Day 321: Night Of The Creeps

Night Of The Creeps

Aw, I thought this was "Night Of The Crepes"

Everyone loves a good B-movie. We all have a favorite, whether it's Killer Klowns From Outer Space or Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes or Leprechaun In The Hood. There's just something fun about a movie that isn't quite on the same level as something coming from a major studio. It's the lower budgets, the it's the questionable stories, and the the mediocre acting. B-movies take more risks, mostly because they have to. Sometimes we get gems, sometimes we get bombs, and sometimes we get movies that are so bad that they're good. One movie in the 1980's took our love of B-movies and created an homage to the genre by becoming a B-movie itself.

Night Of The Creeps is a 1986 science-fiction zombie movie starring Jason Lively (National Lampoon's European Vacation, Brainstorm) as Chris Romero and Tom Atkins (Creepshow, Maniac Cop) as Detective Ray Cameron. In 1959, an alien aboard a spaceship releases a canister that crashes on Earth. A boy out on a date with his girl comes across the canister just as an escaped mental patient attacks her. Inside the canister is a strange leech-like creature that leaps into his mouth, turning him into a zombie. 28 years later, Chris Romero and his friend James Carpenter “J.C.” Hooper (Steve Marshall, 21 Jump Street, Justice Denied) attend a frat party at Corman University. Chris is smitten with a sorority girl named Cynthia Cronenberg (Jill Whitlow, Twice Dead, Porky's) but is too shy to speak to her. Convinced she'd only be interested in a frat guy, Chris and J.C. Try to pledge with the Phi Omega Gamma. As part of their initiation, both have to bring a cadaver back from a local medical center. Once inside, the boys release a corpse, the boy from 1959, from it's chamber. A doctor catches them and they flee back to their dorm. Detective Ray Cameron, a surly, jaded police officer, investigates and discovers that the corpse is actually missing. The missing body makes it's way to Cynthia's sorority where it's head splits open, releasing the alien leeches. The leeches begin to infect people, turning them into murderous zombies. J.C discovers that fire can kill them, but is soon infected himself. Will Chris be able to stop the zombies and save Cynthia and how does Detective Cameron fit in to the original incident in 1959?

Everyone remembers prom night

This movie sets out to be an homage to B-movies and accomplishes it's goal. It's a silly horror/sci-fi romp with plenty of over-the-top action and snappy one-liners. It's funny watching this movie after seeing Slither because there are some blatant similarities. Alien leeches? Check. Infecting through the mouth? Check. Zombies? Check. Regardless, Night Of The Creeps revels in it's B-movieness as it is full of love for the genre. There are plenty of references throughout, some more obvious than others. A quick look at the list of characters reveals names such as Romero, Carpenter, Cronenberg, Corman, Landis, and Raimi. Certain scenes are reminiscent of other horror movies as well. The difference between this homage to horror movies and, say, Hack!, is that the references aren't thrown in the audience's face. I never felt like I was being bludgeoned over the head with references. The story progresses without having to stop every few minutes to give a nod to another famous horror movie.

We get a decent amount of action throughout the movie and the final battle, complete with Cynthia holding a flamethrower while in her formal dress, is highly entertaining. The zombies look decent, just right for that specific B-movie quality. Tom Atkins, the perennial cop, plays his role unsurprisingly well. He's extra surly, giving snappy, sarcastic answers to stupid questions. Some lines are funny, while a few do fall flat. One scene where he shouts, “It's Miller Time!” is funny for it's initial purpose, but also because it's so dated. It's like seeing a movie ten years from now where some shouts “Just Do It!” Even non-horror aficionados will get some laughs out of the movie, though there's no real gut-busting hilarity. 

He's still having a great hair day, though

Night Of The Creeps is one big love letter to the wonderful world of B-movies. From the characters to the plot, the movie is like an old blanket. It's nothing new and may not impress, but it's still enjoyable nonetheless. The story is decent and gets to the point quickly. The aliens in the beginning are a little funny looking, but they're only around for a minute or too, so it's not a big deal. I guess that's the point, anyway. The movie has it's funny moments, but can feel dates at times. Some jokes do fall flat, but nothing bad enough to send the movie off the rails. The action is good and the zombies have that classic B-movie look to them. Tom Atkins is highly enjoyable as always. While not the best known horror movie from the 80's, Night Of The Creeps is worth searching out.

