Day 201: Masters of Horror: Sick Girl

Masters of Horror: Sick Girl

Bug off

Insects don't bug me. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Some people are creeped out by bugs and kill them without remorse. Personally, I don't feel that way. Sort of a live and let live type of deal. That's not to say I haven't killed them in the past or won't in the future, I just prefer not to if I can help it. Insects have a long history in science-fiction and horror. Movies like Them!, The Fly, The Swarm and heck, even Mothra. People are generally freaked out by insects do to their alien appearance and sounds so it's no wonder they appear in horror movies. It's not like you can cuddle with a praying mantis.

Masters of Horror: Sick Girl stars Angela Bettis (Toolbox Murders, Scar) as entomologist Ida Teeter and Erin Brown aka softcore adult actress Misty Mundae (The Rage, Dying God) as Misty Falls. Ida is a shy woman who keeps many insects as pets. She has a difficult time finding a relationship due to her love of bugs. Her coworker Max Grubb (yes, really) informs her of a young woman named Misty that sits in the lobby of their building sketching all day. A mysterious package arrives at Ida's apartment containing an insect she has never seen before. Dubbed “Mick”, the insect escapes it's containing and hides in Ida's apartment. Ida's landlady Lana Beasley is concerned about Ida's insects, but Lana's granddaughter Betty enjoys them and likes Ida. The next day, Ida gets the courage to ask Misty out on a date and Misty says yes. The date is silently awkward, but Misty and Ida hit it off and end up back at Ida's apartment. Misty is too drunk to drive, so she stays the night. They become intimate and they are unaware when Mick extends it's proboscis into Misty's ear, injecting her with some sort of fluid. The next morning, Misty reveals that she is the daughter of Professor Malcolm Wolf, Ida's favorite professor from college. They try to search for Mick, but are unsuccessful. Misty begins to feel pain in her ear and undergoes changes in her mood, turning her aggressive. Ida receives an apologetic letter from the same person who sent the insect, informing her about it's behavior and origin. During an argument with Mrs. Beasley, who was offended by the lesbian relationship, Misty starts to transform into an insect and pushes her down the stairs. What will happen to Ida and why was the insect sent to her?

So awkward. So cute.

On paper, Sick Girl might be a decent story, but on the screen it just doesn't work. The movie focuses too much on the cutesy relationship between Ida and Misty and not enough on horror. Watching the two women grow to like each other is nice and makes the audience relate to them better, but it doesn't help further the story along. The movie is in no rush to get to the point, which, in an hour-long show, is never a good idea. We get treated with such wonderful schemes as both women crawling on the floor looking for the bug and Ida having girl talk on the phone with Max. I mean, the show is called Masters of Horror, not Masters of Situational Comedy. When we finally get to the action, it's predictable and not scary. It takes about 3 sentences to explain why this is happening and it doesn't make much sense. Why would this person send the deadly insect, then send a letter apologizing for it. Why not just go and get the freaking bug? That's a real half-assed apology.

Erin Brown is very cute in her role as the shy and awkward Misty. She plays the part very well and is convincing when she becomes more aggressive and angry. Angela Bettis was fine, but her voice was very distracting. Her voice sounded as if Joan Cusack had swallowed marbles filled with molasses. I'm not sure if that's her actual voice or she was just acting and frankly I'd rather not know. Director Lucky McKee (The Woods, The Woman) uses some creative shots, but never achieves a real sense of atmosphere or horror. Most of that can be blamed on the weak material and poor special effects, but I never felt like I was watching a horror movie. 

"Special" effects

Insects are a good source of horror and science-fiction. They're weird looking, making scary sounds, and can bite or sting. Throw in a little movie magic and you have a bonafide monster. Unfortunately, Sick Girl is a weak, boring story that takes far too long to get to the point and when it finally does, it's not entertaining. There are some plot holes and a lack of action to keep me even mildly entertained. You pretty much know how the story is going to unfold and there are no twists or surprises. Erin Brown is cute and plays both of her parts well. The movie never feels like a horror film or even a science-fiction story. It's not particularly bad, but it's not good. The Masters of Horror series actually has worse episodes, but don't rush to see Sick Girl.

3.5/10

Day 164: Bug

Bug

Excuse me, you have a face on your face

I'm not really one for conspiracies. Sure, they're kind of fun to read about in their own over-the-top sort of way. I don't believe that there's a group of people controlling the planet, I don't think the government is watching us through our cereal, and I don't think that Elvis was an alien. Like I said, they're kind of funny, but not based in reality. Not that that stops people from writing books, making videos, screaming from the sidewalks, or voting for Ron Paul. Conspiracies play well in fiction because the audience never knows exactly what is going on, which can create an exciting experience. In movies, it's even better because you get explosions, loud music, and in this movie, Ashley Judd.

