Over 20 Years Later, The X-Files Intro Is Still The Creepiest Thing On TV

The X-Files, a science fiction/horror television show that ran from 1993 to 2002, was a pop culture hit that focused on all things paranormal and conspiratorial. A strong focus was given to wide-spanning government conspiracies and aliens, though its strength came from the episodes featuring various monsters, legends, and creatures. The series spawned two full-length films, spin-offs, comic books, toys, and countless parodies. Just this year, a six-episode tenth season was released (don’t spoil it for those that haven’t seen it yet). This announcement piqued my interest in the series and, probably like a lot of people, inspired me to watch the series from the beginning.

It’s interesting going back to watch something that initially scared me as a child. As an adult, I can now appreciate the drama and suspense of the show’s fine pacing, the subtle humor, the strong elements of horror, and the great music in each episode. I like to call this switch from childhood fear to mature enjoyment the “Freddy Krueger Effect”. When you’re young, monsters seem very real. They can hide in your closet, under your bed, down in the basement, anywhere that is unknown. For a kid, Freddy Krueger is terrifying. He’s scary-looking, has sharp knives on his fingers, and can get you where you parents can’t protect you. When you hit a certain age, though, he’s no longer scary and can actually be morbidly funny. The Freddy Krueger Effect works for Tales From The Crypt and can certainly be applied to The X-Files. An individual episode may give you the “willies”, but time and age seems to have muted the unsettling nature of the show. Except for the theme song.

As far as theme songs go, The X-Files theme may be one of the most iconic of the modern television era. So popular was the theme that it actually reached #2 on the UK singles chart. It’s worth noting that The X-Files debuted the same year as The Nanny, Blossom, and Class of ’96. Shows still had lyrics tailored specifically for the show. The X-Files theme was different. Composed by Mark Snow, who also created music for shows like Smallville, Millennium, and La Femme Nikita, the theme is an instrumental that borders on the ethereal. The alien whistling, a combination of a sample from a synth called “Whistling Joe” and Snow’s wife Glynn, effect conveys a sense of otherworldly uneasiness in the viewer while the echoing keyboard serves to focus and prolong feelings of dread. Its sparseness allows the whistling and echoes to breathe, boring deep within the listener’s mind. On its own, the X-Files theme may not seem so powerful. When the music is combined with the original footage from the show’s intro, though, it does.

The X-Files introduction was so effective because it always had a great set-up. Rather than starting the show with the intro, the episode itself would begin with a 1-2 minute setup. The set-up would almost always end with a traumatic experience, usually an unexplained occurrence or violence. Before the show is even technically introduced, the audience is thrust into the violent unknown world of the X-Files. We are not just told, but shown that monsters do exist and they are dangerous.

After the title screen, we are introduced to a photograph of a human pointing at a saucer-like object in the sky. Though partially obscured, we see that the photo is from the FBI and is dated. Nowadays, photo manipulation can be done convincingly in any home around the world. In the early 90’s it was less common. The photo does look real, accentuated by the person in the left corner pointing at the flying saucer. It’s a candid shot that lends the show a sense of credibility.

 

 The next few shots focus in on the unidentified flying object. The viewer is drawn in to the unknown ship as it gets closer and closer until it practically takes up the entire screen. This makes the “unknown” unavoidable, forcing the viewer to directly confront their fears.

 

Following the space ship careening into the living room, we see an arm pointing towards some sort of graph or notes. The arm is cloaked in darkness, belonging to a shadowy figure that we will never know. What the arm is pointing at is not clear. Is it a scientific formula? The notes of a madman? Is it even of this planet or this dimension? It is too much for the average mind to grasp, but someone out there knows, and that may be the scariest thing of all.

 

Now we have a floating orb with electric beams rotating in all directions. Admittedly, this looks like something you’d get at Spencer’s Gifts in the mall.

 

After seeing the strobe light from your friend’s basement, the audience is then subjected to the image of a face twisting and distorting in agony. We don’t know who this is or why they are being subjected to such obvious pain. It can be a physical or metaphysical pain. That’s left up to the viewer which, once again, allows the mind to fill-in the blanks with all types of horrible ideas. This quick scene is a brief glimpse into the effect that the X-Files world has on humans. The show’s opening scene is usually one of great violence or drama and now we have this helpless, contorting face. All of this before we even see the credits for the two main actors.

 

The next few seconds, though, are possibly the most interesting and disturbing moments of the show’s introduction. We see what can only be described as two mirroring alien eggs. Something emerges from both at the same time as the words “Paranormal Activity” flashes across the screen. While the previous scenes let the viewer’s mind do the work of instilling confusing and uneasiness, these shots are legitimately confusing. What unspeakable horrors are being born? Where is it from and where is it going? What does it want? Can we stop it?

For years, I had no idea what was going on with this shot and only recently discovered that it was a mirrored seed germinating. It’s interesting that something so simple and normal that occurs all over the world every day can seem so unnatural.

 

Next we have a ghost-like figure shambling down a hallway. Is it a ghost or perhaps someone trapped between dimensions, appearing only as a shadow of a human being? It’s a little unnerving on its own, but when the words “GOVERNMENT DENIES KNOWLEDGE” appear on screen, a new world of paranoia is opened to the viewer. “They” know what this is and “they” will not tell us. What us do “they” know? It’s a collision of conspiracy and supernatural and we have no good answers to assuage our fear.

 

We then see the show’s protagonists, Agents Mulder and Scully (both David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson receive credit earlier in the intro) burst into a room with their weapons drawn. Before the scene fades away, we see looks of shock and horror on their faces. What could possibly be in that room to two hardened veterans of the paranormal and the unexplained to react in such a way? Do we, the audience, even want to know?

 

One of the final scene’s from the X-Files intro is also the one open to the most interpretation. We have a small, featureless all-white being falling toward an enormous blue hand with one small red section on its finger. Is the figure human or is the hand? Are neither? Should this be seen as more of a psychological despair than a physical concern? Why red, white, and blue? Is this a commentary on the show’s conspiratorial views of the government? Is it to show man slipping through the fingers of God and falling into some unknown abyss? This is all pretty deep for a television show.

 

After a shot of a giant eye and credit to show creator Chris Carter, we have the iconic shot of a quickly moving storm over mountains with the slogan “THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE”. The tagline did occasionally change throughout the show’s run for particular episodes saying things such as “TRUST NO ONE” AND “DENY EVERYTHING”. It is this final image that leaves the most impact. The truth is out there, implying that we do not currently know the truth. We have been and continue to be deceived. The only way to find the truth is to go into the unknown and find it ourselves. The onus is on us (and Mulder and Scully, the avatars for the audience) to find the truth.

