Day 346: Dracula: Dead And Loving It

Dracula: Dead And Loving It

His cape is bigger on the inside

I love to laugh and make people laugh. Nothing makes me happier than having a room full of people laugh at a smart, thoughtful, well-timed joke. Some of my favorite funny people include George Carlin, Lewis Black, Patton Oswalt, Demetri Martin, and good friend/former roommate Drew Mayer (follow him at @mayercomedy). My all-time most favorite funnyman, though, has to be Mel Brooks. He always manages to make me laugh, even if it's with a funny look or a goofy voice. His movies have greatly influenced my own sense of humor throughout the years. His combination for smart jokes, slapstick, and visual humor makes for a thoroughly enjoyable watch. You may be wondering why I'm heaping huge praise on a comedian when this is a horror review blog. Well, Mel Brooks is no stranger to horror. His movie Young Frankenstein has become immensely popular over the years and was even made into a Broadway musical. Everyone knows and loves that movie. I'd like to focus on a not-so-beloved Mel Brooks movie featuring another funny man, Leslie Nielsen.

Dracula: Dead And Loving It is a 1995 horror comedy starring Leslie Nielsen (The Naked Gun, Creepshow) as Dracula and Mel Brooks (Blazing Saddles, Robin Hood: Men In Tights) as Abraham van Helsing. The movie spoofs the classic 1931 Dracula film, following the story relatively closely. Solicitor Thomas Renfield (Peter MacNicol, Ghostbusters II, Ally McBeal) travels to Transylvania to meet with Count Dracula to finalize his purchase of Carfax Abbey in England. When he reaches a nearby village, the villagers (Anne Bancroft and Chuck McCann) warn Renfield that Count Dracula is actually a vampire and with the sun setting, they will not take him to the castle. Unconcerned and with a schedule (pronounced “shedule” by Renfield) to keep, Renfield proceeds on foot to Dracula's Castle. Dracula puts Renfield under a hypnotic spell, turning him into a slave that subsists only on bugs. They travel to England and when the boat docks, all the crew have vanished except for Renfield. He is committed to an insane asylum run by Doctor Seward (Harvey Korman, Blazing Saddles, High Anxiety). That night, Dracula visits the opera where he introduces himself to Dr. Seward who happens to be his new neighbor. He also meets Dr. Seward's daughter Mina (Amy Yasbeck, Robin Hood: Men In Tights, The Mask) and her friend Lucy (Lysette Anthony, Krull, The Advocate). That night, Dracula goes to Lucy's room and bites her. The next day, she is inexplicably exhausted and sick, so Dr. Seward calls on Dr. Abraham van Helsing, an expert on obscure diseases. Van Helsing explains that she has been bitten by a vampire and covers her room with garlic. That night, Dracula breaks Renfield out of his asylum to remove the garlic. He is captured and returned to the asylum while Dracula bites Lucy again and turns her into a vampire. Van Helsing and Mina's fiance Jonathan Harker (Steven Weber, Wings, Farm House) kill Lucy with a stake to the heart while Dracula eventually bites Mina. Will Jonathan and van Helsing be able to stop Dracula before it's too late?

I make the same face when I find out the deli is out of knishes

If this movie sounds just like the 1931 Dracula, it's not a coincidence. Other spoofs by Brooks, such as Young Frankenstein and Spaceballs, had managed to create their own stories while poking fun at the originals. Dracula: Dead And Loving It is more faithful to the source material with just a few little asides here and there. It's perfectly fine because the focus of the movie is more to make you laugh than to make you enjoy the story. For those that have seen Dracula, it may be slightly boring to have to sit through a story you already know. The jokes come quickly, with a mixture of physical comedy, word play, clever asides and all the other hallmarks of Mel Brooks' work. There's even the usual sprinkling of Jewish and Yiddish humor which no doubt will leave some gentiles scratching their heads. For those aware of that type of humor, it's highly enjoyable, as always. Still, the jokes are fairly “by the book”. Those accustomed to Brooks' wackiness in movies like History Of The World Part I and Silent Movie may be a little disappointed with Dracula: Dead And Loving It's straightforward nature.

While the story is nothing special and there's no scares to speak of, the performances from the cast help move the film along. Leslie Nielsen is fun and occasionally hammy, but in a good way. Fans of his Naked Gun movies will enjoy him immensely. Mel Brooks is his usual funny self while never hogging the spotlight. Amy Yasbeck is good as well, though I would have liked her to have a bigger role. She was great as Maid Marian, so it's not like she wasn't capable of having a larger role. The same could be said for Steven Weber as Jonathan Harker. Despite being a comedy, there is one scene that contains more blood than many horror movies. When Jonathan kills Lucy, blood literally explodes all over him multiple times. Other than that, there isn't much action of violence to speak of. There are some pratfalls and physical comedy thrown around for good measure just to keep the audience visually stimulated. The sets look OK, but tend to have a fakeness to them that takes away from the overall movie.

"Uhhhhh...she tripped!"

Dracula: Dead And Loving It may not be the best Mel Brooks movie, but it's still very funny. There are many negative reviews out there, but I feel that the movie has gotten better with age. The jokes are still capable of making people laugh which is more than what most new movies can do. I would take this movie over any of those Date Movie, Superhero Movie, Meet The Spartans crapfests. There isn't much story to speak of and if you've seen the 1931 Dracula, you already know what is going to happen. If you need something fun to watch, but still want a touch of traditional horror, Dracula: Dead And Loving It is worth your time.

7.5/10

Day 340: The Lost Boys

The Lost Boys

Not pictured: Starter jackets, LA Gear sneakers, and Jersey hair

Teen vampire movies weren't always relegated to crappy romance novel adaptations where people swoon over brooding bloodsuckers that sparkle in the sunlight and have strong religious overtones. In fact, the 1980's were full of vampire movies. We had Fright Night, the Jim Carey-starring Once Bitten, My Best Friend Is A Vampire, Lifeforce, and Near Dark. These weren't just one-note vampire movies either. Some were comedies, some were action/adventures, some were straight horror. There was one vampire movie from the 80's, though, that manage to touch on many different genres while encapsulating the very essence of the 1980's. That movie is The Lost Boys.

