Day 361: Poltergeist

Poltergeist

"I love you, TV"

When we think of haunted house movies, we inevitably picture an old, gothic mansion harkening back to the Vincent Price days. There's usually an evil spirit involved making all sorts of scary sounds, but staying hidden for most if not all of the movie. They're all fairly standard affairs with just a few differences thrown in. Even most modern-day haunted house movies still revolve around the same basic haunting tenets. The ones that don't tend to veer off into the exorcism genre. The select few that take place in modern times, but blaze their own trail are far more interesting and entertaining, but also riskier. When you have Steven Spielberg writing and producing with Tobe Hooper directing, you're off to a good start.

Poltergeist is a 1982 horror movie starring Craig T. Nelson (Coach, The Incredibles) as Steven Freeling and JoBeth Williams (Baby M., Dutch) as his wife Diane. The Freelings live in the nice planned community of Cuesta Verde in California with their children Dana, Robbie, and Carol Anne (Heather O'Rourke). Steven is a successful realtor, selling houses in the community while Diane has her hands full with three very active children. One night, while everyone is asleep, Carol Anne wakes up and begins talking to the television which is only transmitting static. The same happens the next night and an apparition leaps from the television and vanishes through the wall behind her. Knowingly, Carol Anne states, “They're here.” Throughout the next day, strange paranormal events occur, such as a glass breaking and chairs in the kitchen inexplicably moving. That night, during an intense storm, an old tree comes to life and grabs Robbie through window. As Steven frees him, a portal opens in a closet and pulls in Carol Anne. With her physically missing, the family is able to hear her through their television calling for help. Steven reaches out to a group of parapsychologists at the local college who investigate the paranormal activity in hopes of finding Carol Anne. They discover that is not one ghost, but many ghosts in the house. Steven meets with his boss Lewis Teague (James Karen, The Return Of The Living Dead, Congo) who reveals that they are planning to build new houses on top of a cemetery. Teague reassures Steven that they will move the bodies down the road before construction. Dana and Robbie are sent away for their safety and Tangina Barrons (Zelda Rubinstein, Picket Fences, Teen Witch) a spiritual medium, is brought in to help rescue Carol Ann. She explains that the spirits in the house are not at rest and are attracted to Carol Anne because of her life force. This attraction is keeping the spirits from crossing over while a demon referred to as the “Beast” is keeping Carol Anne in order to manipulate the spirits. Will The Feelings be able to get their daughter back and what horrible secret does the house hide?

Are we sure she's not from the Village Of The Damned?

Poltergeist is certainly different from most other haunted house movies up to it's release. Gone is the musty and dark mansion with the eccentric owner. Instead we have a healthy and happy family living in a house that oozes 1980's in a cozy suburb. The inclusion of a cute and precocious little girl as the victim makes the horror much more real than, say, an older socialite trying to win money by staying at a haunted house. We see the family in their everyday lives, much like our own, and truly feel along with them when their daughter disappears. Director Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Salem's Lot) is no stranger to scares. The same could be said for Steven Spielberg, though the horror in Jaws and Duel are much more cerebral. Poltergeist gives us a few different things to scare us. The most memorable scene involves a creepy looking clown that comes to life and starts to choke Robbie while his mother is being dragged across the ceiling. I didn't quite understand the scene where the tree comes to life and grabs Robbie. No one else seemed to be concerned that a plant was suddenly moving around and stealing children. It really bothered me that it was never addressed or came up again. Some of the special effects are good for the time while others are embarrassingly cheesy by today's standards. Apparently, they used actual skeletons in the movie rather than plastic ones because it was cheaper. That raises so many questions that I don't even want to know the answers. The movie has occasionally great atmosphere, but it doesn't sustain throughout the entire film. This becomes evident towards the end when it appears to be a happy ending only for the movie to continue an extra 20 minutes with the best scares of the entire movie. They would have been better off switching things around instead of hurting the movie's horror momentum.

"Crap Yourself the Clown"

Despite having two young children in the film, Poltergeist manages to mostly avoid the “annoying child” trope that plagues so many horror movies. JoBeth Williams is great as the loving mother and Craig T. Nelson is solid as the distraught father. One small thing in the movie that I found funny was when he was reading a book in bed about Ronald Reagan. Craig T. Nelson is a staunch conservative and generally made an ass out of himself when on Glenn Beck's show, talking about no one helping him while he received food stamps. Zelda Rubinstein is also very good, exuding a loving confidence that one may not expect in a haunting movie, but will appreciate. Tobe Hooper gets some very good shots throughout the film and Spielberg's hands-on approach is evident. 

