Day 338: Dog Soldiers

Dog Soldiers

Sup, dog?

Today's movie is a special request from Julian of the super catchy band Glory Days. You should go listen to them now and follow them on Twitter. I'll wait. If you're on Twitter follow Julian at @juliandimagiba and Glory days at @weareglorydays. Now that we're all done swooning, back to the horror. I have had a few requests spread out over the course of this past year. Most people pick a movie that they think I'll like or may have missed. Not so much with this request. I was given this movie to watch with the knowledge that the movie was not good. A quick search on Rotten Tomatoes shows that it actually had a pretty high rating. Who would be right?

Dog Soldiers is a 2002 British werewolf movie starring Kevin McKidd (Grey's Anatomy, Trainspotting) as Private Cooper and Sean Pertwee (Soldier, Event Horizon) as Sergeant Harry Wells. An unnamed young couple are camping in the woods when they are viciously attacked by an unknown beast. Private Cooper has a tryout to join an elite military unit. In order to pass, Captain Richard Ryan (Liam Cunningham, Safe House, Game Of Thrones) commands Cooper to shoot a dog. Cooper refuses and Ryan shoots the dog himself, failing Cooper in the process. A month later, a group of British soldiers, including Cooper, drop into the Scotish highlands for a training mission with the elite unit. The find the unit savagely murdered with Captain Ryan wounded, but alive. He mentions being attacked by someone or something, but doesn't make much sense. The group is attacked by a pack of large werewolves and they try to fight back. Sgt. Wells is badly injured Their guns prove relatively useless and they make a run for it. The find a road and are picked up by a woman named Megan (Emma Cleasby, Doomsday, F). She takes them to an empty house where they tend to Wells' wounds and fortify their positions. They fight off the werewolves, but ammunition begins to run low. Surrounded, the group decides to plan for an escape. Will they be able to survive and are both Megan and Captain Ryan hiding something?

Awoooo werewolves of Scotland

This may be one of the few times where I've watched a movie in English and desperately needed subtitles. It's even worse than in Dead Cert. The combination of thick accents, foreign slang, fast talking, and a sprinkling of military terms left me utterly lost and confused in certain scenes. It didn't make much of a difference in terms of the story, but it would have been nice to know just what people are saying. Speaking of the story, it's a fairly predictable werewolf movie with more gun play than some war movies. There are plenty of guns and explosions which is all well and good except they don't really stop the werewolves. What's the point of wasting the ammo when it's not really doing anything? The movie tries to go with a few surprises, but they were pretty obvious. The movie also makes it a point to inject humor into many scenes. Some are funny, but others are eye roll worthy.

Dog Soldiers knows it's a low budget B-movie and revels in it. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's a bad thing. The camera work was a little shaky and erratic during the action scenes making it hard to focus on what's happening. About 80% of the movie is action scenes so you can see how that would get old fast. The werewolves actually look good, but a little stiff. It's a shame the camera never really focuses on them as we get quick shots and individual body parts instead. What the movie lacks in story and logic it makes up for in loads of blood and gore. Sgt. If you like the color red, you're really like this movie. Wells actually has his guts spilling out yet manages to push them back in and get patched up for a majority of the movie. Come one, really? Injuring him makes sense, but don't eviscerate the guy and play it off like he's fine. Some may think this is nitpicking for a cheap horror movie, but it's just too hard to ignore. The direction is fine and the acting is good. 

Plunker! Tallywhacker! Wanker! Uh...Loo!

Between Julian requesting Dog Soldiers because it was terrible and online reviews saying it was great, I have to side with Julian and not just because we're both wrestling nerds. While the violence is good and there's plenty of blood and gore, it wasn't enough to keep me from slipping into bored annoyance. The accents were so thick that I was reminded of the scene in Austin Powers: Goldmember where he and his father speak “English” English. I know it's supposed to be a B-movie, but I found it too hard to ignore plot holes and predictable twists. The werewolves look good, but the film doesn't really focus on them. If you look at a movie like The Wolfman or An American Werewolf InLondon, we see plenty of werewolf. Why hide them? There are better werewolf movies out there and I suggest you find them before settling for Dog Soldiers.

4.5/10

Day 296: The Devil's Rock

The Devil's Rock

The Angel's Roll

I've said it before, but it is worth repeating: There just aren't that many war-based horror movies. Sure, they exist, but compared to something like “babysitter slashers”, it's not even close. When it comes to war horror, most tend to be set during World War II. While I'd like to see a horror movie take place during the American Revolution or, say, The Peloponnesian War, WWII does offer a lot more room for creativity and variety. You can have various nationalities and locations in the movie without being historically inaccurate. Of course, these movies tend to blend together, so it's important to separate them with the horror itself. Some of these WWII horror movies have had zombies, ghosts, and for today's review, a shape-shifting demon.

