Day 322: Witchfinder General

Witchfinder General

That sly come hither stare. That strips my conscience bare. It's witchcraft!

Horror may have the most sub categories of any film genre. We have zombies, vampires, werewolves, monsters, ghosts, possessions, exorcisms, exploitations, blaxploitations, aliens, viruses, fantasy, torture, gothic, lovecraftian, creature features and so much more. In other 300 movies, I've pretty much seen them all. Well, at least I thought I have. Today's movie is a request by Justin which brought me into a subgenre I had yet to experience: historical horror. I don't think I can really name any other historical movies off the top of my head, but the idea makes sense. History is full of atrocities and real-life monsters. After all, man is the scariest villain of all.

Witchfinder General (also known as The Conqueror Worm) is a 1968 historical horror movie based on Ronald Bassett's novel of the same name. The film stars Vincent Price (House On Haunted Hill, The Last Man On Earth) as Matthew Hopkins. In 1645, a civil war is raging throughout England. Amidst all the chaos, witch hunter Matthew Hopkins sees opportunity. With his assistant John Stearne (Robert Russell, Doctor Who, The Avengers), Hopkins travels from village to village, torturing both men and women to coerce confessions out of them of being a witch. Hopkins receives payment from the local magistrates for his work, growing his power and influence throughout the countryside. In the town of Brandeston, a soldier named Richard Marshall (Ian Ogilvy, Return Of The Saint, Death Becomes Her) plans to marry Sara, the niece of the local priest, John Lowes (Rupert Davies, Ivanhoe, Dracula Has Risen From The Grave). Richard leaves for duty just as Hopkins and his men come into the village. They begin to torture Lowes when Sara offers herself to Hopkins in order to spare her uncle. Lowes is thrown in jail as Hopkins has his way with Sara. When Hopkins is called to another village, Stearne rapes Sara. When he learns of what Stearne has done, Hopkins loses interest in Sara, and executes Lowes, along with two other women. Richard returns to Brandeston and is horrified at what has happened to Sara. He marries her in a self-made ceremony and vows to gain revenge on Robert Hopkins. Will Marshall be able to stop the torture-loving man who now calls himself the Witchfinder General?

That hair is clearly the work of Satan

On the surface, some may be quick to dismiss Witchfinder General as a horror movie. Those people would be mistaken. Granted, the movie does not contain anything of the supernatural, be neither does Jaws, and that is unquestionably a horror movie. Much like The Wicker Man, Witchfinder General's horror is out in the open with it's blatant terror. The movie is that much scarier when you know that Matthew Hopkins was a real person and actually committed these atrocities. There are quite a few graphic scenes for the time and the movie was subsequently censored as an “unusually sadistic film experience”. I am certainly no fan of torture, but the movie is tame compared to today's ultra-graphic closeups of cut achilles tendons and snapped bones. The blood used in the movie is actually bright red paint, which comes off as quaint through today's eyes. The violence is quite vicious, especially towards women, so consider this multiple “trigger” warnings. Beyond the action and torture, the movie does have some slow and dry moments.

While the movie may not be entirely historically accurate, I know very little about England's civil war, so it's not like I noticed any mistakes. In a historical context, it is important to bring up the civil war, but it doesn't add a lot to the movie itself. If anything, it takes away from the main focus which is Vincent Price being a sadistic lunatic. Price is as good as always, giving the role of Matthew Hopkins a sinister calmness that other actors would not have been able to pull off. The movie had a small budget, but the acting and direction manages to hide the fact. Having a lot of scenes filmed in the beautiful English countryside certainly helped distract from the rather mundane sets.

Witch: The other white meat

I may not have watched Witchfinder General on my own, but I had a decent time watching it. I enjoyed the historical aspect of it and learned a few new things. Though tame by today's standards, the movie still has a lot of violence and torture, particularly towards women. While there are no graphic or extended scenes of rape, they do exist and are at best uncomfortable. There is a good amount of action, though the time in between does become slow and meandering. Vincent Price is great at Matthew Hopkins, giving the character a cold and calculating feel. The movie does have a creeping sense of terror and uneasiness that is hard to shake, especially with the dark ending. Witchfinder General may not be at the top of any horror list, but it's a sneaky movie that will stay with you long after the credits have rolled.

For your listening pleasure, here is the heavy metal band Witchfinder General with their song "Death Penalty". Special thanks to Justin for the request. If you'd like to request a movie for review, send me an email at 365daysofhorror@gmail.com.

7.5/10

Day 255: Masters Of Horror: Imprint

Masters Of Horror: Imprint

Need copies? Come on down to Imprint.