Shout! Shout! Shout at the Devil!

Poltergeist took the haunted house genre from the drab far-off mansions and stuck them right into suburban America. It was risky move, but for the most part, it paid off. We still see references to Poltergeist in pop culture today. Whether it's in South Park, the Scary Movie franchise, or The Simpsons, iconic lines and scenes always manage to spring up. It's even the subject of The Misfit's song "The Shining". The story in Poltergeist is decent, if a bit predictable. There are elements of tradition haunted house movies as well as some fresh takes. There are some good scares, but the movie's momentum is frequently cut off. What should have been a pulse-pounding thrill ride was instead a disjointed and occasionally jumping ghost movie. The movie has a lot of special effects, some very good and some laughably bad. The acting is good throughout and the direction is fairly solid. Some like to shower praise on Poltergeist, but I feel there were some things that could have and should have been better. Overall, it's a decent horror movie with some fun scares and good acting.

7/10

Day 357: Drag Me To Hell

Drag Me To Hell 

This poster is one dragon away from being a heavy metal album cover

Sam Raimi's career is quite impressive when you look at it. From humble beginnings directing low-budget horror movies like Evil Dead and Army Of Darkness, Sam Raimi has become a household name by directing summer blockbusters like Spider-Man and Oz: The Great and Powerful. Not content with just directing, Raimi writes, produces, and even acts in a myriad of movies. His career helps legitimize the horror genre and shows young directors that anything is possible. While he has moved onto other genres, Raimi is most beloved for his work in horror. His incorporation of humor, special effects, and old-school style scares have created multiple classics. After his work on the Spider-Man movies, no one would have blamed him from staying away from horror movies. That's why a roar of approval came from the horror community when Raimi announced that he was writing and directing a new horror movie.

Drag Me To Hell is a 2009 supernatural horror movie written and directed by Sam Raimi (Evil Dead, Spider-Man) with writing help from his brother, Ivan Raimi. The film stars Alison Lohman (Gamer, Beowulf) as loan officer Christine Brown. Christine lives a fairly normal life in Los Angeles with her boyfriend Clay (Justin Long, Jeepers Creepers, Dodgeball) while trying to get a promotion as the bank she works in. Christine is insecure about her humble farm upbringing as well as her previous weight. One day, an elderly woman named Sylvia Ganush (Lorna Raver, The Caller, Breaking Waves) comes into the bank and asks Christine for another extension on her mortgage. Christine informs Ganush that she has already received two extensions, but asks her boss Jim Jacks (David Paymer, Mr. Saturday Night, State and Main) what he thinks. Jim leaves the decision up to Christine and, knowing her promotion depends on it, denies Ganush the lone. She makes a scene, begging Christine to reconsider. Scared, Christine calls security and Ganush is deeply shamed and insulted. That night, when Christine gets into her car, Ganush is waiting in the backseat and a fight ensues. She rips a button off Christine's coat and places a curse on her. After the attack, Christine and Clay meet with a fortune teller named Rham Jas (Dileep Rao, Avatar, Inception) to get her fortune read. Rham sees that she is haunted by an evil demon spirit and asks her to leave. Over the next few days, Christine is haunted by the demon known as the Lamia who is now after her soul. Christine goes to Ganush's house to try get her to remove the curse, but it is revealed that she has died. Desperate to stop the attacks, Christine kills her pet kitten to appease the demon, but it does not work. With the help of Rham, Christine has a séance with Shaun San Dena (Adriana Barraza) who has tried and failed to defeat the Lamia once before. The séance does not work and San Dena is killed in the process. Rham informs Christine that the only thing to save her now is to give her cursed button to someone else, passing the curse onto them. Will Christine be able to free herself before she is dragged to hell?