Bug is a 2006 horror thriller based off a play of the same name written by Tracy Letts, starring Ashley Judd (Kiss The Girls, High Crimes) as Agnes White and Michael Shannon (Revolutionary Road, Boardwalk Empire) as Peter Evans. Agnes is a waitress living in a run-down motel, constantly afraid of her ex-husband Jerry (Harry Connick Jr., Independence Day, Dolphin Tale) who recently got out of jail. They had a son together named Lloyd who went missing years ago and Agnes has never recovered. Her friend R.C. Brings over Peter, who is quite, but is attracted to Agnes. In their loneliness, they connect with each other and make love. It's after having sex that they begin to have a bug infestation in their room. Sores begin to appear on both of their bodies. Agnes goes to the doctor who informs her that they aren't bug bites and in fact may be self-inflicted. Peter studies the bugs under a microscope and believes that they are eating his blood. He reveals that he was in the Army and was a test subject in strange experiments. He went AWOL and believes the government implanted him with the bugs. Peter rips out a tooth which he believes has an egg sack in side of it. When Agnes looks under a microscope, she sees millions of bugs. The descend into hysteria, covering the motel room in aluminum foil and bug zappers and digging deeper into the government conspiracy that they were brought together for a very specific reason. Are the bugs really there or are Agnes and Peter just insane?

"The government is in our elbows! Freedom! Liberty! Constitution! Ron Paul 2016!!11!"

Interesting is a good way to describe Bug. I honestly was expecting a movie about horrible alien bugs infesting a house or something along those lines. To my surprise, the movie is far more deeper than I could have ever expected. It's not your traditional horror movie, with the fear coming more from erratic behavior and the unknown than big, scary monsters. Confusing is another good way to describe Bug. The paranoia is palpable and you begin to question what exactly is going on. Sometimes it become frustrating because you just want to know what's going on. It didn't help that for half the movie, nothing really happens. I appreciate the desire to develop characters, but there were some scenes that devolved into Quentin Tarantino chat fests. I don't need an explosion every 10 minutes, but the movie went from no build in the first half to Noah's Ark in the last 25 minutes.

You're not really supposed to know exactly what is happening or what is true in Bug, thanks in part to the extremely convincing acting by Ashley Judd and Michael Shannon. They're not simply one-dimensional conspiracy nuts, but emotionally damaged and mentally fractured people. Harry Connick also puts in a very good performance as the raging ex-husband. The is brought together by the great direction of Academy Award winner William Friedkin (The Exorcist, The French Connection). It's actually quite impressive that this movie started out as a play, but I can see how it would work in the stage. Almost the entire movie is set in Agnes's hotel and there are only a few actors. There is a difference being on stage and screen and when you're watching a horror movie, you're expecting more action than what most of Bug provides.

Crazy? Do I look crazy?! Oh, I do?

Bug is not your usual type of horror movie. More cerebral and psychological than physical, Bug leads you down the rabbit hole of conspiracies, leaving you unsure of what exactly is going on. The acting is great along with the direction. The movie lacks in action, but tries to make up for it with suspense. The movie starts out too slow, but it speeds up towards the end. I would have liked a little more balance between the character development and story progression. It's intense and there are scenes of drug use and nudity, so it's not for the younger crowd. If you need a lot of action and explosions, Bug isn't for you, but if you like your horror to require some thinking, you might like Bug.

6.5/10

Day 133: Slugs

Slugs

Rejected poster for Pink Floyd's The Wall

Happy Creature Feature Saturday everyone! The movie I watched for today's entry is called Slugs. Yes, really. I have been avoiding it for a while because it just sounds so stupid and implausible. I was going to watch an equally stupid movie starring Carmen Electra and Brooke Hogan, but once I saw that The Asylum was involved, I immediately stopped and went back to Slugs. I can deal with stupid, but I can deal with the criminally insulting movies The Asylum puts out. I've I ever need to kill brain cells and forget important information, I'll watch that one. This movie came out in the 80's, at least I'd get to see some old products and advertisements from my youth.

Slugs is a 1987 horror movie based off a novel of the same name. The small rural town of Ashton is being plagued with gruesome and mysterious deaths. Health inspector Mike Brady (Michael Garfield, The Warriors, Law & Order) looks into the deaths and finds strange connections to local black slugs that are appearing all over town. One of the slugs bears fangs and actually bites him. Mike is able to capture a few of the slugs in a jar and brings them to a scientist for examination. The slugs are carnivorous hermaphroditic mutants that can easily spawn thousands of times. Mike tries to get the local sheriff and the mayor to stop the slugs before they take over the entire town, but in true horror movie cliché fashion, they dismiss him as crazy. It's up to Mike to stop the slugs himself. Will he be able to do it or will him just become another meal for the hungry, hungry mutants.