7.5/10

Day 300: They Live

They Live

Cue Yello's "Oh Yeah"

As I've said in other reviews, I'm not one for conspiracy theories. I don't believe that the Freemasons or The Bildeburgs or the Girl Scouts Of America are planning a takeover of the world. If people can barely get your order right at the drive-thru, how can there be a global conspiracy to control money or power or whatever you want. That's not to say the average person isn't kept down through various means, I just don't think there's a few guys in an underground liar scheming to make me buy blue jeans or listen to that Gangnam-style song. But things are not always what they seem. What if there was some one, or some thing, suppressing the human race? Would you stop it? Could you stop it?

They Live is a 1988 science fiction/horror movie directed and written (under a pseudonym) by John Carpenter (Halloween, The Thing). The movie stars “Rowdy” Roddy Piper ( WWF/WWE Superstar, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia) as unemployed drifter John Nada. Nada finds work doing construction in Los Angeles and befriends Frank Armitage (Keith David, Barbershop, The Thing). While at a shantytown, Nada notices strange activity at a nearby church, and when he investigates, he discovers the church is actually a front, as the only thing in the church are boxes. That night, the police raid the town, beating on the homeless and knocking over their dwellings. When Nada returns the next morning, he finds one of the boxes from the church. Inside the box are sunglasses and Nada takes a pair. When he puts them on, the world suddenly becomes black and white. He can now view messages that are unseen to the naked eye all over the city. Messages like “Sleep” “Consume” and “Buy”. These messages of conformity and consumerism are controlling the population. Even more disturbing, Nada is now able to see that certain people, mostly those in positions of wealth and power, are in fact humanoid aliens. When he confronts an alien woman she speaks into her watch, notifying others that he can see her true form. Two policemen try to stop Nada, but he kills them, taking their guns and going on a killing spree at a nearby bank. He escapes the police and takes Holly Thompson (Meg Foster, The Lords Of Salem, Leviathan), an assistant director at television station Channel 54, hostage. While suffering from headaches due to wearing the sunglasses for too long, he tries to convince Holly about what is truly going on. During an intense headache, Holly kicks Nada out of a window, sending him down a hill. He stumbles back to the alley where he found the glasses and meets with Fred. He tries to convince Fred about the aliens and when Fred refuses to put on the glasses, they get into a fight. After the long fist fight, Fred finally wears the glasses and understands what is really happening. They join members from the “church” who are really an underground resistance planning to take down the aliens. The aliens use a signal from Channel 65 to camouflage themselves and it's up to Nada and Fred to destroy it. How will they be able to get in and destroy the signal, freeing the world from the alien's grasp?

Where's your Hulkamania now?

They Live is a really fun science fiction movie with just enough horror to keep things scary. While most alien invasion movies take place during (or slightly before) the invasion, it's already happened in this movie. There is no warning that they are coming, no giant space ship to announce their arrival, and no explosions to show their dominance. They are already in charge when the story begins. Reflecting the political and social climate of the times, Carpenter manages to capture the hopelessness of the average man who has no work or self-worth, hence the name “Nada”. The alien villains are the rich and powerful, using their wealth and status to keep the poor humans down. The secret messages to consume and stay complacent are chilling to see, opening the audience's eyes to real world advertising. I can see where certain types (*cough*Conservatives*cough*) may take issue with such commentary, but it's just subtle enough where the theme doesn't dominate the movie. There is a good amount of action throughout, which helps break up the overall message as well.

Roddy Piper may seem like an odd choice for a protagonist in a movie like They Live, but he is spot-on perfect in his role. He's a great mixture of brash attitude, charisma, and broken-down everyman that just fits so well for the character of John Nada. The famous line “I'm here to chew bubble gum and kick as...and I'm all out of bubble gum,” was a Piper original, not something from the script. Keith David is very good in his role as well. No amount of description can do justice to the incredibly long fight scene between both men. Rather than a quick scuffle or a cutaway, we see every punch, every tackle, and every crotch kick. South Park lovingly recreated this scene a few years ago, down to every punch thrown. This is also where Piper fits in well as his wrestling experience makes his physicality believable. John Carpenter is in his element as writer and director, crafting a fun movie with lots of action and just enough creepiness to make the audience uneasy. 

I knew the Golden Girls were skull-faced alien fascists!

