The Worst Of 365 Days Of Horror

A "Worst Of" list from all the movies I have reviewed

Going down

 

I gave you the best, now here's the worst. When you watch 365 horror movies, you're bound to find a whole bunch of duds. When a horror movie is great, it is truly great. It's far easier to make a bad movie than a good one and it's very apparent in horror. Go to your local Wal-Mart, convenience store, or gas station and you'll probably see a pile of cheap horror movies, most of which you've never heard of. This project allowed me to see some truly great classic horror movies. It also allowed me to see some of the worst bits of entertainment committed to film. There were some movies that were so bad that I couldn't even get through them. While I could probably write for days about each terrible movie, below is a comprehensive list of the worst offenders, split into sub genres. Hope you enjoy my hate!

Worst Overall Movie

H.P. Lovecraft's The Tomb

How can one movie get something things wrong? H.P. Lovecraft is one of my favorite writers, but for whatever reason, most of the movies based off his work are terrible. I can't say that The Tomb falls into this category because it does not follow the Lovecraft story. I mean, at all. The original story is a great work of the macabre. The movie is just a confused, muddled mess of nothingness. I understand that budget constraints make some of his grander stories hard to create. The Tomb doesn't have that problem because there is no budget. I have no idea who the characters are or what is going on in this movie. The acting is horrible and the direction is almost non-existant. The best part of the movie is when I stopped watching it. Easily the worst out of 365 movies.

Runner-Up: The Zombie Diaries

Zombie Movie (Romero)

Survival of the Dead

It's no secret that I love George Romero's original “...Of The Dead” trilogy. They are what got me into a horror. While some of his non-zombie movies have been less than stellar, he is still the godfather of the undead. Like criticizing your favorite band for putting out an album that you don't like, I find it hard to point out the problems in Survival Of The Dead. Not because there aren't any (believe me, there are plenty) it's just that it's almost painful to see where things went wrong. I appreciate that the story connects with Diary Of The Dead as it adds a nice touch of continuity. Unfortunately, the rest of the story feels incredibly forced and, at times, confusing. Why are there two Irish families feuding on some island in America? And more importantly, why do we care? There is some decent action, but nowhere near the level of brutal violence and gore we've come to expect from a Romero zombie movie. Rather than going out with a bang, Survival ends the second zombie trilogy with a sad whimper.

Runner-up: Diary of the Dead

Zombie Movie (non-Romero)

The Zombie Diaries

A picture is worth a thousand words. The cover for The Zombie Diaries dvd looks like a fun, action-packed zombie bloodfest. None of that happens in this shaky found-footage borefest. It starts off relatively interesting, but the action never picks up. The story is as excruciatingly slow as the snail-paced zombies. It jumps between different groups of people, whom the audience does not know or care about. I was left bored and confused the entire length of the movie. The ending tries to be shocking, but by the time I reached the end, I just didn't care. It's shocking that they actually made a sequel to this movie considering just how bad the original is. I highly recommend that you stay far away from this movie.

Runner-up: The Quick and the Dead

Vampire Movie

Bloodrayne

Just about everything in this movie is bad, but what do you expect from Director Uwe Boll. He's the reverse Midas. Everything he touches turns to garbage. I knew that the movie was going to be bad before I watched it, it was just a matter of how bad. The story is moronic, the acting is terrible, and Michael Madsen's wig should be considered a dangerous animal. At least the movie has lots of blood and violence. Stupid, pointless violence, but violence nonetheless. I've never played the video game, so I can't compare and contrast it with the movie. Either way, Bloodrayne is further proof that video games should never be made into movies.

Runner-Up: Against the Dark

Werewolf Movie

Wolves Of Wall Street

There are no werewolves in this movie. None. Zero. Nada. Sure, there are some wolf sounds and some suggestive shadows, but no actual, on-screen shots of werewolves. I regret watching this movie so early into 365 DoH. If I had watched it later on, I would have been able to rip it apart even more. The story is goofy in the made-for-tv sense. It's clearly made on the the cheap and shots of the moon are reused so many times that it deserves top billing. There's no real horror or suspense to speak of. The only redeeming quality for the entire movie is that Elisa Donovan is in it. Beyond that, Wolves of Wall Street is just a pile of terrible.

Runner-Up: The Beast Of Bray Road

Monster Movie

Creature

Monster movies shouldn't be complicated. The old Universal monster movies got it right. Nowadays, monster movies need wild gimmicks to separate themselves from the plethora of horror movies that are churned out every day. The first 30 minutes are passable. Not good, but passable. It's not until the story finally kicks in that things fall off the rails, catch on fire, and crash into the side of a mountain. It's a goofy, convoluted legend about a man turning into some sort of alligator. It could have been fun in a SyFy sense, but it's not executed in a way where the story can be enjoyed. There are scenes of incest and sexual assault throughout the movie and neither are portrayed in a negative light. The monster does not look good and there is not as much violence as you'd expect. There's a reason why Creature made the least amount of money ever for a wide-release movie.

Runner-Up: Monsters

Foreign Movie

Ju-On

This one is partially my fault as I thought I would be watching the original Japanese version of The Grudge. I was half-right as there are certain parts of this movie in the American remake. I found the movie really hard to follow, even beyond language and cultural differences. It's relatively short, but still manages to bounce around between characters too much. I could not forge a strong connection to any characters because they would be out of the movie within 15 minutes. There are some unsettling moments and some decent suspense, but the movie lacks the proper amount of action. Most of the violence is implied and while there is a decent amount of blood, some special effects are less than convincing. Ju-On isn't horrendously bad, it's just not good.

Runner-Up: Dead Cert

Slasher Movie

Rocktober Blood

Despite being quite bad, Rocktober Blood has a special place in my heart. I fondly remember watching it (on VHS!) with my friend and laughing at how ridiculous it is. As far as slashers go, it's not suspenseful or scary, just silly. The idea of a killer that comes back from the grave to kill again is not particularly original, but it doesn't matter as the killer is portrayed in such a way that no one anywhere ever could be afraid of him. The one good takeaway is that the music in the movie is performed by the metal band Sorcery. The songs are extremely catchy. Don't believe me? Well check out this song and see if you're not humming it later on. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvB78T2KUFc

Runner-Up: Bloody Birthday

Horror Comedy

Shocker

Wait, this movie was supposed to be funny? It's the worst type of horror comedy when the movie is neither scary nor funny. Even the Scary Movie series manages to force a chuckle once in a while. Shocker tries to give us some slapstick physical comedy, but it's so hackneyed that the Three Stooges would blush. The story of an executed killer gaining electric super powers and the main character being able to have weird visions doesn't make much sense, even for a horror movie. Things just kind of happen throughout with no regard for continuity or the audience's sanity. The biggest insult of all is that Wes Craven wrote and directed this terrible movie. It would have been scarier to see Rush Limbaugh naked. Funnier too.