Robbing graves is still more respected than being a banker

Drag Me To Hell may be the first movie during this entire year where I was legitimately conflicted about my feelings. The movie had plenty of things I liked, but a good amount of things that I didn't. Normally, when there's something I don't like in a movie, whether it's a plot hole or a stupid scene, I can just write it off and move on. With Drag Me To Hell, the scenes I didn't like were actually done well and I couldn't just say “Oh that's stupid” and continue watching. A lot of these scenes revolve around the movie's humor. Some label the movie as a “horror comedy” but I think calling it a comedy is too far of a stretch. The jokes in the movie are very much in line with the humor from the Evil Dead series: gory over-the-top violence with improbably situations and clever one-liners. My problem with the humor in the movie is in the execution. The jokes tend to pop up out of nowhere, killing the actual horror. One good example is during the séance when the demon spirit is put into a goat. The evil goat then proceeds to talk and say dirty words. It's kind of funny, but not exactly a kneeslapper. More importantly, it renders the fear in the scene useless. It's a good, scary scene that turns into a goof off. Then there's scenes that are just plain silly, like when Christine's nose starts to bleed and then sprays all over her boss. It was just too random and unnecessary for my tastes, but it was still executed well. The movie takes a decidedly Evil Dead-esque turn towards the end which will delight fans of those movies, but may confuse the casual viewer. A scene in a graveyard has a strange cheapness to it unseen in the rest of the movie, using an obvious set with a green screen as the background? Again, it's not a bad scene, it's just jarring for the movie to just change like that.

The story itself is good, if a bit predictable. A gypsy is wronged and places a horrible curse on someone. Sound like another movie that I reviewed? How about Stephen King's Thinner? Sure the details are different, but the basic premise is similar. Even the big surprising ending reminded me of Thinner. Speaking of the ending, I found it a little disappointing and rather bothersome. It would have actually been nice to get the happy ending we were teased with. Instead, we get an ending that felt rushed and convenient. Raimi gets to flex his horror muscles once again, creating a spooky atmosphere and using lots of old and new tricks to get scares. The movie properly mixes current special effects and traditional effects that will entertain all types of horror fans. Alison Lohman is a good scream queen and would do well in other horror movies. Justin Long is fine though I still prefer him in comedy roles. Lorna Raver is very creepy as the gypsy Sylvia Ganush and helps make the movie far more scarier than you would expect. 

You complete me

Overall, Drag Me To Hell is a fun horror movie with a few problems. The humor feels out of place to me which really kills the horror. It's not bad humor, it just doesn't feel right. It's always difficult to balance horror and humor, but I think Drag Me To Hell should have just stuck with the horror. The acting is good and the directing is solid. Fans of Raimi's work will have a lot of fun from start to finish. Those unaccustomed to his brand of horror and humor will still enjoy the movie, but may be a little put off by how the movie jumps from horror to humor too quickly. The special and traditional effects are both good and the horror is fairly enjoyable. It's a good watch, but with a few tweaks, it could have been great.

7.5/10

Day 308: Ju-On

Ju-On

Ju-in, Ju-on, and Ju-out

OK, I admit it. I've been ignoring Japanese horror movies for too long. Sure, I reviewed Masters Of Horror: Imprint and Masters Of Horror: Dream Cruise, but those were made for an American audience. I'm talking about made in Japan for a Japanese audience. I've reviewed horror movies from Canada, France, India, Spain, Norway, Belgium, South Africa, Great Britain, Italy, Australia, New Zealand, China, and Holland. It's about time that I give some proper attention to Japan. What better way to do that than with one of the more well-known movies to be remade in the United States? Or more accurately, one of a series of movies remade in the United States.

Ju-On (also know as  Ju-On: The Curse) is a 2000 supernatural horror movie from Japan. The movie follows the lives of multiple people in connection with a specific house in Nerima, Tokyo. Shunsuke Kobayashi (Yurei Yanagi), a teacher, pays a visit to his student Toshio (Ryota Koyama), who has been absent from school. Kobayashi finds Toshio alone in his house, covered in bruises and surrounded by garbage. While waiting for his parents, Toshio begins to make a strange, meowing sound. The story then jumps to the next family to live in the house, the Murakami family. One of the daughters hears a strange croaking sound coming from the attic. When she inspects, she is attacked and killed by some sort of ghost or spirit. The spirit then goes on to attack other people connected with the Murakami family. When we return to the story of Kobayashi, we learn that Toshio's mother was obsessed with Kobayashi. He reads her journal which expresses her intense obsession with him. As he goes to leave, Kobayashi receives a phone call from Toshio's father. His father, jealous about his wife's feelings towards Kobayashi, takes his revenge on Kobayashi's wife and unborn child. In a state of shock, Kobayashi is unable to move when he begins to hear the same croaking sounds from the other story coming from upstairs. What unspeakable horror is coming to meet him and where is exactly is Toshio's mother?

"Help! I've been attacked by Windows 98 graphics!"