They Live is a politically subversive movie with a good mixture of science fiction, horror, and action. While not a financial success, the movie's message and impact is still felt today. While the message is heavy, it's broken up nicely between the action and suspense. Roddy Piper is great and highly entertaining to watch. The movie has it's funny moments along with it's thrilling ones. The skull-like makeup for the aliens looks very good and certainly increases the horror aspect. John Carpenter manages to create a fun movie with plenty of social commentary. I'm surprised They Live has not been remade, but I'm glad it hasn't yet. No need to mess with something so fun.

9/10

Day 249: Invasion Of The Body Snatchers

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers

High-five!

A movie doesn't need crazy special effects, lots of blood, or even a big budget to be scary. Sure those things help, but a good story and solid acting trump any amount of severed limbs a movie can throw at the audience. A movie that allows the imagination to fill-in the blanks is smart and clever to do so. It doesn't take much to let the mind run wild and great storytelling gives the audience just enough of a push to make it happen.

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers is a 1956 science fiction horror movie adapted from the novel The Body Snatchers by Jack Finney. The movie begins with a distraught Dr. Miles Bennell (Kevin McCarthy, Death Of A Salesman, The Howling) being brought into the emergency ward of a hospital by police. Miles composes himself enough to explain to doctors why he is so franctic. A few days back, Miles, who is a doctor in the small California town of Santa Mira, begins receiving calls from patients insisting they were sick. Inexplicably, each patient cancells their appointments with Miles. People from around town also begin to express a strange fear of their loved ones, claiming they are no longer who they used to be. A former girlfriend of Miles, Becky Driscoll (Dana Wynter, In Love And War, Sink The Bismark!) has a cousin named Wilma who believes her Uncle Ira is no longer the same man. Miles meets with her and sees Uncle Ira for himself, convinced that he has not changed. That evening, Miles' friend Jack Belicec (King Donovan) discovers a body that shares Jack's features, though not completely developed. Miles sees the body for himself and realizes that Becky might be in trouble since her father was acting strangely earlier in the night. Miles sneaks into Becky's house and discovers her duplicate in the cellar. He runs upstairs and carries a sleeping Becky out of the house. When calls Dr. Dan Kaufmann, a psychiatrist from town, Jack's duplicate has mysteriously disappeared. They then go to Becky's house and discover her duplicate gone as well. Dr. Kaufmann believes that both Miles and Jack are suffering from a mass hysteria that is the cause for all the strange behavior in town. The following night, more duplicates are discovered, this time emerging from giant plant-like pods. The conclude that the townspeople are being replaced in their sleep by these pod people. Miles and Becky hide out in his office and watch the people of the town load up trucks and cars with giant pods. Dr. Kaufmann and Jack corner them and explain that the pods are extraterrestrial seeds that crash landed in a local farm. By being replaced, they no longer have feelings or emotions, completely devoid of their human nature. Miles and Becky run for the California hills, evading the pod people. How will they be able to survive when everyone, even sleep, is an enemy?

Looking sharp is important, even during an alien invasion

The modern movie audience has come to expect the big summer blockbuster when it comes to an alien invasion movie. Invasion Of The Body Snatchers comes from a simpler time in movies when big explosions and effects didn't equal entertainment. Granted, the special effects from that era can't even come close to today's effects, but that's not the point. If you watch other science fiction movies from the 50's, there are space ships on strings and actors and goofy-looking rubber suits. This movie doesn't need that because the fear doesn't come from the aliens, it partially comes from friends and family. Much like a zombie movie, everyone can become an enemy. Your loved ones are no longer who they used to be, replaced by an unloving, uncaring monster. The other scare factor comes from the loss of self. The loss of free will and identity is quite unnerving and plays into the overall fear of the movie. Invasion Of The Body Snatchers can be seen through many different political scopes. Some may see it as a commentary on Communism while others see it as the homogenization of the United States after World War II. The allegorical subtext is evident, though the filmmakers stated that the movie has no strict political point of view.

The movie is a good mixture of science fiction, traditional horror, and thriller. The science fiction aspect is treats the audience with respect, as it never becomes too fantastical or cartoonish. The pods look like plants from Earth, just larger. Kevin McCarthy, who some younger viewers may recognize as R.J. Fletcher from Weird Al Yankovic's “UHF”, is particularly good in his role. He plays the everyman, strong and confident. Initially skeptical, we see that confidence start to slip as things become bleak. The iconic scene where Miles stands in the highway, yelling directly into the camera, “They're here already! You're next!” is downright fantastic. The audience knows the truth and aches when no one believes Miles, making us as powerless as he is. Unfortunately, the movie does not end there as the studio felt it was too dark. They book-ended the movie with a prologue and epilogue that hurt the flow of the movie, but added a slightly more optimistic ending. It's a shame, because the original dark ending fit the movie's overall despair far better. 