Runner-Up: Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes

Demonic Movie

The Devil's Rock

Sometimes you take a chance on the movie, having no prior knowledge to guide your decision. It might lead you to a pleasant surprise, much like when I watched Pontypool. Then again, it might lead you to The Devil's Rock. I was drawn in by the World War II aspect of the movie. I feel that there is a serious lack of good war-based horror movies and always like to give them a chance. Unfortunately, The Devil's Rock is a boring story about some sort of demon being held in a German bunker. The cast is razor thin as I believe there are only 4 people with speaking roles in the entire film. The demon's mind games are as predictable as the characters actions, leaving me bored and annoyed. It doesn't help that the demon looks stereotypical and cartoonish. You might actually find a better demon at your next Halloween party. By the end, I didn't care what happened and just wanted the movie to be over. So much for good war-based horror. You win some, you lose some.

Runner-Up: Blessed

Stephen King Movie

Maximum Overdrive

Stephen King is one of the the best horror writers in the modern era. Just about everyone has either read or seen one of his works. Unfortunately, some of his stories have received less than favorable treatments on the big screen. Well, if you want something right, do it yourself. Maximum Overdrive is King's directorial debut. Of course, this was during his coked-up 80's faze and it shows. The killer machine idea is nothing new, but their portrayal in this movie is far too silly to be considered scary. The movie gets stuck in one location and drags on for too long. Emilio Estevez is fine in his role, though not much was required of him. As a first-time director King was passable. Still, the story is better suited for an episode of the Twilight Zone and not a full-length movie. The wailing soundtrack by AC/DC doesn't help, either.

Runner-Up: Graveyard Shift

Sci-Fi Horror Movie

Proteus

A heroin-addicted sea monster? Check. Cheap mid-90's sets? Check. Mullets? Check. Proteus is your basic science-fiction monster movie complete with ridiculous evil bad-guy plot thrown on top of everything. The hero and his companions are portrayed as a drug smugglers, so it's hard to cheer for them to survive. The dialogue is very bad, but actor Craig Fairbrass manages to do a decent job. His supporting cast does him no favors and bring down the entire movie. The monster itself looks hilariously bad. It actually makes Carnosaur look like it should be in Jurassic Park. If you can't make a good monster, don't make a monster movie.

Runner-Up: Splice

Horror Anthology

From A Whisper To A Scream

 

This movie suckered me in by having Vincent Price in it. Sadly, he's only in a few scenes, but still manages to be the best thing in it. Everything about this anthology is terrible. There are too many stories and none of them are particularly good. The horror is weak and the storytelling is just not there to keep the audience interested. The ideas for the stories aren't bad, just unoriginal. The problem lies in the execution as the acting is poor and the sets are cheap. A little bit of money and effort could have made the movie far more enjoyable. Instead, it's just a painful reminder that I could be watching Creepshow instead.

Runner-Up: Deadtime Stories Vol. 1

Masters Of Horror

Chocolate

Masters of Horror put out plenty of dudes (Dance of the Dead, Haeckel's Tale), but they usually managed to be horror-centric stories. Chocolate doesn't even come close to horror. The idea of seeing horrible violence through another's point of view has been done before (For example, The Eye) and done better. The acting is pretty bad (with the exception of Matt Frewer) and the story is meandering and pointless. There is nothing scary or even exciting about Chocolate. It's all just one big waste of time. I legitimately feel bad for anyone who buys this on a whim. I've seen Disney movies scarier than this.This was painful to sit through.

Runner-Up: Dance Of The Dead, Haeckel's Tale

Remake

Freakshow

I usually question the necessity for remakes, but I can understand the desire to remake the classic 1932 movie “Freaks”. It's old enough where a good chunk of your audience probably have not seen it. It doesn't help, though, when you classify your remake as a “modern retelling” and the only changes you make are nudity and violence. At first, I thought Freakshow was just ripping off Freaks until I did a little research. The original was supremely unsettling while the remake is just boring and uninspired. There's a lot of talk and planning in the movie with very little action until the rushed ending. I'm not a fan of watching torture which is a problem considering the last 10 minutes of the movie are just torture. The scene is painfully slow and unpleasant, just like the rest of the movie.

Runner-Up: The Hitcher

Day 365: Night Of The Living Dead

Night Of The Living Dead

Good night and good luck

This is it. The end. The 365^th movie review. They said it couldn't be done. I didn't even think I would make it this far, but we made it. I've seen movies about vampires, werewolves, monsters, animals, serial killers, aliens, killer clowns, ghosts, demons, Satan, and my favorite, zombies. I have seen classics, independents, movies I've always wanted to see, and movies I wish I had not. I will be taking a much needed break in the coming days, but I will be doing at least a few more posts, which will include a “Best Of” awards ceremony and Razzies for the worst. I want to personally thank each and every one of you for helping me, whether it was procuring certain movies, helping me with research, correcting some mistakes, and spreading the word. Without you, I would have stopped a long time ago. Without further ado, here is the final review for 365 Days Of Horror.

