Day 130: Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror

Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror

Murder was the case that they gave me

Hizzle foshizzle, my bizzle. Yeah, I have no idea what I just said, but Snoop Dogg might. I don't listen to hip hop or rap as I much prefer metal, hardcore, and rock, but Snoop has transcended his genre and become a household name thanks to his “reality” show and his other projects outside of the music world. A fan of comic books and scary movies, he's already stepped into the horror world, starring in the movie Bones. It comes as no surprise that he would star and contribute music to another horror movie in the same vein as Tales From The Crypt and Creepshow.

Hood of Horror is a 2006 trio of horror movies with an urban bent. The movie starts with an animated short that shows Devon (Snoop Dogg) selling his soul to a demon to bring back his dead sister, whom Devon may or may not have killed. In return, Devon becomes a Hound of Hell and narrates our stories. There are animated shorts connecting each story.

Crossed Out

The first story, entitled Crossed Out, stars Daniella Alonso (The Hills Have Eyes 2, Wrong Turn 2) as a graffiti artist named Posie. As a young girl, she saw her father murder her mother, before turning the gun on himself. She is chased by a gang led by Noel Gugliemi (Training Day, The Fast And The Furious). Posie escapes, but is grabbed by the mysterious and deformed Derelict (Danny Trejo, Machete, Con Air). He grants her special powers in order to change the hood for the better, but she uses the powers to cross out the tags of other people, thus killing them in gruesome fashion. Seeing that she is using the power only to kill, Derelict takes the power away and raises her zombified victims to gain their revenge.

The truth about Kool-Aid

The concept for this first story is decent, though for some reason I feel like I've heard it before. Daniella Alonso puts on a good performance and it's fun to see Danny Trejo in just about anything. Even Billy Dee Williams shows up for a brief appearance. The kills are pretty excellent in a horrifyingly funny sort of way. For example, a gang member trips and impales themselves on a 40. Now that's a creative way to kill someone. The makeup and effects used look good and are convincing. The short format did hurt the overall product as we're not really given enough time to connect with the characters and the story is rushed and a bit nonsensical. It's not really clear why Posie is given powers and why she decided to just murder the fuck out of people. It's not great, but it has it's moments.

4.5/10

The Scumlord

The second story is the Scumlord, starring Anson Mount as the racist Tex Woods Jr. and Ernie Hudson (Ghostbusters, The Substitute) as Roscoe. Tex has inherited an apartment from his father, whom he murdered. The apartment is inhabited by Roscoe and 3 black veterans. Tex and his girlfriend Tiffany make the veterans' lives hell. Roscoe and crew take out their revenge on their slumlord with bloody results.

"Okay! George W. Bush ISN'T the greatest president of all time!"

This one probably had the most entertaining story with the most disappointing ending. It's not a horror story and I'm not exactly sure what they were thinking. The acting is good and the story has some funny moments, but it's all lost with such a weak ending. It's even more confusing when Snoop Dogg's character just kind of shows up at the end. It comes out of nowhere and is really unnecessary. It's a shame because the story was good only to be ruined by half-assing it on the horror front.

5/10

Rapsody Askew

The final story Rapsody Askew is about the rise and fall of a rapped named SOD (Pooch Hall, Heist, Stomp The Yard 2). He prays to become a famous rapper and meets Quon (Aries Spears, MAD TV). At an awards show party, SOD is confronted by a woman that shows SOD the horrible person he has become since cutting his deal with God. This includes greed, statutory rape, and having Quon murdered by their bodyguard Jersey (WCW's Diamond Dallas Page) in an effort to become more famous. A zombie Quon appears before SOD, taunting him and driving him insane. Jersey comes into the room, but does not see Quon. What will happen?

You got a little something on your...eh, nevermind

Rapsody Askew is more of a psychological horror movie than anything else. It's cool to see Aries Spears in a semi-serious role, though it is a little weird to hear him rapping and dropping the n-word when you're so used to seeing him on MAD TV. It was also fun to see Diamond Dallas Page in a role other than a wrestler. The makeup used for the reanimated Quon is top-notch. The story itself is standard stuff with nothing particularly scary going on. You pretty much know exactly what will happen from start to finish.

4.5/10

The film ends in another animated short where all the main characters are taken down to Hell. Hood of Horrors does not reach the quality of Tales From The Hood, but it's better than Nite Tales. Each story has it's moments, but they're nothing spectacular. They are helped along by including well-known serious actors and some good makeup and effects. The animation is very good and reminds me of Todd McFarlane's Spawn animated series. Overall, the movie is watchable, but not unmissable.

5/10

77: Leprechaun In The Hood

Leprechaun In The Hood

Fiddily diddly die!

