraqi soldier. Also, what is the point of making him a zombie if you're going to cover him up with an Uncle Sam costume? The zombie makeup actually looked good, so it's not like they couldn't pull it off. They might as well have had him just be a crazy soldier going on a killing spree. I guess they were trying to go for something deeper with the whole “coffin draped in the flag” deal, but it never came off as moving or touching. The inclusion of Barry comes out of nowhere in the last 35 minutes or so and is pretty unnecessary. They even give him “magical psychic powers,” giving him some sort of connection to Sam. Why do that? It adds nothing to the movie and the “supernatural handicapped character” is unfortunate and annoying.

Where it lacks in making sense, Uncle Sam makes up for it with over-the-top violence. Raising someone by their neck on a flag pole and exploding a Congressman with fireworks were ridiculous, but fun to watch. There is a passable amount of blood and a little gore, but probably not enough. The acting is good enough all around with Issac Hayes putting in a legitimately good performance. Some of the lines he says throughout should be used as samples for metal bands. The movie has spurts of good camera shots and creative direction, but it doesn't last throughout the entire movie. Why only do it a few times? You have the skill and ability, why not make it work for the full hour and a half? Uncle Sam gets really heavy-handed in it's political condemnation of both conservatives and liberals. It sends mixed messages and comes off preachy at times without a real sense of political knowledge. 

Kid, you've got problems

Uncle Sam is a silly, but fun B movie. There are some good acts of violence as well as good performances from most of the cast. The story glosses over some basic things and could have been put together more cohesively. Why have a zombie if you're just going to cover him up and not have him act like a zombie? Uncle Sam has it's moments and was better than expected. That doesn't mean it was necessarily good, but it wasn't bad. That's the American way!

6/10

Day 161: Re-Animator

Re-Animator

Want a sip of my orange soda?

Why is it so hard to translate H.P. Lovecraft's stories to the big screen? There are plenty of stories with enough horror to terrify audiences for years, but for some reason, most movies adapted from Lovecraft's work are terrible. Granted, the stories need some updating if they're set in modern times and not everything will translate well, but those are small hurdles. Those reasons are certainly not enough to keep Hollywood from cranking out movies. Why haven't we seen a blockbuster Call of Cthulhu or The Rats In The Walls? We were supposed to get At The Mountains of Madness from Guillermo del Torro, but that looks like it will never happen. In the meantime, we have to suffer through terrible “adaptations” like The Tomb. At least we have Re-Animator.

Re-Animator is a 1985 cult classic starring Jeffrey Combs as Herbert West (Feardotcom, House On Haunted Hill) and Bruce Abbott (The Prophecy II, Bride of Re-Animator) as Dan Cain. It is based off the short story “Herbert West – Reanimator” by H.P. Lovecraft. Herbert West, a student at the Zurich University Institute of Medicine in Switzerland, successfully reanimated the dead corpse of his professor, Dr. Hans Gruber. Unfortunately the dosage is too high and Gruber dies due to horrific side-effects. West travels to Miskatonic University in Massachusetts to further his studies and research. He rents a room from Dan Cain, a fellow student who is dating Megan, the daughter of the dean of Miskatonic, Dean Haley. Animosity grows between West and his professor, Dr. Carl Hill (David Gale, The First Power, Bride of Re-Animator), over the concept of brain death, with West accusing Hill of plagiarizing Hans Gruber. West is able to convince Dan of his ability to reanimate corpses by bringing Dan's cat back to life, albeit with a far more aggressive and erratic demeanor. Dean Haley hears of their experiments and bans them from school. They sneak into the morgue and continue their experiments, successfully reanimating a human being. The zombie is violent and incoherent, thrashing both West and Cain. Dean Haley walks down to the morgue and is killed by the zombie before West can kill it. They inject Haley with the reagent, bringing him back from the dead, but without coherence or sanity. Haley is committed and despite Megan's wishes, Dr. Hill performs a lobotomy on him. Hill then goes to West's basement lab, where he blackmails him for his notes and reagent serum. Enraged, West decapitates him with a shovel and administers the reagent to Hill's head and body. The reanimated body knocks West out, grabs Hill's head, and realizes Dean Haley from his cell. Seemingly under Hill's control, Haley kidnaps his daughter Megan and brings her to the morgue where Hill has been injecting corpses. Will Dan and West be able to save Megan and stop the zombies?

Grrrrr....RUFF RUFF RUFF!