Night Of The Living Dead is a 1968 zombie movie written and directed by George Romero (Dawn Of The Dead, Creepshow). The movie stars Judith O'Dea (The Pirate, The Ocean) as Barbra and Duane Jones (Vampires, To Die For) as Ben. Barbra and her brother Johnny (Russell Streiner, The Majorettes, Night Of The Living Dead 1990) drive to rural Pennsylvania to visit their father's grave. Johnny is annoyed to be there and entertains himself by teasing Barbra. He playfully chases Barbra, pointing to another man in the cemetery and warning, “They're coming to get you, Barbra!” The man, a zombie, attacks Barbra and then struggles with Johnny who cracks his head on a gravestone. The man chases Barbra to her car and smashes the window with a rock before she is able to pull the emergency break and roll down a hill. The car crashes and Barbra flees to a nearby farmhouse where she discovers a decomposing body upstairs. When she leaves the house, she is surrounded by zombies and is saved by a man named Ben who brings her back inside. Barbra is traumatized by the events and goes into shock while Ben tries to secure the house by boarding up the doors and windows. It is revealed that a group of people have been hiding in the house's cellar the entire time. The group is made up of a young couple named Tom (Keith Wayne) and Judy (Judith Ridley) as well as Harry Cooper (Karl Hardman, Santa Claws) his wife Helen (Kyra Schon) and their daughter, Karen, who has been bitten by a zombie. The cowardly Harry tries to explain why he did not help Ben when he heard him upstairs, but Ben does not believe him. Harry insists that they are safer in the cellar, but Ben rebuffs him, claiming it is a “death trap”. While Harry and his family stay in the cellar, the rest of the group listens to the radio and television for information. The problem is widespread across the entire East Coast and the murderers, who appear to be the recently deceased, are cannibalizing their victims. While there is no definite explanation, it is believed that a space probe returning from Venus that exploded in the Earth's atmosphere may have been contaminated with radiation. A news report reveals that a rescue center has been established nearby and, with the farmhouse becoming increasingly surrounded by the undead, the group agrees to make a run for it. Ben, Tom, and Judy make a run for a truck near the house while Harry throws molotov cocktails at the zombies. Tom accidentally spills fuel on the truck, causing it to eventually explode, killing himself and Judy. Ben runs back to the house, but is unable to enter because Harry refuses to unlock the door. Ben is forced to break down the down, and after securing it, assaults Harry. Harry threatens to shot him, but Ben takes his gun and shoots Harry, who stumbles down the cellar. With the plan failing and zombies surrounding the house, how will Ben and Barbra survive?

Welcome to the gun show

Night Of The Living Dead is the movie to which all other zombie movies are compared. While there were zombie movies previous to this one, like White Zombie and King Of The Zombies, Night Of The Living Dead set the standard for the modern zombie films. George Romero crafted a horror movie that is both smart and graphic, appealing to all types of horror fans. The combination of suspense, thrills, and action makes the movie an intense and gut-wrenching experience. The movie's graphic nature was shocking at the time as we see the zombies tearing at and eating human body parts. Before NOTLD, most zombies were simply the product of voodoo and mind control. Romero created zombies that are far scarier with added aspect of cannibalism. They are violent monsters with an insatiable hunger and virtually limitless numbers. Despite being in black and white, the movie is still quite gory and bloody, especially for a movie in the 1960's. The movie cleverly leaks out bits of information about what is happening, putting the audience in the same position as the characters, causing us to relate to them. By doing this, we learn why there are zombies and how to stop them. We also learn that armed posses are combing the area, a foreshadowing of things to come.

"Oh, tombstone. You're such a great hugger."

More importantly, though, the zombies in Night Of The Living Dead are not the true monsters. As is now common among Romero and other zombie movies, social commentary is in full effect. Romero's casting of a black man in the hero role was seen as slightly controversial at the time. By doing so, the audience is forced to deal with their own personal feelings of prejudice and race. This is one of the main themes of the movie as hatred, mistrust, and deceit are all at work in the movie. Harry is a coward who is clearly out of his element, but refuses to listen to Ben, despite clearly being in control. Harry thought the best idea was to hide and hope for the best while Ben is proactive, boarding up the house and getting the radio and television to work. We all hope to be brave like Ben, but we secretly fear that at the moment of truth, we may be more like Harry. It was disappointed that Barbra was virtually useless for most of the movie and even Romero himself has stated that he was unhappy with the way she was written. The acting is good all around which helps make the movie emotional and believable. 

These flash mobs are ridiculous

Night Of The Living Dead was George Romero's feature-length directorial debut, but you would never know it. Scenes are shot with a competent confidence with a mixture of interesting angles that help convey a sense of frantic horror. The film opens up like any normal event, but quickly disintegrates into an uncontrollable horror that never ens. Less than ten minutes is all it takes for the movie to become a dire struggle for survival. Rather than having the movie take place in an easily recognizable area, Night Of The Living Dead takes place in a rural area that could be just about anywhere. Shot in central Pennsylvania, the natural open setting is all the more terrifying because it appears to be calm and comforting. The movie has a good amount of action and scares that still make modern audiences jump. The musical flourishes are great and make certain scenes far scarier than one would initially expect.

"Hey, put Cougar Town on."

Night Of The Living Dead was not the first zombie movie, but it did manage to completely change the genre. Bland mind-controlled zombies were replaced by the living dead who's only motivation is to feed on the living. The movie established new rules, like shooting zombies in the head, that are still followed to this day. The movie is shockingly violent and gory, still capable of scaring modern audiences. The story is great from the intense and frantic beginning to the brutal, depressing ending. The movie is full of important social commentary that still resonates today. The acting is great and Romero's direction is perfect. Whether you're looking for a straight-forward and scary horror film, or a smart, thoughtful movie with lots of action, Night Of The Living Dead is an all-encompassing and entertaining movie. There is a reason why the Library of Congress selected it for preservation in the National Film Registry. Unfortunately for Romero, but fortunately for you, the movie entertained the public domain because the original distributor, the Walter Reade Organization, did not put a copyright on prints of the film. The movie is now available through many different mediums, including for free on various websites. Night Of The Living Dead is an incredibly entertaining and incredibly important movie. Aspiring film makers, writers, and actors should watch the film as a blueprint for making a great movie on a limited budget. As for horror fans, it's required viewing. A movie like Night Of The Living Dead makes horror fans proud of the genre they love.

10/10

Day 358: Dead Alive

Dead Alive

Peek-a-bleechh

“Horror movies are nothing but violence and blood.” Horror may be one of the most maligned genres in all of cinema. There are those who want to blame scary movies for all of society's failings and those who regard them as nothing more than filth. We know that this is not true. Horror movies can be beautiful, poetic pieces of entertainment that can make us laugh, cry, scream, and yell. The same can't be said for some other genres. The point is that despite the blood and gore horror movies are not just splatterfests, dumping gallons of blood and guts in front of the screen to the delight of weirdos and neerdowells. Unless of course, that's the entire point of the movie.