I'm not Irish. Not even ¼ of a 1/25/ of 1/8. But since it's St. Patrick's Day, there is only one way to celebrate by a non-drinking, non-Irishman. Watching a Leprechaun movie. There may be other St. Patrick's Day-related horror out there, but this is the only one that really matters. If you plan on celebrating today, make sure to be smart and be safe. And if you need something to talk about at the bar in-between green beers and Guinness, maybe this blog will help.

Leprechaun In The Hood (or Leprechaun 5 if you prefer) starts off in the 70's, when pimp Mack Daddy (Ice-T) comes across a hidden treasure and a leprechaun statue. Mack's partner removes a gold necklace from around the Leprechaun's (Warwick Davis, Willow) neck, reversing the curse that has turned him into a statue. Leprechaun kills the partner and goes after Mack. By a twist of fate, Mack is able to get the necklace back around the Leprechaun's neck, turning him into a statue once again. Mack uses the gold to build an empire in Los Angeles. In present day, young rappers Postmaster P, Stray Bullet, and Butch are struggling to make it out of Compton and hit it big. Their way out is to win a competition in Las Vegas that will fast track them to rich and fame. They decide to rob Mack Daddy, unwittingly bringing Leprechaun back to life. Now the three rappers are on the run from an angry Mack Daddy and a murderous Leprechaun. Postmaster P discovers that the Leprechaun's flute has the ability to control people and he uses it to make people like their music. Will they be able to win the contest in Vegas or will Mack Daddy and Leprechaun get their bloody revenge?

And will we get to see a Body Count reunion?

The fifth installment of any movie isn't exactly going to set the world on fire. The story is simple, but not terrible. The writers probably knew this, so when the producers said “Let's do another Leprechaun movie, but let's have black people it!” they probably sighed, put on BET, and copied most of the dialogue and story from rap videos. The movie actually feels like it was supposed to be a Friday-style urban comedy and had some Leprechaun thrown in. It certainly feels like Warwick Davis gets lesser film time in favor of rap scenes. Ice-T is great in his role and you can definitely see why he's been on TV for years.

The movie has a good amount of humor, though it does feel dated at times. For example, there is a brief cameo of Coolio. Nothing says hip like seeing Coolio in 2012. There are some good kills throughout with some decent blood and gore. There really isn't much fear or suspense throughout as it seems they just went for comedy. The final scene in which Leprechaun raps is both funny and baffling at the same time. I'll repeat that: Leprechaun raps. He's flanked by his mind-controlled zombie Fly Girls. I actually think this scene is out of order, because earlier in the movie, Leprechaun uses the fly girls with no introduction. In the final scene, we see the girls first become mind-controlled. It messes with the continuity, but maybe they thought it was just funnier at the end of the movie.

Foshizzle my Leprizzle

Leprechaun In The Hood takes the very basic premise of the earlier movies and dumps the franchise in Compton. There are some genuinely funny moments, but plenty of unfunny ones as well. The humor takes away most of the horror and suspense, but there are still some fun kills and blood. Warwick Davis unfortunately does not receive enough screen time, but owns every scene he is in. Ice-T was just as good as Mack Daddy. If you wanted to see a Leprechaun smoke pot and spit some mad rhymes, this is for you. While it may not be the best in the franchise, it's still better than Leprechaun 4: In Space.

6/10

Day 75: Nite Tales

Nite Tales

Nooooooo booooy!

I like movie anthologies. You get a few different stories all rolled into one. If you don't like the first movie, you can just skip over it and watch the rest. Sometimes you're lucky and get to enjoy a few good stories. Of course, you do run the risk of sitting through multiple movies that weren't good enough to be made into feature length films. And on that rare occasion, you have to sit through Flavor Flav prattling on about nothing. Welcome to Karma and Storm, two horror stories in Nite Tales.

Karma

Karma tells the story of 4 criminals that rob a small-town bank. One of the criminals is shot by a security guard and they high-tail it out of town. Out in the country, their car breaks down. The ringleader orders one of the thugs to kill the wounded criminal. They then travel to a house down the road in hopes that they can steal a truck. With no way to get inside the truck, they approach the house in hopes of finding car keys. They are let in by a strange old country man, who shares the house with his silent wife and mentally-handicapped brother. Each of the three criminals explore the house in search of keys, only to be knocked out by an unseen force. They awaken to find themselves being chained-up and tortured. The old man informs them that they do not like thieves and plan to eat plan to eat the thugs. He offers them a deal that will allow when of them to go free. Will they be able to decide or will they all become dinner?