I'm a big fan of H.P. Lovecraft, so I was excited to see a popular horror movie based on his work. Unfortunately, the movie is very, very loosely based on his work. Some of the character's names and some places are the same, but a lot of the original story is left out. Sure there's reanimation and some nods to the work, such as the headless zombie and the violent rages, but not too much beyond that. Lovecraft considered his story to be rather poor and was written as a parody of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Despite a tenuous grasp on the source material, Re-Animator is still a fun horror movie with plenty of shocks and loads of gory violence. There is plenty of action throughout with lots of blood and gruesome shots. It's a zombie movie in the sense that dead bodies have come back to life, but it's not the traditional cinematic zombie genre. No brain eating or shots to the head, but that's not the purpose of the story anyway. The makeup used throughout the movie is excellent with lots of detail to wounds and body parts. To get a sense of how gory the film is, 24 gallons of blood were used in the movie. 24 gallons!

The acting is pretty good throughout. Jeffrey Combs is very good as the frantic Herbert West. On slight problem I had was in the beginning he had an accent and towards the end he lots it. Maybe it was just my ears deceiving me. David Gale puts in a surprisingly good performance as the villainous Dr. Hill. He goes from jerk to maniacal super villain quickly, but flawlessly. I was concerned with the famous scene involving Megan and Dr. Hill, and while it's certainly not for younger eyes, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Still, it was kind of ridiculous and really didn't need to be in the movie. Beyond that, the story moves at a good pace and never drags. There is a good sense of horror and fear throughout, both physically and psychologically. The fantastic music by Richard Band is a big reason why the movie has a constant creepiness to it. I could listen to that score all day.

You're going to feel a slight Ecto-Cooler Hi-C sensation

H.P. Lovecraft fans will be disappointed with the adaptation shown in Re-Animator. Beyond a few names and a basic idea, the movie really doesn't have much in common with the short story. It's unfortunate because the story could have easily been turned into a movie. Despite this, Re-Animator is still a good story with loads of violence and blood. There is plenty of action and horror to keep the audience entertained and terrified. The acting is good and the music is great. Other than a few little nitpicks and “that scene,” I thoroughly enjoyed Re-Animator. Check it out if you get the chance.

8.5/10

Day 121: Blood Creek

Blood Creek

"Nazi Punks Fuck Off" - Dead Kennedys

After a weekend of wacky horror movies, it's time to get back to the serious ones. What better way than with an supernatural zombie Nazi trying to take over the world? I'm reminded of a line by Jon Lovitz from the underrated 2001 comedy “Rat Race,” “Eh, they're always pissed, Honey. They're Nazis. It's like it's their job.” This could be interesting...wait. Joel Schumacher directed this? Joel “Batman & Robin” Schumacher made a horror film? This I gotta see.

Blood Creek (also known as “Creek” and “Town Creek” because, I assume, they needed a really bland, unassuming name to draw in horror fans) is a 2009 horror movie starring Henry Cavill (Stardust, Man of Steel), as Evan Marshall. Evan is a paramedic in West Virginia. His brother, Victor (Dominic Purcell, Prison Break, Blade: Trinity), an Iraq veteran, went missing three years ago on a camping trip. Evan blames himself for his brother's disappearance and believes that he is dead. Much to his surprise, Vic returns in the middle of the night having escaped his captors and tells Evan that he needs his help. The travel up Town Creek until they reach an old farm. In 1936, a German family named the Wollners were contacted by the Nazi embassy to host a Professor Richard Wirth (Michael Fassbender, Inglorious Basterds, X-Men: First Class) Wirth has been sent to the farm to uncover an ancient rune stone on their property and unlock it's occult powers. He is able to bring back creatures that have died and gains great power. The family is able to contain Wirth through magic, thus freezing their aging process. Keeping him prisoner requires the family to kidnap people and feed Wirth their blood. Vic was able to escape and now lays siege to the house, gaining a measure of revenge. Evan and Vic unwittingly release the monstrous Wirth who will become unstoppable once he consumes enough blood in time for a lunar eclipse. Will Evan, Vic, and Liese Wollner be able to stop Wirth before he becomes all-powerful and destroys the world?