Dead Alive (also known as Braindead) is a 1992 New Zealand zombie movie written and directed by Peter Jackson (Lord Of The Rings, The Hobbit). The film stars Timothy Balme (The Tattooist, Mercy Peak) as Lionel Cosgrove and Diana Penalver (El comisario, Mediterraneo) as Pauita Maria Sanchez. An explorer visits Skull Island and captures the legendary Sumatran Rat-Monkey, a hideous creature who, legend has it, came about when large rats infested the island and raped all the monkeys. Natives try to stop him from leaving with the monkey, but he evades them only to be bitten in the hand by the monkey. His assistants chop off his hand to prevent the effects from spreading, but upon seeing scratches on his head, they are forced to kill him. The rat-monkey is then shipped to the Wellington Zoo in New Zealand to be put on display. Lionel Cosgrove, a Wellington resident, lives with his domineering mother Vera (Elizabeth Moody, The Lord Of The Rings, The Scarecrow) and has very little in the way of a personal life. He meets Paquita at a local shop who quickly falls in love with him after he fulfills a prophecy given to her by her grandmother. They go on a date to the Wellington Zoo where Vera follows them. She gets too close to the Rat-Monkey and is bitten on the arm. Lionel takes her home to care for her, but her condition quickly deteriorates. He calls a nurse to check on her, but Vera, now a ravenous zombie, kills the nurse, turning her as well. He keeps them sedated in his basement, but Vera escapes into the general population. She is hit by a trolly and Lionel is forced to tranquilize her during the funeral. That night, he returns to the graveyard to tranquilize her again, only to be attacked by hoodlums. Vera rises from the grave and turns the gang into zombies. Father Jon McGruder (Stuart Devenie, The Frighteners, Jack Of All Traders) uses kung-fu to fight off the zombies, proclaiming, “I kick ass for the Lord!” Unfortunately, Father McGruder is also turned into a zombie and Lionel is forced to keep him in his basement. Lionel's uncle Les (Ian Watkin, Charlotte's Web, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys) pays him a visit and discovers the zombies. He blackmails Lionel into giving up the house and inheritance in exchange for keeping quite. Lionel poisons and buries the zombies while Les throws a party at the house. The zombies awaken and start attacking the partygoers. Will Lionel and Paquita be able to stop the zombies before they spread throughout the country?

At least his jacket is still in one piece

Dead Alive is possibly one of the goriest films ever made. When someone describes a movie as being too gory, just point to Dead Alive and say “Is it gorier than this?” The movie has gallons of spraying blood, dismemberment, slashing, and flesh-eating all in the name of fun. If that sounds too tame, there movie is famous for a scene where Lionel uses an upturned lawn mower to shred a horde of zombies in what can only be described as the blood version of Old Faithful. The film is loaded with obscene violence, but presented in such a way that you can't help but laugh. Whether is a priest using martial arts or Lionel trying to feed zombies, the movie is full of legitimately funny scenes. Granted, there are some things in the movie that don't work, like the pile of guts chasing after Lionel or just about anything involving the zombie baby the shows up later in the film. Things progress at a quick pace which helps keep the movie going since the plot is fairly simple. 

Red Skull, is that you?

To the fans of The Lord Of The Rings and The Hobbit, it may come as a shock that Peter Jackson was involved in such a crazy movie. If you can get past the shock of such intense violence, you can see Jackson's creativity and keen eye. He includes lots of odd angles and plenty of closeups to really capture the emotion and overall strangeness of the movie. The movie has a good balance of action, comedy, and horror which should appeal to fans from different genres. There is also a nice little romance between Lionel and Paquita. Towards the end of the movie, the story is pushed to the side for the extended zombie fighting. It's a fun culmination, but there is no real progression until Vera reappears at the end. The acting is good by everyone involved which is impressive considering the movie traverses various different genres. The special effects, makeup, and prosthetics used in the movie are truly impressive and far better than any computer could do. The film quality is a bit dated, making the movie appear to be from the early 80's rather than the 90's. 

He'll need a lot of club soda to get that out

Dead Alive is a wild, gore-filled horror movie that has almost as many laughs as it does horrible acts of violence. Squeamish types may want to stay away because the movie is filled with more blood and guts than some medical school text books. Throughout all of this, though, the movie retains it's sense of humor with a mixture of slapstick, physical comedy, and clever lines. Director Peter Jackson captures the horror as well as the laughs while including a bit of romance and action. The special effects look great and are the real star of the movie. Without that effort and skill, the movie wouldn't be as good as it is. If you can, seek out the original version of the film under the Braindead title as it has extended scenes and even more gory violence. Dead Alive is a fun horror movie with an absurd amount of violence and is highly recommended.

8.5/10

Day 355: Event Horizon

Event Horizon

Infinite terror comes with your choice of toppings

Space: The Final Frontier. It's cliché, I know, but when it comes to horror, it's true. Despite us knowing more about space than the ocean, the audience has a general idea of what something from the sea will look like. When it comes to outer space, anything and everything is possible. There are no rules which frees up writers and directors to create the movie they want to make. Sometimes it leads to great results like Alien and sometimes it leads to brain-crushing stupidity like Jason X. Either way, you never know what to expect.