The images and messages occur in less than a minute, but they last long after the show itself is over. There have been other show intros with scary music or disturbing imagery that stick with the viewer. Unsolved Mysteries and The Outer Limits come to mind. Modern horror shows may be gorier and have better special effects, but they don’t have the same staying power of the X-Files introduction for the simple fact that they do not use the most powerful fear creator in the world: the mind. A zombie eats someone on a show and that’s it. A ghost is torturing a poor family and that’s it. There is little else to work with beyond the initial jump scare or shock of seeing something violent. The X-files intro allowed things to by implied and inferred, leaving the viewer to try and fill in the blanks. All while an unearthly song plays in the background.

Day 357: Drag Me To Hell

Drag Me To Hell 

This poster is one dragon away from being a heavy metal album cover

Sam Raimi's career is quite impressive when you look at it. From humble beginnings directing low-budget horror movies like Evil Dead and Army Of Darkness, Sam Raimi has become a household name by directing summer blockbusters like Spider-Man and Oz: The Great and Powerful. Not content with just directing, Raimi writes, produces, and even acts in a myriad of movies. His career helps legitimize the horror genre and shows young directors that anything is possible. While he has moved onto other genres, Raimi is most beloved for his work in horror. His incorporation of humor, special effects, and old-school style scares have created multiple classics. After his work on the Spider-Man movies, no one would have blamed him from staying away from horror movies. That's why a roar of approval came from the horror community when Raimi announced that he was writing and directing a new horror movie.

Drag Me To Hell is a 2009 supernatural horror movie written and directed by Sam Raimi (Evil Dead, Spider-Man) with writing help from his brother, Ivan Raimi. The film stars Alison Lohman (Gamer, Beowulf) as loan officer Christine Brown. Christine lives a fairly normal life in Los Angeles with her boyfriend Clay (Justin Long, Jeepers Creepers, Dodgeball) while trying to get a promotion as the bank she works in. Christine is insecure about her humble farm upbringing as well as her previous weight. One day, an elderly woman named Sylvia Ganush (Lorna Raver, The Caller, Breaking Waves) comes into the bank and asks Christine for another extension on her mortgage. Christine informs Ganush that she has already received two extensions, but asks her boss Jim Jacks (David Paymer, Mr. Saturday Night, State and Main) what he thinks. Jim leaves the decision up to Christine and, knowing her promotion depends on it, denies Ganush the lone. She makes a scene, begging Christine to reconsider. Scared, Christine calls security and Ganush is deeply shamed and insulted. That night, when Christine gets into her car, Ganush is waiting in the backseat and a fight ensues. She rips a button off Christine's coat and places a curse on her. After the attack, Christine and Clay meet with a fortune teller named Rham Jas (Dileep Rao, Avatar, Inception) to get her fortune read. Rham sees that she is haunted by an evil demon spirit and asks her to leave. Over the next few days, Christine is haunted by the demon known as the Lamia who is now after her soul. Christine goes to Ganush's house to try get her to remove the curse, but it is revealed that she has died. Desperate to stop the attacks, Christine kills her pet kitten to appease the demon, but it does not work. With the help of Rham, Christine has a séance with Shaun San Dena (Adriana Barraza) who has tried and failed to defeat the Lamia once before. The séance does not work and San Dena is killed in the process. Rham informs Christine that the only thing to save her now is to give her cursed button to someone else, passing the curse onto them. Will Christine be able to free herself before she is dragged to hell?

Robbing graves is still more respected than being a banker

Drag Me To Hell may be the first movie during this entire year where I was legitimately conflicted about my feelings. The movie had plenty of things I liked, but a good amount of things that I didn't. Normally, when there's something I don't like in a movie, whether it's a plot hole or a stupid scene, I can just write it off and move on. With Drag Me To Hell, the scenes I didn't like were actually done well and I couldn't just say “Oh that's stupid” and continue watching. A lot of these scenes revolve around the movie's humor. Some label the movie as a “horror comedy” but I think calling it a comedy is too far of a stretch. The jokes in the movie are very much in line with the humor from the Evil Dead series: gory over-the-top violence with improbably situations and clever one-liners. My problem with the humor in the movie is in the execution. The jokes tend to pop up out of nowhere, killing the actual horror. One good example is during the séance when the demon spirit is put into a goat. The evil goat then proceeds to talk and say dirty words. It's kind of funny, but not exactly a kneeslapper. More importantly, it renders the fear in the scene useless. It's a good, scary scene that turns into a goof off. Then there's scenes that are just plain silly, like when Christine's nose starts to bleed and then sprays all over her boss. It was just too random and unnecessary for my tastes, but it was still executed well. The movie takes a decidedly Evil Dead-esque turn towards the end which will delight fans of those movies, but may confuse the casual viewer. A scene in a graveyard has a strange cheapness to it unseen in the rest of the movie, using an obvious set with a green screen as the background? Again, it's not a bad scene, it's just jarring for the movie to just change like that.

The story itself is good, if a bit predictable. A gypsy is wronged and places a horrible curse on someone. Sound like another movie that I reviewed? How about Stephen King's Thinner? Sure the details are different, but the basic premise is similar. Even the big surprising ending reminded me of Thinner. Speaking of the ending, I found it a little disappointing and rather bothersome. It would have actually been nice to get the happy ending we were teased with. Instead, we get an ending that felt rushed and convenient. Raimi gets to flex his horror muscles once again, creating a spooky atmosphere and using lots of old and new tricks to get scares. The movie properly mixes current special effects and traditional effects that will entertain all types of horror fans. Alison Lohman is a good scream queen and would do well in other horror movies. Justin Long is fine though I still prefer him in comedy roles. Lorna Raver is very creepy as the gypsy Sylvia Ganush and helps make the movie far more scarier than you would expect. 

You complete me

Overall, Drag Me To Hell is a fun horror movie with a few problems. The humor feels out of place to me which really kills the horror. It's not bad humor, it just doesn't feel right. It's always difficult to balance horror and humor, but I think Drag Me To Hell should have just stuck with the horror. The acting is good and the directing is solid. Fans of Raimi's work will have a lot of fun from start to finish. Those unaccustomed to his brand of horror and humor will still enjoy the movie, but may be a little put off by how the movie jumps from horror to humor too quickly. The special and traditional effects are both good and the horror is fairly enjoyable. It's a good watch, but with a few tweaks, it could have been great.

