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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Day 18: Kill Katie Malone

Kill Katie Malone
Axl Rose looks terrible

Horror movies involving ghosts can either be hit or miss. Done correctly, a ghost movie can terrify you and make you sleep with the lights on. If a ghost movie has done it's job, you will jump at every noise you hear while laying in bed and question your beliefs in the afterlife. Done poorly, you'll have some unintentional laughs and question your beliefs in movie making. Welcome to Kill Katie Malone.

Kill Katie Malone follows three college friends who purchase a mysterious lock-box that supposedly contains a ghost. They open the box and find a locket with a picture of a young woman. Wacky, typical ghost events occur; broken furniture, sudden bursts of cold air, and bloody messages written on the wall. You know, the usual. People start getting hurt and they discover that Katie Malone was an Irish immigrant that was sold from owner to owner and brutally beaten to death. Her spirit now inhabits the box and whoever opens it, she belongs to them. It is up to the three friends to save each other and free themselves of the curse of Katie Malone.

She may be a ghost, but her churned butter is delicious

The biggest trick with making a ghost movie is to make the supernatural action believable. Effects are a minimum and when they are used, they look like they were done in Final Cut Amateur. I understand that sometimes you don't have the money to have great special effects, but try flicking a light on and off real fast or something. When the actors are being shoved and abused by the “ghost,” they just appear to be stumbling around like drunks. It comes off as very silly, which is never what you want in a ghost movie.

If you can't have good effects, having good actors is the next best thing. The acting in Kill Katie Malone ranges from fair to yell-at-the-screen terrible. Dean Cain (Lois and Clark) has a small part at the beginning and end, but was given top billing on the poster. Lies! The characters themselves are all pretty unlikable and you feel yourself cheering for the ghost to finish them off so we don't have to see them again. The dialogue is decent and they do the best they can with a boring script and an unremarkable story. They delve into the past of Katie Malone, but you never really feel any sympathy for her. By the end, I was just saying fuck Katie Malone.

It either contains a ghost or my POG collection

Overall, Kill Katie Malone missed on the major key points to making a good ghost movie. Barely-existant and sometimes laughable special effects, mediocre to bad acting, and a boring story are the “three strikes and you're out” rule. I never felt annoyed or angry at the movie, just kind of bored. There are far worse ghost movies out there, but there are also much better. Not scary and not enjoyable, Kill Katie Malone is not worth your time.



  1. Sasha Grey was in The Naked Eye,a Sin City knockoff,for 30 seconds yet made the DVD cover.