Event Horizon is a 1997 science fiction horror movie starring Lawrence Fishburne (The Matrix, Mission Impossible III) as Captain Miller and Sam Neill (Jurassic Park, In The Mouth Of Madness) as Dr. William Weir. In the year 2040, the spaceship Event Horizon disappeared on it's maiden voyage to another star system. Seven years later, a distress signal is received from the Event Horizon. The rescue vessel Lewis and Clark is sent to the rescue the ship which is floating near Neptune. The ship is captained by Miller whose crew includes Lt. Starck (Joely Richardson, The Tudors, Nip/Tuck), pilot Smith (Sean Pertwee, Dog Soldiers, Soldier), engineer Justin (Jack Noseworthy, There's Something About Mary, The Fifth Element), doctor D.J. (Jason Isaacs, The Patriot, Armageddon), medical technician Peters (Kathleen Quinlan, I Never Promised You A Rose Garden, Apollo 13), and rescue technician Cooper (Richard T. Jones, Kiss The Girls, The Wood). The ship's creator, Dr. Weir, joins the mission, revealing that the ship was built to test an experimental form of space travel that generates an artificial black hole. When they enter the ship, they see the remnants of a bloody massacre. As they search for clues as to what happened, the ship's gravity drive starts on it's own, dragging Justin into a portal. When he is released, he is left in a catatonic state. The gravity drive damages the Lewis And Clark, forcing the entire crew onto the Event Horizon. They begin to experience terrifying hallucinations, all surrounding fears and regrets, especially towards lost love ones. Justin wakes from his catatonic state and tries to kill himself, saying that he has seen horrible things inside the portal. Dr. Weir begins to see visions of his wife, who committed suicide, urging him to “join” her. The crew is able to decipher the ship's log, revealing that the crew went insane and horrifically mutilated each other. Miller and DJ believe that the ship's original portal jump led them to another dimension, one of complete chaos and evil. In fact, they believe that the ship has in fact been to Hell. Now, that evil lives on the ship and has taken over Dr. Weir. Weir begins to sadistically murder the crew members while the ship itself causes more hallucinations. Will Miller be able to stop Weir and get back home before it's too late?

And will he join the Ghostbusters?

Writer Philip Eisner (The Mutant Chronicles, Firestarter 2) originally pitched Event Horizon as “The Shining in space” with no actual story planned. Well that may sound like a funny thing to do, Alien was pitched as “Jaws in space” so it's not without merit. It's a pretty apt description of how Event Horizon is laid out, both in story and action. Initially, the audience has an inkling that something bad might happen, but the true horror slowly unfolds, enveloping the characters as well as the audience. The ship has an evil presence, much like the Overlook Hotel in The Shining, coupled with the mental breakdown of one of the main characters. Event Horizon uses the same combination of isolation, depression, and despair to twist characters as well as test the audience. All that being said, Event Horizon isn't on the same level as The Shining. This movie focuses much more on physical action and violence rather than the psychological horror of The Shining. Full of explosions and fight scenes, this movie is made more to frighten you up front rather than terrify within. The hallucinations may make you jump, but they're not on the same level as say, an elevator full of blood rushing towards you. Speaking of blood and gore, this movie has a lot of it. More than lots of slashers, actually. Test audiences and the studio found the original cut to be too gory and scenes were cut, which is a shame. The movie does have religious imagery, like a window shaped like a cross, but it's not overly religious like an exorcism movie would be.

Another major difference is the quality of story. Event Horizon uses an interesting idea and a creative setting to get started, but when it comes down to details and specifics, the movie tends to gloss over them in an effort to get to more visually exciting scenes. It's never entirely clear if the ship actually went to Hell or just a scary dimension. How did the ship create hallucinations? Was the ship alive or did everyone just go nuts? Why are people smoking inside a spaceship? The movie is entertaining enough where you can mostly overlook plot holes, though they may stick with you when the movie is over. The cast is really strong in this movie with everyone playing their part very well. Sam Neill is really good as a villain and should play one more often. Two funny things I noticed while watching the movie. At the beginning, they say that the first colony on the moon started in 2015. Looks like that's not happening. I always get a kick out of things like this in movies that predict something in the not too distant future and get it wrong. I love Escape From New York, but always laugh when they say the year is 1997. Just pick something like 100 years in the future so if you get it wrong, no one will really care by then. The second thing was the crew communicating with each other using what looks like iPads. I think someone should sue Apple for that. Director Paul W.S. Anderson (Resident Evil, Mortal Kombat) captures both the violence and fear well enough to please action fans and horror fans equally. 

You got a little something on...eh, never mind

Event Horizon is an enjoyable science fiction horror movie with a decent amount of scares and some interesting ideas. It's easy to see how the story parallels The Shining, always a good movie to emulate. There is a true sense of isolation and claustrophobia throughout the movie that makes the audience feel what the characters are experiencing. The movie has a lot of blood and gore which may make some people squeamish. The movie uses a large amount of special effects, some good and some clearly from the 1990's. Direct Paul W.S. Anderson does a solid job and the cast manages to make the movie, which could have been silly in the wrong hands, believable and entertaining. There are some issues with the plot as details tend to be rushed or completely ignored, but there's enough going on to keep you entertained. While it didn't do well when it was first released, Event Horizon has gained a cult status among horror and sci-fi fans. It's fun, scary, and different. A winning combination.

8/10

Day 351: The Phantom Of The Opera

The Phantom Of The Opera

And next he'll be Tevye in "Fiddler On The Roof"

The it seems that every decade or so, there is a revival for The Phantom Of The Opera. It pops up in a new movie or a television show or the soundtrack to the Broadway musical is digitally remastered to 3.0 Dolby surround sound with special guest sousaphone player blah blah blah. I can't say I've ever been a fan of the 1910 story or the Andrew Lloyd Weber musical. I've only seen two musicals in my life and they were Les Miserables and Miss Saigon. Despite my lack of knowledge or feelings toward The Phantom Of The Opera, there is a large swath of people that absolutely love it. Many a Phantom poster has adorned the walls of teens and college students. I suppose the romance factor has a lot to do with it's popularity rather than the the main characters with the disfigured face. The 1925 silent film starring Lon Chaney is considered a true horror classic, but for today's review, I went with something a little different. Something a bit more 1980's. Something a bit more Robert Englund-y.

The Phantom Of The Opera is a 1989 adaptation of the 1910 story written by Gaston Leroux starring Robert Englund (A Nightmare On Elm Street, 2001 Maniacs) as The Phantom Of The Opera/Erik Destler and Jill Schoelen (The Stepfather, When A Stranger Calls Back) as Christine Day. In modern times (read: 1980s), Christine Day is an opera singer preparing for a big audition in New York City. Determined to get the role, Christine seeks out an old and unique piece to help her stand apart from the other singers. With the help from her friend Meg (Molly Shannon, Saturday Night Live, Night At The Roxbury), Christine discovers a piece entitled “Don Juan Triumphant” by an obscure composer named Erik Destler. They learn that Destler had committed a few murders and may have been responsible in the disappearance of a young opera singer. Alone in her apartment, Christine sings the song, causing blood to drip out of the paper, but it is just a hallucination. During her audition, a falling sandbag breaks a mirror and knocks her out and when she awakens, she is in London in 1881. She is now the understudy for a play, where the Phantom Erik Destler teaches her from the shadows. He encourages her to practice, saying that only she can sing the part of Margueritte in the play Faust. Through strange circumstances, Christine gets the role, which causes an uproar in the opera house. It is revealed that the Phantom, much like Faust, has sold his soul to the Devil, granting him the gift of creating beautiful music, but also a horribly disfigured face. Christine's performance is hailed and she celebrates with her fiancee Richard. The next day, her performance is given a poor review and the Phantom kills the reviewer. His obsession with Christine leads to more murders and shows that he has some supernatural abilities. With the murderous Phantom closing in on Christine, will she be able to survive and make it back to her own time?