7.5/10

Day 356: The Gingerdead Man

The Gingerdead Man 

I wonder if he knows the Muffin Man

Sometimes you just need to see a bad movie. There's nothing wrong with purposely watching a bad movie, it's an indulgence, like eating a piece of chocolate or an entire White Castle Crave Case by yourself. You know it's bad for you, but it doesn't matter. You want to enjoy this bad thing for all it's worth. It's one of life's joys. There are plenty of terrible horror movies out there and some even have a cult following. Full Moon Features/Entertainment specializes in putting out ridiculously schlocky horror movies like Evil Bong, Demonic Toys, and Puppet Master. When you pick up a movie called “Evil Bong” you pretty much know what you're going to get. Despite making a whole lot of “so bad it's good” movies, they still managed to screw one up starring the human dynamo known as Gary Busey.

The Gingerdead Man is a 2005 horror movie starring Gary Busey (Under Siege, I'm With Busey) as crazed killer Millard Findlemayer. At a diner in Waco, Texas, Findlemayer goes on a shooting spree killing Jeremy and James Leigh. As the police are closing in, he fires at Sarah Leigh (Robin Sydney, Masters Of Horror: Right To Die, Evil Bong), but she manages to survive (or it misses her, it's not really clear). Some years pass, and Sarah is running a bakery on the verge of closing thanks to businessman Jimmy Dean (Larry Cedar, Deadwood, The Crazies) starting his cafe business across the street. We learn through a voice-over that Millard Findlemayer was executed and his ashes were given to his mother who happens to be a witch. Sarah receives a package of gingerbread spice left at the back door by a cloaked figure. While mixing ingredients, Brick Fields (Jonathan Chase, Gamer, The Mentalist) one of the store's bakers, accidentally cuts his hand, spilling blood in the mixture. The contaminated dough is then cut into the shape a large gingerbread man and placed in the oven. Jimmy's daughter Lorna (Alexia Aleman, Close Call, Mad Men) brings a rat into the bakery in order to get it closed down and a fight with Sarah ensues. Lorna's boyfriend Amos (Ryan Locke, American Gun, Supercross) breaks up the fight, but not before Lorna causes an electric surge to hit the oven and reanimate the gingerbread man with Millard's soul. The murderous Gingerdead Man, as he is dubbed, goes on a violent killing spree, murdering Jimmy, cutting off Sarah's mom's finger, and encasing one of the workers in frosting. With the doors booby-trapped and the Gingerdead Man seemingly impossible to kill, how will Sarah and Amos survive?

Pictured: Gary Busey in his natural state

I knew it was going to be bad. There was no “maybe” about it. When you pick up a movie about a killer gingerbread man voiced by Gary Busey, you know you're not watching the next Ben-Hur or Schindler's List. With movies of this caliber, you want lots of murders, ridiculous one-liners, and perhaps a little nudity. Instead, The Gingerdead Man feels the need to try and be a real movie. There are far too many scenes filled with boring dialogue and exposition and not enough insane, laughable violence. The movie starts off so promising as the very first scene of the movie involves Gary Busey, who may or may not have been acting) walking into the shot and firing a gun. No dialogue, no setup, just a disheveled Busey and a gun. That's magic right there. Unfortunately, that's all the live Busey we get as he voices The Gingerdead Man for the rest of the film. For whatever reason, we never see him arrested or executed, instead getting a 2 sentence voice-over explaining his death and his mother's witchy abilities. The movie is barely an hour long, they couldn't spare an extra minute to show some of this? It's not like the rest of the movie was crammed with action either.

When the movie finally gets around to the violence, it becomes immensely more entertaining. It's still not great because a movie like this needs to be ultra violent and ultra bloody. While it's funny to see an gingerbread man driving a car into Jimmy, it's not the most creative way they could have killed someone. With a bakery full of all sorts of tools and machines, don't you think they could have been a little more creative? As a former baker, I couldn't believe that a) they work without gloves and b) used a mix that someone bled into. Lorna didn't need to bring a rat into the bakery, it was already worthy of an “F” rating from the health inspector. The movie is strangely very dark making some scenes difficult to see. There are some laughs in the movie, mostly coming from Busey's foul-mouthed Gingerdead Man and goofball wrestling fan Brick. The actual gingerdead man puppet is kind of funny looking with a scrunched-up typically evil face. I think it would have been better if it switched back and forth between a normal, sweet-looking gingerbread man and the evil one. Kind of like the snowman in Jack Frost. 

"Welcome to Wal-Mart!"

The Gingerdead Man is ridiculous and absurd, but for all the wrong reasons. Despite being only an hour long, the movie moves incredibly slow thanks to unnecessarily long dialogue scenes that go nowhere. We don't need or want dialogue with this type of movie. We want lots of over-the-top violence and lots of Gary Busey. When you have a loose cannon like Gary Busey (see here, here, and here for proof) in your movie, just let him go nuts and have him on screen as much as possible. We only get a little bit of him and it's incredibly disappointing. The violence is good, but should have been far more extreme. I almost feel bad for criticizing a movie about a killer gingerbread man. Almost, but not enough to stop me from doing it. The movie doesn't reach the “so bad it's good” level of C-list movies and tends to annoy more than entertain. And to make things worse, they made multiple sequels. If you're with a group of friends or have been drinking heavily, you may get a sarcastic laugh or two out of The Gingerdead Man. If not, do yourself a favor and avoid it and stick with donuts.

Be sure to check out another review of The Gingerdead Man by Josh Langland (@TheHorrorGuru) from Blood Splattered Cinema. It's far funnier than the actual movie. Buse-anity!

2.5/10

Day 345: 28 Days Later

28 Days Later

Cheerio!

For years (and I'm talking about decades), zombies were slow flesh-eaters that rise from the grave and whoever they bite, dies and turns into a zombie. For arguments sake, we'll call them “Romero Zombies”. Yes their were zombie movies before Romero, but Night Of The Living Dead popularized them more than any previous movie. There were slight variations in zombies over the years, such as the unkillable brain-eating zombies from Return Of The Living Dead, but by and large, they always retained the same attributes. That all changed with one movie. One single, solitary movie allowed zombies to be super fast infected human beings. Now, most zombie movies are about plagues rather than the dead coming back to life and have sprinting zombies. All because of one movie and I'm not even mad about it.