I initially thought I was going to be watching the original Japanese version of the Sarah Michelle Gellar movie The Grudge. Unfortunately, I was sort of wrong. Ju-On is actually a series of direct to video horror movies with this one being the first. The American version of The Grudge is actually a remake of Ju-On 2. I've only seen bits and pieces of The Grudge (and some jokes from the Scary Movie franchise) so I was quite surprised to see that the movie didn't really focus on the spooky meowing child. That's what happens when you don't do your research. The creepy meowing child is in the movie, though not as much as The Grudge. The movie does have some genuinely scary parts thanks to a good amount of suspense and sound. There is a good amount of tension and lead-up during the movie. We know something is going to happen and it pushes the audience to the edge of their seats. The strange croaking vocal sounds are actually done by director Takashi Shimizu and are probably the most memorable thing about the movie. The unnatural sound and some unnatural movements are very unsettling, similar to the spider-crawl scene in The Exorcist. Most of the action and violence is implied rather than shown, but we do get a decent amount of blood.

One thing that always worries me when I watch foreign films is that I may not understand certain cultural themes or ideas that the movie is focusing on. While it hasn't been a problem before, I did find myself a bit lost during certain scenes. I have a general idea of the significance of cats in Japanese culture, but not to the point where I could relate to one characters incredible fear of them. Maybe I just missed something in translation. The movie has a tendency to jump around too much, telling multiple short stories. I couldn't feel a strong connection with most of the characters because they only had about 15 minutes of screen time here and there. It doesn't help that the movie has a run time of about 68 minutes. Maybe that's all just the stupid American in me, but the movie would have been better off focusing on, say, 3 extended stories. The acting and directing are fine with not serious complaints. The film quality is on the cheaper side which I find brings down the entire viewing experience.

Did I just walk in on a Danzig music video?

Though it wasn't the movie I was expecting to see, it was nice to find out where the story began. The haunted house/curse is interesting on the surface, but the movie jumps around way too much. I find it hard to connect with the characters and follow just what is happening on the screen. There are too many small stories and with the short run time, everything feels rushed. The movie has a few good scares thanks to good suspense and the creative use of sound. If you liked the American version of The Grudge, you may enjoy seeing where the story got it's start. Otherwise, there's no need to rush out at see Ju-On: The Curse.

4.5/10

Day 282: The Innkeepers

The Innkeepers

Cloudy with a chance of evil spirits

It's my favorite month of the year, October. The days are getting shorter, the weather is cooler, the leaves are changing, pumpkin pie is plentiful, and horror rules. It's the time of ghouls, monsters, and especially ghost stories. What is it about a ghost story that scares us so much? Is it a fear of the unknown? Perhaps a secret desire of an afterlife? A love of sheets with holes in them? Whatever the reason, ghost stories are as old as time, being passed down from generation to generation. There are countless ghost tours, haunted hayrides and other attractions for fans of horror and the paranormal. The United States has no shortage of haunted places, be it houses, cemeteries, or in the case of today's movie, a hotel.

The Innkeepers is a 2001 ghost-centric horror movie written and directed by Ti West (The House Of The Devil, V/H/S). The movie stars Sara Paxton (Shark Night, Superhero Movie) as Claire, an employee at the Yankee Pedlar Inn, a formerly grand hotel that is now in its final week of operation. The only other employee is Luke (Pat Healy, Six Feet Under, Ghost World) who created a website about the supposed paranormal events that take place in the hotel. Both are amateur ghost hunters trying to find the spirit of Madeline O'Malley, a bride from the 1800's who hanged herself in the hotel after her husband left her on their honeymoon. It was also rumored that her body was hidden in the basement by the hotel owners at the time. The hotel receives a new guest, former actress Leanne Rease-Jones (Kelly McGillis, Top Gun, Witness) who claims to be in town for an actor's convention. That night, Claire uses Luke's ghost-hunting equipment to record various strange sounds in the hotel. She picks up the sound of faint voices and music and even sees the piano playing by itself. She runs into Leanne and explains what she heard. Leanne reveals that she is actually a medium and is in town to meet with other psychics. She also warns Claire to stay away from the basement. The next morning, Claire awakens to see an apparition of Madeline O'Malley sitting in her bed. Later that day, a strange old man asks to check into a honeymoon suite on the third floor, even though it has already been stripped of furniture. Luke and Claire decide to investigate the basement where Madeline's body is supposedly buried, ignoring Leanne's warning. Luke freaks out and flees, leaving Claire alone in the hotel. Panicked, Claire wakes Leanne who goes down into the basement to contact the spirit. She tells Claire that she is in great danger and must leave the hotel now. How is the old man connected to the events in the hotel and will Claire survive?