Sorry, can't stay for dessert

Karma is a very basic story, one that I feel I've heard many times. The plot of black criminals terrorizing white people and then white people eating African-Americans in revenge makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. And why do they have to be criminals? If they were just 4 guys riding down a country road, the story would have been essentially the same. I couldn't understand exactly what the story tellers were going for. We're told these guys are killers and thieves, but their tortuous punishment makes us feel sympathetic. The acting is fine, although for whatever reason, this version was edited, so all the curse words were silenced. There were times where I could not even hear entire conversations because of all the silencing. There is a good effect on screen right before each person is knocked out, something I really haven't seen in too many movies, so that was a creative touch. Beyond that, Karma isn't anything special.

2.5/10

Storm

Storm is about 5 friends playing Bloody Mary on a stormy night. The ritual is interrupted by a knock at the door. They are shocked to see a clown standing outside. James the Clown (Tony Todd, Candyman, Final Destination) claims his car broke down and he just needs to use the phone. The kids are terrified because the clown is so odd and creepy and are relieved when a policeman shows up. Things are not what they seem and one by one, the young friends are brutally murdered. A game of whodunit begins, with each person being a suspect. Is this cop really a cop? Is The Clown actually an undercover police officer? Is Bloody Mary real and slitting people's throats?

Corpsey the Clown

Storm is a very confused and convoluted story full of plot holes. It's hard enough just looking past the fact that the “teenagers” look like they're in their late 20s. Then you throw in a story about a cop who's not really a cop and a clown that's really a cop with a side story of Bloody Mary. And if James is really a police officer, why was he acting so creepy to being with? Why bother having Bloody Mary at all when it's just pushed to the fringes of the story? And then why try to tie it to the first movie? It makes no sense. NO SENSE! Also, there was one scene where faucets are turning on by themselves. I could clearly see string pulling the lever. Helpful reminder, don't use black string. Tony Todd is awesome as the clown, but unfortunately even he couldn't save the muddled mess.

2/10

When I watched Nite Tales, I was hoping for something like Tales From The Hood; fun urban horror stories. I thought Flav might be funny as hyper Crypt Keeper-like MC, but he just rambles on about nothing. It's like they forgot to write him lines and just had him huff out of a mysterious paper bag before shoving him out in front of the camera.Unfortunately, I got a confused jumble of half-baked ideas with poor follow through. Throw in an unnecessary intro and outro by the ever-annoying Flavor Flav, and you've got yourself a disappointing movie.

4.5/10

Day 12: Dead Heist

Dead Heist

What, Dead Prez wasn't available?

Dead Heist is essentially two movies in one. Its part gangsta heist movie and part horror movie. Four criminals from the inner city plan to rob a bank in a sleepy suburb. They ask for help from local crime boss/hustler/porn film director Hustle in exchange for a percentage of the robbery. As insurance, Hustle sends Jackson, the sort-of hero, so make sure everything goes down smoothly. Of course it doesn't as the robbery goes wrong and vampire-zombie creatures start attacking everyone. Joined by the vampire-zombie hunter, named Hunter (no, really) played by Big Daddy Kane, they must band together to kill the creatures and escape in one piece.

You ever get that feeling when watching a movie that you are not the target audience? That's how I felt when I watched Dead Heist. The N word is dropped so many times that it lost all meaning, gained new meaning, and lost all meaning again. Slang and quickly spit lines require subtitles at times. I know a lot of the people in this movie are rappers, but other than Big Daddy Kane and Bonecrusher, who makes a 50 second cameo, I have no idea who they are. They do deserve credit though, because it never felt like I was watching musicians trying to act (Vanilla Ice anyone?), the lines were delivered naturally, adding authenticity to the movie.

 Must...buy...Avirex...shirts

Once again, another movie focuses too much on a weak story and realizes towards the end that they have to cram in horror. The first half is a fine, if someone-what stereotypical, heist movie. There are some genuinely funny moments and the characters are likable enough. The sets and guns are believable except when people shoot, sometimes there's no flash. How can you miss something like that? Someone had to have noticed because in some scenes, the guns flash when fired. There is plenty of blood and some decent kills towards the end.

One serious problem I had with the movie dealt with the creatures. Dead Heist was labeled as a vampire movie, but this movie ignored a lot of the standard vampire rules. They explain that the creatures were created by a lab accident, so I can give some them some leeway, but other than biting and eating people, they're not very vampish. They only come out during the New Moon because they don't like the light. I've never heard of vampires or zombies for that matter being affected by moonlight. But these creatures aren't like zombies either because to stop them, just shoot them in the heart, not the head, but when the credits role, actors are labeled as zombies. Well which one is it?!

Ain't No Half Steppin, you vampire/zombie bastards!

For all of it's flaws, Dead Heist did have some enjoyable moments and I never felt like bored or completely insulted watching it. This is the type of movie you see in the used section at Blockbuster or on cable TV after midnight. You pretty much get what you expect when watching a movie called Dead Heist. Good for a few laughs and some violence, Dead Heist is a passable late-night watch.

5/10