28 Days Later is a 2002 British zombie movie staring Cillian Murphy (Red Eye, The Dark Knight) as Jim. At an animal testing lab in Britain, animal liberation activists release chimps that are being experimented on. The chimps are infected with a highly contagious virus called “Rage” and as soon as they are released, they attack people, causing the virus to spread among humans. 28 days later (get it?) Jim, a bicycle courier, awakens inside an empty hospital. He was hit by a car and has been in a coma for almost a full month. He manages to stumble through the hospital out into the equally empty streets of London. He wanders into a church which alerts a small group of zombies. They are extremely fast and chase a confused and terrified Jim through the streets. He is saved by two survivors, Selena (Naomie Harris, Skyfall, Pirates Of The Carribean) and Mark (Noah Huntley, Holby City, Snow White & The Huntsman) who hurl Molotov cocktails at the zombies. They retreat to a Metro station where they tell Jim about the virus and how it quickly spread throughout the country. The virus, they say, has even reached Paris and New York City. Wanting to be with his family, Jim and the group travel to his home where they find his parents have committed suicide. That night, two zombies attack the house and Mark is cut badly in the melee. Selena swiftly and brutally kills him, explaining that the virus spreads too quickly to say any goodbyes. As they enter a city, they meet two more survivors, Frank (Brendan Gleeson, Braveheart, In Bruges) and his daughter Hannah (Megan Burns) who have been living in a flat for some time. With supplies running low, the group decide to head to Manchester where a pre-recorded message from a military blockade promising safety and a cure for the infection .has been playing. Along the way, Frank is accidentally infected, but before he attacks, he is killed by a group of soldiers. Jim, Selena, and Hannah join the soldiers at their headquarters. Not is all that is appears though. Is the group safer with the soldiers or with the zombies?

"Crud! Crud! Crud!"

As I've said in other zombie movies review, I much prefer slow zombies. While in the present, a slow zombie is relatively easy to beat. It's when things progress and there are hordes of zombies do things get more difficult. I find those movies to be far more scary because it's a slow, crushing loss of hope from beginning to end. You will eventually run out of weapons and food and no one coming to help you. 28 Days Later forgoes the slow hopelessness for a fast, vicious terror uncommon in horror movies. Director Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, Slumdog Million are) employed ex-athletes as his zombies, using their nature athletic abilities to make the zombies more believable. I don't usually like shaky, erratic camerawork, but during the initial chase scenes through London, they actually work perfectly with the overall fear and tension. The zombies themselves look good though the movie never really focuses on one for too long. They reflect the infected portion of the story rather than rotting corpses. I'm glad the movie took a few minutes to explain why people were zombies as many modern zombie movies just say “Eh, fuck it. There's zombies around just because”. I will say that one disappointment was the lack of destroying the brain. It seems you can kill these zombies like you would a person. I suppose the fact that they are infected with a various rather than undead, a rule change is acceptable, but I still like a good head shot.

Like all good zombie movies, 28 Days Later has solid and clear political commentary throughout. We have man vs. nature, a classic horror and science fiction theme. We have man vs. man, another classic. We also have citizen vs. government, which has become more common in horror over the last few decades. The movie even includes the Romero staple of having one white lead and one black lead. Both Cillian Murphy and Naomie Harris play their parts very well and Brendan Gleeson is enjoyable in just about everything he does. Danny Boyle manages to capture the action perfectly while also giving time for emotion and feeling. All too often, horror movies focus on the guts and gore and forget to make the audience care about the characters. Each character is different and has their flaws, but above all else, they are believable and likable. The music is also good, including an edited version of Godspeed You! Black Emperor's song “East Hastings” which is quite effective.

"Who's ready for a zom-beatdown?!"

28 Days Later is a highly enjoyable zombie movie that managed to completely change how zombie movies are done. One could make the argument that this movie sparked the current zombie craze that we are going through. We're at the point where zombies are on TV and in romantic comedies. That never would have happened without 28 Days Later. The action is fast-paced and harrowing with plenty of blood and gore. The acting is very good and the directing is solid. The movie touches on plenty of social commentary without ever feeling preachy. While I still prefer my zombies undead and slow, I've come to accept them as super-fast plague carriers. That says a lot for a movie to be able to change the way you perceive something your enjoy.

9.5/10

Day 344: The Bleeding House

The Bleeding House

House Party 5

“Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.” Blanche DuBois' famous line from A Streetcar Named Desire is still commonly referenced over 60 years later. It's funny to think about because in today's society, we are explicitly taught to never speak to strangers, never pick up hitchhikers, and to never let a stranger into your house. Kids today even have “stranger danger” yells. I'm not saying it's wrong, it's just the way things are. As we've seen from many horror movies, that hitchhiker wants to wear your skin as a coat and that stranger at your front door wants to eat your face. Despite this knowledge, some people (and movies) never learn.

The Bleeding House is a 2011 horror movie staring Alexandra Chando (The Lying Game, As The World Turns) as Gloria Smith and Patrick Breen (Galaxy Quest, Whole Day Down) as Nick. In a rundown home in small town America, the bizarre Gloria lives in a constant state of tension with her family. Her father Matt (Richard Bekins, One Life To Live, Limitless) is desperately trying to get his job back with a law firm while her mother Marilyn (Law & Order, Margaret) tries to maintain some sense of order and family. Gloria's older brother Quentin (Charlie Hewson, Awake, White Collar) is considering leaving home with his secret girlfriend Lynne (Nina Lisandrello, Beauty and the Beast, Nurse Jackie). A violent tragedy befell the family in the past which caused them to fall apart and be shunned from the town, but it is unclear at first. One night, a stranger named Nick arrives at the door asking if he can stay the night since his car broke down. At first, they refuse, but after some though, Marilyn allows him to stay. He is a soft-spoken Southern gentleman who manages to charm the family. He notices the tension between Gloria and her mother and believes that both he and Gloria are very similar. The tension between mother and daughter boils over when a bird that Gloria had been keeping escapes from it's box. When Marilyn asks her to hand over the bird, Gloria kills it and leaves. While she is gone, Nick reveals his true nature, knocking out both parents and hooking them up to a strange machine. The machine starts to drain the blood from Matt as Nick begins to question Marilyn about the violent incident. Marilyn says that she was having an affair with another man and accidentally started a fire in his house, killing his family. Nick reveals that he has been traveling do different towns, dispensing a type of religious justice to those who have sinned. Quentin and Lynne home and Nick slits his throat while Lynne and Gloria escape towards town. They are picked up by police and brought back to the house where Nick kills both policemen. What does Nick have planned for Gloria and was Marilyn's confession just a cover for something more sinister?

"Life is pain. Take me to Hot Topic."

