Day 314: Tales From The Darkside: The Movie

Tales From The Darkside: The Movie

Reading is FUNdamental!

While we all love horror movies, horror television shows are just as good, and sometimes better. I'm not talking about The Walking Dead or the horrendous American Horror Story. I mean the old-school horror, that didn't require lots of gore or ghost rape (seriously, fuck American Horror Story). The most famous, of course, is The Twilight Zone. The Twilight Zone is so good that they still show it on television over 50 years later. Other horror shows followed, most notably The Outer Limits. In the 1980's, a second tier of horror television shows came out, including Freddy's Nightmares: A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Series and Tales From The Darkside. Seeing the success from horror anthology movies like Creepshow and The Twilight Zone movie, Tales From The Darkside followed up with a full-length movie of their own.

Tales From The Darkside: The Movie is a 1990 horror anthology containing three stories, plus on wraparound story that runs throughout. The movie begins with a housewife named Betty (Deborah Harry, lead singer for Blondie) preparing for a dinner party. The main course is a little boy (Matthew Lawrence, The Hot Chick, Mrs. Doubtfire) whom she kidnapped and has been feeding cookies to fatten him up. To delay his death, the boy reads three stories from the book Tales From The Darkside.

Call me!

Lot 249

The first story “Lot 249” stars Steve Buscemi (Resevoir Dogs, The Big Leboswki) as Bellingham, a poor graduate student who specializes in antiquities. Bellingham has just lost out on a scholarship to the wealthy and crooked Lee (Robert Sedgwick, Die Hard With A Vengence, Damages). Bellingham has just acquired a large crate labeled “Lot 249” which he opens with the help of Lee and his friend Andy (Christian Slater, Heathers, Interview With A Vampire. Inside the crate is a mummy and later that night, Bellingham is able to reanimate it. In search of revenge, Bellingham uses the mummy to brutally murder Lee for sabotaging his chance at the scholarship. Lee's girlfriend and Andy's sister Susan (Julianne Moore, Boogie Nights, The Big Lebowski) plants a stolen item in Bellingham's room which later gets him expelled. He sends the mummy after her who cuts open her back and stuffs it with flowers, just like in the mummification process. Andy learns that Bellingham has reanimated the mummy and kidnaps him. What does Andy have planned and what will happen to the mummy?

"Whoa! Look at the hieroglyphics on her!"

Lot 249 is an adaptation of a Sir Arthur Conan Doyle story which should come as no real surprise. The story has that old-time feel to it with very little in the way of updating. That's perfectly fine in terms of the story itself. By today's standards, it could be considered tame and even a little bland. It's helped along thanks to good performances by up-and-coming stars like Buscemi and Moore. There are some good scenes of violence and gore throughout the story which keeps things interesting. The ending is very similar to Creepshow's “Something To Tide You Over” in it's execution, but I'm fine with that because I enjoyed that story as well. Overall, Lot 249 is a decent, if tame story with some good acting and fun violence.

7/10

Cat From Hell

The second story is “Cat From Hell,” a Stephen King story adapted by George Romero. Drogan (William Hickey, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Major Payne) is a wealthy eldery man who hires a hit man named Halston (David Johansen aka Buster Poindexter, Scrooged, Freejack). Drogan offers Halston $100,000 to kill a black cat inside his house. He is convinced that the cat killed his sister, her friend, and his servant. Despite his best attempts, he cannot kill the cat himself. Drogan believes the cat is a punishment because the pharmaceutical company he owned tested on cats, killing thousands of them. Surprised at such an easy target, Halston is soon surprised at how difficult killing the cat proves to be. The cat beings to stalk Halston who becomes increasingly scared. Who will win, the hit man or the cat?

"I told you to knock before coming in my room!"