Pimp Of The Opera

I don't often say this, but who exactly is the audience for this movie? The movie won't appeal to the fans of the Andrew Lloyd Weber musical because it is far too violent and gory. It doesn't really appeal to horror fans either since there are extended scenes of opera singing and general romance. Ultimately, we get a strange mash-up of a few different genres that never mesh well together. The story is pretty faithful to the original, but the plot goes way off through the addition of time travel weirdness. The whole time travel angle is nonsensical and unnecessary. I suppose they were going for an angle to separate the movie from other adaptations, but the modern scenes are so heavily steeped in the 1980s that it looks very dated today. There's no leg warmers or comically giant cell phones, but the clothes and items like synthesizers ooze 1980s grossness. The movie tends to get boring as it makes sure to check off all the important bits and pieces from the story. There's some action and suspense sprinkled throughout, but it's really nothing special.

So who is this movie good for? People with morbid curiosity, like me. I couldn't really believe that Mr. Freddy Krueger himself was in The Phantom Of The Opera. It should be no surprise that Robert Englund could pull off this role. Once could find similarities in the way Englund portrays the Phantom and Freddy, but there are some differences. His Phantom is far more driven and obsessed, lacking the bizarre charm of Freddy Kruger. The film takes a heavy turn towards horror towards the end, which, coincidentally, is the best part of the movie. The makeup used for the Phantom looks good, but it's hard not to compare it to Freddy. I didn't particularly care for Jill Schoelen performance as she seemed confused and out of place for about 90% of the movie. It was fun to see a young Molly Shannon, though, randomly showing up in an obscure horror movie. 

"Does anyone else smell hot dogs cooking?"

The Phantom Of The Opera is a well-known story and trying to add a modern horror twist to it just doesn't work. The whole time-traveling deal is not handled very well and makes me question why they even bothered doing it in the first place. The movie has trouble deciding who it wants to appeal to as we jump from romance, to action, to horror, to musical. Just about every fan of each genre will find things not to like in the movie. The large amount of gore and violence will turn a lot of Phantom fans off and the plodding romance theme will sure to bore horror fans. Robert Englund is very enjoyable, but I was annoyed by Jill Schoelen's lackluster performance. The only real reason to see The Phantom Of The Opera is just to satiate your curiosity. It's a strange idea and certainly very different, but not very good.

4/10

Day 350: Dawn Of The Dead

Dawn Of The Dead

You should really get that thing look at

Today's review is one of my most requested movies and it was a long time coming. Believe it or not, I wasn't always a fan of horror. Even with this blog, I'm not your typical horror fan. I don't go to conventions, I don't adorn my walls with movie posters, and I don't have a picture with Kane Hodder or Robert Englund. Like any normal child, I was pretty scared of horror movies. I'd shut my eyes real tight when a horror movie commercial would come on during Saturday morning wrestling. The first horror movie I remember really enjoying was Dawn Of The Dead. In a video store (remember those?) my dad bought the VHS and said, “It has zombies in a mall. You'll like it.” He was right.

Dawn Of The Dead is a 1978 zombie movie written and directed by George Romero (Night Of The Living Dead, Day Of The Dead). The movie stars Ken Foree (The Dentist, The Devil's Rejects) as SWAT team member Peter and David Emge (Basket Case 2, Hellmaster) as television worker Stephen. Building upon the events from Night Of The Living Dead, a pandemic of unknown original has caused deceased human beings to reanimate as zombies that crave the flesh of the living. Chaos reigns as the government tries to enforce martial law and people try to escape populated areas. Francine (Gaylen Ross, Creepshow, Madman) is working at the WGON television station which is broadcasting a debate on what to do about the zombies. With the station going off the air at midnight, Francine leaves with her boyfriend Stephen. There plan is to steal the station's helicopter and fly to a remote area in hopes of riding out the zombie pandemic. At the same time, a SWAT team raids an apartment complex in Pennsylvania that refuse to give up their sick and dead. SWAT member Roger (Scott Reiniger, Knightriders, The Other Victim) helps in the raid and tries to subdue a fellow team member who has decided to go on a killing spree. When Roger is unable to stop him, Peter shoots and kills him. Zombies begin to escape out of the apartments and a bloodbath ensues. Roger and Peter escape and meet up with Francine and Stephen in the helicopter. They eventually make their way to an abandoned mall in Monroeville, PA. To make the mall safe from more zombies, Roger and Peter steal trucks and park them in front of the mall's doors. By this point, Roger has become erratic in his actions, throwing caution to the wind. While hotwiring a truck, he is bitten in the leg by a zombie. With the entrances blocked, the group goes through the mall clearing out all the zombies. Peter notices that Francine looks sick and Stephen reveals that she is pregnant. The group enjoys the now empty mall, wearing fancy clothes, playing arcade games, eating decadent food, and simply enjoying themselves as the world around them collapses. The fun only lasts so long as they soon begin to feel imprisoned in their little utopia. Roger eventually turns into a zombie and is put down by Peter. One night, the group receives a radio call from people claiming to be survivors. They are in fact a group of raiders looking to loot the mall. The raiders open up the mall, allowing the zombies to get in. Between the raiders and the zombies, how will the group survive?