The Lost Boys is a 1987 teen vampire movie starring Corey Haim (License To Drive, Lucas) as Sam Emerson and Jason Patric (Sleepers, Narc) as his older brother Michael. Along with their mother Lucy (Dianne Wiest, Edward Scissorhands, Bullets Over Broadway), the boys move to Santa Clara, the supposed murder capital of the world, to live with their grandfather. Michael and Sam hang out on the boardwalk when Michael spots a beautiful girl named Star (Jami Gertz, Less Than Zero, Sixteen Candles) and pursues her. She runs with a gang lead by the mysterious vampire David (Kiefer Sutherland, 24, Mirrors). Wanting to stay with Star, Michael goes along with David as the gang initiates him through various dares and challengers. Michael drinks from a bottle containing blood, thus beginning his transformation. Meanwhile, Sam visits a comic book store where he meets Edgar Frog (Corey Feldman, The Goonies, Stand By Me) and his brother Alan (Jamison Newlander, The Blob, Lost Boys: The Tribe). They insist that Sam read a comic called “Vampires Everywhere!”, warning him that it could save his life. The next day, Michael develops a thirst for blood and is sensitive to sunlight. He is even attacked by Sam's normally docile dog Nanook. After retreating to his room, Michael begins to levitate and fly against his will, terrifying Sam and prompting Lucy to come home from her date with Max (Edward Herrmann, Gilmore Girls, The Aviator). Sam discovers that his brother is only half-vampire and his humanity could still be restored by killing the head vampire. Sam and the Frog brothers believe that Max is the head vampire and put him through various tests made to look like accidents. He passes them though, leaving the boys without a clue as to who the head vampire may be. After an incident where the vampires kill some surfers, Star visits Michael, revealing that she too is half-vampire and that she wants to be cured as well. They all travel to the vampire's hideout and stake one vampire (Alex Winters, Bill from Bill & Ted's Excellent Journey) but must flee when the rest wake up. That night, the teens arm themselves with weapons to fight against the vampires. Who is the head vampire and will Sam be able to free his brother before it is too late?

"What? I can't hear you over that hideous shirt!"

If aliens ever came to our planet and wanted to know what the 1980's were all about, you'd show them The Lost Boys (or maybe Mannequin if you were feeling mean). The culture, the clothes, the mullets, the music. All that was really missing was Hulk Hogan and some power suits with shoulder pads. It's all so very 80's and I mean that in a good way. While the movie is geared towards teens and horror fans, the story is quite entertaining. It mixes action, adventure, teen angst, and comedy without ever really losing it's horror edge. Granted, it's still teen-friendly, but that's just a movie knowing it's audience. The movie focuses on both Michael and Sam, giving the movie a wider range of teen and young adult fans. There are some scares and some blood, but not enough to keep the average non-horror fan away. The humor isn't overpowering, but it lightens the mood when necessary.

The movie's visual style is quite striking with beautiful sweeping shots of the ocean combined with a soaring musical score. The Lost Boys proves that Joel Schumacher, the man who directed such stinkers as The Number 23, Batman Forever, and Batman & Robin) can actually direct. The action is decent and thanks to some prosthetics and color contacts, the vampires don't look half bad. The movie is helped greatly by the good performances from Kiefer Sutherland, Jason Patric and the two Coreys. While most modern audiences are used to the badass Jack Bower Kiefer Sutherland, it's nice to see him play a villain so well. He plays the vampire David with a sly, dangerous edge, like he's the cool older kid in high school that wears a leather jacket and hangs outside during lunch. Corey Haim is good as the younger brother, serving as a solid avatar for the audience. The ending is a bit of a blow-off, but in that special 80's way where everything is perfectly fine.

We call that "Cold Toilet" face

The Lost Boys has found a wide audience and thanks to a high nostalgia factor, two sequels have come out in recent years. It's one of the quintessential teenage movies from the 80's along with The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. It's a fun little story that combines a lot of different genres with relatable teenage angst. The undercurrent story of teens moving to a new place, falling into the wrong crowd, and their mother dating is all a clever parallel to the problems that many in the audience face. The movie has some good action, but it may not be enough for true horror fans. The acting is good and it's fun to see all the wonderful things from the 1980's. Whether you're feeling nostalgic or just need a fun, relatively harmless horror movie, The Lost Boys is worth the watch.

8/10

Day 307: 30 Days Of Night

30 Days Of Night

They could reuse this poster for the Red Dawn remake

Comic book movie adaptations are all the rage nowadays. Thanks to the success of movies like Spider-Man, The Dark Knight, The Avengers, and X-Men, you can barely go two months without another comic book movie popping up. Flying under the radar, though, are movies based on horror comic books. While not as popular as they were in the EC comics days, there is a steady stream of horror-centric comic books. At the forefront of these stories is Steve Niles, whose work I've previously reviewed in “Remains”. Niles has come out with a string of enjoyable comic books, most notable Criminal Macabre, Bad Planet, and his most famous mini-series, 30 Days Of Night. 30 Days Of Night proved to be so popular that it was only a matter of time before it made it to the big screen.

30 Days Of Night is a vampire movie based on the comic book of the same name written by Steve Niles. The movie stars Josh Hartnett (The Faculty, Pearl Harbor) as Sheriff Eben Oleson and Melissa George (Turistas, The Amityville Horror) as his estranged wife Stella. Eben is the sheriff of the small Alaskan town of Barrow, famous for having no sunlight for a full 30 days. As the town prepares for the month of darkness, a stranger (Ben Foster, 3:10 To Yuma, Pandorum) arrives via boat and begins sabotaging the town's phones and power supply. Eben receives a call from Stella, asking for him to pick her up after she misses the final plane to Anchorage. Still angry at her for their pending divorce, Eben sends his deputy Billy (Manu Bennett, The Marine, The Condemned) to get her while he investigates a call about sled dogs being killed. Eventually, Eben comes across the stranger in the town diner and arrests him. In jail, the stranger taunts Eben and Stella, telling them that death is coming. Just then, the power goes out and a group of unknown creatures viciously attack people around town. The assailants are vampires that have come to Barrow to feast during the month of darkness. Led by Marlow (Danny Huston, The Constant Gardener, Clash Of The Titans), the feral vampires cut a bloody swath through town, using both the brains and brawn to feed. Eben and Stella hold up in an attic with a few other survivors, trying to figure out what they can do. Weeks pass and still they cannot come up with a solution. With food running low and time running out, how will Eben and Stella kill the vampires before it is too late?

The dreaded "Circle of Vampires and Flames" death match

The biggest thing 30 Days Of Night has going for it is the fairly original idea of the setting. The unique combination of frozen tundra and seemingly never-ending darkness makes for a fun and interesting background that most other vampire movies lack. The vast emptiness and the black abyss create a hopeless atmosphere which feeds into the overall despair and helplessness from the vampire attack. These are not your weepy, sparkly vampire either. These vampires are shown as vicious, remorseless blood-thirsty animals, complete with extra sharp teeth. They speak in their own vampiric language, which is a fun touch, though the sounds they make do get a little grating. There was one scene where a little vampire girl spoke in perfect English, which I found strange, considering the movie went to great lengths showing these vampires didn't really speak it. They even make it a point to mention that the girl isn't from the town. It's a very minor point, so it doesn't really matter, it just kind of bugged me. If anyone has an explanation, please let me know. The vampires look very similar to the illustrations in the comic book and I give the filmmakers credit for trying to stay true to the comic.

