Day 303: Terror Train

Terror Train

“If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again”

I hope all of you are safe and sound if you're dealing with Hurricane Sandy. If you're not, I hope you're having a lovely day, possibly watching cartoons and eating tacos. Either way, stay safe and hopefully the power stays on so I can keep posting my reviews. During the height of the slasher boom of the late 70's and early 80's, horror movies were forced to get a little creative. I mean, not too creative, it was the 80's after all. There's only so many movies you can make based at a summer camp or in a house. We have slashers set in high schools, college, malls, aerobics gyms, boats, and, of course, trains. Well, at least this movie has Jamie Lee Curtis in it.

Terror Train is a 1980 slasher starring Jamie Lee Curtis (Halloween, Trading Places) as college student Alana Maxwell. During her freshman year, Alana played a prank on awkward fraternity pledge Kenny Hampson (Derek McKinnon, Family Motel, Breaking All The Rules), making him think she wanted to have sex with him. Instead, he finds a woman's corpse inside their bed and is so scarred by the incident that he is committed to a psychiatric hospital. Three years later, Alana and the frat members who arranged the prank are taking a having a costume party on a moving train. As the train moves through the snowy wilderness, an unknown killer moves throughout the cabins, killing everyone involved with the fateful prank. Alana thinks something is amiss, but bodies keep getting moved. The train conductor Carne (Ben Johnson, The Wild Bunch, The Getaway) tries in vain to track down the murderer while keeping the party goers unaware of what is happening. The killer continuously switches costumes, making him difficult to capture. Will Alana survive and just who is the killer?

"I'm sorry about the "train of thought" pun!"

Terror Train is your run-of-the-mill slasher movie. You pretty much know exactly what is going to happen, but it's OK, because you know what you're getting into. Beyond taking place on a train, the movie doesn't offer much in the way of creativity. The train setting does give a small sense of claustrophobia that other slashers lack. It takes away the option for the characters to just “run away”. There are some good long hallway shots and the special lighting in the train. I do also like that the killer continuously switches costume, adding a bit of shock and surprise to certain scenes. Unfortunately, the movie goes to the well a few too many times and the music swells and jumps become tiresome. Terror Train spends a large amount of time focusing on both Carne and a magician that is performing on the train. The movie is almost unsure if Carne should be the hero or not, never fully committing to the character. The magician is a misdirect, but still gets way too much screen time.

For being a slasher in the early 1980's, the movie has a surprising lack of blood and gore. The kills are nothing special and there doesn't appear to be a central weapon used either. While over the top gore and blood isn't necessary for a slasher, it's odd that the movie decided not to go all out like similar slashers. When you take away the fun violence, you're just left with a mediocre train mystery. Jamie Lee Curtis plays her role well and has far more emotion than in Prom Night. The rest of the cast is fine and the direction is good enough to keep the movie going. The movie includes a lot of different characters, which is great for upping the kill count, but it's hard to keep track of who is who. It also cuts down on the attachment level and the audience no longer cares since they have interest in who is being killed. 

Hey, it's 80's era Mick Jagger, complete with bloody cocaine-nose!

Terror Train does have it's place in the slasher heyday of the late 70's and early 80's, but is ultimately a second-tier movie. It lays out like most other slashers with just a change in location. The acting is fine and it's always fun to see Jamie Lee Curtis in a slasher film before she really hit it big. Probably the biggest disappointment with the movie is the lack of blood and gore. It would have made the movie much more interesting than it was. Terror Train isn't a bad movie, it's just nothing special. If you've seen a slasher movie before, you've pretty much seen Terror Train. It's nice for a nostalgic factor and good to mark off on your checklist, but don't expect to be blown away.

5/10

Day 188: Sorority House Massacre

Sorority House Massacre

Phi Beta Whoa, Mama

If you only watched horror movies from the 80's, you'd think serial killers were terrorizing sexy girls at every turn. You would think there were horrible mass murders going on in every location imaginable. The 80's were practically a massacre jamboree. Even when “Massacre” wasn't in the title, like Sleepaway Camp for example, you still knew what it was. Crazed killer slashing his way through a bunch of supporting cast members trying to get to one specific character. Despite this cliché, many of these movies were and are still fun to watch. Of course, those are more well-known “Massacre” movies. How about one that sounds like it would fit right in, but you may not have seen.

Sorority House Massacre is a 1986 slasher starring Angela O'Neil as Beth, a young college girl who just joined a sorority. When she moves in to the sorority house, she begins to have strange, realistic dreams involving murder inside the house. She is unaware that as a child, her brother Bobby (John C. Russell, killed their family inside the very same house and was committed to a mental institution. Her sorority sisters Linda, Sara, and Tracy try to determine what the dreams mean while the rest of the house occupants go on a trip. Meanwhile, Bobby has snapped out of his mental stupor and escapes the institution. The girls are joined by a few boys, each one fitting an 80's cliché. Beth's dreams intensify, leaving her clues to what happened when she was a child. Through her dreams, she is able to find the knife Bobby used to kill her family. Bobby arrives at the house, looking to finish his business and kill Beth. He terrorizes the house, stabbing and killing the boys and most of the kills. Will Beth be able to stop him?

