Day 134: Blessed

Blessed

I can think of some curse words to describe this movie

Happy Mother's Day everyone! Be sure to treat your moms to a lovely brunch and give them something nice. They put up with you when you were a teenager, so they deserve it. There's a few Mother's Day and “mom” related horror movies out there. Maybe it was subconscious, but I watched didn't watch Blessed because it was a mother/pregnancy based horror movie. I really watched it because it had Heather Graham. I thought, “Hey, she's a real actress. Maybe this will be good.” Of course, if you've never heard of a movie before, there may be a reason for that.

Blessed is a 2004 horror/thriller starring Heather Graham (Boogie Nights, From Hell) as Samantha Howard and James Purefoy (Ironclad, John Carter) as her husband Craig. They are having trouble trying to conceive, so they briefly move to Lakeview, New York in order to receive treatments at the Spiritus Research Clinic. During the treatments, Samantha witnesses her neighbors being stalked by a hooded figure and they soon disappear. The clinic is involved with some experimental procedures and Samantha is given two eggs injected with a strange red liquid, supposedly to help increase her chance of conceiving. She learns that she is in fact pregnant with twins and they move back to the city to discover their apartment has been vandalized. They decide to move into the now empty house in Lakeview where their neighbors used to live. Craig, who is publishing a book, meets with strange publisher Earl Sidney who gives him $100,000 advance on his work. They adjust to live in Lakeview, but Samantha starts to have strange sensations and feels she is being followed by the same hooded figure from before. She meets an Italian priest, Father Carlo (Andy Serkis, Lord of the Rings, Deathwatch, who tries to warn her of the clinic and their dubious associations with a devil-worshiping cult. Supposedly the liquid injected into her eggs was the DNA of Lucifer. Father Carlo is convinced that she must kill the babies to keep from unleashing unspeakable evil in the world. Is all of this true and what does that mean for Samantha and her babies?

 And what about her giant, dinner plate-sized eyes?

 

This movie is a mess of half ideas and no ideas. It strives so hard to be Rosemary's Baby and it fails in every conceivable way. It is not scary, it is not creative, and it barely qualifies as horror. Throughout the first part of the movie, I thought they were going for the slow build, teasing the action and thrills for the second half. Then the second half occurred and still nothing. It wasn't a slow build, it was a no build. There is no flow to the story and the writing is just horrendous. If you want to see a slightly annoying couple have cutesy conversations, this movie is for you. Of course that's not the case because you want to see a horror movie. The injection of religion and the devil is muted, which is funny, considering this is supposed to be a Satanic baby movie. Why even bother if you're not going to go all out with the religious imagery? You might as well inject her with wolf DNA to make a werewolf baby or something equally stupid.

The acting is passable and is really the only thing that keeps the movie going. Heather Graham does well as the mother in trouble. Andy Serkis comes off as a bit weird in his role as Father Carlo, though I think that's just terrible character development and writing and not his acting ability. The direction is no good and the motivations of the characters are either confused or just non-existent. We see Samantha researching the clinic and finding it's weird connections with cloning. She couldn't have done that before, you know, being injected with devil juice? And why is Father Carlo the only one trying to stop this from happening? Where is the rest of the Church?

Jesus loves ya

Horror fans will be incredibly disappointed with his movie and fans of staying awake will also be disappointed. The story is weak along with the writing and directing. There is very little action and nothing particularly scary. Nothing if interest really happens and the ending is particularly stupid. Do yourself and you mother a favor and skip this movie. Happy Mother's Day.

2/10

Day 33: An American Werewolf In London

An American Werewolf In London

There's a bad moon on the rise

I have to admit, I was a little gun-shy about watching another werewolf movie. Wolves of Wall Street was so bad that I never wanted to see anything involving werewolves for weeks. It's so easy to make a bad werewolf movie, let alone a bad horror movie. I thought that they only way to get back into the genre was to not take any risks and watch a well-known and much-liked werewolf movie. That's where this movie came in.