Well, that's one way to do it

Dawn Of The Dead is thoroughly and entirely enjoyable, something most movies cannot claim. The movie has so much to like in it that it's almost hard to nail down what it does best. It touches on all the important points of any good horror movie, whether it's a believable story, sustainable action, immense violence and gore, likable characters, and a strong message. Dawn Of The Dead builds upon the initial story from Night Of The Living Dead as the zombie pandemic spreads exponentially throughout the country. Romero keeps things local by keeping the movie in Pennsylvania, mostly filming in Pennsylvania and Monroeville. This helps ground the story and the audience rather than putting it in say New York City or Los Angeles. The events mostly take place in rural America where most can identify with the general surroundings. Most people want to escape the carnage, but there are those, referred to as rednecks, who are having a blast, shooting zombies and drinking beer. It's a funny juxtaposition to the utter chaos spreading throughout the country and perhaps world.

"Huuuuuuuuuugggggsssssss!"

That joy and bliss is revised when the group runs through the mall, enjoying what the mall has to offer. The scene creates some levity in the film and gets the audience to smile and let down their guard. Who among us wouldn't want to be in the same scenario. Just like those rednecks, the group has fun while the world around the collapses. Like all good things, it comes to an end, first by their own feelings and then by the raiders. There comes a point where you just can't have fun anymore and cabin fever begins to set in. It's hard to party when there is nothing to look forward to on the horizon. Romero gives us a heaping dose of social commentary with the raiders breaking into the mall. Zombies are eating people and the raiders just want to steal things. They have forsaken safety in the pursuit of stuff. Like those before them, the raiders have their fun, stealing jewels from zombies and literally slamming pies into their faces. Man's hedonistic desire is on full display in this movie. Romero also manages to take shots at the military, the police, and television talking heads. He manages to capture both the horrific violence and humor over the course of the movie, something that's easier said than done. The acting is good throughout and the diverse cast keeps things interesting. 

"OK. First we hit The Gap, then Hot Topic, then the Food Court."

“When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the earth.” It's one of the most famous in lines in all of horror cinema and is still chilling to the bone. It has shown up on t-shirts, in video games, in other movies, and even songs like the Murderdolls "Dawn Of The Dead". The line encompasses our fear of going to Hell, not resting in piece, and of course, having to deal with the living dead. Makeup wizard Tom Savini uses his skill to create some incredibly violent and gory scenes throughout the movie. There's plenty of guts and exploding heads and enough blood to fill a pool. The zombies look good with a believable pale bluish tinge to their skin. Romero manages to inject some humor into the movie by having a wide variety of zombies including a nun, a baseball player, and a Hari Krishna. The movie was shot in about four months with most of the mall scenes shot at night. The music played over the loudspeakers was the mall's actual music, which is kind of ridiculous if you listen to it. I don't think the mall is still there, which is a shame. There are multiple versions, alternative endings, a recut by Dario Argento, and of course, a great remake. The movie is quite long, so be prepared, but the movie never really lags.

"Dude, did you wash your hands?"

Dawn Of The Dead is probably my favorite horror movie. It just does so much right that any flaws can be ignored. Despite it's long run time, I never felt bored or complacent. There is a lot of action and an extreme amount of blood and gore. Tom Savini is at his best with the variety in violence and sheer amount of exploding heads. There is plenty of social commentary as one would expect from Romero or any zombie movie worth their salt. The acting is good and the direction is spot on. If you haven't seen Dawn Of The Dead, stop what you're doing and watch it now. And yes, I still have the original VHS.

10/10

Day 348: Scanners

Scanners

Too spicy?

I don't really believe in telekinesis or telepathic abilities. I'm sure some people use their brains more than others (The North vs The South for example), but I don't think someone can burst into flames via thought power. And would it really be fun to hear people's thoughts? I can barely tolerate what they actually say. While in real life these abilities may not be all they're cracked up to be, in horror they serve as a good plot point. It can create interesting and terrifying stories or just create some fun action sequences. And if David Cronenberg at the helm, you know you're in for a wild ride.

Scanners is a 1981 science fiction horror movie written and directed by David Cronenberg (Videodrome, The Brood). The movie stars Stephen Lack (Dead Ringers, Head On) as Cameron Vale and Michael Ironside (Total Recall, Starship Troopers) as Darryl Revok. Over 200 people in the world are known to be Scanners, humans with the ability to read (scan) minds through telepathy and cause physical harm through telekinesis. ConSec, a corporation that specializes in weapons and security systems, searchers out these scanners in hopes of protecting them. Scanners tend to not understand their abilities and are usually committed to mental hospitals because they “hear voices”. Cameron Vale is a powerful vagrant Scanner who is brought in to ConSec and trained by Dr. Paul Ruth (Patrick McGoohan, Braveheart, Escape From Alcatraz). During a conference, ConSec has one of their own Scanners scan a volunteer from the audience. The volunteer is actually Darryl Revok, an incredibly powerful Scanner, who uses his powerful to make the other Scanner's head literally explode. He escapes capture, killing several ConSec security agents in the process. Following the incident, Bradeon Keller (Lawrence Dane, Bride Of Chucky, Side Effects) is brought in as the new head of security. He and Ruth decide to have Cameron infiltrate the Scanner community and route out Revock before he can do any more damage. Ruth tells Cameron that there is a drug called ephemerol that can suppress a Scanner's abilities long enough to be captured. Cameron eventually finds a telepathic named Kim Obrist (Jennifer O'Neill, Rio Lobo, A Force Of One) who has brought together a group of Scanners. They are attacked by Revok's assassins and have to go on the run. They learn that a large shipment of ephemerol is being delivered to Revok. What does Revok have planned with the ephemerol and how will Cameron stop the most powerful Scanner on Earth?

Feelin' hot, hot, hot!

“Ever see that scene in Scanners when that dude's head blew up?” That line is from Wayne's World when Garth is stuck doing the show by himself. As a little kid, I didn't fully understand the joke, but I found it funny anyway. Now, after finally seeing Scanners, that line is even funnier. The scene is quite surprising (despite being one of the most widely used .GIFs on the internet). We're not quite sure what is about to happen and it's sheer brutal violence and gore is almost unparallelled. David Cronenberg is known for his graphic special effects and “body horror”, but Scanners is relatively tame compared to some of his other work like The Brood and The Fly. Most of the body horror doesn't come until the final showdown between Cameron and Revok. It's quite an impressive scene, full of suspense, action, insane violence, and great prosthetic work. The science fiction aspect of Scanners is fairly engaging, even for people that don't consider themselves to be fans of the genre.