If the United States is the pioneer of the modern horror movie than Japan is the explorer. Just when you think you've seen everything horror has to offer, Japanese horror writers and directors take you in strange, unknown directions. Just one you think you've seen everything, they take it to another level going for more shocks, more blood, more gore, and more horror. More is not always better as a good story is worth more than just gory special effects and makeup. While those things may initially scare us, true horror lies within the unsettling moments of the story and the acting. I certain phrase, a turn of events, or even a specific look by an actor can turn a mediocre movie into a truly chilling watch.

Masters Of Horror: Imprint is a story from the horror anthology directed by Takashi Miike (Audition, One Missed Call). Set in the Victorian era, an American journalist named Christopher (Billy Drago, Demon Hunter, The Lords Of Salem) is traveling through Japan looking for his lost love, a prostitute named Komomo. He arrives at an island inhabited only by prostitutes and spends the night with a quite prostitute with a facial deformity. She tells Christopher that Komomo killed herself because he did not come to rescue her in time. Distraught, Christopher seeks solace in sake and asks the girl to tell him a story. She tells him of her life, explaining that her mother was a midwife and was forced to sell her into slavery after her drunken father killed himself. She explained that as a young child, she learned that bad people go to hell and good people go to heaven. Eventually, she ended up on the island with Komomo. Komomo was the most popular girl on the island, causing a lot of jealousy among the older prostitutes. When the Madame's ring is stolen Komomo was brutally tortured by the other girls until she confessed. Overcome with shame and agony, Komomo hanged herself. Disbelieving the story, Christopher asks her to tell the truth. The girl retells the story, which is far more darker than the first. She explains that her mother performed abortions and that the monk who taught her of heaven and hell had molested her. She also reveals that her father had raped her and she beat him to death. Despite Komomo's kindness, the girl planted the stolen ring on her. After her torture, the girl killed Komomo, justifying her actions as a way to save her from hell for being associated with bad people. Unconvinced, Christopher demands for the entire truth. The girl also reveals that her parents were brother and sister, making her the product on incest. She was actually born with a parasitic twin; a hand with a face growing out of her head. It was this “sister” that commanded her to kill her father and steal the Madame's ring. The hand begins to speak in Komomo's voice, bringing Christopher to the brink of madness. What does this all mean and what will happen?

"I just remembered I have an early meeting. You're a super girl. Gotta go!"

This may be the weirdest of all the Masters Of Horror movies. Beyond some of the cultural nuances, the story itself takes so many different twists and turns that you're never really sure what you're watching. I think part of this problem is attributed to the Masters Of Horror format, forcing the story to fit into an hour-long television episode. As a full-length, Imprint would have had the appropriate amount of time to foreshadow and draw the big surprises out. Everything is rushed in an hour and the little intricacies that would have made for a complete watch were left out. The multiple-stories within a story reminded me of the Jet Li movie “Hero”. It's an interesting plot device, but I felt the execution was a bit lacking. Again, this can be attributed to the short run-time of the movie. Too much happens too quickly while only the last 15 minutes provide anything truly interesting. As I've stated before, I am not a fan of torture in movies and Imprint goes way overboard. I won't get into specifics, but if you're squeamish, you should just skip over this part altogether. It's no surprise that the man behind “Audition” directed Imprint. This episode never actually made it to television as Showtime felt it was too violent and gruesome, even for cable. It is hard to watch even for those who think they are desensitized.

The 800-pound elephant in the room is the talking hand coming out of a woman's head. It is certainly creepy, but it's just a little too weird. It's almost on par with the necrophila scene from Masters Of Horror: Haeckel's Tale. Almost. I think they would have been better off portraying it as an undeveloped Siamese twin. I know they were going for a “voices in her head” theme, but really, it's just a hand with a face growing out of a woman's head. It reminded me too much of the martial arts spoof “Kung Pow!: Enter The Fist” where the main character's tongue had a face on it. The sets look very good and Miike creates some beautiful and creative scenes. The subtext of what is really hell is always an interesting topic. It's brought up a few times throughout the movie, but not enough to truly convey any feelings or ideas. If they wanted to discuss one's personal Hell, they should have devoted more time to that than gratuitous torture. The ending was interesting and could actually be left up to one's interpretation. While some can see it simply for what it is, I believe that Christopher may have been in his own personal Hell the entire time. I could be wrong, but the movie does a good job of leaving things open for interpretation. The horror in the movie is a mixture of harsh violence, brutal abuse, and personal anguish. 