On paper, Cat From Hell seems like a fun horror story. A simple black cat is killing the people around an evil old man. The story presents the killings as possible accidents or from the wild imagination of a deranged man. Unfortunately, the movie shows the cat committing the acts in a very silly way. Drogan talks about cats stealing the breath from a person's body. We then see the cat, put it's paw to a person's lips. OK, it's a little silly, but I can work with it. Then, the cat attaches itself to the person's face as they scream and thrash about. It went for slightly believable to wacky in seconds. The story is a little too long for my liking, which is never good when dealing with short stories. It does have one scene though that is downright impressive in terms of it's shock and gore. I don't want to ruin it for anyone because it is that good, so you'll have to see it for yourself. Cat From Hell is a good story, but it does swerve out of horror and borders on silly at certain times.

6/10

Lover's Vow

The final story is “Lover's Vow” starring James Remar (Highlander, Dexer) as a struggling artist named Preston. One night, Preston witnesses a gruesome murder at the hands of a hideous gargoyle-like monster. The monster speaks to him, making him swear to never speak of the event. Soon after the promise, Preston meets Carola (Rae Dawn Chong, Time Runner, Cyrus) and they soon fall in love. Preston's art career begins to turn around and he builds a happy life with Carola. Ten years later, Preston and Carola have two wonderful children and live life comfortably. The event with the monster has begun to haunt Preston and the guilt of witnessing the murder eats away at him. Will he be able to keep his promise and what are the consequences if he does not?

No amount of concealer will cover that up

Yeeeeesh. What in the bloody hell is this story? It's more like a half-thought than a story. Too much focus is given on the romance between Preston and Carola rather than horror. The monster itself looks like a cross between a gremlin and guacamole. It has a lot of detail, but looks too similar to other monsters we have seen. The end is completely random and raises a lot of questions. I don't like to spoil, but I have to in order to talk about why this story is terrible so SPOILER ALERT. It turns out Carola is actually the monster, who reverts back to her true form after Preston breaks his promise. What? Why did the monster do all of this? Why did the monster kill someone and make Preston promise not to tell anyone? Why did it become a human and fall in love with Preston? Why was it able to have kids that also turned into monsters after the broken promise? WHY? WHY? WHY? The small bright spot is the great transformation scene at the end It's all so incredibly stupid and to top it off, it's too long. That's not a good combination.

1.5/10

Tales From The Darkside: The Movie is considered by some to be the 3^rd Creepshow, but I have to disagree. Both Creepshows are far more entertaining than this movie. It lacks the creativity, humor and good horror that Creepshow contained. Creepshow also had the good sense to keep each story relatively short. The three stories in Tales From The Darkside are all too long and none are particularly good. The movie does have some good gore and violence so that's at least something. The acting is good and the direction is fine. The first two stories are decent. Not great, but decent. The third goes off the rails and crashes into a mountain made of napalm. Ultimately, Tales From The Darkside: The Movie is an OK watch with some good moments, but it is nowhere near the level of Creepshow or The Twilight Zone.

5/10

Day 287: Tales From The Hood

Tales From The Hood

Skull-Faced Killah

Horror anthologies are great for many reasons. You get multiple stories in one film. If you don't like one, you have others to look forward to. Don't want a vampire story? Well, wait a few minutes and you'll get a zombie story. Anthologies give short stories a chance to reach a wider audience as well. How many times have you seen a horror movie stretched out over an hour and a half when a 20 minute short would have sufficed? They get to the point because they have to, cutting out all of the filler and going straight to the killer.

Tales From The Hood is a 1995 urban-themed horror anthology written and directed by Rusty Cundieff (Fear Of A Black Hat, Chapelle's Show) and executive produced by Spike Lee (Do The Right Thing, Crooklyn). Broken down into four stories, the movie begins with a trio of drug dealers, Stack, Ball, and Bulldog going to Simms's Funeral Home in South Central Los Angeles. The group is at the funeral home to purchase “found” drugs from the strange funeral home director, Mr. Simms (Clarence Williams III, The Mod Squad, Half-Baked). Before getting down to business, Mr. Simms takes the men through his funeral home, telling them stories of his four recent “customers”.