The Devil's Rock is a 2011 supernatural horror movie from New Zealand. The movie stars Craig Hall (30 Days Of Night, The Water Horse) as Captain Ben Grogan, a New Zealand soldier on a sabotage mission one day before the Allied invasion of Normandy. Joined by Sergeant Joe Tane (Karlos Drinkwater), the two soldiers land on Forau Island to destroy a bunker and distract Nazi forces while the invasion begins. They hear a woman screaming inside the bunker and are surprised to see a Nazi soldier coming towards them, asking for help. Ben stabs him in the back and makes his way into the bunker. They are surprised to find the bunker empty except for the mutilated corpses of German soldiers. Joe discovers book of black magic and while he is distracted, is shot. Ben hears the gunfire and when he reaches Joe, he is knocked out. He awakens to discover that he has been bound by Colonel Meyer (Matthew Sunderland, Out Of The Blue, Stringer), who begins torturing him for information. Eventually, Ben escapes and chases Meyer through a series of tunnels and shoots him. He discovers a room covered in occult symbols and finds the source of the screams. He is shocked to discover that the woman screaming is his dead wife, Helena (Gina Varela, The Market, Xena: Warrior Princess). An injured Meyer shoots Ben in the leg and then shoots Helena in the head. He explains that she is really a shape-shifting demon, conjured up by the Nazis to use as a weapon. As proof, Meyer offers a still-alive Helena the leg of a dead German soldier. As she begins feasting, she reverts to her true demonic form. Can Ben trust Meyer in order to rid the world of this demon, before she manages to free herself?

"Do I have something in my nose?"

Zzzzzzzzzz. Oh, I'm sorry. I could barely keep my eyes open typing out that plot. If you couldn't tell, I found The Devil's Rock to be very boring. If I wanted to be lazy, I could have easily written just 3 sentences for the entire story and it would have essentially been just as good as the previous paragraph. There isn't much to the story beyond soldier finds demon who looks like his wife and can he trust this Nazi. The movie lacks any suspense, making the hour and a half feel like a marathon to watch. Without the suspense, what's the point of watching? Having a small cast doesn't help either. We know neither Ben nor Meyer can die too early, otherwise where is the conflict or the character foil? I never completely buy the demon's ability to persuade Ben other than just looking like his wife. Speaking of looks, when the demon's true form is revealed, I almost laughed out loud. Quick, think of what a cartoon devil looks like. That's how the demon in The Devil's Rock looked like. Of course, she was naked, but still, a cliché down to the rubber horns and bright red skin.

Seriously, where's your plastic pitchfork?

There is some action in the movie, but not as much as you'd expect from a movie set the day before D-Day. Most of the movie is filled with talking which was often too quite for me to fully hear, despite cranking up the volume. I was rewarded for my efforts to hear by having my eardrums blasted with insanely loud screams intermittently placed throughout the movie. I will say that the movie did put more effort into being historically accurate than most war-based horror movies. There is quite a lot of gore and blood, though we only see the aftermath of violence. Why not show us the goods? I mean, the makeup and prosthetics look great, but it would have made the movie far more entertaining to see the demon inflict violence on the Nazis. Everyone can enjoy that. There are references to actual events during the war and the movie is sure to include facts of New Zealanders fighting in the war. I can't say that I've ever seen a movie from New Zealand (Lord Of The Rings doesn't count) so it was neat to see a horror movie from a different perspective. Unfortunately, this movie is neither scary nor entertaining. 

No thanks. I already ate.

The Devil's Rock is a mediocre story that lacks that suspense to make it a good watch. There is not much in the way of character development or story progression. It lacks the proper amount of violence, especially considering the amount of gore we see. Seeing the violence would have made the movie more entertaining and would have created more suspense. Instead, we get a lot of dialogue, some of which is inaudible, and some screaming. The demon's true form looks ridiculous and would have been far more effective if they only hinted at what it looked like. It's nice that they made the effort to be historically accurate and to mention the efforts of New Zealanders during the war. Beyond being a horror film from New Zealand, The Devil's Rock has nothing else going for it.

3/10

Day 288: Remains

Remains

You'll never win with that hand

It's not always choosing which horror movie to watch. Sometimes you're not in the mood to watch a slasher or a vampire movie. Maybe you want a violence-filled splatter fest or perhaps something a little more psychological and slower. I'm sure many of you would get a laugh out of watching me try to decide which movie to watch, flipping through various DVDs and websites, trying to find something I'd enjoy. When I'm stuck, I'll take a look at the specifics of the movie like who is acting in it, or directing it or who wrote it. Today's movie is based off the work of famed horror comic book writer Steve Niles, who's work includes 30 Days Of Night and Criminal Macabre. Unfortunately the increase in price and decrease in quality has put a stop to my comic book reading some years back. I had never heard of Niles's book “Remains” but I have enjoyed his other work in the past, so I figured I would give this a shot.