Seriously? Seriously.

Masters Of Horror: Imprint is certainly the most unique horror story in the series. It doesn't contain the humor seen in a majority of the episodes and goes off in a much darker direction. The story itself is interesting, though more time was needing to properly explain things. Because of the time constraints, pacing is also an issue as things feel rushed. More time would have allowed for foreshadowing and slower reveals. The movie contains a lot of violence, blood, and gore with a torture scene that is difficult to sit through. The inclusion of the hand sister is just a little too weird and goofy for me. I think something a little more subtle would have worked better. Miike still manages to make it creepy and unsettling, so it could have been far more ridiculous. Imprint is an interesting, if unpleasant watch. Some may like it and others may hate it. I'm somewhere in the middle as I like the themes and ideas, but could have done without the torture or the hand sister. Give Imprint a shot if you're feeling adventurous, but be prepared.

6/10

217: The Woman

The Woman

W is for Woman, that's good enough for me

Today's review is a special one. I received a lovely comment a few days ago about the blog which came with a special request to review today's movie. I love getting feedback (well, positive feedback anyway) and am always glad to hear that people are enjoying my reviews. After watching over 200 horror movies, it's nice to know I am helping people avoid or discover horror movies and hopefully entertain them as well. The request was for the movie The Woman. A friend of mine has previously watched the movie and was pretty down on it. Horror can be very divisive and one persons hate-a-thon can be another person's lovefest. All reviews should be taken with a grain of salt. I am still angry over listening to a review praising A History Of Violence. That movie was painfully bad and I will never understand how someone can give it 4 stars. The only way to find out if you'll like a movie or not is to see it with your own eyes. So Laura, this review is for you. If anyone else is interested in requesting a movie for me to review, please leave me a comment or send me a message on Twitter @365daysofhorror.

The Woman is a 2011 horror movies directed by Lucky McKee (Masters of Horror: Sick Girl, The Woods) and starring Pollyanna McIntosh (Bats, Land of the Lost) as the Woman. Woman is a feral cannibal living in the woods all her life. While out hunting, Chris Cleek (Sean Bridgers, Deadwood, Nell) discovers the woman and kidnaps her. He brings her back to his home and chains her up in a cellar in hopes of civilizing her. He forces his wife Belle (Angela Bettis, Masters of Horror: Sick Girl, Toolbox Murders), his daughter Peggy (Lauren Ashley Carter, Rising Stars, Law & Order SVU), and son Brian to assist him in civilizing the woman. Peggy has become distant in recent months, sitting out of gym class, wearing baggy clothes, and crying. Brian has become sadistic, enjoying seeing people in pain and torturing classmates. Chris's methods of “civilization” are cruel and violent such as washing the woman in boiling water and then with a high-powered hose. That night when the rest of the house is supposedly asleep, Chris goes into the cellar and rapes the woman. Unbeknownst to Chris, Brian sneaks out of his room and spies on him raping the woman. Belle is also aware of what is happening, but through intimidation and violence from Chris, says nothing. Peggy's teacher, Ms. Raton, notices the change in Peggy and surmises that Peggy is pregnant, perhaps carrying her father's baby. The next day, Peggy is sick and stays home from school. Brian is unaware that she is home and sneaks down into the cellar with the woman, pulling off her clothes and torturing her with pliers. Peggy catches her brother and tells her mother who in turn tells Chris when he gets home. When Chris shows no concern, Belle says she is leaving him and taking Peggy and their other daughter, Darlin. Chris responds by knocking her out. Just then, Ms. Raton arrives and tells Chris that she believes Peggy is pregnant. Believing that Ms. Raton is implying that it is his child, Chris attacks her and, along with Brian, drags her out to where they keep their dogs. She is placed in the dog pen and is attacked by another feral girl that Chris had been keeping. Peggy runs to the cellar and free the Woman. What will happen?

Things get intense at Burning Man

The Woman is an ugly mess of a movie. Apparently it is a sequel to Lucky McKee's previous movie, The Offspring, but you'd never know that unless you looked it up. A flashback or 1 minute of dialogue would have made the connection clear and given some helpful background to who the Woman is. Clocking in at about 100 minutes, The Woman is a glacially-paced movie that forgoes entertainment in favor of ham-fisted social commentary that does little to enlighten. The movie tries to go for a feminist bent, but it never fully comes together. The musical choice in the movie is highly questionable with a mixture of rock music I like to call “Jerk Rock”. It's the type of music you hear in shows on The CW, completely inoffensive, but lacking any heart. Why this music is in the movie is beyond me, especially because there are one or two scenes with creepy horror-style synth music. It's not like they didn't know good horror music, they just chose to ignore it.