You won't see any worse at your local bus stop

Rogue Cop Revelation

The first story is a tale of racism, police brutality, and responsibility. On his first night on the job, police officer Clarence Smith (Anthony Griffith, Panther, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle)

witness three white police officers beating on a black man. The man turns out to be famed civil rights activist Martin Moorehouse (Tom Wright, Marked For Death, Barbershop). Moorehouse has been crusaded against police corruption and the three cops are taking their revenge out on him for exposing them. Clarence stops them and is placated when they promise to take Moorehouse to the hospital. After he leaves, the inject Moorehouse with heroin and send his car off the docks, killing him. A year later, Clarence has quit the force and his life has fallen to pieces due to alcohol and the guilt of not saving Moorehouse. He sees a mural of Moorehouse and hears his voice, commanding “Bring them to me!”. Clarence gathers the guilty police men at Moorehouse's grave. As one begins to urinate on the grave, a hand reaches up from the ground and grabs him. Martin Moorehouse has risen from the grave to gain revenge on those who wronged him. Will Moorehouse be able to rest easy or has Clarence not done enough to placate the vengeful spirit?

Traffic in LA keeps getting worse and worse

It's important to remember that Tales From The Hood came out in 1995, not too long after the LA riots. The high-profile case involving Rodney King was still fresh in people's minds around this time. There are still many cases of police brutality and racism, but this case was huge. Rogue Cop Revelation's story is simple and straight to the point. The motivations are all believable and the social commentary is strong while not being too heavy-handed. There is a good amount of violence and some fun and creative kills. The issue of morality and responsibility is also brought up, though it should have been explored a little bit more. Some more inner toil for Clarence would have given his character a bit more depth. The effects look decent, though certain scenes, like flying syringe's, look amateurish. While this story doesn't break any new ground, it's still a fun revenge story with some great violence

7.5/10

Boys Do Get Bruised

The second story follows Walter (Brandon Hammond, Space Jam, The Fan), a young boy with a secret living in his home. His teacher, Mr. Richard Garvy (Rusty Cundieff) notices that Walter has bruises on his face and asks Walter how he got them. Walter just says that “the monster” did it. One day, Mr. Garvy sees Walter drawing pictures of a monster instead of playing outside. Walter explains that if you draw pictures of the things that scare you and then crumple them up or burn them, the monsters will go away. When Mr. Garvy leaves, Walter crumples up a picture of a boy named Tyrone who was bullying him. At the same time, Tyrone falls down the stairs, breaking both arms and legs. Mr. Garvy goes to Walter's house to speak with his mother Sissy, but she refuses to talk about any sort of monster. As he is leaving, Mr. Garvy meets Sissy's boyfriend Carl (David Alan Grier, In Living Color, Blankman). Thinking that Walter has told on him about being a monster, Carl starts beating on both Walter and Sissy, yelling in a monstrous voice. Mr. Garvy tries to stop him, but is overpowered. How will they be able to stop this monster?

He's not a monster. He's just Republican.

This story is probably has the least amount of traditional horror in comparison to the other stories, but that doesn't diminish it's impact. Like Rogue Cop Revelation, the events in Boys Do Get Bruised are very much based on real life issues, which helps lead credence to the story. I'm not entirely sure if Carl is actually a monster or not. Sure, it's hinted at with his scary voice and clawed hand, but conceivably that could have just been Walter's imagination. I would have liked a little more definitive evidence of Carl being a monster. It doesn't change the story, since he is a monster regardless of his looks or origin, but it would have made the story more horror-centric. I really liked David Alan Grier in this story as it was nice to see him in a non-comedic role. Much like Stephen Colbert in his episode of Law & Order, seeing David Alan Grier as a bad guy is quite surprising. Boys Do Get Bruised is a decent story with a good ending, but it does lack in the horror department.