Awesome

This movie can best be described as two separate movies; a pretty good emotional thriller and a generic, over-the-top B horror film. The first 40 minutes or so has a lot of exciting action and an air of mystery. The audience wants to know what exactly happened to Vic and wants to see him get revenge for losing three years of his life. The emotional heartstrings are pulled when we see Evan taking Vic's children trick-or-treating and when their father blames Evan for Vic's disappearance. Both Henry Cavill and Dominic Purcell put on very good performances The movie kicks into high gear when they attack the farm. It's good, heart-racing action with a touch of fear, not knowing what is going to be around the next corner. Initially, I was thinking the family would be a supernatural family of killers similar to the Firefly family from House of 1,000 Corpses/The Devil's Rejects. Unfortunately, they went off in a different direction and brought the whole movie crashing down.

Blood Creek gets bogged down in a poor, convoluted plot involving an immortal vampire/zombie Nazi that can raise the dead. He actually kills a horse and turns it into a zombie horse. Interesting and different, but not particularly good. It's never really clear why the family has to kidnap people to keep feeding Wirth. In the 70 years of keeping him prisoner, they couldn't figure some way of killing him? The whole drinking blood and lunar eclipse thing is all very convenient and cliched. Michael Fassbender does well enough in his role. He's a good evil Nazi and an ok monster. His makeup is pretty good looking, but the special effects could have been better. Joel Schumacher actually does a fairly good job in the director's chair, which makes his Batman Forever/Batman & Robin fiascoes all the more terrible.

Less awesome

This is really the tale of two movies. The first half of Blood Creek is grim, gritty, realistic and exciting. The second half is ridiculous, played out, and ultimately disappointing. The performances are good and there is a decent amount of action. When the movie decides to delve into the realm of horror, it loses all of it's steam and becomes a confused mess. If they had stayed away from the supernatural and just made this an escape and revenge movie, it would have been awesome.It's still better than Dawson's Creek, though.

6/10

Day 94: Resident Evil: Extinction

Resident Evil: Extinction

You had me at "Extinction"

I really enjoyed the first two Resident Evil movies. It's not like they were pieces of cinematic genius or had Oscar-worthy performances. They were fun zombie movies with lots of violence and a decent story. Above all else, they were entertaining and that's all I really want. A movie can be deep and existential while looking beautiful, but if it's a boring story that doesn't make sense, I'll hate it with a fiery passion (See: The Tree of Life. No, wait. DON'T SEE THE TREE OF LIFE! ALWAYS STAY ON THE BOAT! NEVER GET OFF THE BOAT!) The original Resident Evil and Resident Evil: Apocalypse stayed fairly true to it's video game and horror roots. Would Resident Evil: Extinction follow in their rotting footsteps?

Resident Evil: Extinction starts off with a serious case of deja vu as we see Alice (Milla Jovovich, The Fifth Element, Zoolander) going through the mansion from the first Resident Evil movie. She goes through various obstacles that we saw in the previous movie, but is killed by a machine gun. Her body is taken outside by scientists and dumped into a trench filled with dead Alice bodies. Dr. Sam Issacs (Iain Glenn, Gorillas In The Mist, Kingdom of Heaven) has been creating clones of Alice for the Umbrella Corporation in order to create a cure for the T-virus that has turned world into a wasteland of zombies. Unfortunately, the clones are inferior and Issacs tries to convince the Umbrella board that Alice's capture is essential. Meanwhile, Alice is traveling across the American Southwest, dealing with her new psychic powers. Her allies from the previous movie, Carlos (Oded Fehr, The Mummy, Deuce Bigelow) and LJ (Mike Epps, Next Friday, All About The Benjamins) have joined a convoy of survivors being led by Claire Redfield (Ali Larter, Final Destination, Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back). The convoy is traveling across Death Valley and running low on gas and supplies. They are attacked by zombie crows and Alice appears, stopping them with her powers. Alice informs the surviving members of the convoy about a town in Alaska called Arcadia that is supposedly free of infection. The group decides to head to Alaska, but must stop in Las Vegas for fuel. It's a bad decision because Dr. Issacs has found them and sends his new, aggressive breed to Las Vegas to stop the convoy and get Alice. Many in the convoy, including LJ, are killed. Alice takes the fight directly to Issacs at his base while the surviving convoy heads to Arcadia. Will she be able to defeat the mad doctor or does he have something up his sleeve?

Zoolander 2 looks intense

The first two Resident Evil movies stuck with the basic zombie movie premise. The third movie, though, delves off into more of a science fiction/post-apocalypse genre. It pretty much comes off like Mad Max: The Zombie Warrior. When movies are set in the desert, it's usually done as a cost-saving measure. I guess all the CGI and stunts cost a pretty penny. The story itself is pretty basic in the zombie genre. You can pretty much guess what is going to happen. The movie keeps the audience interested in fun violence and some good performances. The action is solid, though it feels like director Paul W.S. Anderson is screaming “CHECK OUT HOW AWESOME THIS IS!” with extreme slow motion shots. Milla Jovovich is as great as ever. She is a great action hero, plain and simple. Fehr and Epps do well repriseing their roles and bringing a bit more of a human side to the movie.