There are multiple scenes of unintentional comedy that made me legitimately question if the movie was a dark comedy or not. There is barely any horror to speak of and a majority of the movie could be confused for an after-school special. No real action begins until about 15 minutes left in the movie. These last few minutes try to make up for the slow, often times painful, story with an avalanche of violence and gore, but it's just not enough. The inclusion of another feral girl was so random that I could barely process what was happening. The ending was satisfying, if not a little strange and hardly believable. The movie lacks subtlety and plays out pretty much how you would expect, down to Brian turning out like his father (with a Justin Bieber haircut, no less) and Belle finally sticking up for herself. The only exception was the inclusion of the other feral girl, but, again, that came out of left field. 

(Sigh) I miss Al Swearengen

The heavy focus of male treatment towards women appears in many horror movies, but does not evoke the same emotion from the audience as other movies. In a movie such as this, the father needs to be far more violent and domineering, two things that are sparsely shown. Similar movies also go for a religious bent to the domineering patriarch character, but The Woman surprisingly avoided that. Perhaps it is unnecessary to the story itself, but it would have made Chris's actions more believable. It doesn't help that Sean Bridgers looks like Will Ferrell and does not come off as a scary individual. It's not a question of his acting ability, because he is able to pull the character off and was great as Johnny in the television series Deadwood. He's just not the right fit as the part is better suited for a hulking, scary man. Someone who looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin would have been far more believable. Angela Bettis is very good as the mousey wife Belle. In my previous review of Sick Girl, I mentioned her voice being incredibly annoying. Thankfully, her voice was normal in this movie, but that makes me question why in the world she spoke with a strange voice in Sick Girl. Lucky McKee has uses a lot of different shots throughout the movie, some good, some bad.

The Woman is a very divisive movie. Some will think that the social commentary is great and that sitting through the majority of a movie with nothing happening is great buildup. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. The social commentary, while important, is not presented in such a way that it would be competent or entertaining. It's important to have social commentary in horror, but it needs to be placed into a movie with a delicate hand and not smashed all over the film like a watermelon in front of Gallagher. The story is incredibly slow with the only action coming at the very end. The acting is good, though Sean Bridgers's frame did not fit the profile necessary to be a scary figure. The Woman was not entertaining and I would not recommend it. Special thanks to Laura for requesting it and I hope it answered any questions you may have had.

2.5/10

Day 213: Wolf Creek

Wolf Creek

Please note: The movie contains no wolves or creeks

Based on a true story/Based on true events. There are countless horror movies with that tag line, but what does it really mean? It is so vague that it can be stand for just about anything. Some movies take a story from real life and adapt it directly. Other movies take the basis of a story and tweak it to their needs. Finally, there are movies that have the “based on a true story” tag and just make everything up. Either way, you still have to take any movie that uses that saying with a grain of salt. Rarely do they come out exactly like the true story and you can only hope to be entertained.

Wolf Creek is a 2005 independent horror movie from Australia starring Nathan Phillips (Chernobyl Diaries, Snakes On A Plane) as Ben Mitchell, Kestie Morassi (Darkness Falls, Dirty Deeds) as Kristy Earl and Cassandra Magrath (SeaChange, Crash Zone) as Liz Hunter. Kristy and Liz are two British tourists traveling through Australia was a local named Ben. The travel to Wolf Creek National Park, a remote part of Australia where a meteorite struck the Earth. Ben and Liz sneak off and kiss each other. Later, when the group returns to the car, they discover that all their watches have stopped. When they try to leave, the car no longer starts. Ben mentions that there had been UFO sightings in the past and the meteorite may have something to do with their electronics no longer working. As night falls, an outback-style man named Mick Taylor (John Jarratt, Australia, Django Unchained) arrives and offers to tow their car to his home to repair it. Initially, they are charmed by Mick who tells them tales of living in the remote area of Australia. He offers them “rainwater” to drink which drugs the group, knocking them out. Liz awakens, tied up in a shed. She frees herself with a shard of glass and is able to escape. Before she can leave, though, she hears Kristy being tortured by Mick in a nearby building. Liz creates a diversion and shoots Mick in the neck with his rifle. Liz and Kristy try to escape in a car, but are pursued by a wounded, but still alive Mick. Kristy hides while Liz tries to find another car to steal. She discovers the possessions of countless people who have been killed and tortured by Mick. She finds camcorders that replay almost the same scenario that they have endured. With Mick in pursuit, how will Liza and Kristy be able to survive and where is Ben?