The Bleeding House isn't your typical horror movie. It manages to be completely focused on the story it wants to tell while remaining rather directionless in purpose. It starts out relatively interesting with the broken family and the seemingly-pleasant stranger. Even when the killing began, I remained interested in what was happening, but the story became muddled and confused when questions began to receive answers. It was never entirely clear just why Nick was at their house specifically other than something about going into town and hearing people speak badly about the family. So, what, does he just go around the country waiting to hear people shit talk families that have done something wrong? We're supposed to believe he's a methodical professional serial killer, but we seen him make plenty of mistakes, leaving his finger prints everywhere, and having trouble killing a teenage girl. Granted, we learn that she's just as bad as he is, but it's a bit too much to believe. There are too many twists and turns and most fail to surprise. When Gloria's true nature is revealed, it left me with a feeling of “So what?” It makes it incredibly hard to cheer for her and hope she survives when all is revealed. Combine that with her relatively unlikable family and I end up cheering for Nick instead. Her character's secret was very similar to the daughter in the Kevin Costner's film “Mr. Brooks” which came out 4 years prior to The Bleeding House.

If there's one thing that the movie does right, it's atmosphere. The movie has a constant uncomfortable and eerie atmosphere to it that helps increase interest when the story fails to do so. There are a few jolts and maybe a scare or two, but not much. Like I said, it's not your typical horror movie. I was half-expecting Nick to be some sort of demon or vengeful spirit or something deeper than just a guy going from town to town killing people. I figured the title of the movie might mean that the house itself would bleed. That would have been much cooler. In terms of blood, yes there is a lot of it, but not in the way you expect. Nick drains Matt and Marilyn, filling up jugs with their blood. There's also some typical slashing and stabbing, but there's not much gore coming from those scenes. Patrick Breen is good in his charming, but murderous role. Alexandra Chando spends most of the movie with her hair in her eyes, looking angsty and weird. The dialogue in the movie feels very self-serving as every line tries to be deep and important, but fails to stick. It feels like writer/director Philip Gelatt was writing with one hand and fondling himself with the other, mumbling “I'm so great. I'm so great.”

"I must have a case of the vapors!"

The Bleeding House starts with a moderately decent mystery that eventually leads to nothing. The story itself is rather pedestrian and reminds me of “Mr. Brooks” which is not good because that movie was terrible. The acting is decent, but I am not a fan of the verbal masturbation that is the dialogue. There's violence and plenty of blood, but the movie isn't really a slasher. There's a serious lack of excitement, even during the more active scenes. Nick's motivation for killing is somewhat unclear and it's hard to believe he hasn't been caught yet considering all of his mistakes. I wasn't really expecting a lot from The Bleeding House, but I was expecting more than what I got. The lesson in The Bleeding House is to never let strangers in and never let your child be a murderous psycho. The end.

4.5/10

Day 343: The Unborn

The Unborn

Evil is such a perv

Happy Hanukkah everyone! Even if you don't observe the Festival Of Lights, 'tis the season for joy, happiness and all that other good stuff. Light the candles, spin the dreidel and enjoy some tasty latkes. The thing about the holiday season and horror is that there are a ton of Christmas movies and zero about Hanukkah. Honestly, how many times can you make a movie about a murderous Santa Claus? Don't worry, I'll be reviewing some of those as we get closer to Christmas. While there are no Hanukkah horror movies, there are a few that focus on Judaism and Jewish mysticism. There's The Keep, The Golem, The Possessed, and today's movie, The Unborn. L'chaim!

The Unborn is a 2009 supernatural horror movie starring Odette Yustman (Cloverfield, October Road) as Casey Beldon. Casey has a bizarre dream in which a deceased-looking little boy with blue eyes is following her. The boy then turns into a dog which leads her into the woods where she discovers a fetus buried in the ground. The dream disturbs her, but she tries to forget about it. That night while babysitting her neighbor's kids, Casey finds the young son Matty holding a mirror up to the baby. He then hits Casey with the mirror before telling her “Jumby wants to be born now”. She is shocked by the strange incident and she has trouble trying to move on from what Matty said. She begins to have strange and very real hallucinations of the boy from her dream coming to get her. One day at school, Casey's friend Romee (Meagan Good, Stomp The Yard, D.E.B.S.) notices that one of Casey's eyes is changing color. She visits a doctor who says her condition is common among twins despite Casey being an only child. When she confronts her father, he reveals that she did indeed have a twin brother who died in the womb and that her mother had nicknamed him Jumby. While going through her mother's thing (her mother committed suicide some years ago), she discovers an article about a Holocaust survivor named Sofi Kozma (Jane Alexander, The Great White Hope, Testament) who has experience with the supernatural. After initially rebuffing Casey, Sofi reveals that she is Casey's grandmother. When she was a little girl, Sofi and her twin brother were experimented on at Auschwitz during World War II. The Nazis were trying to turn brown eyes blue when Sofi's brother was killed, only to arise two days later. Sofi believed her brother was now possessed by a dybbuk (a malevolent spirit) looking to cross over into the world of the living. She killed her brother, but the dybbuk continued to haunt her, trying to come into our world through her daughter, Casey's mother. Casey reaches out to Rabbi Sendak (Gary Oldman, Air Force One, Batman Begins) to perform an exorcism and rid the world of the dybbuk. At the same time, the dybbuk begins to kill those around Casey including Sofi and Romee. Will Casey and Rabbi Sendak be able to perform the exorcism before it's too late?

Dybbuk needs braces and a good cleanser

Exorcism movies tend to blend together because of their strong Christian/Catholic themes and overtones. There are crucifixes, holy water, “The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost” and usually a priest suffering from some sort of crisis of faith. You've seen one exorcism movies, you've seen them all, right? The Unborn has none of that, though, instead focusing on Jewish mysticism, Hebrew prayers, and symbols such as the Hand Of Miriam. Just by being different, The Unborn manages to be at least semi-interesting for most of the time. Of course, once you get beyond the Judaism angle, it's pretty obvious that The Unborn is still your typical exorcism movie. The movie does try to be different by throwing in a little bit of history with Sofi and the Nazi experiments in Auschwitz, but it actually makes the story messier. Not enough time is given to the experiments as they're quickly glossed over. The movie has an almost too-fast pace, rushing from scene to scene where a little more introspection and background would have created more likable characters and a better story. Writer/director David Goyer (Blade, Man Of Steel) has some good ideas and a fairly decent grasp on what he is writing about, the execution is off. The revelation of a twin brother came within the first 20 minutes when it should have been dragged out much further. And what's the deal with the nickname “Jumby”? At first, I thought they were talking about Jambi from Pee Wee's Playhouse. “Mecca Lecca High, Mecca Hiney Ho” indeed.