The story itself follows the comic fairly well with some changes here and there. There is plenty of action and lots and lots of blood and gore. The camerawork during the action is all over the place and while it does help increase the frantic nature of the violence, it does become nauseating. Certain action sequences, like when a vampire jumps onto Eben's truck, looks very cartoonish. That would have been fine if the movie went in that direction, but that wasn't the case. After the initial attack, the movie loses it's direction and can't seem to find itself until the last 15 minutes or so. Part of the problem is that the movie runs just a little too long for no particular reason. Both Josh Hartnett and Melissa George play their parts well, but Ben Foster steals the show with his excellent performance as the stranger. Without even saying a word, Foster is able to convey a sense of discomfort and fear in the audience. Despite having a relatively small role, Foster makes it incredibly entertaining.

Oh, (neck) snap!

30 Days Of Night is a good horror movie and a good comic book movie. The story is fairly unique and the action is fast-paced. There is plenty of blood and enough gory scenes to satiate the true horror fan. The movie slows down after the initial excitement and has trouble finding it's footing. It's a little too long and doesn't know how to bring everything together. The camerawork is all over the place, causing the action to be hard to focus on. The acting is good with Ben Foster putting in the best performance. You don't have to know the comic book or even like comics to enjoy 30 Days Of Night. It's a fun horror movie with great action, good suspense, and a few scares.

7.5/10

Day 299: Stake Land

Stake Land

Hamburger Town

The zombie apocalypse vein of horror stories has become well-worn in recent years. Thanks to the popularity of Left 4 Dead, 28 Days Later and The Walking Dead, just about everyone knows what a zombie outbreak would look like. As much as I love the genre, it's been done to death. It's in television, movies, books, video games, and even on t-shirts. This poses the problem for writers and filmmakers. How do we have a zombie apocalypse without being a zombie apocalypse? Take out the zombies and put in vampires! Problem solved!

Stake Land is a 2010 vampire movie starring Nick Damici (Mulberry St, World Trade Center) as the enigmatic Mister and Connor Paolo (Gossip Girl, Revenge) as Martin. A wave of vampires has spread across the world as humans try to save themselves. The government has fallen and only small towns remain. A young man named Martin is saved by the vampire hunter Mister after a vampire kills his family. Mister trains Martin to kill vampires, explaining that guns hurt them, but stakes to the heart kill them. They travel through America's heartland on the way to the supposed safe-haven of New Eden in Canada. The visit small towns where people are still trying to live their lives amidst the carnage. One day, a nun runs in front of their car, pursued by two men in robes. Mister kills the two men and the nun, only known as Sister (Kelly McGillis, Top Gun, The Innkeepers), joins Mister and Martin on their journey. They stop in one seemingly-abandoned town only to be captured by members of The Brotherhood, a Christian cult, that has been taking over the country through violence. Their leader, Jebedia Loven (Michael Cerveris, The Vampire's Assistant, Fringe), reveals that one of the men that Mister had killed was his son. Mister is left in front of vampires in the woods while Martin and Sister are taken back to camp. Loven allows Martin to leave, who manages to find Mister still alive. They continue to make their way when they pick up another traveler, a pregnant girl named Belle (Danielle Harris, Halloween II, Left For Dead) and a marine named Willie (Sean Nelson, The Freebie, The Wood). They return to where The Brotherhood was camped and Mister leaves Loven to be eaten by vampires. The group manages to find Sister in a small town, but the Brotherhood drops vampires into the town via helicopter. How will Mister and Martin survive and will they ever reach New Eden?

I prefer my steak medium well, not stuffed into a vampire's mouth

Before I get into things like the acting and violence in the movie, I have to address two very big plot devices: Politics and Religion. The movie has a huge Libertarian bent to it, to the point where they might as well be smacking the audience in the face with a copy of Atlas Shrugged. I don't buy into the cult of Ayn Rand and Ron Paul, so having to sit through a movie where a) the government folds faster than Superman on laundry day, b) towns and villagers still exist through self-regulation and C) everyone is thrilled that the government is gone is downright silly. The world may be coming to an end, but everyone is thrilled to have their guns, liquor, and drugs. If the movie had been subtle about this, it wouldn't have been such a big sticking point, but there's nothing subtle about Stake Land. That brings me to my second point on religion. Just like with libertarians, I am no fan of the fanatical Christian Right. Making the villains (besides the vampires) into religious zealots is fine, but making them specifically evil Christians came off as a bit vindictive. Combine that with the character of Sister giving her cross to Martin, carrying around a mini figure of Mary, and then pairing it with a mini Jesus and I've had my fill. The least subtle moment of the movie comes when Sister runs into a skeleton literally crucified in a corn field. Subtley is a virtue and Stake Land takes that virtue out back and clubs it in the head with a shovel. There is even a scene where a bartender tells Mister that they don't talk about politics or religion inside the bar. Oh that's good because you're so busy doing that for the other 96 minutes of the movie. Look, I appreciate social commentary in horror movies, but there is a certain way to get your points across without coming off the like a propaganda film.

The story, written by Nick Damici and director Jim Mickle, plays out like every other zombie apocalypse film and just replaces the zombies with vampires. It's never explained why the vampire plague started or where they came from, which I found annoying. At least give me some hints. Characters just kind of drop in and drop out with very little in the way of development. A new character is introduced as Martin's love interest literally 7 minutes before the film ends. What the hell? And really, did you have to name the one African American character “Willie”? The final battle scene, which you'd expect to be long and drawn out, takes about 4 minutes to finish. I will say that the movie did have a lot of good action with plenty of bloody violence. The acting is good and the Jim Mickle crafts a good-looking and atmospheric movie. The location scout deserves credit as many of the scenes look straight out of an apocalypse. There are lots of abandoned buildings and worn-out backgrounds which are fun to see. 

SUBTLETY!!!!

The action and violence in Stake Land is perfectly fine. It's entertaining and thrilling to watch and would make horror fans squeal with bloody glee. The acting and direction isn't the problem either. It's the slanted writing with an obvious agenda that really gets to me. I hate the politics and don't enjoy having it slap me in the face. There are no anti-Christian overtones, just anti-Christian tones. If these two themes had been subtle and cleverly written, it wouldn't be such a big deal. There is nothing subtle about this movie though and it makes everything that much worse. There plenty of holes in the story, and issues throughout, like “if Martin is being trained, why can he never kill a vampire?” If you're able to ignore things things like this, you'll really enjoy Stake Land. If you're like me, you'll be annoyed and frustrated at a movie that couldn't just leave well enough alone and be a horror movie.