And will she still look like Tom Cruise?

If it feels like I skipped over a lot of story or missed something, I didn't. The movie is only about an hour and fifteen minutes long and there really is no violence until about 25 minutes left. You would think that by having a shorter movie, they'd get to the killing quicker, but no, they take their sweet time telling a story that we've all seen before in far better movies. It's not like they filled in that time with important dialogue or foreshadowing. We're “treated” to a scene where the girls try on different horrendous 80's clothes set to wailing sitcom saxophone. I guess they needed an excuse to show the girls topless, but come on, trying on clothes? That does not make for good movie watching. The story and certain scenes are very similar to Halloween. Shooting from the killer's perspective, never really seeing his face, killing as a child and going to a mental institution. Even the knife is similar. Unintentional laughs insure when Bobby walks into a hardware store and, instead of grabbing a mask like Michael Myers, he just smashes a glass case with his hand and steals a knife. They weren't exactly going for subtlety or atmosphere.

The movie tries to go a different route with the dream sequences, but they are confusing and not put together well. It is difficult to tell what is going on between dream and reality, but not in the good, crazy “whoa that was just a dream” way. It's more like “What the hell is going on. Oh, it's a dream. So?” Many scenes are too dark and the direction is too shoddy to always follow what is happening. The acting is passable, which is actually a compliment considering that the actors did not have much to work with in terms of story or dialogue. The wacky dreams bring to mind Slumber Party Massacre II, which came out not too long after Sorority House Massacre. I don't know, maybe I just have “S-word noun Massacre” movies on the brain. It actually took some effort not to type Slumber Party Massacre instead of Sorority House Massacre while writing this review.

 How can 3 sorority girls look so unsexy?

The 70's and 80's were a great time for slasher flicks. Somewhere towards the middle of the 1980's, though, the movies became lazy, repetitive, and cliched. Sorority House Massacre falls into all three of those descriptions as the story is too similar to Halloween. We've seen this type of movie many times before and when you don't do anything special to make it stand out, it's not going to end well. It takes too long to get to the slashing and there is a serious lack of blood and gore. There are no creative kills and a lack of suspense. The dream sequences were an attempt at creativity, but they failed to elicit any real depth or emotion. There is a good reason why the majority of people haven't seen or even heard of Sorority House Massacre.

3/10

Day 31: House of Fears

House of Fears

Tears for House of Fears

I don't think I've ever been to a house of horrors or a funhouse. I've seen them on TV and in movies plenty, but never in real life. It just never appealed to me to have a guy in funny clothes jump out at me. I could go into the city to have that happen and I'm free to take a swing at them. While I may have little interest in going to one of these places in real life, when they're in a horror movie, I'm willing to take a look.

House of Fears follows teenager Samantha, her step-sister Hailey and 4 other teens wandering a Halloween funhouse called, you guessed it, the House of Fears. While exploring, they all reveal their personal fears. Soon, each of their fears comes to life and they start dying one by one. It is revealed that an ancient African statue is the cause. The embodiment of their fears seemingly cannot be stopped. How can you conquer your fears if your fear can never die?

Funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you?

House of Fears is your typical supernatural teen slasher movie. Running through a maze of corridors, things jumping out at you, you know. The usual. You've seen one, you've seen them all. The important part, though, is that you are still entertained. House of Fears still managed to have some entertainment value to it, despite being a bit cliched. The house of horror setting is definitely different and the constant change of scenery kept me interested. I do give them credit for having both physical fears (clowns, scarecrows) and more psychological fears (being buried alive, suffocating). The problem with that is the physical, chasing-you-down fears are far more exciting than a room filling with sand. To some, the latter is far more terrifying, but in terms of viewing enjoyment, the physical fears win. One thing that bothered me was that one of the fears was “being stabbed.” I was hoping to see a giant knife with eyes chasing people down, but the stabbing happened off-screen.

The acting is fine, but certainly nothing great. The look and budget of the movie is better than your average direct-to-dvd fair, but doesn't beg to be released in theaters. The underlying story of step-sisters coming to terms with each other and all that feels a bit forced, especially because these girls are clearly not teenagers. Some good violence and decent blood keep you watching and the changing embodiment of fears will have you guessing what will happen next.

Hey Ladies. My fear is "this" big

Ultimately, House of Fears comes off as a movie you've seen before with some different details and scenery. The movie has it's moments with some creative scenes and kills. Overall, the movie did not particularly offend or annoy, so that's a positive. If you enjoy chase-down slashers with some of the supernatural thrown in, you might enjoy this. If you're looking for something special, though, House of Fears is not your movie.

6/10