Happy Anniversary, baby!

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers is a mixture of multiple genres that blend into an enjoyable and frightening watch. The science fiction aspect does not overshadow the rest of the movie. The story is simple, but very enjoyable with Kevin McCarthy having a fantastic performance. The writing is smart and the dialogue is believable. Invasion manages to be scary without relying on visual effects, violence, or even a big budget. There have been a few remakes over the years, including one starring Donald Sutherland and an adaptation starring Nicole Kidman. The film was selected for preservation by the National Film Registry for good reason. It is smart, scary, and entertaining.

9/10

Day 226: Monsters

Monsters

Looks like a fun horror movie, right? WRONG!

Political commentary is an important part of horror. Most movies have it, even the classics, though you may not notice it. This commentary can range from social issues such as women's rights and racial equality to political issues like healthcare and immigration. Most movies use this commentary as an undercurrent for the story itself, helping, but not overshadowing the horror itself. Dawn Of The Dead is a prime example of making many social points while still putting on an entertaining and fun zombie movie. Other movies, though, put the commentary front and center with less focus on horror.

Monsters is a 2010 science fiction horror movies starring Whitney Able (Remarkable Power, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane) as Samantha Wynden and Scoot McNairy (Bones, My Name Is Earl) as Andrew Kaulder. A few years ago, a NASA deep-space probe crash landed in Mexico, exposing the area to alien life forms. These life forms, which look like a giant octopus with insect legs, spread throughout the area, leading the United States to build a giant wall and quarantining the northern half of Mexico. Andrew is a photographer taking pictures in Mexico of the monster's devastation when he is hired by his wealthy employer to help his daughter Samantha escape Mexico. At first Andrew resists, but is pressured into taking the journey by Samantha's father. Samantha is engaged to be married, but has serious reservations about the man who is to be her husband. Andrew has a young son whom he loves, but rarely gets to see. Samantha plans to take a ferry back to the United States, but after forking over $5,000, they realize that their passports have been stolen. She gives her engagement ring in exchange for help crossing the border. Samantha and Andrew have to take various illegal means to get close to the border while dodging dangerous terrain and the monsters. As their journey continues, they grow close together, confiding in each other. When they reach the border, they find it deserted. As the cross into the States, they find an empty town that appears to have been hit by an air raid. Have the monsters made it across the wall and what will happen to Andrew and Samantha.

Smile! Your life has been ruined!

Monsters is probably more closely associated with science-fiction than horror, but there are just enough horror themes and tropes for it to make the cut. As I said before, it's important for a horror movie to have social commentary. Monsters decides to take that social commentary, shove entertainment out of the way, and bash the audience over the head with it. Believe me, I like social commentary. I studied political science and have worked in politics. I get it and appreciate it when it is done properly. The commentary in the movie is smart and well-thought out, but presented in such a way that made it difficult to sit through. I know what Writer/Director Gareth Edwards was going for, remarking on such things as immigration, the Drug War, Homeland Security, and the U.S. Government, but it's in such a heavy-handed way that professional wrestler Ronnie “Hands of Stone” Garvin should have gotten a production credit.

All of this commentary takes away from most of the scares in the film. The movie was made incredibly cheap which may explain why we rarely see the monsters. They look good, but we really should have seen them a lot more. I mean, the movie is called “Monsters”. Beyond the clever little commentary via the title, I want to see some fucking monsters, not skinny white people talking about their feelings. Most of the movie is just Samantha and Andrew wandering around, almost like a road/buddy movie without the humor. The scenery is pretty fantastic allowing the audience to at least look at something pretty while they're waiting for something to happen. It doesn't really occur as there is very little in the way of action. I found the characters of Samantha and Andrew fairly unpleasant, but not too annoying. Their blossoming love was far too convenient and not particularly believably. On the acting side, both Whitney Able and Scoot McNairy were fine. Not great, but fine.

Hey, put 'Jersey Shore' on!