OMNOMNOMNOM

As with most insect-based horror movies, Slugs is pretty damn simple and stupid. I mean, I wasn't expecting much from a movie with killer mollusc. I was willing to suspend my disbelief enough to accept slugs as carnivorous murder machines, but the story itself is just so dumbed-down and cliched. There's horrible, gruesome murders all over town and no one is at least suspicious that something might be up? I can understand not believing it's killer slugs, but shouldn't they be more concerned that there's some organ-eating psychopath running around town? Like zombie movies, the slugs kill by swarming people and eating them. I'm ok way that, but since they're not exactly fast, why can't people, I dunno, walk briskly past them? It also blew my mind that Mike's solution to kill the slugs was to just blow them up. In the process, he actually blows up a few houses and probably caused more deaths than the slugs. Why not just use a flamethrower or some good old-fashioned poison? Or how about a giant salt shaker?

You can start a Home Depot with the amount of wooden acting in the movie. Some actors are bad and some deserve the “Tommy Lee Jones in Batman Forever” award for over-the-top acting. There are a few scenes throughout the movie where inappropriate stock music is played, such as really happy, jaunty music during scenes of a police car going to the scene of a murder. Didn't anyone notice that it didn't fit? The only saving grace for Slugs is the bloody, gorey violence. There's just enough blood and guts to keep the movie from being a complete loss. One scene in which a man explodes with slugs from inside his body is particularly creative and fun to watch.

"Gasp! This is regular Coke, not Diet!"

When you watch a movie called “Slugs” you shouldn't expect to see a classic. The story is pretty silly, but not in the fun B-movie way. Cliches abound and the acting is painful to watch. The violence is fun and bloody, but there should have been a lot more. If you can find some of the kill scenes on youtube, it's worth checking out. Beyond that, Slugs isn't worth your time.

3/10

Day 56: Mimic

Mimic

Anyone else suddenly taste green?

Another Saturday, another creature feature. Thanks to SyFy, there are tons of these movies and most of them are painfully terrible. I just wasn't in the mood to watch a movie with the work Gatoroid or Frogs in the title, so I decided to go with more of a “real” movie. No cartoon effects and no washed-up 80's actors and singers. It's hard to find that in creature features nowadays, believe me. When you're flipping through what to watch, see Tara Reid starring in a movie, and strongly consider watching it, you're in trouble. Thankfully, I had Mimic.

Inspired by Donald Wollheim's short story, Mimic stars Mira Sorvino (The Replacement Killers, Romy and Michele's High School Reunion) as entomologist Susan Tyler and Jeremy Northam (The Net, Gosford Park) as her husband, Peter Mann. A disease carried by cockroaches is killing off a generation of children in Manhattan. Susan and Peter have created a new insect called the Judas Breed by combining termite and praying mantis DNA. The Judas kills off the disease-carrying roaches and the children are saved. The Judas was supposed to have a short lifespan and not be able to reproduce. Since this is a horror movie, of course they found a way to evolve, and are reproducing at an alarming rate. On top of that, they are now able to mimic their main predator, people. People are disappearing all over the city, and its up to Susan, Jeremy, and transit police officer Leonard (Charles S. Dutton, Legion, A Time To Kill) to stop the Judas Breed from destroying the city.

You buggin'

Directed by Guillermo Del Toro, Mimic has a good mix of terror and suspense. Del Toro knows what he's doing with some really creative shots and scenes. Where most movies hide the monster until a big reveal at the end, Mimic shows the Judas Breed plenty. They look pretty good, especially for mid-to-late 90's effects. If you don't like bugs, you will definitely be creeped-out by the monsters. There is a fair amount of action to keep your interested, but not a lot of blood fun kills. If you want action in your horror, you could find better, but it makes up for it with suspense.

There is a bit of a side story with an autistic boy named Chuy that sees the Judas Breed mimicking a person outside his window. While there have been far more annoying children in horror movies, he's still pretty annoying and his story feels unnecessary and tacked-on. The movie clocks in at about an hour and 45 minutes, but there are times where it feels much, much longer. The action doesn't pick up until the last 45 minutes so boredom does set in at times. It's also incredibly dark, so make sure you have your glasses on if you wear them. Sorvino is good in her role and isn't a completely helpless woman like some horror movies like to have. Northam comes off as a bit too lame to be considered a hero.There's also a brief scene with a young Norman Reedus.

Excuse me. Can you tell me how to get to Houston Street?

Mimic came out around the same time as Species, Anaconda, and The Mothman Prophecies, so it kind of got swept up around the weird creature-related horror movies of the late 90's. Guillermo Del Toro does a good job of direction and Mira Sorvino is decent in her role. An interesting, but not wholly original story, combined with good suspense keeps the audience interested, but that interest only goes so far. Some more bloody horror and lighting would have greatly improved the entire movie. Mimic is a decent watch overall, especially if you're nostalgic for the 1990s.

6.5/10