Day 287: Tales From The Hood

Tales From The Hood

Skull-Faced Killah

Horror anthologies are great for many reasons. You get multiple stories in one film. If you don't like one, you have others to look forward to. Don't want a vampire story? Well, wait a few minutes and you'll get a zombie story. Anthologies give short stories a chance to reach a wider audience as well. How many times have you seen a horror movie stretched out over an hour and a half when a 20 minute short would have sufficed? They get to the point because they have to, cutting out all of the filler and going straight to the killer.

Tales From The Hood is a 1995 urban-themed horror anthology written and directed by Rusty Cundieff (Fear Of A Black Hat, Chapelle's Show) and executive produced by Spike Lee (Do The Right Thing, Crooklyn). Broken down into four stories, the movie begins with a trio of drug dealers, Stack, Ball, and Bulldog going to Simms's Funeral Home in South Central Los Angeles. The group is at the funeral home to purchase “found” drugs from the strange funeral home director, Mr. Simms (Clarence Williams III, The Mod Squad, Half-Baked). Before getting down to business, Mr. Simms takes the men through his funeral home, telling them stories of his four recent “customers”.

You won't see any worse at your local bus stop

Rogue Cop Revelation

The first story is a tale of racism, police brutality, and responsibility. On his first night on the job, police officer Clarence Smith (Anthony Griffith, Panther, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle)

witness three white police officers beating on a black man. The man turns out to be famed civil rights activist Martin Moorehouse (Tom Wright, Marked For Death, Barbershop). Moorehouse has been crusaded against police corruption and the three cops are taking their revenge out on him for exposing them. Clarence stops them and is placated when they promise to take Moorehouse to the hospital. After he leaves, the inject Moorehouse with heroin and send his car off the docks, killing him. A year later, Clarence has quit the force and his life has fallen to pieces due to alcohol and the guilt of not saving Moorehouse. He sees a mural of Moorehouse and hears his voice, commanding “Bring them to me!”. Clarence gathers the guilty police men at Moorehouse's grave. As one begins to urinate on the grave, a hand reaches up from the ground and grabs him. Martin Moorehouse has risen from the grave to gain revenge on those who wronged him. Will Moorehouse be able to rest easy or has Clarence not done enough to placate the vengeful spirit?

Traffic in LA keeps getting worse and worse

It's important to remember that Tales From The Hood came out in 1995, not too long after the LA riots. The high-profile case involving Rodney King was still fresh in people's minds around this time. There are still many cases of police brutality and racism, but this case was huge. Rogue Cop Revelation's story is simple and straight to the point. The motivations are all believable and the social commentary is strong while not being too heavy-handed. There is a good amount of violence and some fun and creative kills. The issue of morality and responsibility is also brought up, though it should have been explored a little bit more. Some more inner toil for Clarence would have given his character a bit more depth. The effects look decent, though certain scenes, like flying syringe's, look amateurish. While this story doesn't break any new ground, it's still a fun revenge story with some great violence

7.5/10

Boys Do Get Bruised

The second story follows Walter (Brandon Hammond, Space Jam, The Fan), a young boy with a secret living in his home. His teacher, Mr. Richard Garvy (Rusty Cundieff) notices that Walter has bruises on his face and asks Walter how he got them. Walter just says that “the monster” did it. One day, Mr. Garvy sees Walter drawing pictures of a monster instead of playing outside. Walter explains that if you draw pictures of the things that scare you and then crumple them up or burn them, the monsters will go away. When Mr. Garvy leaves, Walter crumples up a picture of a boy named Tyrone who was bullying him. At the same time, Tyrone falls down the stairs, breaking both arms and legs. Mr. Garvy goes to Walter's house to speak with his mother Sissy, but she refuses to talk about any sort of monster. As he is leaving, Mr. Garvy meets Sissy's boyfriend Carl (David Alan Grier, In Living Color, Blankman). Thinking that Walter has told on him about being a monster, Carl starts beating on both Walter and Sissy, yelling in a monstrous voice. Mr. Garvy tries to stop him, but is overpowered. How will they be able to stop this monster?