The Unborn relies mostly of jump-at-you moments and quick sound swells for scares. It's good for a few jolts, but since the movie is PG-13, don't expect anything particularly shocking or horrifying. The most effective scares are when people (and one animal) have twisted body parts and move in an inhuman way. Like the spider walk and the head turning in The Exorcist, it's these unnatural movements that stick with you the most. There are some decent special effects and the movie has a slick look to it, thanks in part to being produced by Michael Bay and his Platinum Dunes production company. There's some action throughout, but nothing major. The acting in the movie is passable with no one putting in a particularly great performance. Jane Alexander and Gary Oldman are both fine, but aren't in the movie for very long. Odette Yustman is OK and I have no real complaints, although it would have been nice if the main role went to a Jewish actress, just from a story standpoint. 

"Shabbat Shalom, you evil dybbuk bastard!"

It was refreshing to see a supernatural exorcism movie focusing on Judaism instead of Catholicism. It breaks from the usual cliches and creates something different for the audience to focus on. Despite the different background, though, The Unborn is just your typical exorcism movie. There are some cheap scares and some decent special effects, but the PG-13 rating keeps the movie from being truly scary. The movie has some believability issues and the rushed background information makes the story messier than it has to be. The acting is fine and the story has some good ideas, but it's just not enough to pull everything together. The subject matter for The Unborn is suited for a slightly more mature crowd, but the movie itself is better off at a teenage slumber party than with hardcore horror fans.

5/10

Day 342: Orphan

Orphan

Little Orphan AAAAHHHHnnie

Children are either annoying, stupid, or evil. Well, according to horror movies anyway. Rarely do you find a normal, well-adjusted kid in a scary movie. They're usually captured due to their stupidity or lag behind, forcing older characters to put themselves in dangerous situations. Most of the time, I end up cheering for the villain just to shut the kids up. When they're not being annoying or stupid, they're pure evil. Sometimes it's a supernatural evil, be it through possession or perhaps the spawn of Satan. Other times, they're just nasty little shitheads that like hurting things. We've all had one of these kids in our class growing up. I remember having two boys named Ryan in my class and I would always refer to them as “Good Ryan” and “Bad Ryan”. It's this believability in the “killer child” genre that makes it so effective and so scary.

Orphan is a 2009 horror movie starring Vera Farmiga (Source Code, Up In the Air) as Kate Coleman and Peter Sarsgaard (Garden State, Jarhead) as her husband John. Their third child is stillborn which causes strain on Kate and John's marriage. Despite having a young son Daniel and a hearing-impaired younger daughter named Maxine (Aryana Engineer, Resident Evil: Retribution), Kate and John feel the need to fill the void of their deceased child by adopting. They visit an orphanage where John immediately takes to a smart and talented 9-year old Russian girl named Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman, The Hunger Games, After Earth). Sister Abigail (CCH Pounder, Warehouse 13, The Shield) tells Kate and John about Esther, including that her previous family was killed in a mysterious fire. Max immediately takes to Esther while Daniel remains standoffish. As Esther becomes more adjusted to living with the family, Kate begins to notice strange things about Esther, such as her advanced knowledge of things far beyond her age. At school, Esther is bullied by another girl and freaks out when the girl tries to remove the ribbon that she always wears around her neck. One day on the playground, Esther shoves the girl off a slide, breaking her ankle in the process. Esther claims it was an accident and while John believes her, Kate does not. Sister Abigail calls Kate and warns her that bad things tend to happen when Esther is around. When Sister Abigail pays them a visit, Esther shoves Max in front of her car, causing her to crash. She then brutally beats Sister Abigail to death with a hammer and forces Max to help her hide the body. Kate's suspicion grows, but John still does not believe that there is anything to worry about. Daniel learns of Sister Abigail's death and Esther confronts him in his tree house. She sets the tree house on fire and Daniel has to jump out, seriously injuring himself. Kate eventually discovers that Esther came from a place called the Saarne Institute, which is in Estonia, not Russia. It is revealed that the Saarne Institute is not an orphanage but a mental institution. Who is Esther really and will Kate be able to stop her before it is too late?

She's going to stick her hand in warm water, isn't she? Monster!

Having a murderous child as your main villain is not the easiest thing to pull off. The biggest issue is believability. If you have a kid run around with a butcher knife and overpowering adults, it's just too unbelievable, even in the world of horror. Bloody Birthday is a good example of what not to do in a horror movie. Then you have the good, believable killer child movies like The Bad Seed, The Good Son, and to a lesser extent, The Brood. Orphan falls somewhere in the middle of good and bad killer kid movies. In the first half of the film, Esther's murders are varied and are done in such a way that the audience believes they could actually happen. They are played off like accidents and despite knowing that Esther is doing these things on purpose, we still want to believe her. The second half of the movie is where things tend to drift, from the unconventional to the hard to believe. Without spoiling anything, I enjoyed the twist revealing who Esther really is. It was unexpected, but still made sense for the most part. This is around the time, though, that the character becomes more like Jason Vorhees, culminating in a knock-down, drag-out fight. The scene where Esther tries to seduce John is purposely uncomfortable, and while it makes some sense in terms of the story, you can practically hear everyone in the movie squirm in their seats.

In order for these movies to work, the parents are required to be ignorant. In varying degrees, that's OK. Parents aren't always around to see what happens or are quick to defend their child. In Orphan, John is so unaware of what is going on I'm surprised he doesn't occasionally walk into walls. His willful ignorance is too much to bare at times. Perhaps part of my dislike with the character is Peter Sarsgaard's performance. He has a very soft, blase way about him that just never sits right with me. Vera Farmiga is decent enough in her role as the skeptical mother. The real stare is Isabelle Fuhrman as she is able to capture both a false sweetness in the beginning and a cold, methodical hatred towards the middle and end. The violence in the movie is actually pretty good with some nice blood and gore. The viciousness to which Esther commits her crimes is startling and effective. The movie has the standard scares and an occasionally creepiness. The run time of two hours is a bit too much to bear. To put things in perspective, Orphan is 123 minutes and The Shining is 146 minutes. 