Monsters is the type of movie other filmmakers love; All talk and very little action. I wish the budget had been bigger for this movie with more scenes of the monsters. It lacked the proper amount of action necessary for it to be entertaining. There are a few scary scenes and some suspense, but not nearly enough. The social commentary is smart, but there is just way too much of it. You are constantly slammed on all sides at all times by the messages. If you're not politically active, you may miss some of the references and ideas, but I don't have that luxury. As far as the story itself goes, it's nothing special and should have had more action. If you're a film school student, you'll probably appreciate it, but if you're looking for good horror and science fiction, look elsewhere.

4.5/10

Day 198: Apollo 18

Apollo 18

In space, no one can hear your cliche

Space: the final frontier. Outer space is an effective backdrop for horror movies because it is the epitome of the unknown. Despite all of humanity's work and technology, we have only gone to Earth's moon a limited number of times. Economic problems across the world have put a halt to space travel, cutting off our exploration and leaving so many questions unanswered. It is the unknown that makes horror movies in space work. The mind runs wild with thoughts of aliens, monsters, and “other” things that may be out there. The world is dangerous, but at least we have an idea of what may happen. Outer space is completely different. So many things can go wrong and no one will be able to save you.

Apollo 18 is a 2011 science fiction horror movie starring Warren Christie (October Road, Alphas) as Lunar Module Pilot Captain Ben Anderson and Lloyd Owens (The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, Innocent) as Commander Nate Walker. In December 1974, the canceled Apollo 18 mission to the moon is reinstated as a top secret mission by the Department of Defense. Ben, Nate, and Command Module Pilot Lieutenant Colonel John Grey are launched to the moon in order to place machines that will detect Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles being launched by the USSR. Ben and Nate land on the moon via their lunar module while John stays in orbit on the Freedom module. They plant the detectors along with the American flag while picking up moon rock samples. Ben notes that they feel strange and when they return to the module, they hear strange chittering sounds on their radio. During further exploration, they find footprints not belonging to either one of them. They follow the footprints to a Soviet module and discover a dead Cosmonaut inside. They contact mission control in Houston and ask if they knew that the Soviets had reached the moon. Houston gives them the run-around and tells them to continue their mission. The next day, they discover that the flag they planted has gone missing. As they prepare to leave, their module shakes violently, and their launch is aborted. Outside, Nate claims to feel something in his helmet and panics. Ben retrieves him and brings him back in the module. They discover that something has embedded itself inside Nate's body and Ben cuts out what appears to be a moon rock. Nate soon becomes sick and Ben is unable to make contact with Freedom or Houston due to interference and strange sounds over the radio. How will they be able to get home and what is the real reason they were sent to the moon?

Ahh! It's that stupid Call Me Maybe song!

Apollo 18 is a slow-build horror movie, taking it's time to set the stage and not rushing into action. If you're looking for exploding heads and evisceration, you are going to be sadly disappointed. You don't need to be bashed over the head with violence and jump-at-you-from-the-dark moments. The movie focuses more on atmosphere and hints of danger to instill fear in the audience instead of blood and gore. Apollo 18 falls into the “found footage” category, but unlike movies like Paranormal Activity and The Blair Witch Project, the found footage doesn't feel like a gimmick to get cheap scares. It lends a level of authenticity to the story, since the footage has a retro quality and the dialogue is full of technical jargon. They could have been making it all up, but it sounded right, which is good enough. It didn't occur to me right away, but there is no music in the movie. This adds to the authenticity and lets the mind run wild throughout the movie instead of when music typically cues up.

A big reason why I enjoyed Apollo 18 is because I really like the concept. No one has gone to the moon in my lifetime and the movie gives a reason why. It's a fun little conspiracy theory that doesn't require the audience to wear tinfoil hats and scream about the Trilateral Commission teaming up with the Illuminati and the Girl Scouts of America. The movie is built upon a simple question and let's the audience's imagination run wild. The acting is very good and adds legitimacy to the story. The movie is directed by Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego, who does a good job using various surveillance shots to set the scenes and hand-held cameras to capture emotion and action. The movie uses some effects, but doesn't overdue it. I would have liked a little more definitive shots of the creatures and some more action. 

In Soviet Russia, Moon goes to you!