5/10

Day 248: Tales From The Crypt: Bordello Of Blood

Tales From The Crypt: Bordello Of Blood

Oh, 1996

The 1990's were a simpler time. The economy was going strong, Bill Clinton was president, people still used America Online, and people were generally happier. It was also the prime time for the Tales From The Crypt television series on HBO. Based on the 1950's EC Comics horror series, Tales From The Crypt used a mixture of horror and humor to create an entertaining horror anthology. By being on HBO, TFTC had the freedom from basic television censorship. This allowed the series to have more adult content, more violence, and more nudity. Thanks to the success of the show, Tales From The Crypt came out with a trilogy of movies. I've already reviewed Demon Knight and Ritual, so it's time to complete the trilogy with a horror movie starring...Dennis Miller. Damn you, 90's!

Tales From The Crypt: Bordello Of Blood is a 1996 horror comedy movie starring Dennis Miller (Joe Dirt, The Dennis Miller Show) as Rafe Guttman. The movie begins with a man named Vincent (Phil Fondacaro, Evil Bong, Sabrina, The Teenage Witch) exploring a forest in South America. Joined by a few locals, Vincent enters a cave, believing the treasure he seeks is inside. The group discovers a coffin containing the skeleton of Lilith (Angie Everhart, Last Action Hero, Denial). Vincent places her still-beating heart back inside the skeleton, bringing Lilith back to life. The revived Lilith kills the locals, but Vincent reveals he is carrying the Key from Demon Knight, which contains the blood of Jesus inside. The key causes prevents Lilith from hurting Vincent and the two team up and make their way to the United States. We are then introduced to church worker Katherine (Erika Eleniak, Under Siege, The Beverly Hillbillies) who tries to prevent her delinquent brother Caleb (Corey Feldman, The Lost Boys, Stand By Me) from going out and getting into trouble. He ignores her and goes to a bar with his friends, meeting a strange biker who tells them of a brothel in town. Caleb and one of his friends travel to the address, which turns out to be a funeral home. They are placed in a coffin which goes down into the secret brothel. To their horror, the prostitutes are vampires being led by Lilith. When Caleb disappears, Katherine tries to get the police to search for him, but they are no help. Private detective Rafe Guttman overhears Katherine and offers his services to help her. After picking up some leads, Rafe sneaks into the bordello and discovers that the money raised there is given to the church where Katherine works. He returns the next night and meets with one of the prostitutes who is horrified when she sees Rafe's cross. He escapes, but Lilith is able to find him and tries to seduce him. Katherine receives a frantic call from Caleb and Rafe joins her to find him. Caleb has been turned into a vampire and captures Katherine and puts Rafe in the hospital. Joined by Reverend Current, who is looking to redeem himself for profiting off the deaths of sinners, Rafe fills Super Soakers with holy water and heads to the brothel. Will they be able to save Katherine and kill Lilith before it's too late?

There are worse ways to go

Movies always run the risk of casting someone who is popular at the time the movie is being made. Dennis Miller's television show on HBO was quite popular in the mid-90's and was known from his time at Saturday Night Live. His acting resume, though, wasn't particularly long and it showed in Bordello Of Blood. The movie tries so desperately to be funny, and while a few puns can elicit a chuckle, most fail to make the audience even crack a smile. The jokes come too quickly, mostly in the form of one-liners delivered by Miller's unique brand of comedy, which comes off as too sarcastic for the role. Action movies can be funny, it's just all in the delivery. Bruce Willis in Die Hard is a perfect example as his sarcasm is well-placed and well-timed. If John McClane made obscure topical references instead of saying “Yippy kay-yay, motherfucker” the movie wouldn't have worked. Angie Everhart is good in her role, though she is forced to spout some cringe-worthy one-liners of her own. Erika Eleniak does well and I appreciate the idea of making a former Playboy Playmate a church worker. Chris Sarandon is quite entertaining as the reverend as well.

Bordello Of Blood also tries to have a lot of action, which is more successful than the comedy. The violence is delightfully over-the-top and with gore and blood by the buckets. The movie has exploding vampires, beheadings, dismemberments, and everything in-between. The makeup and special effects look very good and convincing. The story of a bordello filled with prostitutes is actually quite creative and I'm surprised more horror movies haven't tried to emulate it. One thing I noticed about the movie, was that during the vampire fighting scene, Rafe and the reverend used water guns filled with holy water. If that sounds familiar, From Dusk Till Dawn had the same idea and the same year that Bordello Of Blood came out. It is entirely possible that it was a coincidence and I have no idea who came up with it first, but compared to the greatness of From Dusk Till Dawn, Bordello ends up looking silly. Speaking of silly, my autocorrect is filling in “Bordello of Blood” with “Bordello of Bloodsport”. That is a movie that needs to happen as soon as possible.

Hole in one

Originally, the trilogy was to include “Dead Easy”, “Demon Knight”, and “Body Count”. For whatever reason, only Demon Knight was actually made with Bordello of Blood and Ritual replacing the other two movies. Demon Knight is referenced a few times in the movie, such as a poster on Caleb's wall, and the inclusion of the key was a nice touch. The problem, though, is the key is destroyed in Bordello of Blood. Doesn't that mean the world will end, since the key was the only think keeping the demons from destroying the world in Demon Knight? Why include the key and express it's importance, just to destroy it and ignore the ramifications? I guess it doesn't matter since Bordello Of Blood did so poorly at the box office, essentially killing the TFTC movie series. When Ritual was released, it didn't even include the “Tales From The Crypt” banner or an intro from the Crypt Keeper. Thankfully, the Crypt Keeper was still in this movie, bringing his goofy puns and macabre jokes to the table. The inclusion of William Sadler (The Shawshank Redemption, Die Hard 2) during the Crypt Keeper's scenes were fun. 

Please, no more Chelsea Clinton jokes

Bordello Of Blood has some fun vampire action and lots of blood and gore. It's cartoonish violence, but it is still entertaining. The cast is a who's who of the early-to-mid 1990's with most putting in decent performances. Dennis Miller essentially plays Dennis Miller, cracking wise without making the audience crack a smile. His acting career wasn't long as he spent a brief time not being funny on Monday Night Football and is currently a conservative commentator being funny for all the wrong reasons. The movie tries too hard being funny with bad jokes made worse by Miller's delivery. The movie never reaches the level of it's predecessor in terms of horror or genuine humor, but it still has it's entertaining moments.There is a considerable amount of nudity, adult content, and violence, so it may not be for younger viewers. If you need something goofy and violent, you could do worse than Bordello Of Blood. It's watchable, but should have been much better.

5/10

Day 237: From Dusk Till Dawn

From Dusk Till Dawn

Don't bring a gun to a vampire fight

While the technique of “misdirection” is mostly associated with magic, it's nothing new in the world of horror. Many horror movies portray themselves in a certain way and then pull the rug out from under us in an effort to create shock and surprise. Some movies, such as The House Of The Devil, let you know that the big surprise is going to happen and make you wait. This can lead to a very boring watch that no payoff can make up for. The key to any good movie is to have a completely enjoyable start to finish. It sounds simple enough, but you'd be surprised how many movies make you sit through an hour of nothing just for a half hour of action. Of course, when you have a movie written by Quentin Tarantino (Reservoir Dogs, Inglorious Basterds) and directed by Robert Rodriguez (Planet Terror, Machete), you don't have to worry about a lack of action.