An American Werewolf In London starts off with two young Americans, David and Jack, backpacking across Northern England, on there way to Italy. When night falls, David and Jack stop in a small pub called “The Slaughtered Lamb”. After a strange encounter in the pub followed be a warning of “Beware the moon,” David and Jack head out into the moors where they begin to hear terrifying baying and growls. Jack is brutally murdered by a werewolf and David suffers wounds before the people from the pub kill the creature. David wakes up in a London hospital where he is cared for by Dr. Hirsch and the beautiful nurse, Alex. David suffers from horrible nightmares and is visited by a mutilated Jack, who informs David that he is in limbo and that to end his torment, Jack must end the werewolf bloodline and kill himself before the full moon. David falls in love with Alex and goes back to her apartment where the the nightmares and visits from Jack continue. Dr. Hirsch travels to The Slaughtered Lamb to question the locals about the attack and learns the truth. Meanwhile, the full moon rises and David goes through a horrific transformation into a werewolf and goes on a killing spree throughout London. How will they stop the transformations and save David from killing again?

Werewolf? There, wolf.

AAWIL has a seriously good mix of scary moments and lighter moments. The scenes of horror and not just scary, but frightening. The transformation scene is the best example. In previous werewolf movies, such as the classic Wolf Man, the transformation into a werewolf was partially scene or done completely in the shadows. In this movie, the scene is brightly lit and is shown in it's entirety. You see muscles grow, hair spread and bones snap while David screams in agony. It is easily one of the best pre-CGI special effects ever used in a horror movie. Scenes in the Underground have great perspective and you really feel the werewolf bearing down on you. The subtle humor and upbeat music is juxtaposed well with the horror, so you never feel like the movie is slipping into actual comedy and losing it's edge.

The acting is solid all around and the story is good all the way through. John Landis knows what he's doing with some creative shots and great direction. Good location choices help to fill out each scene and convey whatever feeling Landis is trying to create. The makeup and effects for Jack and the transformation are the real stars of the movie. It makes me long for the days where paint and supplies were used over computers and programs.The romance does feel a little bit forced and convenient, but for the sake of moving the story forward, it's ok.

Sloppy Joe Day is the best!

Simply put, An American Werewolf In London is a good movie. It sounds silly, but its so hard to find a good movie nowadays. The story if entertaining, the acting and directing are solid, there is plenty of horror, and the effects are amazing. Well worth your time if you're a fan of horror movies or just a fan of movies in general. It's so easy to make a bad werewolf movie, but when you know there is a good one out there, take the time to watch and enjoy. Your brain and your heart will thank you.

9/10

Day 23: Night Of The Demons

Night Of The Demons

Well...at least the pumpkins look happy

I’m a sucker for all things Halloween. It’s probably my favorite time of year. Jack-O-Lanterns and black cats adorn every cheap piece of plastic and fake spider webs are strewn across lawns. The weather is getting cooler, the leaves are changing, its football and hockey season, and horror is in full swing. And when there’s a movie set during Halloween, I’ll watch it. Throw in some homicidal demons and we’re in for a good time.

Night of the Demons stars Monica Keena (Dawson’s Creek, Freddy Vs. Jason) as Maddi, Shannon Elizabeth (American Pie, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back) as the sort-of goth Angela, and Edward Furlong (Terminator 2, American History X) as Maddi’s ex-boyfriend, the drug dealing Colin. Maddi and her two friends are going to Angela’s Halloween night party at Broussard Mansion, the scene of gruesome murders and supposed demonic possessions. Colin, in need of some quick money to appease a drug lord, goes to the party to make some quick cash. The police break up the party, but Maddi , her friends, Angela, and Colin stay behind, eventually getting locked in. In an attempt to get out, they travel to the basement where they find a secret room containing six skeletons. Angela reaches inside one of the skeletons to steal a gold tooth and is bitten. She is soon possessed and starts to turn everyone else into demons. If all seven people are possessed, it will bring about hell on Earth. It’s up to Maddi and Colin to stop the demons and escape.

This cherry pie is DELICIOUS! 

Night of the Demons is actually a remake of the 1988 film of the same name. I give this remake credit because it was able to stand as on its own as an entertaining movie. It has a pretty basic story that has been done numerous times, but it focuses more on good action and entertaining violence. I appreciate that most of the demons have unique looks and powers. They could have easily just had the same-looking demons with the same powers, but it gives you something new to focus on in every scene. Never taking itself too seriously, the movie has some genuinely funny lines and scenes, but there are some flaws and details that should have been fleshed out more.