Did you have that dream about being Reese Witherspoon again, honey?

Many people say that writer/director Ti West is the new master of the “slow burn” in horror. I think it's more accurate to say that Ti West is the mast of the 10 minute horror movie. Of course, that's a problem when the movie is over 100 minutes long. Much like his other movie “The House Of The Devil” the majority of The Innkeepers teases the horror out almost to the point where he risks the audience leaving before things happen. Besides the one scene where the ghost appears in Claire's bed, almost nothing of importance happens until the final twenty minutes. There are a few creepy scenes here and there when Claire is listening to the ghost-hunting machine, but it's not heavy-duty horror. It's like West enjoys forcing the audience to sit through most of his movies bored in hopes of getting a few big scares in at the end. Unfortunately, the scares at the end of The Innkeepers weren't particularly frightening. The final events in The House Of The Devil was far more unsettling than The Innkeepers. I actually had a countdown during this movie to whens something was going to happen. “There's an hour left, something better happen. There's 45 minutes left, something better happen. There's 30 minutes left, something better happen.” Forcing your audience to be bored for most of the movie just to have a “thrilling” ending is never a good idea. It makes the movie feel like a chore instead of a form of entertainment.

That being said, everything else in the movie is very good. The acting is solid with it's small, but competent cast. The conversations feel very fluid and natural, though they're not always pertinent to the story itself. It sometimes feels as if West is trying to channel his inner Quentin Tarantino, having his characters have full conversations and witty rapport rather than advancing the story. Most of the movie comes off almost as a comedy between Luke's dorkish slackerism and Claire's awkwardness and wacky Jim Carrey-style flailing. Sara Paxton does a fine job, thanks in part to her gigantic eyes conveying fear, and Pat Healy was a good foil for her. Ti West is unquestionably a good director as he has an eye for great shots, both close up and far away. There is good character development throughout, almost too much to be honest. There is an actual Yankee Pedlar Inn in Torrington, Connecticut and parts of the movie were shot there. I felt that that was a nice touch, going above and beyond what was needed to give the movie an authentic feel. 

This movie is authentic, right down to the boredom we share with the characters

The Innkeepers is essentially two movies: The first is a cutesy and occasionally funny exploration into a few oddball characters. The second is an average ghost-tale with a few jumps and decent makeup. The main problem is that this “second” movie is about twenty minutes long and if you're going into this movie hoping for horror, you'll be sorely disappointed. The film moves at a snail's pace and will truly try the patience of people looking to be scared. It's not that the movie is bad, because it really isn't, it's just not what it promises to be. If you're thinking of seeing The Innkeepers, you should, because thanks to good acting and direction, the non-horror parts are well done. It's the story itself that is the true problem as nothing of particular interest occurs until the very end. If you're looking for scares, you can probably skip the first hour of the movie. That's never a good thing to say in a horror movie.

4.5/10

Day 246: The Eye

The Eye

There's no "eye" in team

If there's one country that can wrest the Horror throne from the United States, it's Japan. With movies like The Ring and The Grudge getting remade in America and finding success, it's no surprise that other countries have gotten in on the idea. China isn't the first country to come to mind when most people think of horror movies, but like India and part of Europe, their scary movies are slowing making their way across the globe. These international movies are a blast of fresh air in a genre that is becoming increasingly overcrowded. They bring different culture, attitudes, and ideas to the screen which can great new and interesting stories. Today's review, The Eye, has been remade in the United States, but I am sticking with the original.