Or blood

From Dusk Till Dawn is a 1996 horror action movie starring George Clooney (The Ides of March, O Brother, Where Art Thou?) as Seth Gecko and Quentin Tarantino as his brother Richie. Seth and Richie are professional thieves that have left a swath of destruction across Texas after a bank robbery. They hold up in a hotel near the border with a bank teller they took as a hostage. While Seth goes to get food, Richie, a convicted sex offender, rapes and murders the hostage. When Seth returns, he is infuriated, stating that he is a thief not a rapist. Needing new hostages, Seth and Richie kidnap a family driving an RV: Jacob (Harvey Keitel, Pulp Fiction, Bad Lieutenant), a former pastor with a crisis of faith, his teenage daughter Kate (Juliette Lewis, Natural Born Killers, What's Eating Gilbert Grape?), and his adopted son Scott. Seth makes a deal with Jacob that if he can get them across the border safely, he promises not to harm them. He also promises to keep Richie from doing anything to Kate. After a close call, they make it across the border and Seth has Jacob drive to the rendevous point, a bar called The Titty Twister, where they are to meet their partners. As they enter the bar, they are briefly stopped by a worker named Chet Pussy (Cheech Marin, Up In Smoke, Nice Dreams), but Seth and Richie beat him down. Inside, Seth and Richie drink heavily an enjoy a performance by the main dancer, Santanico Pandemonium (Salma Hayek, Desperado, Four Rooms). After the dance, Chet returns and confronts the Gecko brothers. Richie is stabbed in the hand and Santanico, excited by the blood, turns into a vampire and bites him. Suddenly, all the stirppers and workers at the bar turn into vampires, attacking the patrons. Joined by a biker named Sex Machine (Tom Savini, Machete, Dawn Of The Dead) and a Vietnam veteran named Frost (Fred Williamson, Black Caesar, former Oakland Raider) Richie and the slain patrons begin turning into the vampires and the group is forced to kill them. Sex Machine is bitten who, in turn, bites Frost and Jacob. After hearing the sound of bats flapping outside, the bar is filled with more vampires. Seth, Kate, Scott, and Jacob retreat to a back room where they find all the supplies from various trucks that have stopped at the bar over the year. They arm themselves with weapons including condoms filled with holy water, a crossbow, and a drill. With Jacob about to turn into a vampire, will Seth, Kate, and Scott be able to survive?

The only good vampire is a dead vampire

I can't remember the last time I had fun watching a movie from start to finish. The first half of the movie plays out like a crime action movie while the second half goes for a completely over-the-top horror movie. The great thing is, if either half of the movie continued in it's original direction, I still would have enjoyed it. Credit goes in many directions. It's no secret that Quentin Tarantino can create interesting characters as we've seen in many of his other films. The dialogue is quick and snappy while not getting bogged down in words for the sake of using words like in Tarantino's “Death Proof”. Robert Rodriguez is no stranger to great action movies and is able to mix in horror very well, using creative angles and good wide shots to capture the action. If you enjoy references to other movies, keep your eyes peeled for a few nods to both Tarantino's and Rodriguez's work throughout. Admittedly, the horror is ridiculous, but in the fun way, never taking itself too seriously. There are a few scares, but it's never the movie's intention to be too scary. More focus is given on the action and genuinely funny humor. The vampires look good and there is plenty of blood and violence to keep things exciting. The movie tries to keep the vampire mythos from straying from the path, even having a discussion of what can actually kill them. There was one part where Sex Machine gets his head pulled off, only to have his body grow a new one and become some sort of giant rat vampire monster. I'm not sure where they were going with this idea other than to have a big monster. Didn't really make sense, but at least it looked cool.

The character of Seth Gecko is brutal, but oddly charming, forcing the audience to cheer for him despite being a murderer. It certainly helps that George Clooney is so good in the role. It's strange that he hasn't been in more villainous roles, because he is flat-out perfect as Seth Gecko. Quentin Tarantino is his usual hammy self as Richie which is a mixture of a good and bad. It is a little weird that he keeps playing rapists, though. Harvey Keitel is great as the southern pastor Jacob, making you completely forget that he's a nice Jewish boy from Brooklyn. Jacob's crisis of faith is quite believable as Keitel plays him with a quiet exhaustion, beaten down by an act of God that has broken his beliefs. The movie is full of fun smaller parts for well-known actors as Salma Hayek, Tom Savini, Danny Trejo (Machete, Con Air), and Cheech Marin in three separate roles.

Way better looking than Nosferatu

From Dusk Till Dawn manages to do so many things right that I find myself hard-pressed to find many flaws with it. It's a little long and there are a few scenes even too ridiculous for a movie such as this. What starts out as a fun action crime movie becomes an equally fun horror comedy. Tarantino's screenplay flow well, especially considering how wordy he tends to get. The movie has good, believable characters as well as fun, ridiculous characters in the bar. Rodriguez does a good job capturing the action with lots of bloody violence and good-looking vampires. George Clooney is great as Seth and should really play more villains in the future. Harvey Keitel is equally as good as the broken-down Jacob. If you can't decide on whether to watch an action movie, a crime thriller, or a horror movies, you should watch From Dusk Till Dawn because it is all those things and more.

9.5/10

Day 225: Black Sabbath

Black Sabbath

Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath

No, this isn't a review of a live DVD of the band Black Sabbath. Geezer Butler is not a werewolf, Tony Iommi, is not a zombie, Bill Ward is not the Blob, and Ozzy Osbourne is, well, Ozzy Osbourne. While that sounds like the best horror movie ever, today's review is actually for the movie from which the famous heavy metal band took their name. I always thought that this movie was British because the band was British, but to my surprise, it is actually from Italy. Originally titled “I tre volti della paura”, Black Sabbath is three unconnected tales of terror. It must be good if the original heavy metal band took their name from it, right?

