Well, it's better than calling your movie "Blow"
(Blogger's note: I'm on the road this weekend, and while I did see this movie, I just didn't have time to write a review. Ms. Meghan has been kind enough to fill in for me. Give her your complete attention as there will be a test on all of this tomorrow)Hey everyone Ms. Meghan here. I'm doing a guest review because Jordan found a "horror" movie I could watch, and I figured I would give this reviewing thing a shot. I'm definitely a weenie when it comes to horror movies. I just can't watch a lot of them because frankly, I like sleeping at night. This movie seemed perfect for me, because spoiler alert: it's not actually scary!
Suck is a 2009 rock n' roll vampire horror-comedy about a band just trying to make it big. The film stars the writer/director Rob Stefaniuk as Joey, lead singer/guitarist for indie rock band The Winners. They are a mostly unsuccessful band but have an upcoming showcase gig in NYC that is meant to help them break into the industry. This is when everything starts to go horribly, horribly wrong.
It's rude to blow bubbles in your drink
The bassist of the band Jennifer (Jessica Paré) goes home with a mysterious stranger, Queeny (Dimitri Coats), which would have been fine, except that Queeny is a vampire and takes her back to his lair. She is turned at a party surrounded by vampires in white, one of whom is murdered the next morning by Eddie Van Helsing played by none other than Malcom McDowell in a bitchin' eye patch. Vampiric hijinks ensue with a few obvious references to Bram Stoker's Dracula, and it's an enjoyable, bloody romp as the band travels from Montreal to NYC.
Speaking of blood, let's talk gore and effects. This movie does not go over the top with either, the effects are just okay and the gore level is probably a medium. I appreciate that these aren't dainty vampires, as I think if a blood sucking beast is going to feed, it will not be neat, and thankfully we get a lot of bloody mouths in this film. There's also an excellent blood-based gag in a convenience store, that may not be original but it's pretty well done. The other vampire effects are pretty standard and the only thing I could have really done without was all the sped up vampire writhing, as it seemed silly and unnecessary.
So I described this movie as a rock n' roll movie and I know what you're thinking: "Ms. Meghan, a band being in a movie does not a rock 'n roll film make". Outside of the many bars/clubs that feature as settings the aesthetic reminds me of music videos from the late 90's/early aughts (in a good way) and The Winners sound like they're right out of that time period as well.
The epitome of badassery
Oh and did I mention that in spite of this film starring a number of lesser known actors as the main characters the supporting cast are kind of huge? So we have Malcolm McDowell as Eddie Van Helsing, Alice Cooper, Iggy Pop, Dave Foley as The Winner's weasel-y manager, Moby, and my personal favorite, Henry Rollins as a douche-y, mulleted, drive time radio DJ. Dimitri Coats, who plays Queeny, is the lead singer of The Burning Brides, and he's pretty much perfect, and the Burning Brides music is very well used in his scenes. I love having all of these guys in the movie, but it's not just who they are, their characters really do help to fill out the story and give it more depth.
So, if you are looking for a vampire horror film, you really should go somewhere else, there's absolutely nothing scary about this. But if you want a rock comedy that happens to have vampires, you should absolutely check this out.
Ms. Meghan has an under-updated blog and an over-updated tumblr. She likes comic books, nail polish and The Legend of Zelda video games. She would like you to know that Moriarty was real, and that she believes in Sherlock Holmes.