"There's no creek? You monster!"

The movie is based on the abduction and assault of two British tourists in the Northern Territory of Australia in 2001. The entire movie is not based on that story and people familiar with the actual events shouldn't expect things to play out that way. Think of it in the same way that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is based on true events. The movie takes a long time to set up with the action not kicking in until about 50 minutes in. This all could have been taken care of within about 25 minutes, but they stretched it out for some unknown reason. It's not like the built up the characters or anything important. We don't know much about Ben, Kristy, and Liz which is unfortunate because if they were better developed, the audience would have felt more for them other than just seeing them being brutalized and tortured. While I'm not a fan of torture movies, Wolf Creek does not overdue it when it comes to violence. Sure there are some gruesome scenes and a good amount of blood, but it never crossed the line into “torture porn,” gleefully showing horrific scenes just to gross-out the audience.

John Jarratt is fantastic as Mick, almost to a fault. He is so charmingly evil that he overtakes the movie and is far more interesting to watch then the main characters. He is almost too good and almost had me cheering for him through his sheer force of will in trying to kill people. At first, I was happy to see the focus on the two female characters fighting back against their male assailant, but was utterly disappointed at how things turned out. They have flairs of good revenge, but spend far too much time screaming to be true heroes. It's almost as if they completely forgot about Ben until the last 10 minutes of the movie. I just assumed, along with most of the audience, that he was dead. Other than the scenes of torture, there really isn't much of a plot or purpose to Wolf Creek. The movie comes off as a vehicle to show the directorial skills of Greg McLean. He does a fine job with good action shots and some decent scenes of horror.

The son of Crocodile Dundee and Gene Simmons

Wolf Creek is a by-the-numbers capture-and-torture horror movies. It had a lot of potential and could have gone in many different and creative directions, but unfortunately did not. The movie takes far too long to get to the point and skips over important character development and foreshadowing. John Jarratt is great in his role, but the movie almost makes him too awesome. I don't want to be cheering for the evil psychopath when I don't have to. There some rough scenes of torture and blood, but the movie doesn't go over-the-top. I've seen some critics praise Wolf Creek and can't understand for the life of me were they are coming from. It is thoroughly uninspired, which is surprising, considering it is inspired by true events. How is that even possible?

4.5/10

Day 205: Farm House

Farm House

Well, it's better than the Out House

As someone who has done a decent amount of driving over the years, I know how easy it is for your mind to wander. You think about all that dangers that may befall you during your travels. You can get a flat, your muffler can fall off, your hose can go. All sorts of things can go wrong. You think you'll be alright because you have a cell phone, but once you get out of the populated areas, you can forget about having service. We've all heard stories about people breaking down and then going to a farmhouse to use their phone. Some of those stories are good (sexy daughter), but most end up with limbs being cut off by a deranged, and possibly deformed, farm family. It's a great setting for horror because the scenario a legitimate, if slightly weird, fear.

Farm House is a 2008 horror movie starring Jamie Anna Allman (The Killing, The Notebook) as Scarlet and William Scott Lee (Pearl Harbor, The Butterfly Effect) at her husband Chad. Chad and Scarlet are trying to make a new life for themselves after the death of the special needs infant son. While driving through the Mid-West, Chad falls asleep and crashes their car. They walk to a local farmhouse, where they meet the owner, Samael (Steven Weber, Single White Female, Wings), his wife Lilith (Kelly Hu, X2, The Scorpion King) and his helper, a deaf boy named Alal. Scarlet tries to use the phone, but the lines are down, caused by their accident. Chad and Scarlet agree to spend the night at the farmhouse. It turns out to be a bad decision as Samael and Lilith kidnap and torture them. It is revealed that Chad had a large gambling debt, and despite telling Scarlet he had paid it off, Samael and Lilith say he owes more. Scarlet is able to escape with the help of Alal, but Samael is able to capture him. He cuts out Alal's eye in hopes of drawing Scarlet out. When that doesn't work, he slits Alal's throat and finds Scarlet. As the torture goes on, it comes to light that Chad was planning to kill himself so Scarlet could get his life insurance policy and pay off his debt. Scarlet convinces him that it is best to kill their son as they could always have more children later. They are able to kill Samael and Lilith and make their escape, but things are not what they seem. How did they end up at this farmhouse and who are Samael and Lilith?