M.C. Hammerkiller

Orphan is a decent horror movie that doesn't know when to quit. The first half is fairly entertaining thanks to the great performance by Isabelle Fuhrman and the unexpectedly brutal violence. The second half tends to drift into unbelievable territory which hurts the overall viewing experience. I found every adult in the movie to be fairly ignorant of the world around them creating some ridiculous moments. I wasn't a fan of Peter Sarsgaard's bored performance and was hoping he'd die quickly. The movie's run time is far too long and should have cut out at least twenty minutes. The surprise towards the end is good and the movie does a good job of not revealing it too quickly. While it's not the best killer child movie, Orphan has it's moments and is worth a watch just to see Isabelle Fuhrman own the entire movie.

6.5/10

Day 338: Dog Soldiers

Dog Soldiers

Sup, dog?

Today's movie is a special request from Julian of the super catchy band Glory Days. You should go listen to them now and follow them on Twitter. I'll wait. If you're on Twitter follow Julian at @juliandimagiba and Glory days at @weareglorydays. Now that we're all done swooning, back to the horror. I have had a few requests spread out over the course of this past year. Most people pick a movie that they think I'll like or may have missed. Not so much with this request. I was given this movie to watch with the knowledge that the movie was not good. A quick search on Rotten Tomatoes shows that it actually had a pretty high rating. Who would be right?

Dog Soldiers is a 2002 British werewolf movie starring Kevin McKidd (Grey's Anatomy, Trainspotting) as Private Cooper and Sean Pertwee (Soldier, Event Horizon) as Sergeant Harry Wells. An unnamed young couple are camping in the woods when they are viciously attacked by an unknown beast. Private Cooper has a tryout to join an elite military unit. In order to pass, Captain Richard Ryan (Liam Cunningham, Safe House, Game Of Thrones) commands Cooper to shoot a dog. Cooper refuses and Ryan shoots the dog himself, failing Cooper in the process. A month later, a group of British soldiers, including Cooper, drop into the Scotish highlands for a training mission with the elite unit. The find the unit savagely murdered with Captain Ryan wounded, but alive. He mentions being attacked by someone or something, but doesn't make much sense. The group is attacked by a pack of large werewolves and they try to fight back. Sgt. Wells is badly injured Their guns prove relatively useless and they make a run for it. The find a road and are picked up by a woman named Megan (Emma Cleasby, Doomsday, F). She takes them to an empty house where they tend to Wells' wounds and fortify their positions. They fight off the werewolves, but ammunition begins to run low. Surrounded, the group decides to plan for an escape. Will they be able to survive and are both Megan and Captain Ryan hiding something?

Awoooo werewolves of Scotland

This may be one of the few times where I've watched a movie in English and desperately needed subtitles. It's even worse than in Dead Cert. The combination of thick accents, foreign slang, fast talking, and a sprinkling of military terms left me utterly lost and confused in certain scenes. It didn't make much of a difference in terms of the story, but it would have been nice to know just what people are saying. Speaking of the story, it's a fairly predictable werewolf movie with more gun play than some war movies. There are plenty of guns and explosions which is all well and good except they don't really stop the werewolves. What's the point of wasting the ammo when it's not really doing anything? The movie tries to go with a few surprises, but they were pretty obvious. The movie also makes it a point to inject humor into many scenes. Some are funny, but others are eye roll worthy.

Dog Soldiers knows it's a low budget B-movie and revels in it. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's a bad thing. The camera work was a little shaky and erratic during the action scenes making it hard to focus on what's happening. About 80% of the movie is action scenes so you can see how that would get old fast. The werewolves actually look good, but a little stiff. It's a shame the camera never really focuses on them as we get quick shots and individual body parts instead. What the movie lacks in story and logic it makes up for in loads of blood and gore. Sgt. If you like the color red, you're really like this movie. Wells actually has his guts spilling out yet manages to push them back in and get patched up for a majority of the movie. Come one, really? Injuring him makes sense, but don't eviscerate the guy and play it off like he's fine. Some may think this is nitpicking for a cheap horror movie, but it's just too hard to ignore. The direction is fine and the acting is good. 

Plunker! Tallywhacker! Wanker! Uh...Loo!

Between Julian requesting Dog Soldiers because it was terrible and online reviews saying it was great, I have to side with Julian and not just because we're both wrestling nerds. While the violence is good and there's plenty of blood and gore, it wasn't enough to keep me from slipping into bored annoyance. The accents were so thick that I was reminded of the scene in Austin Powers: Goldmember where he and his father speak “English” English. I know it's supposed to be a B-movie, but I found it too hard to ignore plot holes and predictable twists. The werewolves look good, but the film doesn't really focus on them. If you look at a movie like The Wolfman or An American Werewolf InLondon, we see plenty of werewolf. Why hide them? There are better werewolf movies out there and I suggest you find them before settling for Dog Soldiers.

4.5/10

Day 336: The Horde (La Horde)

The Horde

Hordehouse

When you've seen a lot of zombie movies, they all start to blend together. When you need your zombie fix, you have to find movies with something special to separate them from the pack. Sometimes it's a gimmick like zombie soldiers or zombies in outer space. Sometimes it's absurd amounts of gore and violence. And other times it's as simple as being in a different language. Now that horror movies are cheaper to make and widely distributed across the globe, there has been an influx in scary international movies. For today's review, we go to France where I have already reviewed one movie, Frontier(s). I really enjoyed that one so I was looking forward to seeing some French zombies chow down.

The Horde (also known as La Horda) is a 2009 French zombie movie starring Eriq Ebouraney (Lamumba, Transporter 3) as notorious drug dealer Adewale Markudi and Jean-Pierre Martins (Empire Of The Wolves, Felina And The Master Of Darkness) as policeman Ouesse. Following the murder of one of their fellow police officers, Ouesse, Aurore (Claude Perron, Amelie, Bernie), Jimenez, and Tony plan to avenge his death by killing his murders. The gang is lead by Adewale Markudi, a well-armed Nigerian who lives in a nearly abandoned high rise. As the group of policemen are about to raid Markudi's apartment, the buildings superintendent accidentally interrupts and Markudi gets the drop on them. The tie up one cop and Markudi's brother Bola (hip-hop artist Doudou Masta) shoots him multiple times. As they are preparing to execute Ouesse, Aurore and Tony, the dead cop awakens as a flesh-eating zombie, biting members from the gang. The gang shoot him multiple times, but he does not fall until he is finally shot in the head. Chaos reigns as an unexplained zombie plague spreads across France. The police and gang are forced to work together in order to escape the high rise and make it to safety. Along the way Aurore and Tony are separated from the group. Tony is bitten and Aurore eventually shoots him. An uneasy truce is formed between Ouesse and Markudi. The meet an old soldier named Rene (Yves Pignot) who has been fighting off zombies with an ax. Together, they raid the superintendent's apartment for weapons and begin the long descent to the ground. Will they be able to survive the zombies and each other?

