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Friday, June 1, 2012

Day 153: Faust: Love Of The Damned

Faust: Love Of The Damned
And that price is your dignity

Metal is my preferred choice of music. Sure I like some rock, some alternative, and even some ska, but metal is the winner. I got into heavy music in the late 90's and early 2000's, the heyday of nu-metal and Ozzfest. While I've moved on to other bands and subgenres, I still have a soft spot in my heart for that era. It always makes me smile when I see movies or products from that time and I feel the need to check it out. I decided to watch this movie based solely on it's soundtrack. I can only think of a small handful of movie where I can even remember that it had a soundtrack and all of them consist of metal bands. There's been stupider reasons for watching a horror movie. At least I hope there has been.

Faust: Love Of The damned is a 2001 horror/action film based on a comic book by Tim Vigil. An artist named John Jasper (Mark Frost) witnesses his girlfriend being murdered by gangsters and makes a deal with a mysterious man/demon named M. M grants Jasper powers as well as two gigantic Wolverine-style claws to slash his way through the gangsters. The deal comes with a terrible price as Jasper is forced to murder 19 people. He goes catatonic and is stopped by the police and committed under the observation of Dr. Jade DeCamp (Isabel Brook). Jade brings him out of his catatonia through music therapy and Jasper explains that M is the head of a satanic cult called The Hand. The chief of police, the doctors taking care of him, and other important people are all a part of the group. He goes after M, but is buried alive and sent to Hell. He escapes and can now transform into something resembling Batman crossed with the devil. He goes on a killing spree, taking out M's thugs. M kidnaps Jade, whom Jasper now has feelings for. M has plans to release a monster and open the gates of Hell. Will Jasper be able to stop M and save Jade?

Not enough, Mr. LSD-induced Batman

This movie is horrendous. Confused by my rundown of the movie? Well so am I. The story is a jumbled, confused mass of words thrown in a blender and puked up onto the screen. It takes the very very basic premise of Faust and turns it on it's head with lots of violence and blood. There are so many unanswered questions that this movie should become part of the SATs. Why in the blue hell does Jasper become a mixture of Batman, Wolverine and Satan? Look at that picture above. What the fucking fuck? What does this have to do with selling your soul or the struggle between good and evil? It's like someone decided to shoot smack into their eyeballs while watching Batman and Robin. Scenes jump around and nothing is believable. One example was before Jade and Jasper have sex, Jade some something like “I wanted you from the moment I met you” or something like that. Really? You mean after he brutally murdered a whole bunch of people and was sent to a padded room in a straightjacket? That got you all hot and bothered? They also delve into some BDSM with Jade for some reason, but for the life of me I can't figure out why. Because drugs, that's why. Everyone involved in this movie had to be taking Charlie Sheen-sized drugs for all of this to happen.

The acting in this movie is so bad, Paul Newman and Jimmy Stewart should come back from the dead just to kill everyone with dialogue. Mark Frost is so over the top that I can't tell if this is supposed to be a horror movie or a comedy. Isabel Brook manages to both under and over act and comes off like a confused deer that wanders onto a baseball field. For whatever reason, some of the actors are dubbed despite obviously speaking English. There is a decent amount of cartoonish violence and some pretty good gore. There is also some nudity and sex with a few scenes inappropriate for younger viewers. The makeup isn't half bad with some passable, if not completely insane, special effects. The soundtrack, which was the entire reason for me watching this movie, consisted of bands on Roadrunner Records including Machine Head, Fear Factory, and Sepultura. That was the only redeeming quality of the movie and all those songs were already available on other albums.

"I'm the best at what I do, and what I do is shitty acting"

Watching Faust: Love Of The Damned was the equivalent of someone cracking my head open with a mallet, pouring in battery acid, and stirring vigorously all while Lady Gaga plays in the background. The story is batshit insane with nothing really making any sense. The acting is horrific with more ham than split pea soup. While there was some passable action, it was not good enough to make this movie watchable. The music is good, but I could have easily entered each band into Youtube instead of wasting my time and hurting my soul. If you value your sanity, do not watch this movie.


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