I only have demonic eyes for you

Farm House starts off as your typical “people tortured in the country” horror movie. The story is broken up with bits from Scarlet and Chad's past, telling us all about his debt and their son's medical problems. While that's helpful to explain their motivations, it really kills the movie's momentum. It comes in little drips, but they're not exciting cliff hangers, and come off as more annoying that interesting. It would have been better off telling most of the debt portion of the movie first, with the big reveal that they killed their son closer to the end. I am not one for torture movies, but thankfully the movie isn't just a vehicle for various means of hurting people. That's not to say there aren't some gruesome scenes, it's just not the entire movie. There was one scene where Lilith use a grater on Scarlet's knee that actually made me feel a little queasy. There is a small amount of blood and gore in the movie, but not as much as you'd expect from a movie based around kidnapping and torture.

The movie falls off the rails and crashes into a mountain made of crazy in the last 15 minutes. The movie has a big twist which comes out of nowhere. It's not that it doesn't make sense, it's just never really hinted at beyond the character's names. Foreshadowing is important when doing a movie with a clever twist, but Farmhouse never really gets around to it. Steven Weber and Kelly Hu carry the movie with their fun, twisted performances. They make good villains and almost had me cheering for them, especially after we learn that Scarlet and Chad are murdering scumbags. I don't know if it was his performance or just terrible writing, but William Scott Lee is incredibly annoying. I understand that he's supposed to be a coward, but he doesn't have to be a whiny douche on top of everything. He reminds me of Denny from The Room.

Oh, word?

Farm House is a mediocre torture movie that goes off in an expected at the end. The story itself isn't anything special and the main characters are more annoying than they should be. You can kind of see where things are going and while the twist isn't great, it didn't bother me. There is some decent action and blood, but not as much as you'd think. I could have actually used more if you can believe it. Steven Weber and Kelly Hu are both very good in their roles and should play villains in more movies. While there is a certain creepiness to some scenes, the movie is not scary, which is a shame because it could have been. While it wasn't bad, Farm House is nothing special and could easily be confused for countless other horror movies flooding the market today.

4.5/10

Day 187: The Last House On The Left

The Last House On The Left

If they remake this again, the poster will just show a Tumblr page

When I started this blog, I made it a point to say I wasn't going to watch movies that focused on torture. Of course, some movies I have watched contain a scene or two, but I avoided watching movies where it was the main plot. No Hostel, no The Poughkeepsie Tapes and definitely not Human Centipede (seriously, fuck that movie). I am just not entertained by it. I find it painful and unpleasant to watch. But what if a movie has torture, but is considered a horror classic? It's a classic for a reason, right? Maybe I had these movies all wrong and was just needing to see a good one to change my mind.

The Last House On The Left is a 1972 horror movie written and directed by Wes Craven (The Hills Have Eyes, A Nightmare On Elm Street). Inspired by the Swedish film The Virgin Spring, The Last House On The Left stars Sandra Cassel (Teenage Hitchhikers, Voices Of Desire) as Mari Collingwood and Lucy Grantham as her friend Phyllis Stone. Despite her parent's concern, they go to a concert in the city. Before they leave, they give her a peace symbol necklace as a gift for her birthday. Before the concert, they walk the streets in search of marijuana. They come across a grungy looking guy named Junior who leads them to an apartment where his criminal family, Krug Stillo, Sadie, and Fred “Weasel” Podowski, are hiding out after a recent prison break. Krug is a rapist and serial killer, Sadie is violent and sadistic, Weasel is a child molester, and Junior is hooked on heroin. The group assault the girls and Phyllis is raped. They are thrown into the trunk of the gang's car and the drive out to the country where the gang plans to cross state lines. Mari's parents are preparing for her birthday party, unaware of the danger she is in. The gang's car breaks down right outside Mari's house. They force the girls into the woods where they are humiliated, mutilated and forced to have sex with each other. Phyllis makes a run for it in hopes that Mari goes in the opposite direction. Phyllis is caught, killed, and dismembered. Mari gives Junior her necklace as a symbol to trust her so she can escape, but the gang stops her. She is raped and then shot by Krug. The gang then heads to Mari's house, masquerading as salesmen and stay the night with her parents. Mari's mother sees Junior wearing her necklace and discovers their bloody clothes. How will Mari's parents exact their revenge?

Playing "Let's Go To Gitmo" is the best!