He's not a monster. He's just Republican.

This story is probably has the least amount of traditional horror in comparison to the other stories, but that doesn't diminish it's impact. Like Rogue Cop Revelation, the events in Boys Do Get Bruised are very much based on real life issues, which helps lead credence to the story. I'm not entirely sure if Carl is actually a monster or not. Sure, it's hinted at with his scary voice and clawed hand, but conceivably that could have just been Walter's imagination. I would have liked a little more definitive evidence of Carl being a monster. It doesn't change the story, since he is a monster regardless of his looks or origin, but it would have made the story more horror-centric. I really liked David Alan Grier in this story as it was nice to see him in a non-comedic role. Much like Stephen Colbert in his episode of Law & Order, seeing David Alan Grier as a bad guy is quite surprising. Boys Do Get Bruised is a decent story with a good ending, but it does lack in the horror department.

7/10

KKK Comeuppance

The third story follows southerner Duke Metger (Corbin Bernsen, Major League, The Dentist), a former Ku Klux Klan member in the midst of his senatorial campaign. Duke has moved into an old Southern plantation that had a history of violence towards slave. There is a story about the plantation about an old voodoo woman who placed the souls of murdered slaves into little dolls that are supposedly hidden in the house. Duke's assistant is running through campaign talking points when he accidentally falls down the stairs and dies. Duke reviews the film later and finds a little African American doll sitting at the top of the stairs. Later, he notices a spot missing on a mural of the dolls in his house. He is viciously attacked by the same doll that tripped his assistant, but is able to fight it off, spouting racial slurs the entire time. Soon, more spots are missing on the painting, indicating that more dolls have come to life and are somewhere in the house. How will Duke survive and will anyone believe him?

Sir, please don't use the American flag to wipe up your fear piss

This story is probably the most horror-centric of the four. There really isn't much to the story other than a racist fights off slave dolls. The story could have used a little better social commentary as this is pretty basic and does not delve deeper when it should have. Corbin Bernsen is great as the racist Southern senator. You really hate him and want to see him die every time he utters a slur. It's a compliment to his acting ability considering a majority of the story is done by himself. The dolls have a very creepy look to them and combined with their viciousness, can be quite scary. This story also includes some stop-motion animation, which looks OK for the time, but could have been better. There is a decent amount of action and one very gory scene at the end.

7.5/10

Hard-Core Convert

The final story in tells the tale of gang-banger Crazy K (Lamont Bentley, Moesha, The Parkers), an acquaintance of the three men visiting the funeral home. After a life of violence and murder, Crazy K is shot by three unseen assailants and taken to prison. He is offered a chance at getting out early by Dr. Cushing (Rosalind Cash, The Omega Man, Wrong Is Right). The only catch is that he has to go through an experimental rehabilitation program. K is placed in a cell next to a white supremacist who talks about killing blacks. Angered, K punches him in the face only to cause the supremacist to laugh. He asks K what race were the people that he killed, silencing K. Dr. Cushing puts K through a series of borderline-torture exercises, showing him the consequences of his actions. He is forced to watch scenes of gang violence coupled with pictures of lynchings and the KKK. K is put in a sensory deprivation chamber and starts seeing all of his murder victims. He rejects his responsibility and Dr. Cushing warns him that he will not be given a second chance. Will Crazy K own up to his mistakes and how are Stack, Ball, and Bulldog connected to it?

In Europe, people pay good money for this treatment

Hard-Core Convert has a heavy social message and brings up the issue of responsibility in today's society. It's well done and brings up import issues. I can see where some people may be turned off if they're just looking for a simple horror movie. I was very uneasy about seeing the real-life pictures of lynchings, but that's the point of showing them. It does border on shaming the audience, but real-life horrors are far more disturbing than anything a movie can produce. This story does have a fair amount of psychological horror, but not a lot in the way of traditional horror. The social message is the main purpose of the story and some may be turned off by it. It's still a decent story and with an important message.