Black Sabbath is a 1963 horror anthology directed by Mario Bava (Baron Blood, Shock). Dubbed in English from the original Italian, Black Sabbath tells three horror tales. An older Boris Karloff introduces us to each of the stories: “The Drop Of Water”, “The Telephone”, and “The Wurdalak”. In “The Drop Of Water,” Nurse Helen Chester is called to the house of a supposed medium and witch who has recently died. The old woman lays dead on her bed with her eyes wide open and a sickly grin frozen in place. As Helen prepares the body, she steals a sapphire ring off the corpse and hides it on her person. As she does, she knocks over a glass, causing water to drip on the floor. She is also harassed by a fly in the room that lands directly on the finger where the ring used to be. When she returns home, Helen is once again bothered by the fly. Strange events occur, such as flickering lights and the dripping sound of water. She begins to see the dead old woman in her house, her eyes wide and her grin still fixed to her face. What will happen to Helen? The second story, “The Telephone” tells the story of a beautiful woman named Rosy who is harassed by a phone-caller. The caller makes sexual comments and threatens Rosy, saying he will get her before the police arrive. Terrified, Rosy calls her friend Mary to come stay with her. Rosy believes the caller is Frank, her dead husband. As Rosy sleeps, Mary writes her a note begging for her to seek help. She is unaware that the caller is even closer than Rosy thought. What will happen to Rosy and who has been calling her? In the final story based on a story by Tolstoy, “The Wurdalak,” a young nobleman named Vladimir Durfe discovers a beheaded corpse with a sword stuck in it's back. He takes the sword and when he enters a village later that night, a man, Giorgio, recognizes the sword as his father's who had not been seen for five days. Vladimir stays the night with Giorgio and his family who explain their father, Gorca (Boris Karloff, Frankenstein, The Mummy) went to fight the wurdalak (vampire) Ali Beg. At the stroke of midnight, Gorca returns to the home, looking gravely pale and carrying the head of Ali Beg. His unkempt appearance, harsh disposition, and the baying of hounds convince the family that Gorca has in fact become a wurdalak. Gorca picks off the family, one by one, leaving only Vladimir and beautiful Sdenka. What will happen to them?

Ozzy looks terrible!

Black Sabbath is a prime example of how to correctly do a horror anthology. Each story manages to establish the characters and get to the point quickly. Director Mario Bava is able to craft each story well, with a good mixture of different horror styles. All three stories are both visually and psychologically appealing with plenty of fear. Boris Karloff is wonderful introducing each story adding a wry sense of humor not seen in his classic works. All three of the stories are simple, yet effective. If you read scary stories as a child, each of these should sound somewhat familiar. It's important to keep in mind that this movie came out in the early sixties and the stories were based on much older tales, so no need to scream about originality. I never like movies being dubbed as I find it distracting, but thankfully it wasn't too bad in Black Sabbath.

The Drop Of Water is colorful and atmospheric, making for a creepy feel. The woman's distorted face is unnerving and far scarier than any computerized effect. The Telephone is your typical “scary caller” horror story, made most popular by 1973's “When A Stranger Calls” with the addition of a ghost story. If the story doesn't really make sense (why would a ghost call his former wife and then try to kill her?) it's because the English version has been hacked to pieces and reworked. The original Italian version has Rosy and Mary in a lesbian affair and Frank escaping from prison. That makes much more sense than the version I watched. I suppose American/British audiences weren't ready for that type of subject matter. The Wurdalak is the longest of the stories, but probably the best. Karloff is fantastic as the vampire Gorca creating a real sense of dread in the audience. There is a good amount of fear and action in this story with some good sets and costumes. 

Paranoid

Black Sabbath is a fun movie with a set of good, basic stories. There are some good chills and a decent amount of action. There are some changes from the original version, so if you are able to, watch that one instead of the altered version. Boris Karloff is very enjoyable, showcasing his range as an actor, from clever host to terrifying monster. The directorial talent of Bava is on display as well, mixing up different styles, but still capable of delivering the horror goods. Black Sabbath is quite enjoyable and well worth your time.

8/10

Day 209: Vampires

Vampires

Their waffles are to die for

I don't want to say that the Twilight series has ruined the horror genre (mostly because I haven't and will not read it), but it certainly has made it harder for the genre. Vampires have always had a romantic quality to them, but Twilight dumbed it down for the tween population so they could swoon over a monster that sparkles in the sunlight. Yeah, it sounds pretty hideous. Vampire movies now need to up the ante and present themselves in a different light. Some movies try found footage, or telling the story from the vampire's point of view or, like in the case of vampires, an amalgam of both. (And yes, I have already reviewed a movie called “Vampires,” but this is a different film.)

Vampires is a 2010 Belgian horror movies starring Carlo Ferante as Georges. The Belgian vampire community invites a film crew to follow one of their families. After two attempts in which the crew were eaten by vampires, ground rules are set and a third crew is able to film the family. Georges is the patriarch, Bertha the mother, Samson the son, and Grace the daughter. They also share their cellar with two other vampires who are relegated to a small space because they do not have children. They explain what it is like to live as a vampire, having a young woman they call The Meat stay in their house as their food. The also immigrants delivered to their house for eating as well. We see them picking out coffins to sleep in and going to school to learn how to properly be a vampire. Despite being vampires, the family has problems similar to that of a human family, though with a twist. Grace is unhappy and desperately wants to become human. She wears pink clothes, puts on makeup to appear tan, and even has a human boyfriend. She even goes as far as trying to kill herself through various human methods, but her vampirism keeps her alive. Samson is rebellious and sleeps with the community leader's wife, the only taboo in the vampire community. The penalty is death, but Samson is able to go to London and speak with an elder who is able to stay the execution. The family is exiled to Canada. Will they be able to adjust to their new life in a new country?

Cheers, Big Ears

This film is not your typical vampire movie. It is shot in the documentary style of interviews which captures some intimate moments of the vampires' lives. It gives a unique perspective on the vampire genre as well. The movie also brings up the “vampire code,” written by Count Dracula himself, which all vampires must live by. This was something new to me and I'm not sure if it exists in other forms of entertainment, but it added a sense of realism to the movie. The vampires live without fear of disease or violence, but still must live within the code. I am hesitant to compare it to other mockumentaries such as This Is Spinal Tap and Fear of A Black Hat because while it does have humorous moments, it is not a total spoof on vampires.

The movie is well written with some clever dialogue that really help things move along. The acting is good all around and make the movie believable. Made for relatively, the movie focuses more on character development than action. It has a few scenes of violence and some blood, but nothing extreme or gorey. There is some good social commentary throughout, such as the differences in lifestyle for the family. Life is easy in Belgium and they are fat and comfortable. When they move to Canada, they are forced to work and interact with humans. This all can be compared to the hardships that human immigrants must endure. Vampires does have some differences in other vampire movie, such as fire not killing them, but it didn't bother me much. Little changes are ok. Vampires sparkling in sunlight are not. 

Let me stand next to your fire

Vampires is a smart and witty take on the vampire genre. It wisely uses the documentary style to develop characters in a way that straight forward movies can not. The interview segments are windows in the character's minds and emotions and you just don't get that from a regular vampire movie. There is a bit of action and blood, but not enough for your typical horror fan. The movie has some genuinely funny moments and is enjoyable for people that like to pick up on small nuances. If you enjoy good writing and dialogue and can live without lots of violence, you'll like Vampires.