There was a good reason why I didn't want to see torture movies. The Last House On The Left was very tough for me to watch. The movie is vicious in it's violence, degradation, and sexual assault. It is a raw, gritty, and unforgiving exploitation film that still resonates today. Despite the advertising tag line, “To avoid fainting, keep repeating-it's only a movie..." I still felt strongly about what happens. That's a testament to how powerful the movie is. It's also a testament to why I don't like these films. A majority of the movie is the girls' torture with a few sprinkles of inept local police being, well, inept. I guess it was to alleviate the harshness of the movie, but it just wasn't funny and left me feeling frustrated. I'd say maybe that was the point, but the jaunty comedy music makes me think otherwise. The parent's revenge is decent, but I wasn't completely satisfied. For a “violence begets violence” story, I don't think the gang suffered the same amount that they made Mari and Phyllis suffer.

In horror, we have all sorts of creatures, aliens, and demons, but this movie proves that the scariest monsters of all are human beings. All four actors in the gang play their parts very well as they come off as slimy, evil, and remorseless, even when there is a brief glimmer of remorse in the forest scene. Both Sandra Cassel and Lucy Grantham play their parts convincingly well and I commend them for going through with the movie. Wes Craven's direction is a bit spotty with some of the camera angles not working and the music questionable at times. Seeing this 1972 movie in 2012 makes it feel very dated.

 I love what you've done with your rat's nest

The Last House On The Left is shocking, disgusting, and rough to watch, but it is very “real”. It's this realness that makes it so scary and difficult to endure. There were times where I wanted to turn the movie off, but I persevered. I always ask myself “Was I entertained?” The answer, truthfully, is “No.” I found it very hard to sit through and did not enjoy seeing two girls being physically and mentally tortured. That doesn't mean the movie is not a horror cult classic or that the movie isn't important, because it is. The story is very basic and doesn't go beyond torture and revenge. I think more could have been done in ways of character development and Craven's direction is not the best. I think it's time to reinstate my “No torture” policy.

5/10

Day 143: Frontier(s)

Frontier(s)

Sacre bleu!

The wonderful world of the public library strikes again. Like I have said previously, the library is great source for movies. I was perusing the movie section when I saw Frontier(s) staring at me from the foreign film section. The cover was pretty striking and had the “8 Horror Films To Die For” stamp from Horrorfest. And hey, it's French! I don't think I've reviewed a horror movie from France yet. Heck, I don't think I've ever scene a French horror movie. Well, that's what this blog is for; new movies and new experiences.

Frontier(s) is a 2007 French horror movie starring Estelle Lefebure as Yasmine. A far-right extremist has been elected in France which leads to rioting in the streets. Alex, Tom, Farid, Sami, and his sister Yasmine, who is three months pregnant with Alex's baby, commit a lucrative robbery before leaving the chaos of the city. The group splits up, with Tom and Farid going ahead with the money, while Alex and Yasmine take a shot Sami to the emergency room. Sami dies, but not before he tells Yasmine to keep the baby. Tom and Farid arrive at a small family-run inn in the French countryside. There they meet two beautiful women, Gilberet and Klaudia, and their musclebound brother Goetz. Tom and Farid text directions to the inn to Yasmine before being seduced by the two women. After the sexy time, Tom and Farid are brutally attacked by all three and their brother Karl. They try to escape in their car, but Goetz runs them off a small cliff. Injured, but alive, they crawl into a mineshaft that leads back to the house and Tom is captured by the third brother, Hans. Farid gropes his way through the shaft while avoiding the family's deformed children. He is eventually trapped in a steam room and cooked to death by Hans. Unaware, Alex and Yasmine arrive at the inn and are soon beaten and captured. The head patriarch of the family, von Geisler, and wants Yasmine to wed Karl and usher in a new generation for him. It is revealed that he and the rest of the family are cannibal Nazis and their house stores the bodies of many past victims. He kills Alex and has another sister, Eva, care for Yasmine. Eva reveals that she was kidnapped and had a few children with Hans, all of whom were rejected due to “complications”. At dinner, von Geisler announces that Karl will lead the family now, much to the chagrin of Goetz. Yasmine grabs a knife and takes von Geisler hostage. Hans accidentally kills von Geisler, and Karl shoots him. Yasmine makes a run for it under a hail of gunfire. Will she be able to escape this deranged family? 