All that being said, Resident Evil: Extinction did have it's share of problems. The previous movies took the time to explain who characters are and what is happening. Extinction assumes you've seen both movies AND the video games. We have no idea who Claire is or why she's in charge. I never really played the video games, so I was lost. Apparently, she has big roles in multiple games, but how am I supposed to know who she is? I was also dissapointed that Sienna Guillory did not reprise her role as Jill Valentine due to a commitment for the movie Eragon. Her absence was never mentioned, though. Why couldn't they just throw in a line saying she went her own way? I kept waiting for a mention that never happened. The relationship between Alice and the young girl K-Mart feels very forced and isn't given the proper amount of time to grow. Many scenes in the movie feel like it's a level in a video game. I can practically see a health bar in the top corner of the screen.

Ozzfest 2002

Resident Evil: Extinction is a zombie movie that shoots off into different genres of science fiction and post-apocalyptic action. The action is fun with plenty of cool, if not overly in-you-face scenes, and Milla Jovovich puts on a good performance once again. If you haven't seen the previous movies and played the video games, you will be very lost. You won't know who certain characters are and why things are happening. A few extra lines of explanation could have cleared a lot of things up. As far as zombie movies go, this one had some good moments, but never came close to the first two movies.

6/10

Day 82: The Ward

The Ward

No, I want her brains!

It's been a long time since John Carpenter has directed a movie. Over 9 years actually. His last movie was the 2001 flop, Ghosts of Mars. 9 years is an eternity when it comes to directing movies. Maybe he was just burnt our and needed a break. Maybe he was just thinking of a sequel to Memoirs of An Invisible Man. Either way, I was excited to see a new movie by the director of some of my favorites like They Live and Escape From NY.

The Ward stars Amber Heard (Drive Angry, Zombieland) as Kristen, a recent addition to the North Bend Psychiatric Hospital in 1966. Kristen was picked up by police after burning down a farmhouse. There, Kristen meets the other patients; Iris, Sarah, Emily, and Zoey. Kristen is given the room of a former patient named Tammy. No one speaks of her or where she has gone. Kristen is being treated by Dr. Stringer (Jared Harris, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Mad Men) who is using hypnotherapy to treat her for her repressed memories. While at the hospital, Kristen keeps seeing a zombiefied ghost girl in her room, walking the halls, and in the showers. When she asks about the girl, no one can give her a straight answer. One by one, the girls in the ward are kidnapped and killed by the zombie girl. With no one answering her questions, Kristen plans to escape. Will she be able to save herself and the remaining girls and how is the ghost girl connected to Kristen?

They don't share the same dermatologist, I can tell you that much

Amber Heard and the rest of the girls do an acceptable acting job. The makeup is decent for the ghost girl, but nothing particularly amazing. The horror is based more in startling moments and a few psychological twists than out-right violence or gore, though there are some vicious moments. The story is basic, but the theme is still strong enough to carry the movie and hold the audience's attention. It does have a clever twist ending, except for the fact that we saw something very similar in the 2003 John Cusack movie “Identity”. The Ward went for clever and came up with unoriginal.

If The Ward was done by a lesser known director, it could be deemed “good.” Unfortunately, this movie was directed by John Carpenter, one of the masters of the horror genre. His directing is good, but it's for an uninspired, horror-by-numbers film that could have been done by anybody. It has the typical jump-at-you startling moments, the mystery, and the conspiracy that can be found in countless other horror movies. Carpenter's movies are known for being larger than life, but The Ward is just too mundane. That's not to say it's a bad movie, because its certainly not. It's perfectly acceptable, just nothing special.

Hey, what happened to your Resident Evil wheelchair?

Ultimately, you have to blame the script, not the director. The Ward comes off like every other psych-ward based movie with a little haunting thrown in. Think “Girl: Interrupted” meets “The Grudge”. Carpenter does his best to give the movie atmosphere and edge, but its just too hard to get around material that has already been covered to death. The acting is good all around so that's not the problem either. The Ward is not a bad movie. It definitely has it's good qualities. It's just a shame that all this talent was wasted on a mediocre story. Hopefully, they can all come back together soon with a better story in hand. I'll be waiting.

5/10