7/10

Day 204: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Night Pimp

Ret-conning literature and history is the hip thing right now. Call it a reboot, a reimaging, or an alternate universe, this trend involves taking established characters (or real-life figures) and altering their story to create a new one. I'm not exactly when it became popular, but I first became aware of this concept when Seth Grahame-Smith's book Pride And Prejudice And Zombies came out. I first experienced the concept when I saw Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds. It's a silly and fun idea, but I'm not a huge fan of it, at least in mainstream entertainment. I love the “What If?” line of comics from Marvel, but that's contained in it's own universe. I'm a little uneasy at the concept of someone taking an established character or saying “Nah, check this out. It's about Albert Einstein, but he is really a crime-fighting sideshow freak with a heart of gold set in a steampunk universe. Sounds insane, right? If the writing is strong enough and the story is entertaining, you could do just about anything.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a 2012 action horror movie based on the novel of the same name by Seth Grahame-Smith. The film stars Benjamin Walker (Flags Of Our Fathers, The Notorious Betty Paige) as Abraham Lincoln. As a young boy, Abraham sees his friend, a free African-American boy named Will Johnson, being whipped by a white man. Abraham rushes to his aid, but is whipped as well. His father, Thomas, stops the man and is fired from his job with a promise by the owner of the plantation, Jack Barts (Marton Csokas, Lord Of The Rings, xXx) that his debt will be collected one way or the other. That night, Abraham awakens to find his mother being bitten by a vampiric Jack Barts. His mother dies the next day and his father follows nine years later. Now a man, Abraham tries to kill Barts, but is unsuccessful due to a misfiring gun. He is saved by Henry Sturges (Dominic Cooper, Captain America, An Education), who then trains Abraham to fight vampires. After his training, he goes to Springfield, Illinois to kill the town's vampires. He takes up work in a shop while studying to become a lawyer. It is there that he reconnects with his friend Will (Anthony Mackie, The Hurt Locker, Million Dollar Baby) and meets and falls in love with a woman named Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, The Thing). Through Henry, Abraham learns that all vampires in America are descended from a vampire named Adam (Rufus Sewell, A Knight's Tale, The Illusionist), who owns a plantation in New Orleans and has a desire to take over the country. Abraham once again comes across Barts and is able to kill him this time, but not before revealing that Henry is also a vampire. Adam learns of Abraham and kidnaps will to New Orleans in hopes of drawing him out. Abraham kills many vampires, but is stopped by Adam and his enforcer, Vadonna (Erin Wasson). Adam tries to recruit Abraham, but he is able to escape thanks to his friend and employer, Joshua Speed (Jimmi Simpson, Breakout Kings, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia). Abraham marries Mary and puts down his hatchet to begin his political career, leading all the way to the White House. As the nation tears itself apart through civil war, Abraham's son is bitten and killed by Vadonna. Adam has aligned himself with the Confederacy and the Union is unable to kill them. Will Abraham Lincoln be able to defeat the vampires or will the South destroy the Union, turning the country into a nation of vampires?

"George Washington ain't got nothing on me"

I can't remember the last time I saw a horror-based movie with so much action. Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter is best described as a popcorn flick. The story gets to the point quickly, but still takes the time to establish characters and motivation. Most of that is window dressing as most of the movie is filled with high-octane fight scenes and computerized special effects. There is plenty of action and lots of fun explosions, though certain scenes, such as the train heading scene, that were a bit too fantastical, even for a movie about the 16^th U.S. President fighting vampires. It's a bit strange to see Abraham Lincoln twirling a hatchet-gun and throwing roundhouse kicks. That's part of the problem with ret-conning characters, especially historical figures. We know how Abraham Lincoln's story ends, and if you step back and think about it, there is no real danger to him. Of course, this could have went the way of Inglorious Basterds and given the middle finger to history in order to create a different story, but that wasn't the case.

As a fan of U.S. History, I felt a bit conflicted while watching the movie. I got a kick out historical references such as a spot-on Jefferson Davis teaming up with the vampires to take down the Union and Abraham Lincoln's ill son, William. At the same time, the movie skips over, ignores, or replaces history to suit it's purpose which is irksome at times. Benjamin Walker is god as a young, awkward Lincoln and plays an action star well. He's not quite as good as the older, Presidential Lincoln, which requires an air of stateliness and raw emotion. Lincoln is the Great Emancipator, but was still treated as an action star. The supporting cast is very good which helps create a fuller experience. The computerized vampire faces look good and more terrifying than your average vampire. I am a traditionalist when it comes to my classic monsters and wasn't happy that the vampires in the movie can walk about in the daylight. We see Henry put on sunscreen but it takes too much suspension of disbelief to think that all vampires do and that it doesn't run in the Southern heat. I've learned to accept fast zombies, but vampires in the day still doesn't work. 

Ta-da!

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a strange concept for a novel and a movie, but it is still entertaining. The action sequences come at your quickly and can be a bit much at times, but they are well choreographed and have a decent amount of blood for a summer blockbuster-style movie. The historical references are fun to catch if you know your U.S. History and I would have actually liked to see more. It does take some effort to ignore the actual historical facts and a lot of suspension of disbelief to enjoy some of the action scenes. The vampires look good, but I wasn't happy to see them walking around in sunlight. The acting is good, but Benjamin Walker didn't play an older Lincoln the way he should have. The special effects are good, but I feel like they relied on them too much instead of good storytelling. Ultimately, it's a fun movie with a few flaws that doesn't require much thinking. I am still wary of historical figures and characters being thrown into horror situations because it comes off as being lazy and cashing-in on someone else's work. Only time will tell if we will see William Taft: Luchador Wrestler.

7.5/10

180: Vampires

Vampires

Gee, I wonder what this movie is about

Another day, another John Carpenter movie. He's been working horror for over thirty years and has been involved with some of the biggest and best horror movies ever. Halloween, The Thing, They Live are some of his best work. Even his non horror movies like Escape From New York and Assault On Precinct 13 are fun. Recently, though, John Carpenter has hit a bit of a rough patch. His return movie, The Ward, was thoroughly mediocre and Ghosts of Mars was just plain bad. Fun, but bad. Sometimes you just have a cold streak and sometimes you just have nothing in the tank. But how about the movie right before Ghosts of Mars, Vampires?

Vampires is a 1998 horror movie starring James Woods (Videodrome, Any Given Sunday) as the vampire hunter Jack Crow and Daniel Baldwin (Attack Of The 50 Ft. Woman, Phoenix) as his partner, Anthony Montoya. Jack leads a group of vampire slayers as they clear out a house, or nest, in New Mexico. That night, the crew parties with a group of hookers, including a pretty blond named Katrina (Sheryl Lee, Winter's Bone, Twin Peaks). A master vampire named Valek (Thomas Ian Griffith, xXx, The Karate Kid Part III) arrives, bites Katrina, and brutally kills most of the crew and the women. He calls Jack by name and goes after him, but Jack is able to escape along with Montoya and a woozy Katrina. Montoya and Katrina hold up in a hotel while Jack visits Cardinal Alba (Maximilian Schell, Joan of Arc, The Brothers Bloom) and Father Adam Guiteau (Tim Guinee, CSI, Iron Man). They explain that Valek was the first vampire, thus the most difficult to kill. Meanwhile, Katrina now has a psychic link to Valek, seeing what he sees. She tries to kill herself, but Montoya stops her from jumping out a window, cutting his arm in the process. Katrina sees the blood and bites his arm. Through Katrina's link, they are able to eventually piece together that Valek has found a mythical black cross, The Berziers Cross. It is revealed that Valek was a priest who became possessed by a demon and the cross was used in his exorcism. The exorcism was never completed, turning him into a vampire. Now that he has the cross, he will be able to complete the ritual, allowing him and his vampires to walk in the sunlight. Will Jack, Father Guiteau, and a bitten Montoya be able to stop Valek and his vampire crew and how is Cardinal Alba involved?