Apollo 18 is a fun science fiction horror movie that focuses on more traditional horror than many of today's blood and guts horror films. The concept is good and comes to life thanks to solid acting and directing. Normally, I am wary of “found footage” movies because they use the gimmick too much and forget to have a good story. The Blair Witch Project is a good example of this. Thankfully, Apollo 18 uses found footage to it's advantage, giving the movie a vintage feel and forgoing music for storytelling. It's a shame to see so many negative reviews for the movie because I think it's very entertaining. Leave your preconceived notions of horror at the door and see Apollo 18 for yourself.

8/10

Day 151: Candy Stripers

Candy Stripers

Helloooooooooo, nurse

Sometimes you just need to watch a “bad” movie, you know? You don't want anything complicated or cerebral. You just want some mindless fun for an hour and a half. Horror is really good that accomplishing that goal. Just look at your local video store (if it still exists) or just flip through Netflix and Hulu. A majority of those movies are horrendous, but that's ok. Sometimes you need a little horrendous in your life. It keeps the good movies good and requires little effort from you, the viewer. This was one of those days.

Candy Stripers (not to be confused with the Adult movie, though no one would blame you for confusing the two) is a 2006 horror movies starring Brian Lloyd (Evil Bong, Doll Graveyard) as basketball star Matt. A blind woman is attacked by an unseen force and sent to a local hospital. Dying, she asks a candy striper to kiss her because, um, why not. When they kiss, an alien creature is transferred into the candy striper via mouth-to-mouth. The candy striper becomes hyper-sexual and begins to turn all of the staff into aliens. Matt is injured along with a few of his teammates during a WWE-style basketball game and is cared for at the same hospital. The alien candy stripers go after Matt, his friends, his girlfriend, and Cherise, the plain, but still hot, girl that has a crush on Matt. The aliens have a sweet tooth and need to constantly eat sugar to stay alive. Matt and his crew begin injecting the candy stripers with insulin in order to kill them. The group is slowly whittled down to just Matt and Cherise. Will they be able to escape the alien/naughty candy striper menace?

Best. Hospital. Ever.

Well, I asked for a bad movie and I got one. Candy Stripers is a B or even C movie and doesn't strive to be anything else. The plot is extremely basic with one part Invasion of the Pod People and one part Cinemax After Dark. That's probably why they had Playboy playmates serving as candy stripers. Speaking of candy stripers, from the beginning I was really weirded out by the concept because real candy stripers are usually high school volunteers. On top of that, they do things in the movie that only nurses and doctors would do. Wouldn't it have just been easier (and less creepy) if the women had just been nurses? Was there such a big demand for candy stripers to be used in a horror movie that they couldn't write the script without them?

The acting is just about where you would expect from a movie where aliens are past through lesbian kisses. It's not good, but it is a shade better than a high school play. The women are beautiful and that helps keep your mind off the bad acting and terrible story. The story has very little flow and forces itself from one scene to the other. I would have liked a little more backstory on the aliens and what their plan is other than infecting hot babes. It's a good plan, don't get me wrong, I just would have liked more substance. The movie has some nudity and a few sex scenes, so it's not really for the younger crowd. There is a decent amount of blood and gore and one scene that will make a few men cringe and close their legs in horror. The special effects used are pretty bad with some sort of goofy face warping that looks like it was created on a Macbook. 

Who wants pickles?

When you ask for a bad movie and you get a bad movie, can you really complain? You get what you pay for when you watch Candy Stripers and since I watched this for free via Hulu, I'd say I paid the correct amount. The story and acting and both bad and the special effects are laughable. The women are hot so you'll at least have something to look at while your brain turns to mush. Despite not being an Oscar-worthy movie, Candy Stripers held my attention and even managed to entertain at times. Maybe next time I'll try a real movie.