Remains is a 2011 zombie movie based off the 5-issue comic book of the same name. The movie stars Grant Bowler (Ugly Betty, True Blood) as Tom, a blackjack dealer in a Reno, Nevada casino. Tom sneaks into storage room with Tori (Evalena Marie, Serena And The Ratts, Exhumed), a cocktail waitress at the casino, for a little “alone” time. While they are in the heavily-shielded room, a large experiment goes wrong, releasing large amounts of radiation into the world. The power goes out and both Tom and Tori are stuck in the room. When the power finally returns, they escape only to find the casino in ruins. When they try to help an old woman sitting at the slots, she turns out to be a zombie and tries to bite them. A well-placed walker-shot to the face kills her and they meet Jensen (Miko Hughes, Rosewell, Full House), a magician who worked in the casino. They fight off zombies in the hotel, trying unsuccessfully to save a woman stuck in a room with zombies. ON security cameras, they see Victor (Anthony Marks, Celebrity Ghost Stories, Blood Night: The Legend Of Mary Hatchet) fighting off zombies with a biker. He shoves the biker to the zombies and makes it into the casino. Over the course of the next few days, they try various means of escape from the casino. They try to sneak past the zombies when they sleep (yes, zombies sleep in this movie for some reason), but the plan fails. Tom's fingers are bitten, but Tori chops them off in case you become a zombie if bitten. They are saved by a group of soldiers and go back to the casino. Cindy (Tawny Cypress, Rescue Me, Heroes), the daughter of the soldier in charge, tends to Tom's wound and makes a connection with him. At the same time, the soldiers raid the casino's pantry, leaving the group with no food. Jensen tries to stop them, but is killed. With no food, corrupt soldiers, and zombies outside, how will they survive?

"Sorry, I'm new at this zombie thing."

It's important to mention that this movie was made for the Chiller TV network, a cable network specializing in horror movies. While the idea for the channel is great, for whatever reason, a lot of the movies they show are edited for content, language, or nudity. It seems kind of weird to me to create an entire network for a genre known for it's violence and nudity. The movie does have that “made-for-television” quality to it in regards to the quality of film used to shoot it and star power. There are multiple fade-to-black scenes, indicating commercial breaks, which does get tiresome. The story itself is your standard zombie-survivalist horror movie. You already have a pretty good idea of what is going to happen. None of the survivors are particularly likable, which I suppose does give the movie a dose of reality, but makes it hard to cheer for some of them. In most zombie movies, the survivors are at least moderately sympathetic characters, but not these ones. Cindy and the soldiers come into the movie with about 40 minutes left, falling somewhere in between too early and too late to make a real impact and create drama.

Thankfully, Remains does have the appropriate amount of violence and gore that is required in a zombie movie. The movie doesn't reach Romero-style violence, but it's enough to keep you entertained. The makeup on the zombies look good, though I did have multiple problems with how the zombies acted. I know they just used a lot of extras as their zombies, but there was too much variety in how they moved. Some ran, some staggered and then sprinted, and some even moved like chimps. One zombie even barked at another to get him away from a corpse. BARKED! Eventually the zombies start eating each other. Again, that's a new one. If that's the case, why not just wait the zombies out in hopes they kill each other? And since when do zombies sleep?! It does help separate the movie from other zombie films, that's too much for me. I'm a traditionalist when it comes to zombies and sleeping is just unacceptable, especially when the survivors still can't escape when the zombies are asleep.

Who ordered the extra pepperoni pizza face?

Remains is a fairly unremarkable zombie movie. I have never read the comic book, so perhaps the story is laid out in a better way, but on the screen it's standard and mundane. There were plenty of options for creativity setting the story in Reno, but it never really comes up. Why not kill a zombie with a roulette wheel or shove a slot machine on top of one? The acting is fine considering the lack of star power. There is a decent amount of violence and some gore which was more than I expected coming from Chiller. I didn't like some of the changes made to zombies as they are unnecessary and silly. Zombies are usually in the “if it ain't broke, don't fix it” category and this is a good example of why. There are worse zombie movies out there, but there are also far better ones.

4.5/10

Day 261: Survival Of The Dead

Survival Of The Dead

That zombie on the left just realized he left his wallet at home

It's no secret that I am a huge fan of George Romero's "...Of The Dead" series. Ever since watching the original Dawn Of The Dead with my father, on VHS no less, I've been hooked to Romero's brand of zombie movie. The combination of action, violence, scares, and social commentary create an epic and enthralling series of movies. While there is a debate over which movie is the best, I've enjoyed all of them. Even the newer ones, though lacking the same spark as the original three, still have their classic moments. I looked forward to seeing what Mr. Romero had to offer in his latest zombie installment.