"Who wants a piece of me? Oh, right. All of you. Crap."

The movie's main selling point is that it's filled with loads and loads of blood and gore. Blood is on the actors, on the floors, on the walls and everything else. If you like your zombie movies violent, then you'll be pleased. The Horde tends to rely more on computerized effects than traditional makeup and blood. Certain scenes look very good while others look blatantly fake. There is one very good scene where the audience can see the destruction of the city from the reflection in glass doors. It is subtle yet powerful. Later, they show direct shots of the city in flames and it looks too much like a green screen. Of course, you may not be too happy with how certain things in the movie play out. The characters learn fairly quickly that shooting a zombie in the head kills it. Despite this knowledge, they spend the rest of the movie shooting zombies everywhere but the head. They also learn that bites change people fairly quickly, but when one of Greco, one of the gang members, is bitten in the leg, they don't just shoot him. There are also multiple hand-to-hand fight scenes with zombies that, while looking good, doesn't seem like a smart idea. They are intent on surviving, but choose to ignore some very important facts.

For better or worse, the movie is very bleak. It's not the bleakness that bothers me so much as the predictability and pointlessness. You pretty much know how things are going to end and it's fairly disappointing. While it makes sense in the full context of the story, it also makes a lot of the story rather moot. There is some social commentary and the movie questions who really are the good guys and bad guys. The movie has great action and a few scenes worthy of a “best of” zombie clip show. The acting is good with Eriq Ebouraney putting in the best performance. I was happy that the movie was in French with subtitles rather than being dubbed. Dubbing rarely works and takes away from the quality of acting. There aren't a lot of cultural barriers so those not familiar with France and the French language shouldn't feel intimidated before watching. 

Avon calling!

The Horde could be considered a gorefest, though it's mostly just blood instead of guts. There is a lot of violence and good action scenes. The story is just OK, favoring action over substance. The basic premise of a police raid on an apartment reminds me of one of the opening scenes in the original Dawn Of The Dead. It's fairly obvious where things are going and the ending is disappointing, if expected. The acting and directing are good with some really enjoyable scenes spread throughout the film. The social commentary is passable, but it doesn't break any new ground or force the audience to change their way of thinking. The Horde is good if you're just looking for a zombie shoot-em-up filled with lots of blood and guns. If you need something deeper or unexpected, try elsewhere.

6.5/10

Day 332: Club Dread

Club Dread

Totally worth the risk

I really enjoy the work of comedy group Broken Lizard. You know them from their movies “Super Troopers” and “Beerfest”. They manage to use a good mixture of sophomoric and clever humor, something easier said than done. Usually, comedy movies go for one or the other. For every dick and fart joke, there's a well-crafted joke that requires some thinking. While the movies may be fun, they're not exactly heavy on plot or story. Both Super Troopers and Beerfest are straight comedy movies, so they can get away with it. What happens, though, when Broken Lizard tries to make a horror movie?

Club Dread is a 2004 comedy slasher movie staring the comedy group Broken Lizard and Bill Paxton (Tombstone, Big Love) as aging rocker Coconut Pete. Pete has created an secluded island paradise where guests are encouraged to get drunk and have sex as much as possible. Lars (Kevin Heffernan, Farva from Super Troopers) is the island's new masseur and immediately hits it off with aerobics instructor Jenny (Brittany Daniel, Joe Dirt, Skyline). They are unaware that a masked murderer has just killed three of their co-workers in the jungle and now stalks the island. The next day, the slashed body of worker Cliff is found inside a human Pac-Man maze. All communication to the mainland is cut off and their boats have been sunk. A message warns the staff that only they are being targeted. They try to continue on as if everything is normal, but the bodies begin to pile up. It is discovered that one of Coconut Pete's songs is being used as a map to kill people. Paranoia begins to spread as everyone is a suspect: Dive instructor Juan (Steve Lemme, Mac from Super Troopers), tennis instructor Putman (Jay Chandrasekhar, Ram from Super Troopers), Pete's nephew Dave (Paul Soter, Foster from Super Troopers), and “party police” Sam (Erik Stolhanske, Rabbit from Super Troopers). Even Lars and Jenny become suspects. Juan fears that the killer may also be Penelope (Jordan Ladd, Never Been Kissed, Grace) a particularly strange guest who is infatuated with him. Will Lars and Jenny be able to uncover and stop the killer before it's too late?

"Get the Windex!"

Balancing comedy and horror is never easy. Usually, comedic horror movies just go straight for the comedy and just have an outline of horror. The Scary Movie series comes to mind. If you focus on comedy too much, the horror will suffer and if you focus on horror too much, the movie isn't very funny. Club Dread focuses more on comedy, but doesn't ignore horror. Like Super Troopers and Beerfest, the comedy in Club Dread is a mixture of good timing, clever one-liners, and goofy humor. There are genuinely funny moments throughout the film which caused some legitimate belly laughs. Because the movie has to focus on horror, some of the jokes are hit and miss in the laughs department. There's nothing eye-roll worthy, but some jokes do fall a little flat. Out of the three Broken Lizard movies, Club Dread is probably the least funny, but that's because the other two are so good.

In terms of actual horror, the story isn't half bad. It's your typical slasher movie with a good dose of mystery. Director Jay Chandrasekhar mixes the genres well enough so that nothing feels out of place. The comedic acting is good throughout and even non-comedic actors like Bill Paxton and Brittany Daniel get some good laughs. Having Kevin Heffernan as the hero was an interesting choice considering how great he was as the ridiculous Rod Farva from Super Troopers. The connection between Jenny and Lars seems a little odd when looking at the two, but both actors managed to make it at least passably believable. The action is decent, but for a slasher, there is very little in the way of blood and gore. In true slasher fashion, the killer is very hard to dispose of to the point of absurdity. I know it was done for comedic effect, but I felt it hurt the horror portion of the movie. Again, it's a difficult balancing act. 

Who wants to play "Human Torch"?

Mixing comedy and horror is not impossible, but it's certainly difficult. The comedy was never a concern for Club Dread, but the horror was. Some of the jokes don't work, but overall, it's still a funny movie. The horror is fairly mediocre and there is a serious lack of blood and gore for a slasher movie. The mystery is interesting enough to keep the audience engaged, though the movie did feel longer than it really was. I applaud Broken Lizard for getting out of their comfort zone and creating a movie in a difficult genre. If you're looking for laughs, Club Dread definitely has them. If you're looking for good horror, you may feel a little disappointed.

6/10