The acting is pretty good all around, with Edward Furlong leading the pack. And hey, seeing Shannon Elizabeth as a pseudo-goth is an always a plus. The makeup for the demons looks good and the effects are decent. There are moments that will startle you, but not outright scare you. The soundtrack is fantastic. Someone actually took the time to find and use good horror-themed punk/metal music by bands such as Type O Negative, Wednesday 13, T.S.O.L., and Psycho Charger. Usually these movies go with stock music or unknowns. I really appreciate that they went the extra mile. It does make a difference. 

A scene from Night of the De...HOLY SHIT!

 

Night of the Demons is just a fun movie. The acting and director is good, the makeup is creative, and the killing is fun and creative. You won't have any great revelations or fall in love with the story, but you'll have a good time. Isn't that all we really want when we watch a movie? Night of the Demons is worth a watch if you just want to enjoy yourself for an hour and a half. Its definitely worth your time.

7.5/10

Day 3: Creepshow 2

Creepshow 2

Creepshow 2: Electric Boogaloo

I had very high expectations for Creepshow 2. I finally saw the original Creepshow earlier this year and thoroughly enjoyed myself. A screenplay writen by one of the godfathers of horror, George Romero based off of stories by Stephen King. How can you go wrong? Answer: You can't! Well, maybe now you can because Hollywood would want someone like Robert Pattinson or Shia Labeouf to star in it and M. Night Shyamalan to direct. Now THAT would be scary.

Creepshow 2 consists of 3 short stories and a series of connected, animated shorts that play between each of the stories. The stories are told by the Creep, played by makeup master Tom Savini. This is a bit confusing because the Creep appears in both live-action and animation. Savini doesn't do the voice of the Creep, so other than Romero having his buddy in the movie, what's the point? And why have a live-action Creep in the very beginning and very end of the movie, while the rest is animated? Seems kind of unnecessary to me. The animation is very similar to that of Heavy Metal fame, so perhaps they were trying to recapture some of that movie's magic. The animation is somewhat bizarre and just take a look at the Creep's chin. 

 Honestly, what does that look like to you?

Regardless, the first story is entitled “Old Chief Wood'nhead”. This is a thoroughly enjoyable supernatural revenge story that takes place near an Indian reservation. George Kennedy (Ed from The Naked Gun trilogy) does a fine job as the lovable general store owner who is wronged. It's kind of interesting since they had Leslie Neilsen in the first Creepshow. I know there's a third Creepshow and wonder if OJ Simpson has a role in it. That would complete the Naked Gun-Creepshow trilogy.

The second story “The Raft” sets 4 teenagers on a raft in the middle of a lake. They're slowly being picked off by some sort of oil-slick creature. The makeup and effects really come out in this story which really add to the overall fear. And thanks to the wonders of movie-making you still share in the terror that these teens are experiencing, in spite of all four teens being unlikable thanks in part to a creepy, almost successful sexual assault.

The final tale “The Hitchhiker” follows a yuppie woman who accidentally hits a hitchhiker and runs from the scene. The Hitchhiker follows the woman as she frantically tries to escape him and her responsibility. This is much like the first supernatural revenge story, but with roles slightly altered. It's still fun to watch the villain get what's coming to her, but it would have been nice to get a completely different story.

Both Creepshow movies are worth watching, but for different reasons. Creepshow had some real star power such as Leslie Nielsen, Ted Danson, Ed Harris, Adrienne Barbeau, and Hal Holbrook and gave you a real sense of fear and dread. Creepshow 2 definitely lacks in star power, and scares, but it's definitely more of a fun movie with a side of creepy. The nice thing is if you like your scary movies on the less scary side or if you like your scary movies funny, Creepshow 2 is definitely worth your time.

8/10

Day 2: Parents

 Parents

Parents just don't understand

I was set on watching a different movie when I happened across Parents. It's a 50's horror-comedy, shot in the 80s? There are cannibals and it's starring Randy Quaid?! Oh yeah, that other movie can wait. Horror-comedy is a bit of a misnomer for this film because there aren't actually many laughs. The movie is less “ha-ha” and more “heh...(awkward silence)”. That's what most of the movie is; a lot of creepy and awkward moments.