Survival Of The Dead is a 2009 zombie movie directed and written by George Romero (Night Of The Living Dead, Creepshow) and starring Alan van Sprang (Saw III, Diary Of The Dead) as Sergeant Crockett. Crockett deserts his post with the National Guard not too long after the zombie outbreak spreads across the country. Joined by his fellow soldiers and friends Kenny, Francisco, and Tomboy, we see the group rob a group of college students, referencing the previous Romero movie, Diary Of The Dead. Not long after, the come across a group of rednecks in the woods. A standoff occurs, with the soldiers getting the better of the rednecks. They are joined by a teenager (Devin Bostick, Godsend, Diary Of A Wimpy Kid) and take an armored car full of money. The boy shows the soldiers a video of Patrick O'Flynn (Kenneth Welsh, The Aviator, Twin Peaks) who is advertising on the internet the safety of Plum Island, off the coast of Delaware, to any survivors. Unbeknowedst to the soldiers, O'Flynn has recently been kicked off the island by his rival Seamus Muldoon (Richard Fitzpatrick). The O'Flynns and Muldoons have been feuding for years and the rivalry was brought to a head when Patrick wanted to kill all the zombies on Plum Island. Seamus believed that while a cure may be available in the future, the zombies were still family and could have their humanity restored. After a gunfight between the outcast O'Flynn's and the soldiers, Patrick joins their group and takes them to Plum Island. We learn that other outsiders had arrived at the island only to be killed by the Muldoons. Patrick's daughter Jane has been turned into a zombie, but still rides her horse across the island. His other daughter Janet is still alive and offers to help Crockett and their group when Tomboy is captured by Seamus. With an island full of zombies and the family feud about to explode, how will Crockett and his group survive?

Who wants ice cream?

George Romero's zombie movies have always been in an ever-expanding scope. In Night Of The Living Dead, we start at a small farm house with just a few people. Eventually, the story grew to the entire coutnry being overrun by zombies who have begun to remember their past lives. Survival Of The Dead's story is inexplicably small in scope, focusing on a family feud rather than the usual small group of people trying to survive. We have a hint of that with Crockett's group, butt he main focus is really on the O'Flynns and Muldoons. For the life of me, I can't figure out what would possess George Romero to write about two Irish families fighting on a small island near Delaware. On top of that, he also throws in elements of Westerns by having cowboys and farms involved.Where does this come from? We went from zombies in malls and cities to an island farm? The location is beautiful, so that's no the problem. It just the addition of two Irish families feuding that left me a bit dumbfounded.

The family feud aspect doesn't make much sense either. I mean, if these were the only two families on the island, shouldn't they be inter-married and if not, don't they just have a massive incest problem on their hands? Romero goes for his usual social commentary, exploring the undying (pun intended) feud between families, but it falls flat. The movie would have been better suited as a Lord Of The Flies style breakdown in society with zombies thrown in. (Actually, that's a good idea. I'm trademarking it now.) The feuding doesn't make for a particularly interesting watch, especially considering just about everyone involved in the movie has certain irredeemable qualities. The movie has no hero, only villains. I suppose that can be seen as being "true to life" but that's rather existential for a zombie movie. Still, we need someone to cheer for and the main character isn't that person. Crockett is no hero because we see him robbing the students from Diary Of The Dead. I liked the direct connection from one film to another and it shows a lot of creativity and forethought on Romero's part.

"Stop asking about me lucky charms. It hurts me feelings."

Survival Of The Dead is the sixth movie in George Romero's "...Of The Dead" series of movies, though the movies no longer progress in a straight line. We can't completely ignore the first four movies since many of the same themes are touched upon in this film. What separates Survival Of The Dead from the others is the clear attempt at being funny. While his previous movies may have a scene or two with black humor, Survival goes for multiple scenes to actually make you laugh out loud. The comedy is too goofy for what is otherwise a serious movie. The kills and violence in the movie are pretty creative and will make you crack a smile. Unfortunately, they rely too heavily on computerized effects which look a little too fake for my taste. The acting is fine and Romero's direction is still good. There are a few scares and enough blood to keep the diehards entertained, but not enthralled.

"No hickies!"

There are lots of zombie movies out there, but George Romero is still the zombie godfather. We have come to expect a lot from him and it's a true testament to his previous films that we hold him in such high regard. With that regard also comes high expectations, much higher than your typical horror movie. Perhaps I expected too much, but Survival Of The Dead just didn't come close to his previous films. It's small-scope, strange story, weak social commentary, and forced humor are disappointing to see. The movie is still watchable, but it's clearly Romero's weakest zombie film. There have been reports of two sequels in the works and one can only hope that they're better than Survival Of The Dead.

4/10