7/10

KKK Comeuppance

The third story follows southerner Duke Metger (Corbin Bernsen, Major League, The Dentist), a former Ku Klux Klan member in the midst of his senatorial campaign. Duke has moved into an old Southern plantation that had a history of violence towards slave. There is a story about the plantation about an old voodoo woman who placed the souls of murdered slaves into little dolls that are supposedly hidden in the house. Duke's assistant is running through campaign talking points when he accidentally falls down the stairs and dies. Duke reviews the film later and finds a little African American doll sitting at the top of the stairs. Later, he notices a spot missing on a mural of the dolls in his house. He is viciously attacked by the same doll that tripped his assistant, but is able to fight it off, spouting racial slurs the entire time. Soon, more spots are missing on the painting, indicating that more dolls have come to life and are somewhere in the house. How will Duke survive and will anyone believe him?

Sir, please don't use the American flag to wipe up your fear piss

This story is probably the most horror-centric of the four. There really isn't much to the story other than a racist fights off slave dolls. The story could have used a little better social commentary as this is pretty basic and does not delve deeper when it should have. Corbin Bernsen is great as the racist Southern senator. You really hate him and want to see him die every time he utters a slur. It's a compliment to his acting ability considering a majority of the story is done by himself. The dolls have a very creepy look to them and combined with their viciousness, can be quite scary. This story also includes some stop-motion animation, which looks OK for the time, but could have been better. There is a decent amount of action and one very gory scene at the end.

7.5/10

Hard-Core Convert

The final story in tells the tale of gang-banger Crazy K (Lamont Bentley, Moesha, The Parkers), an acquaintance of the three men visiting the funeral home. After a life of violence and murder, Crazy K is shot by three unseen assailants and taken to prison. He is offered a chance at getting out early by Dr. Cushing (Rosalind Cash, The Omega Man, Wrong Is Right). The only catch is that he has to go through an experimental rehabilitation program. K is placed in a cell next to a white supremacist who talks about killing blacks. Angered, K punches him in the face only to cause the supremacist to laugh. He asks K what race were the people that he killed, silencing K. Dr. Cushing puts K through a series of borderline-torture exercises, showing him the consequences of his actions. He is forced to watch scenes of gang violence coupled with pictures of lynchings and the KKK. K is put in a sensory deprivation chamber and starts seeing all of his murder victims. He rejects his responsibility and Dr. Cushing warns him that he will not be given a second chance. Will Crazy K own up to his mistakes and how are Stack, Ball, and Bulldog connected to it?

In Europe, people pay good money for this treatment

Hard-Core Convert has a heavy social message and brings up the issue of responsibility in today's society. It's well done and brings up import issues. I can see where some people may be turned off if they're just looking for a simple horror movie. I was very uneasy about seeing the real-life pictures of lynchings, but that's the point of showing them. It does border on shaming the audience, but real-life horrors are far more disturbing than anything a movie can produce. This story does have a fair amount of psychological horror, but not a lot in the way of traditional horror. The social message is the main purpose of the story and some may be turned off by it. It's still a decent story and with an important message.

6.5/10

Overall, Tales From The Hood is a fun horror anthology with a lot of variety. The cast is very strong with some good performances coming from David Alan Grier, Tom Wright, and Clarence Williams III. While some stories are better than others, none are bad and offer the audience something different. There are some fun death scenes and a good amount of violence and gore. The movie has a lot of social commentary which will understandably turn off some viewers. I never felt lectured at and never felt that the movie was geared towards a different audience. I'm surprised that there haven't been any sequels to Tales From The Hood. Other urban horror anthologies have come out, like Snoop Dogg's Hood Of Horror and Nite Tales, but neither hold a candle to Tales From The Hood.

7.5/10

Day 197: From A Whisper To A Scream

From A Whisper To A Scream

From a whisper to a yawn

Anthologies are a fun concept for horror movies. They can take short stories that are unable to fit into a standard hour and a half format of regular movies and get them on the big screen. Sometimes the stories have a common theme running through them like in Tales From The Hood or Heavy Metal. Other times, they're just a few stories thrown together. What matters most is that the stories are entertaining, the acting is good, and that there are overtones of horror. Seems simple enough, right? Unfortunately, those three things are not easily attainable and can make for an unpleasant watch.

