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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Day 151: Candy Stripers

Candy Stripers
Helloooooooooo, nurse

Sometimes you just need to watch a “bad” movie, you know? You don't want anything complicated or cerebral. You just want some mindless fun for an hour and a half. Horror is really good that accomplishing that goal. Just look at your local video store (if it still exists) or just flip through Netflix and Hulu. A majority of those movies are horrendous, but that's ok. Sometimes you need a little horrendous in your life. It keeps the good movies good and requires little effort from you, the viewer. This was one of those days.

Candy Stripers (not to be confused with the Adult movie, though no one would blame you for confusing the two) is a 2006 horror movies starring Brian Lloyd (Evil Bong, Doll Graveyard) as basketball star Matt. A blind woman is attacked by an unseen force and sent to a local hospital. Dying, she asks a candy striper to kiss her because, um, why not. When they kiss, an alien creature is transferred into the candy striper via mouth-to-mouth. The candy striper becomes hyper-sexual and begins to turn all of the staff into aliens. Matt is injured along with a few of his teammates during a WWE-style basketball game and is cared for at the same hospital. The alien candy stripers go after Matt, his friends, his girlfriend, and Cherise, the plain, but still hot, girl that has a crush on Matt. The aliens have a sweet tooth and need to constantly eat sugar to stay alive. Matt and his crew begin injecting the candy stripers with insulin in order to kill them. The group is slowly whittled down to just Matt and Cherise. Will they be able to escape the alien/naughty candy striper menace?

Best. Hospital. Ever.

Well, I asked for a bad movie and I got one. Candy Stripers is a B or even C movie and doesn't strive to be anything else. The plot is extremely basic with one part Invasion of the Pod People and one part Cinemax After Dark. That's probably why they had Playboy playmates serving as candy stripers. Speaking of candy stripers, from the beginning I was really weirded out by the concept because real candy stripers are usually high school volunteers. On top of that, they do things in the movie that only nurses and doctors would do. Wouldn't it have just been easier (and less creepy) if the women had just been nurses? Was there such a big demand for candy stripers to be used in a horror movie that they couldn't write the script without them?

The acting is just about where you would expect from a movie where aliens are past through lesbian kisses. It's not good, but it is a shade better than a high school play. The women are beautiful and that helps keep your mind off the bad acting and terrible story. The story has very little flow and forces itself from one scene to the other. I would have liked a little more backstory on the aliens and what their plan is other than infecting hot babes. It's a good plan, don't get me wrong, I just would have liked more substance. The movie has some nudity and a few sex scenes, so it's not really for the younger crowd. There is a decent amount of blood and gore and one scene that will make a few men cringe and close their legs in horror. The special effects used are pretty bad with some sort of goofy face warping that looks like it was created on a Macbook. 

Who wants pickles?

When you ask for a bad movie and you get a bad movie, can you really complain? You get what you pay for when you watch Candy Stripers and since I watched this for free via Hulu, I'd say I paid the correct amount. The story and acting and both bad and the special effects are laughable. The women are hot so you'll at least have something to look at while your brain turns to mush. Despite not being an Oscar-worthy movie, Candy Stripers held my attention and even managed to entertain at times. Maybe next time I'll try a real movie.


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