Candy Stripers
Helloooooooooo, nurse
Sometimes you just need to watch a
“bad” movie, you know? You don't want anything complicated or
cerebral. You just want some mindless fun for an hour and a half.
Horror is really good that accomplishing that goal. Just look at your
local video store (if it still exists) or just flip through Netflix
and Hulu. A majority of those movies are horrendous, but that's ok.
Sometimes you need a little horrendous in your life. It keeps the
good movies good and requires little effort from you, the viewer.
This was one of those days.
Candy Stripers (not to be confused with
the Adult movie, though no one would blame you for confusing the two)
is a 2006 horror movies starring Brian Lloyd (Evil Bong, Doll
Graveyard) as basketball star Matt. A blind woman is attacked by an
unseen force and sent to a local hospital. Dying, she asks a candy
striper to kiss her because, um, why not. When they kiss, an alien
creature is transferred into the candy striper via mouth-to-mouth.
The candy striper becomes hyper-sexual and begins to turn all of the
staff into aliens. Matt is injured along with a few of his teammates
during a WWE-style basketball game and is cared for at the same
hospital. The alien candy stripers go after Matt, his friends, his
girlfriend, and Cherise, the plain, but still hot, girl that has a
crush on Matt. The aliens have a sweet tooth and need to constantly
eat sugar to stay alive. Matt and his crew begin injecting the candy
stripers with insulin in order to kill them. The group is slowly
whittled down to just Matt and Cherise. Will they be able to escape
the alien/naughty candy striper menace?
Best. Hospital. Ever.
Well, I asked for a bad movie and I got
one. Candy Stripers is a B or even C movie and doesn't strive to be
anything else. The plot is extremely basic with one part Invasion of
the Pod People and one part Cinemax After Dark. That's probably why
they had Playboy playmates serving as candy stripers. Speaking of
candy stripers, from the beginning I was really weirded out by the
concept because real candy stripers are usually high school
volunteers. On top of that, they do things in the movie that only
nurses and doctors would do. Wouldn't it have just been easier (and
less creepy) if the women had just been nurses? Was there such a big
demand for candy stripers to be used in a horror movie that they
couldn't write the script without them?
The acting is just about where you
would expect from a movie where aliens are past through lesbian
kisses. It's not good, but it is a shade better than a high school
play. The women are beautiful and that helps keep your mind off the
bad acting and terrible story. The story has very little flow and
forces itself from one scene to the other. I would have liked a
little more backstory on the aliens and what their plan is other than
infecting hot babes. It's a good plan, don't get me wrong, I just
would have liked more substance. The movie has some nudity and a few
sex scenes, so it's not really for the younger crowd. There is a
decent amount of blood and gore and one scene that will make a few
men cringe and close their legs in horror. The special effects used
are pretty bad with some sort of goofy face warping that looks like
it was created on a Macbook.
Who wants pickles?
When you ask for a bad movie and you
get a bad movie, can you really complain? You get what you pay for
when you watch Candy Stripers and since I watched this for free via
Hulu, I'd say I paid the correct amount. The story and acting and
both bad and the special effects are laughable. The women are hot so
you'll at least have something to look at while your brain turns to
mush. Despite not being an Oscar-worthy movie, Candy Stripers held my
attention and even managed to entertain at times. Maybe next time
I'll try a real movie.
3/10
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