From A Whisper To A Scream (also known as The Offspring) is a 1987 horror anthology starring Vincent Price as Julian White. Julian's niece Karen is executed by the state of Tennessee for committing a murder. He is visited by Beth Chandler (Susan Tyrrell, Cry-Baby, Powder), a reporter that was present at Karen's execution. She questions Julian about his niece and he explains that though she may have committed a crime, she is not to blame. He blames her murderous actions on the town of Oldfield, Tennessee. He relates four separate tales from the town's past. The first tells the story of Stanley Burnside (Clu Gulager, The Return Of The Living Dead, The Initiation), a lonely middle-aged man caught in a mundane life caring for his sick sister. He has a crush on his co worker Grace and convinces her to go on a date. Incredibly bored, she tries to leave, but Stanley chokes her to death in a fit of rage. Unsatisfied, Stanley visits her body in the funeral home and commits the act of necrophilia on her body. 9 months later, Stanley gets a special visitor. What could it be? The second story involves a criminal named Jesse Hardwick (Terry Kiser, Weekend At Bernie's. Mask Maker) who is shot in a swamp fleeing from criminals he ripped off. Jesse is saved by and old man named Felder Evans (Harry Caesar, A Few Good Men, The Longest Yard). Jesse sees Felder practicing some sort of witchcraft late at night and investigates his belongings. He finds newspaper clippings mentiong Felder dating back to the early 1800's. Jesse surmises that his rituals have made him immortal and forces Felder to teach him the secrets. What will Felder do? The third story is about a freak show glass-eater that falls in love with a girl named Amarillis. They plan to run away, but the glass-eater is indebted to Snakewoman, who runs the freak show. How will they escape? The final story features three Union soldiers at the end of the civil war. They are captured and tortured by a group of children, orphaned by the war. Will they be able to escape? Julian finishes telling the stories of Oldfield to Beth, hoping to see if she is convinced that the town is evil. Will she believe Julian and does she have an ulterior motive for visiting him?

Vincent Price's "Bitch, please" face

When you have so many stories crammed into one feature-length movie, odds are that at least one of them has to be good. Sadly, this is not the case in From A Whisper To A Scream. The stories are all underdeveloped and lack the right amount of action to keep things interesting. They are full of half-decent ideas that go nowhere. The movie was clearly made on the cheap as the sets are woefully inadequate and dated. The direction is shoddy and many scenes are too dark to see what is happening. Vincent Price is as delightful as ever, but even he acknowledged that the movie was terrible. The sets are supposed to take place during different time periods, but some of the costumes and music don't fit. It is woefully apparent that the movie is made in the the 80's because Susan Tyrrell's character looks like she fell out of an A-Ha video.

The first story has off-pacing and the little side bit with Stanley's sister is just plain weird. I don't know if they were going with some sort of underlying incest, but whatever it was, it failed. It didn't help that they showed his elderly sister naked. The necrophilia scene made sense for the story, but it was still creepy and the end result was unintentionally ridiculous. The second story was fine, just a little boring. Terry Kiser was a bit too hammy and over-the-top for my liking. The third story is just flat-out terrible and is the weakest of all four. The plot isn't particularly clear and everything just feels forced. It doesn't help that the acting is painful to watch. The final story is essentially Children Of The Corn-lite. It is probably the best idea out of the four stories, but the execution is just no good. 

Taaaaake onnnnnnn meeeeeeee....

We know that horror anthologies can be enjoyable. Creepshow and Trick R' Treat are proof. The difference between those movies and From A Whisper To A Scream is that those stories are well-crafted, there is good action, and the horror is strong. The stories in this movie just cannot hold up on their own and are not enjoyable to sit through. There is nothing particularly scary and they lack action. The acting ranges from passable to terrible, making a bad situation worse. Despite having Vincent Price involved, do yourself a favor, and avoid From A Whisper To A Scream

2/10