Day 12: Dead Heist

Dead Heist

What, Dead Prez wasn't available?

Dead Heist is essentially two movies in one. Its part gangsta heist movie and part horror movie. Four criminals from the inner city plan to rob a bank in a sleepy suburb. They ask for help from local crime boss/hustler/porn film director Hustle in exchange for a percentage of the robbery. As insurance, Hustle sends Jackson, the sort-of hero, so make sure everything goes down smoothly. Of course it doesn't as the robbery goes wrong and vampire-zombie creatures start attacking everyone. Joined by the vampire-zombie hunter, named Hunter (no, really) played by Big Daddy Kane, they must band together to kill the creatures and escape in one piece.

You ever get that feeling when watching a movie that you are not the target audience? That's how I felt when I watched Dead Heist. The N word is dropped so many times that it lost all meaning, gained new meaning, and lost all meaning again. Slang and quickly spit lines require subtitles at times. I know a lot of the people in this movie are rappers, but other than Big Daddy Kane and Bonecrusher, who makes a 50 second cameo, I have no idea who they are. They do deserve credit though, because it never felt like I was watching musicians trying to act (Vanilla Ice anyone?), the lines were delivered naturally, adding authenticity to the movie.

 Must...buy...Avirex...shirts

Once again, another movie focuses too much on a weak story and realizes towards the end that they have to cram in horror. The first half is a fine, if someone-what stereotypical, heist movie. There are some genuinely funny moments and the characters are likable enough. The sets and guns are believable except when people shoot, sometimes there's no flash. How can you miss something like that? Someone had to have noticed because in some scenes, the guns flash when fired. There is plenty of blood and some decent kills towards the end.

One serious problem I had with the movie dealt with the creatures. Dead Heist was labeled as a vampire movie, but this movie ignored a lot of the standard vampire rules. They explain that the creatures were created by a lab accident, so I can give some them some leeway, but other than biting and eating people, they're not very vampish. They only come out during the New Moon because they don't like the light. I've never heard of vampires or zombies for that matter being affected by moonlight. But these creatures aren't like zombies either because to stop them, just shoot them in the heart, not the head, but when the credits role, actors are labeled as zombies. Well which one is it?!

Ain't No Half Steppin, you vampire/zombie bastards!

For all of it's flaws, Dead Heist did have some enjoyable moments and I never felt like bored or completely insulted watching it. This is the type of movie you see in the used section at Blockbuster or on cable TV after midnight. You pretty much get what you expect when watching a movie called Dead Heist. Good for a few laughs and some violence, Dead Heist is a passable late-night watch.

5/10