"It smells like Arby's in here"

Originally, Frontier(s) received an NC-17 rating and there's a good reason for that because damn is this violent. It was so bad that they couldn't even show it during the 2007 Horrorfest. ER doctors in the worst neighborhoods don't see this much blood in an hour and a half. Gorehounds will salivate over the various gruesome injuries and deaths. It can be most closely compared to Hostel, High Tension, and House of 1000 Corpses, but it is unique enough to not be considered a ripoff. Where as a movie like Hostel can be considered “torture porn” where gruesome acts are committed just to make the audience squirm and shriek, the violence in this move has a specific purpose to the story and isn't really violence for the sake of violence. That's not to say there aren't some brutal scenes. I won't say exactly what happens, but an Achilles tendon does meet and “cutting” fate. The story itself is pretty thrilling from beginning to end and will keep you on the edge of your seat. The social commentary is appropriate and the parallels between what is happening Yasmine and the country is much appreciated.

Thankfully, the movie is actually in French with English subtitles. I can't tell you how many movies are ruined with terrible dubbing. Director Xavier Gens has a great eye for horror by using creative camera shots and proper lighting.The acting is good all around, each role convincing. One slight problem I had was after going through some of the atrocities, Yasmine goes through a sort of shock and has a trembling twitch. I applaud the realism and in small doses it would have been good, but it happened a bit too much and made her look silly. If you sped it up and put Benny Hill music, the movie would have been slapstick. It's a small complaint and when you get that specific, you're really fishing for things to worry about, but it stuck with me nonetheless.

That cleaver better be clean!

Frontier(s) is a thrilling and gruesome horror movie with an interesting story to keep the action going. There is a lot of violence so this may not be appropriate for some younger viewers. Of course, plenty of violence is inflicted on the Nazis, which is always good, because fuck Nazis. The acting and directing are both solid and the social commentary is done well without being too heavy-handed. It's nice to see other countries getting in on the horror act and I'd love to see more of what France has to offer. If you have a strong stomach, make sure to check out this movie.

8/10

Day 6: Freakshow

Freakshow

More like Shitshow

Freakshow starts with a gang of thieves who plot to rob the leader of circus they work for. What a circus it is! There's freaks, geeks, amputees and he-shes.The female thief, Lucy, seduces the leader and cons him into getting married. The circus freaks overhear their scheme and coerce Lucy into admitting her prejudice towards freaks. Two of the thieves steal some food and are caught by a little freak girl. They need to keep her quite and, in a stroke of pure absurdity, one of the thieves stabs the girl who lets out an ear-piercing shriek. They kill the girl, but for some strange reason, stay at the circus. The freaks vow their revenge and kill the thieves.

Oh boy. Where to start? I guess I should start with the good because I can finish this part quickly. There is great old-timey music throughout the movie. It really gives the movie a Depression-era feel and mixes well with the dusty scenery. There are some funny lines, but I'm not sure how many are intentionally funny. The acting is just OK, but nothing awful.

Freakshow is a “modern retelling”of the classic 1932 “Freaks” so that explains the constant feeling of deja vu. There's the beauty who wants to marry the circus leader for his money, the downpour during the freaks' revenge, and even the sock-like creature. Hell, there's even a spooky chant by the freaks, but instead of “One of us, one of us! Gooble gobble, gooble gobble!” its just “Welcome!” Why not just call it a remake and follow the movie?

You might want to get those checked out

Also, I don't seem to recall Freaks have so much nudity. Nothing X-Rated, but enough to qualify for a late-night Cinemax movie. Nudity in horror movies is fine. It can be used to show that a character is at their most vulnerable. In Freakshow, its used just to show some titties. While I do feel silly to complain about seeing some naked bits, it feels really unnecessary. Also, if you're going to have nudity in a movie called "Freakshow" at least have some fun with it and have freakshow nudity. I'll bet the woman from Total Recall with 3 breasts needs work. Give her a call.

The end feels very rushed. Most of the movie is spent talking and planning. By the time the last 25 minutes roll around, you can almost hear the director yell, “Oh shit! The movie is almost over! Quick, hurry up so we can get to good stuff!” And let me tell you, the ending is ridiculous. I said when I started this blog that I had no interest in watching “torture movies”. That plan got shot to hell thanks to Freakshow. The final 10 minutes are devoted to a graphic torture scene that I honestly skipped. Great job on the makeup and effects, but I really have no desire to see any of that. Maybe it was just a literal interpretation of what the movie has done to the viewer.

 Don't worry. No one will see this terrible movie.

I appreciate the desire to remake a classic scary movie that many people have probably never seen, but what's the point if you ignore everything that made the original great? Good makeup, quality effects, and some legitimate “freaks” save the movie from being a complete bust, but not by much. The prolonged, gruesome torture scene is over the top and not enjoyable. We are supposed to feel sorry for the freaks, but this makes them into the monsters Lucy said they were. I have seen movies that were far worse, but for different reasons. Avoid Freakshow at all cost.

2.5/10