Farm House
Well, it's better than the Out House
As someone who has done a decent amount
of driving over the years, I know how easy it is for your mind to
wander. You think about all that dangers that may befall you during
your travels. You can get a flat, your muffler can fall off, your
hose can go. All sorts of things can go wrong. You think you'll be
alright because you have a cell phone, but once you get out of the
populated areas, you can forget about having service. We've all heard
stories about people breaking down and then going to a farmhouse to
use their phone. Some of those stories are good (sexy daughter), but
most end up with limbs being cut off by a deranged, and possibly
deformed, farm family. It's a great setting for horror because the
scenario a legitimate, if slightly weird, fear.
Farm House is a 2008 horror movie
starring Jamie Anna Allman (The Killing, The Notebook) as Scarlet and
William Scott Lee (Pearl Harbor, The Butterfly Effect) at her husband
Chad. Chad and Scarlet are trying to make a new life for themselves
after the death of the special needs infant son. While driving
through the Mid-West, Chad falls asleep and crashes their car. They
walk to a local farmhouse, where they meet the owner, Samael (Steven
Weber, Single White Female, Wings), his wife Lilith (Kelly Hu, X2,
The Scorpion King) and his helper, a deaf boy named Alal. Scarlet
tries to use the phone, but the lines are down, caused by their
accident. Chad and Scarlet agree to spend the night at the farmhouse.
It turns out to be a bad decision as Samael and Lilith kidnap and
torture them. It is revealed that Chad had a large gambling debt, and
despite telling Scarlet he had paid it off, Samael and Lilith say he
owes more. Scarlet is able to escape with the help of Alal, but
Samael is able to capture him. He cuts out Alal's eye in hopes of
drawing Scarlet out. When that doesn't work, he slits Alal's throat
and finds Scarlet. As the torture goes on, it comes to light that
Chad was planning to kill himself so Scarlet could get his life
insurance policy and pay off his debt. Scarlet convinces him that it
is best to kill their son as they could always have more children
later. They are able to kill Samael and Lilith and make their escape,
but things are not what they seem. How did they end up at this
farmhouse and who are Samael and Lilith?
I only have demonic eyes for you
Farm House starts off as your typical
“people tortured in the country” horror movie. The story is
broken up with bits from Scarlet and Chad's past, telling us all
about his debt and their son's medical problems. While that's helpful
to explain their motivations, it really kills the movie's momentum.
It comes in little drips, but they're not exciting cliff hangers, and
come off as more annoying that interesting. It would have been better
off telling most of the debt portion of the movie first, with the big
reveal that they killed their son closer to the end. I am not one for
torture movies, but thankfully the movie isn't just a vehicle for
various means of hurting people. That's not to say there aren't some
gruesome scenes, it's just not the entire movie. There was one scene
where Lilith use a grater on Scarlet's knee that actually made me
feel a little queasy. There is a small amount of blood and gore in
the movie, but not as much as you'd expect from a movie based around
kidnapping and torture.
The movie falls off the rails and
crashes into a mountain made of crazy in the last 15 minutes. The
movie has a big twist which comes out of nowhere. It's not that it
doesn't make sense, it's just never really hinted at beyond the
character's names. Foreshadowing is important when doing a movie with
a clever twist, but Farmhouse never really gets around to it. Steven
Weber and Kelly Hu carry the movie with their fun, twisted
performances. They make good villains and almost had me cheering for
them, especially after we learn that Scarlet and Chad are murdering
scumbags. I don't know if it was his performance or just terrible
writing, but William Scott Lee is incredibly annoying. I understand
that he's supposed to be a coward, but he doesn't have to be a whiny
douche on top of everything. He reminds me of Denny from The Room.
Oh, word?
Farm House is a mediocre torture movie
that goes off in an expected at the end. The story itself isn't
anything special and the main characters are more annoying than they
should be. You can kind of see where things are going and while the
twist isn't great, it didn't bother me. There is some decent action
and blood, but not as much as you'd think. I could have actually used
more if you can believe it. Steven Weber and Kelly Hu are both very
good in their roles and should play villains in more movies. While
there is a certain creepiness to some scenes, the movie is not scary,
which is a shame because it could have been. While it wasn't bad,
Farm House is nothing special and could easily be confused for
countless other horror movies flooding the market today.
4.5/10
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