While the opening twenty minutes and the final ten and full of excitement and bizarre horror, the movie does get slow in the middle. Rather than focusing on horror or even science fiction, the movie becomes more of a mystery as Cameron tries to find out what is going on. It's somewhat interesting, but compared to the opening, it's downright mundane. If Cronenberg had focused just on the horror, Scanners would have been utterly terrifying. I mean, there are a select number of people so powerful that they can physically throw people across a room just by using their mind. Why bother with a mediocre mystery that doesn't get solved until the final scenes? Michael Ironside is a great villain as always and I would have liked for him to have more screen time. Stephen Lack is decent as the main hero, though there was something about him that I just didn't care for. Maybe it was because he went from being a derelict to a fully-skilled Scanner in the span of about fifteen minutes. Or maybe he just has a really punchable face.

R.I.P. Mr. Watermelonhead

Scanners is a decent science fiction horror movie with a few really great scenes. While there isn't as much body horror as one would expect from a Cronenberg film, we still get some disturbing images and incredible violence. The film had a hectic schedule and Cronenberg said that it was a nightmare to make. The beginning and ending are highly entertaining, but the movie becomes too much of a mystery while pushing horror to the side. The movie had a lot of potential, but it just didn't reach the level of greatness that it could have. Regardless, it's still a fun watch if for nothing more than heads exploding and veins leaking.

7.5/10

Day 345: 28 Days Later

28 Days Later

Cheerio!

For years (and I'm talking about decades), zombies were slow flesh-eaters that rise from the grave and whoever they bite, dies and turns into a zombie. For arguments sake, we'll call them “Romero Zombies”. Yes their were zombie movies before Romero, but Night Of The Living Dead popularized them more than any previous movie. There were slight variations in zombies over the years, such as the unkillable brain-eating zombies from Return Of The Living Dead, but by and large, they always retained the same attributes. That all changed with one movie. One single, solitary movie allowed zombies to be super fast infected human beings. Now, most zombie movies are about plagues rather than the dead coming back to life and have sprinting zombies. All because of one movie and I'm not even mad about it.

28 Days Later is a 2002 British zombie movie staring Cillian Murphy (Red Eye, The Dark Knight) as Jim. At an animal testing lab in Britain, animal liberation activists release chimps that are being experimented on. The chimps are infected with a highly contagious virus called “Rage” and as soon as they are released, they attack people, causing the virus to spread among humans. 28 days later (get it?) Jim, a bicycle courier, awakens inside an empty hospital. He was hit by a car and has been in a coma for almost a full month. He manages to stumble through the hospital out into the equally empty streets of London. He wanders into a church which alerts a small group of zombies. They are extremely fast and chase a confused and terrified Jim through the streets. He is saved by two survivors, Selena (Naomie Harris, Skyfall, Pirates Of The Carribean) and Mark (Noah Huntley, Holby City, Snow White & The Huntsman) who hurl Molotov cocktails at the zombies. They retreat to a Metro station where they tell Jim about the virus and how it quickly spread throughout the country. The virus, they say, has even reached Paris and New York City. Wanting to be with his family, Jim and the group travel to his home where they find his parents have committed suicide. That night, two zombies attack the house and Mark is cut badly in the melee. Selena swiftly and brutally kills him, explaining that the virus spreads too quickly to say any goodbyes. As they enter a city, they meet two more survivors, Frank (Brendan Gleeson, Braveheart, In Bruges) and his daughter Hannah (Megan Burns) who have been living in a flat for some time. With supplies running low, the group decide to head to Manchester where a pre-recorded message from a military blockade promising safety and a cure for the infection .has been playing. Along the way, Frank is accidentally infected, but before he attacks, he is killed by a group of soldiers. Jim, Selena, and Hannah join the soldiers at their headquarters. Not is all that is appears though. Is the group safer with the soldiers or with the zombies?

"Crud! Crud! Crud!"

As I've said in other zombie movies review, I much prefer slow zombies. While in the present, a slow zombie is relatively easy to beat. It's when things progress and there are hordes of zombies do things get more difficult. I find those movies to be far more scary because it's a slow, crushing loss of hope from beginning to end. You will eventually run out of weapons and food and no one coming to help you. 28 Days Later forgoes the slow hopelessness for a fast, vicious terror uncommon in horror movies. Director Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, Slumdog Million are) employed ex-athletes as his zombies, using their nature athletic abilities to make the zombies more believable. I don't usually like shaky, erratic camerawork, but during the initial chase scenes through London, they actually work perfectly with the overall fear and tension. The zombies themselves look good though the movie never really focuses on one for too long. They reflect the infected portion of the story rather than rotting corpses. I'm glad the movie took a few minutes to explain why people were zombies as many modern zombie movies just say “Eh, fuck it. There's zombies around just because”. I will say that one disappointment was the lack of destroying the brain. It seems you can kill these zombies like you would a person. I suppose the fact that they are infected with a various rather than undead, a rule change is acceptable, but I still like a good head shot.

Like all good zombie movies, 28 Days Later has solid and clear political commentary throughout. We have man vs. nature, a classic horror and science fiction theme. We have man vs. man, another classic. We also have citizen vs. government, which has become more common in horror over the last few decades. The movie even includes the Romero staple of having one white lead and one black lead. Both Cillian Murphy and Naomie Harris play their parts very well and Brendan Gleeson is enjoyable in just about everything he does. Danny Boyle manages to capture the action perfectly while also giving time for emotion and feeling. All too often, horror movies focus on the guts and gore and forget to make the audience care about the characters. Each character is different and has their flaws, but above all else, they are believable and likable. The music is also good, including an edited version of Godspeed You! Black Emperor's song “East Hastings” which is quite effective.

"Who's ready for a zom-beatdown?!"

28 Days Later is a highly enjoyable zombie movie that managed to completely change how zombie movies are done. One could make the argument that this movie sparked the current zombie craze that we are going through. We're at the point where zombies are on TV and in romantic comedies. That never would have happened without 28 Days Later. The action is fast-paced and harrowing with plenty of blood and gore. The acting is very good and the directing is solid. The movie touches on plenty of social commentary without ever feeling preachy. While I still prefer my zombies undead and slow, I've come to accept them as super-fast plague carriers. That says a lot for a movie to be able to change the way you perceive something your enjoy.

9.5/10