3/10

Day 110: Killer Klowns From Outer Space

Killer Klowns From Outer Space

Harlem Globetrotters ain't got nothing on us

I specifically remember being a little boy and seeing parts of Killer Klowns From Outer Space. It was usually after watching Saturday morning WWF wrestling and American Gladiators. For whatever reason, FOX showed KKFOS multiple times on Saturday afternoons. I also specifically remember being scared of the movie. I wasn't scared of clowns or anything like that, I guess I just was scared of giant monsters killing people. Looking back, it seems pretty silly to be afraid of such a silly movie, but I can still see why it would scare a little kid. Its also easy to see why it has become a cult classic.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space is a 1988 horror/comedy starring Grant Cramer (New Year's Evil, Hardbodies) as Mike Tobacco. A small town is invaded by aliens that look like demented, nightmarish clowns. Their clothes and faces all look like they belong on real clowns, but they are much larger and far more terrifying. Their spaceship looks just like a big top circus and lands in a farmer's field. He goes to investigate with his dog and they are both wrapped up in a cocoon that looks like pink cotton candy. Mike and his girlfriend also investigate the circus tent and discover that its really a spaceship and the clowns are aliens. They try to explain what happened to local police, but the crotchety old police chief doesn't believe them. The clowns terrorize people in town through various and hilarious means; popcorn guns, riding invisible motorcycles, shadow puppets, and balloon animals. They gather up the bodies in cotton candy cocoons. Mike and his friends decide to take the fight to the clowns. Armed with their ice cream truck and a young police officer, the group head into the spaceship. Will they be able to defeat the clowns and save the world?

Limp Bizkit: The Later Years

Everything about this movie is 80's. The concept is crazy, the execution is over the top, and the acting is silly. It even has it's own theme song by The Dickies. All that being said, it's a fun movie. It never takes itself too seriously, almost to a fault. The movie tends to focus more on how many ways the clowns can kill people. And man are there some fun kills throughout the movie. When you watch a movie called Killer Klowns From Outer Space, you know you're not going for a cerebral horror thriller. The story is coherent enough and gets the audience from point A to point B and that's all that's really needed.

The clowns are the true stars of the movie. They look great especially when you know that the budget for the movie was pretty small. Their faces are particularly twisted and horrific looking as if they came a twisted fever dream from a mental patient. The set design for their spaceship is pretty cheap, but they make do with what they have. The Chiodo Brothers, who wrote, produced, and directed the film have stated that they are planning a sequel for 2013. I'm not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, it would be fun to revisit the evil clowns, but on the other, it might cheapen a beloved cult classic. I suppose if they can make toys based on the movie, a sequel can't cheapen the legacy much more. 

Dr. Klown, DDS

I can safely say that I am no longer scared of Killer Klowns From Outer Space. If you suffer from Coulrophobia (fear of clowns), though, you'll probably be terrified. If you don't, you'll have a great time laughing along and at the movie. The clowns look fantastic, their outfits are fun, and the story is easy to follow. You know exactly what you're going to get with Killer Klowns From Outer Space and there's nothing wrong with that.

7.5/10

Day 93: Pitch Black

Pitch Black

A much better title than "Planet Face"

You know, I don't think I've done any movie reviews involving aliens. That's kind of weird. Aliens are the ultimate unknown when it comes to horror. Some believe that there are definitely alien races out there while others are convinced that we are the only life in the entire universe. The truth is that we don't know at that is why aliens are so effective in horror. We are already fearful of them before we've even seen what they look like or know what they want. What better way to to explore the alien unknown than with big, bad Vin Deisel?

Pitch Black is a futuristic sci-fi/thriller/horror movie starring Vin Deisel (Iron Giant, Fast and the Furious) as the dangerous criminal, Riddick. Riddick is being transported to a prison via cargo spaceship when debris from a comet damages the ship, causing it to crash land on an alien planet. Surviving the crash are pilot Carolyn Fry (Radha Mitchell, Phone Booth, Silent Hill), Imam (Simon Burke, The Thing, Barbershop), the mercenary transporting Riddick, William Johns (Cole Hauser, School Ties, Good Will Hunting), young Jack, and a few others. The planet they have landed on is a barren desert with three suns keeping the world in perpetual daylight. They find the bones of giant creatures and the remnants of research facilities, but no living beings. Riddick manages to escape and when one of the crew goes missing down a hole and is presumed dead, Johns captures Riddick and blames him. Fry investigates the hole and discovers winged alien creatures living in the darkness. The group travels to the research facilities to get water and supplies to help power their ship when they discover that an eclipse is about to occur and the aliens will come out of their caves. Darkness falls and the aliens come out, killing off the crew in brutal fashion. Riddick has a special feature that allows him to fight the aliens; in prison he received a procedure that allows him to see in the dark. Will Johns hinder the escape, what is Jack's secret, and will Riddick save the day?

Peek-a-boo!