Great band picture

This movie is fun, plain and simple. I watched it many times growing up and even through the years, I am still entertained by it. It is filled with loads of action and some genuine laughs. Most of those laughs could be attributed to clever writing and James Woods. Jack Crow is practically made for Woods; he is loud, crude, and obnoxious. He looks like he is having fun in this role and it shows on screen. Screaming “Die! Die! Die you fuck, die!” isn't exactly Shakespeare, and in fact, may have been written by a 16 year old boy, but it does have a fun ring to it. There is plenty of guns, stakes to the heart, stakes to the head, and exploding in sunlight. The exploding bits could have been executed better because certain scenes just looked like the actors had flares attached to their clothing. There is a good amount of blood and one fantastic scene in the beginning when Valek splits one of the vampire hunters in half. Makes me wish they did more of that.

The story itself isn't particularly original, but its enough to keep things moving along between gunshots and curse words. It feels like there is a vampire movie out ever few years where the main vampire is about to unlock the ability to walk in the day time. It just feels played out, but again, the story isn't the real focus of the movie anyway. Thomas Ian Griffith is good as the brooding Valek and Sheryl Lee does well as Katrina. She is very convincing when she is transitioning to vampire and psychically linking to Valek. Daniel Baldwin keeps up with Woods in the fun department and is a good supporting role.

Give me a "T"!

Vampires is a fun, action-packed vampire movie with a good amount of blood and lots of gun shots. The acting and dialogue play very well in between action sequences, making the movie a complete and enjoyable watch. James Woods is great in his role and looks to be enjoying every minute of it. When an actor is having fun and gets into the role, we the audience benefit. While the story isn't anything special, the one-liners will keep you smiling as well as the gunshots and vampire staking. It's not John Carpenter's best, but he does well enough to craft and entertaining vampire movie.

7.5/10

Day 138: Trick 'r Treat

Trick 'r Treat

Give me something good to eat

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love Halloween. Maybe it's all the costumes and candy, but just that time of year is perfect. The weather is getting cooler, the days are getting shorter, football has started, and lots of horror is on TV. Some horror movies just use Halloween as background, just to set the scene or an excuse to have actors dress up in silly costumes. Other movies, though, fully immerse themselves in the holiday to create an atmosphere perfect for horror. It doesn't hurt when it's produced by Bryan Singer (X-Men, The Usual Suspects).

Trick 'r Treat is a 2007 horror anthology consisting of 4 stories: The Principal, The School Bus Massacre Revisited, Surprise Party, and Meet Sam. Unlike other horror anthologies like The Creepshow and Deadtime Stories, these stories all take place on one Halloween night in a small town. Each story is connected through various ways including the presence of a pint-sized trick-or-treater in an orange onesy and a burlap sack mask.

In The Principal, Dylan Baker (Spider-Man 2, Road To Perdition) plays the school principle, Steven Wilkins. He catches a young trick-or-treater stealing candy from his yard. He carves a pumpkin while talking to the boy and hands him some more candy. The candy contains poison and Wilkins buries him in the backyard. His neighbor, Mr. Kreeg (Brian Cox, X2: X-Men United, Red) yells at him to keep the noise down and is attacked off-screen by an unknown assailant. Wilkins' son Billy is home and almost catches his father burying the body. Billy continues to nag his father about carving a jack-o-lantern. What does Steven have in store for Billy?

Sorry, I just thought about something funny while I was burying this child

In The School Bus Massacre Revisited 4 kids have plans to scare another girl in their class, a savant named Rhonda. They tell her the story of the Halloween School Bus Massacre, where a school bus carrying mentally handicapped children, was driven off a cliff at the behest of their parents. The kids head to the spot where it supposedly occurred. They try to scare Rhonda by saying the children have come back from the dead, but all is not what it seems.

Surprise Party stars Anna Paquin (X-Men, True Blood) as Laurie, the insecure virgin. Dressed as Little Red Riding hood, she attends a Halloween party with her skanked-out sister and friends. They pick up a few guys and head to a bonfire in the woods. Meanwhile, a vampire has been claiming victims and is stalking Laurie. Have we already seen this vampire before and is Laurie really the one in danger?

When does Wolverine jump out?

The final story, Meet Sam, visits Mr. Kreeg, whom we saw being attacked in The Principal. Kreeg is in a life or death battle with the diminutive Sam. During the fight, Kreeg is able to rip off Sam's mask, revealing a disfigured jack-o-lantern skull face. Sam brutalizes Kreeg, but leaves before the killing blow. It is revealed the Kreeg was the bus driver from the Halloween School Bus Massacre. Even though Sam left, is Kreeg really safe?

This movie was flat-out awesome. The stories are all creative and interesting, not an easy task when trying to cram so many stories in a short amount of time. What's even more impressive is that they all connect in unexpected ways. The work very well for the most part, though I was a bit confused while watching, but all is eventually revealed. The writing is fluid and tight while the dialogue never feels unnatural or forced. I'm not sure if each individual story could stand to be a feature-length film, but they all compliment each other so well that it would be unnecessary to stretch each story out. While there's no outright fear induced by the movie, there are a few scenes that will make you feel uneasy, in a good way. 

Deadwood trained him well

There is lots of good action and violence with plenty of excitement to keep you on the edge of your seat. There is a decent amount of blood and gore, but nothing over the top. The movie really succeeds because of the great acting from all involved. Anna Paquin, Dylan Baker, and Brian Cox all play their parts perfectly which strengthen the already strong stories. Director and writer Michael Dougherty (X2 and Superman Returns) has a good eye for capturing the action without resorting to fast cuts and shaky cameras. If I have one complaint, it's that the movie is a bit too dark in certain scenes, but really, that's just nitpicking.

Trick 'r treat is a well-crafted horror movie through and through. The stories are interesting and are weaved into a creative and cohesive connection that is truly unexpected. The writing and direction are old solid, bolstered by great acting performances. There is a good amount of action and violence, enough to keep you entertained for the entire movie. Trick 'r Treat is a fun ride from start to finish and worth your while, no matter time of year you watch it.

9.5/10