6.5/10

Overall, Tales From The Hood is a fun horror anthology with a lot of variety. The cast is very strong with some good performances coming from David Alan Grier, Tom Wright, and Clarence Williams III. While some stories are better than others, none are bad and offer the audience something different. There are some fun death scenes and a good amount of violence and gore. The movie has a lot of social commentary which will understandably turn off some viewers. I never felt lectured at and never felt that the movie was geared towards a different audience. I'm surprised that there haven't been any sequels to Tales From The Hood. Other urban horror anthologies have come out, like Snoop Dogg's Hood Of Horror and Nite Tales, but neither hold a candle to Tales From The Hood.

7.5/10

Day 283: Rocktober Blood

Rocktober Blood

I wanna rock!

Don't you find yourself thinking “Man, there really needs to be a movie about a heavy metal singer going around and murdering people”? Yeah, me neither, but that's the cocaine-fueled 1980's for you. The late 70's and early 80's saw a glut of slasher movies that quickly bled the genre dry. There's only so many holiday-related horror movies you can do, so the slashers began to branch out into other pop culture scenarios at the time. We have slashers movies set around aerobics, malls, small towns, colleges and all sorts of other places. Thanks to the rise of MTV and the international attention of the New Wave Of British Heavy Metal, it was only a matter of time before a slasher movie got it's bloody mitts on this setting. Does it make sense? No, but it happened anyway.

(Today's review goes out to my friend Danny. We watched this movie several years ago on VHS and still quote it to this day. Be sure to check out his great wedding photos here: www.danielaweddings.info)

Rocktober Blood is a 1984 B-movie slasher starring Donna Scoggins as Lynn Starling and Tray Loren (Gatorbait II, American Angels: Baptism Of Blood) as heavy metal singer Billy “Eye” Harper. After a recording session with the band, Lynn stays behind to work on some of her backing vocals. After a few unsuccessful attempts, Lynn goes upstairs to rest in a jacuzzi. At the same time, Billy returns to the studio and kills the engineer and his assistant. He tries to kill Lynn, but is stopped by security guards. We skip ahead two years later and Billy has been executed for the murders while Lynn has become the singer for his band, now named Headmistress. The band is about to embark on their “Rocktober Blood” tour when a man, claiming to be the deceased Billy Eye, begins stalking Lynn. He looks and sounds just like Billy and knows all about Lynn. It was Lynn who identified Billy in court and he is now back for revenge. She flees to a house in the wood but Billy pursues, killing her friends along the way and hiding the bodies so no one will believe her. Will Lynn survive long enough to play her debut show and is Billy really back from the dead?

 Nothing says "metal" like a tropical paradise and a perm

Rocktober Blood easily falls into the “so bad, it's good category”. While the concept is a little strange for a horror movie, it's actually the best thing about Rocktober Blood. The music is really good, sort of a mixture between Judas Priest, Mercyful Fate, and Joan Jett. A real metal band named Sorcery put together the music, which was probably the best decision the filmmakers could have made. In a ridiculous movie like this, at least they didn't skimp on the music. The band has an entertaining stage show, similar to Iron Maiden and Alice Cooper. Of course, the rest of the movie is the epitome of terrible. The story is absurdly bare-bones with little in the way of thought, character development, and general believability. Why is the tour called "Rocktober Blood"? Because drugs, that's why. For the movie's plot to work, the police would have to completely and utterly ignore literally everything they learned in police academy. Little things like facts and evidence hold no sway over the movie. What, was Billy completely alone every time a murder was committed, thus allowing no one to give him an alibi? No one else knew that (spoiler alert) Billy had a twin brother? Not his band, not the police, not his parents? No one noticed him actually killing people on stage?

Uh, I think you may need to explain what happened in the past 2 years

The acting is horrendous, ranging from oak to birch on the wooden scale. You'll find yourself laughing as actors flatly recite lines that were probably written on a cocktail napkin. The final fifteen minutes of the movie is just the concert itself, ending with one of the most ridiculous movie deaths ever. The film quality is terrible as multiple scenes are too dark and dialogue is too quite. I don't think the film every made it to DVD, or if it did it was a direct rip from VHS. Despite being a slasher, there isn't as much gore as you'd expect in a movie like this. Other than one beheading, I can't recall a lot of blood in the movie. In typical slasher fashion, there are a few scenes of unnecessary nudity. The movie does manage to give the villain a few good evil lines and I'm surprised bands haven't taken advantage of it.