Parents follows the story of Michael, a child so odd, he'd make Vincent Price uncomfortable. Michael refuses to eat his dinner at home and has nightmares. Most of the horror in this movie comes from the nightmares and they do not skimp on the blood. These nightmares are not “The Boogeyman is going to get me” nightmares, but “Sausage links are trying to strangle me” nightmares.

Speaking of food, meat should have gotten it's name on the poster because there are some serious closeups of the food. There are so many shots of meat that you'd think the movie was either a Beef Industry infomercial or a “Meat Is Murder” documentary from PETA. I seriously regret eating while watching this film.

Michael is afraid of his father and I don't blame him. Randy Quaid is the real star of this movie. He is a far better actor than he is given credit for and it really shows in Parents. Quaid oozes so much creepiness that we should bottle his sweat and market it to Craigslist Casual Encounters posters. He is the quintessential overbearing father in every coming-of-age indie movie. Everything looks just swell on the outside, but beneath the surface bubbles anger and hatred. You are truly afraid to be alone in the same room with him.

Music really helps set the tone for Parents. The minimal spooky keyboard music is juxtaposed nicely with 1950's pop music. The wholesome 50's clothes and furniture hide the dark and twisted underbelly of the movie. Good camera angles and film tricks create a sense of fear and dread, but sometimes tread a bit too closely to Sophomore year at film school.

The only thing that hurts the movie is that Michael is just so. Freaking. Awkward. It gets to the point where you just want to grab him and scream “BE NORMAL FOR 2 FUCKING MINUTES!”. I guess its a compliment to the actor, but it comes very close to “cheering for the bad guy to get him” anger.

Overall, I'd say the movie is worth watching just to see some real good acting from someone who has been mired in mediocre comedies. Attention to detail such as the clothes, the furniture, and the music are much appreciated and make the horror scenes much creepier. However there are plenty of awkward scenes that make you feel overly uncomfortable and if you're a vegetarian, you should probably just stay away.

6/10

Day 1: Dead Cert

Dead Cert

You Think You Know Shitty Moves? Think Again.

What is a Dead Cert? A death certificate? A concert by the Grateful Dead? While the name of the movie may be a common turn of phrase in the Queen's English, the incomprehensible accents make it impossible to tell if it was even used in the movie. The accents were so thick at times that I honestly think they're not speaking English, but Stereotype. I'm reminded of Austin Powers asking his father to speak “English-English”.

Dead Cert is a movie about fighting undead creatures amid the seedy criminal world; or at least that's what they want you to think when you look at the advertisements. Instead, Dead Cert is really 2 separate movies in one: 3/4 of the movie is focused on underground fights, a strip club, Romanian gangsters, and drugs. The viewer needs to make a serious effort to get through the first half, watching unlikable characters plod along in what feels like a generic, gritty gangster movie and not a horror movie. On top of that, it's hard to get emotionally attached to characters when you don't know or care to remember their names. By the time anything starts to really happen, you're cheering for the monsters to kill them just so you don't have to see them anymore. The constant line running through my head while watching is “WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH HORROR?!”

Dead Cert FINALLY picks up in the last 35 minutes, where it actually becomes a horror movie. It closely resembles From Dusk Till Dawn thanks to the vampire strippers attacking the customer plot line. The special effects are passable at best, but at this point, I'm just happy to seem some fangs. There are some lopped off limbs and spurting blood that help you forget about the first half of the movie. The movie does deserve some props for a giant crucifix-to-the-head death and a creative way to dispatch the head vampire baddy.

I was greatly disappointed to find out that this movie had absolutely nothing to do with breath mints. I was hoping for a cool, refreshing dose of horror and was left with the taste of aluminum foil. Maybe Dead LifeSavers or Dead Jolly Ranchers would have been better. The only thing that saved this movie from receiving a 1 is the decent last half hour. I think if they focused more on, you know, actual horror, this movie might have been enjoyable. While I still don't know how they chose the title, I'm dead cert I wouldn't recommend it. Fangs for nothing.

What a way to start off this project. If the next 364 movies are like this, I'll lose my mind.

4/10