Pitch Black uses a great mixture of science fiction and action to make a fun horror movie. That's right, I said horror movie. Yes it's also a sci-fi movie, but there is still plenty of horror. I know some purists will disagree with me (I look forward to your angry comments that I won't read). Pitch Black has a pretty original and creative story that, despite being science fiction, still feels very real. We are fearful of Riddick, we are fearful of Johns, and we are definitely afraid of the aliens. The aliens look like a mixture between a hammerhead shark and a gargoyle. I usually prefer makeup and prosthetic pieces to computer animation, but this is one instance where CGI works in a movie's favor. The darkness also works in the movie's favor, keeping the audience on guard for anything that may jump out and grab the characters.

The acting is solid all around, with good performances by Radha Mitchell and Vin Deisel. That's right, I said Vin Deisel was good. This was before he was in every movie from 2002-2005, where a lot of people grew to hate him. He plays Riddick very well with a quite danger. Mitchell does very well as the strong captain that is willing to die for her crew. Cole Hauser plays Johns with just the right amount of creepiness. My one real complaint with the movie is that it's just too long. It clocks in at about an hour and forty-eight minutes. That's just too long for a movie that doesn't have a complicated story. 

Always brush and floss after devouring human flesh

Pitch Black is a fun science fiction movie with lots of action and an original story. The aliens look good for CGI and the alien planet set looks convincing. The acting is very good all around and it helps create a true sense of fear and horror. If you leave you preconceived notions at the door, you'll like this movie.

7.5/10

Day 34: I Sell The Dead

I Sell The Dead

Buy 2 dead, get the 3rd for free

I tend to go against the grain when I pick what movie to watch. If a movie is popular, I will usually avoid it at all cost unless it's something I legitimately want to see. For example, I had little interest in Paranormal Activities to begin with, and after seeing it make tons of money at the box office, my interest drops to negative. It's not that I don't trust reviews and popular demand, but for whatever reason, the more people like something, the more I avoid it. I came across I Sell The Dead, saw that it was a popular choice, and decided to watch it. Now I know why I avoid popular choices.

I Sell The Dead stars Dominic Monaghan (Lord of the Rings) as the grave robbing Arthur Blake and Ron Perlman (Hellboy) as Father Duffy. Arthur is to be executed for murder and Father Duffy asks him to tell his tale. Arthur tells of his life as a grave robber with his mentor Willie Grimes and their wacky encounters with vampires, aliens and a brutal clan of rival ghouls called the House of Murphy. Word spreads that a shipment of the undead has washed onto an island and Arthur's ladyfriend Fanny convinces all three to retrieve the bodies. Little do they know that the House of Murphy has already arrived on the island. How will they survive, how does Arthur face execution, and how is Father Duffy connected.

Oh yeah. That molar will have to come out.

The word that comes to mind while watching this movie is “boring”. Throughout the entire movie, you keep waiting for the actual story to begin, but it never really happens. It comes off as a few short stories stretched out into one narrative and it just doesn't work. Trying to cram in vampires, aliens, and zombies takes up too much time from the movie and leaves very little story. I'm reminded of Hugh Jackman's Van Helsing where a slew of classic monster movies were thrown together. Van Helsing at least attempted to tie it all together to form one cohesive movie. What should have been the main focus of the entire movie, getting the undead on the island, is not even mentioned until until about 45 minutes in. Arthur's girlfriend Fanny doesn't even show up until the last 1/3 of the movie. All of this should have been established much, much earlier.

I Sell The Dead is labeled as a horror comedy, but calling it a horror movie is not accurate. Just because there are some horror elements and monsters, doesn't make it a horror movie. There are some funny and clever moments, but nothing that will make you double over with laughs. It's the movie-equivalent of watching Ellen. You'll be saying “Oh, that's clever,” without actually laughing. This movie is visually appealing. The sets have a nice old-timey feel and the outdoor locations are very beautiful. Some green-screen shots give the movie a comic-book feel, but in a good way. It does suffer a bit when actors are shot in front of the green screen, though. Dominic Monaghan and Ron Perlman do fine jobs in their respective roles. Monahghan was a very good choice in the role of Arthur and Perlman is good in just about anything. 

Sarah Jessica Parker naked! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

By no means a bad movie in the traditional sense, I Sell The Dead is just kind of boring. A story that feels both rushed and at the same time too slow, this movie suffers from having a few fun ideas and then shoving them all together. It's like a horror TurDucken. Good acting and a few decent moments keep the movie from being a total loss. I Sell The Dead had a popular run on the festival circuit and was even distributed by IFC. I can see why some people would like it, but as a horror fan, this movie just won't do anything for you.

4/10