Insane Clown Posse: The Beginning

Rocktober Blood is the offspring of too many drugs and not enough ideas. The acting is terrible and the story would make an English professor weep. Common sense is thrown out the window as even the most basic of evidence is completely ignored in order to further the story. There are some good kills, but not as much as you'd think for a slasher in the 80's. There are a few good one-liners and you'll find yourself saying “Rainbow eyes” for no apparent reason. The music in the movie is it's one saving grace, thanks to the real heavy metal band Sorcery. Rocktober Blood is best watched with a group of friends ready to laugh. It's so bad, it's good.

2.5/10

Day 32: Evil Bong

Evil Bong

Dave's not here, man

Let's just get this out of the way now: I am straight edge. For those of you that don't know, being straight edge means I don't smoke, drink alcohol, or do drugs. I don't care what anyone else does, its just not for me. It doesn't stop me from going to bars with friends or laughing at Cheech and Chong . And it certainly doesn't stop me from watching a movie called Evil Bong.

Evil Bong follows college nerd Alister as he moves in to a dump of an apartment with loser three stoners: rich kid Larnell, surfer-bro Bachman, and jock Brett. Larnell buys a bong advertised as being cursed in High Times magazine. After taking too many hits from the evil bong, or Eebee, Bachman passes out and his spirit is sucked into the bong. His spirit ends up in astral strip club where one of the strippers attacks him with her skull-faced bra. Seriously. Similar fates befall Larnell, Brett, Brett's girlfriend Luann, and Allister's love interest, Janet. The previous owner of Eebee, Jimbo (Tommy Chong) arrives to clue Allister in on what is happening and to try to destroy the bong. Will Allister be able to save his friends and defeat the evil bong?

That awkward moment when you're caught watching a bad movie

What can you really say about a movie based around a bong that steals souls and kills them in some sort of astral strip club? Evil Bong focuses more on comedy than horror. There are a few funny moments, but it doesn't touch Cheech and Chong's Up In Smoke or Nice Dreams. It's pretty light on the horror, but there is some goofy killing. Unfortunately, we never find out why the bong is so evil or exactly how it became evil. The acting is passable for what is required, but the Oscar's won't come knocking any time soon. There is one scene with Luann that is so baffling, I would not be surprised if she was on hallucinogenic drugs. Tommy Chong pretty much plays the same character he's been for the past 35 years, but that's fine. There are some other cameos from well known horror actors like Bill Mosely (The Devil's Rejects) and Phil Donarco (Willow, Phantasm II). There's also references to other horror movies such as Demonic Toys and The Gingerdead Man.

One problem I had with the movie was the set. The movie literally takes place on just 2 sets; the apartment and the strip club. That's it. I know movies like this have to be on a tight budget, but seriously, these people never go outside? We know Allister is a student, but he never goes to class? The other problem I had was the evasion of real-life products. When they're drinking beers, there is red tape of the can. In the background there's a bucket of KFC chicken with red tape over the “K”. I doubt KFC is going to waste the time and money to sue a low-budget horror movie and if you're so concerned about being sued, why bother having it in the first place? There's a scene where Larnell is clearing playing Super Mario World, but they put in different sound effects. Again, why bother?!

 Bongs away!

I know its silly to point out flaws in a movie called Evil Bong, but I just couldn't help myself. I knew exactly what I was getting into when I decided to watch this movie. It has it's funny moments, but it's a bit too light in actual horror. Its fun to see the cameos and pick out the references to other movies. It's really obvious that the movie had a small budget, but they could have put more effort into it. The most shocking part of all is that there are TWO sequels called Evil Bong 2: King Bong and Evil Bong 3-D: The Wrath of Bong. Were there so many unanswered questions from the first that the world demanded two more movies? Kids, say no to drugs. I'm going to go listen to Minor Threat and Throwdown.

4/10