The Eye is a 2002 horror film from Hong Kong directed by the Pang brothers (Re-cycle, Bangkok Dangerous). The film stars Angelica Lee (Re-cycle, Sleepwalker) as Wong Kar Mun, a violinist who has been blind since the age of 2. Mun undergoes an eye cornea transplant with the hopes of regaining her eyesight. The transition to sight is painful and difficult at first, occasionally seeing shadowy figures that aren't really there. While in the hospital, Mun befriends a young girl named Ying Ying who is being treated for a brain tumor. One night, Mun awakens in her hospital bed to see another shadowy figure standing beside an old woman's bed. The figures leave the room together and Mun is shocked to find out that the woman died during the night. Mun begins seeing a psychologist named Dr.Wah (Lawrence Chou, Re-cycle, Forest Of Death) who is to help Mun learn how to associate objects by sight, not touch. Mun begins to see a little boy in her apartment building who asks if she has seen his report card. She talks to him on several occasions, but soon realizes that he isn't really there. The visions continue and become more disturbing, causing Mun to become isolated and shrouded in darkness. After a fainting spell, Mun returns to the hospital where she speaks to Ying Ying again. Ying Ying says she no longer needs surgery and walks away with a shadowy figure. Initially, Dr. Wah doesn't believe her, but seeing her in serious trouble brings them closer together. He is able to find out who the eye donor was and he and Mun travel to Thailand. Their search leads them to a hospital where a doctor tells them about Ling, the donor. Ling had visions of people's deaths, but the people of her town believed she was a witch and shunned her. One day, she had a vision of a horrible disaster to come, but the town ignored her and 300 people died in a fire. Unable to deal with her visions, Ling hanged herself in her house. Mun and Dr. Wah go to her house and meet with her mother who has never forgiven Ling for her suicide. That night, Ling's spirit possesses Mun and attempts to recreate her suicide. What will happen and will the visions ever stop?

Oh, snap

This movie is certainly not laid our like a typical American horror movie and that's a good thing. The horror in The Eye comes more from creepy atmospherics than brutal gore or “jump-at-you” moments. The movie could best be described as a subtle chiller. Within the first few minutes of the movie, it is already established that something is not right with Mun's vision. Rather than having to wait 20 or 30 minutes for any hint of horror, The Eye gives us the notion right from the start and then gives us the character development and back story. The audience is right there with Mun when she gets her eyesight back and are along for the ride as the strange visions begin. Typically, you would think that the shadowy figures she sees, ushering people after death would be seen as the villains of the movie, but they're not treated as such. Surprisingly, there are no villains in the movie, something I think would be more difficult to pull off for an American movie. We like our good guys and bad guys and it was nice to see the movie focus just on Mun and her new found “gift”. There is very little violence to speak of , and with the exception of a scene at the end, I'm not really sure why the movie received an “R” rating.

The Pang brothers do a fantastic job of directing. Their shots are creative and various with nothing being too overdone. Angles are just used for the sake of being different. They capture the subtle emotion and poignancy of the characters. The movie has a decent pace, especially considering there is very little action to speak of. It did feel a little long though, clocking in at about 98 minutes. Maybe it was just my American mind craving an explosion that made it feel too long. I can see being being bored with the movie as it dips into various genres and goes for subtle psychological scares instead of big, visual ones. The acting is very good with Angelica Lee putting in the best performance. While there are many special effects, some of them are a bit weak, like one scene where the ignition of a car is unnecessarily computerized. The computerization looking closer to Windows Flight Simulator than the real thing. The ending tries to end on a happy note, despite it being quite depressing. I think it would have been better either to have a straight happy ending or straight sad as the mixture of both just felt awkward.

Pin the tail on the spirit

While the story itself has been done before, The Eye puts more effort into character development and emotion than most. It makes for a better movie, but it does drag at times in the entertainment. The scares are subtle, foregoing the blood and violence, for twists and turns. There is a cultural difference when watching from a Western point-of-view, but it doesn't really take away from the movie. The acting is good and the direction is great. I could have done without some of the special effects and a little more action would have been good. The movie was thankfully in it's original language, but there are dubbed versions out there in multiple languages if you don't feel like reading. I'm not quite sure if The Eye is a ghost movie or a spirit movie, but it's a modern take on Greek tale of Cassandra. The Eye has spawned multiple sequels and a remake starring Jessica Alba. It's best to stick with the original.

7/10

Day 109: Masters of Horror: Right To Die

Masters of Horror: Right To Die

Not a mummy movie

Creating stories “ripped from the headlines” seems like a pretty popular idea these days. CSI, Law and Order, and the million other crime and court shows love to do this. It gets people interested and, if we're being honest, it's easier than coming up with an original story. Creating a horror movie based off a real life events is a bit trickier, especially when the events are politically charged and divisive in nature. Could it at least be entertaining?

Masters of Horror: Right To Die stars Martin Donovan (Weeds, Saved!) as dentist Cliff Addison and Julia Benson as his wife Abby. On a deserted road, Cliff gets into a car accident and Abby is badly burned. In the hospital, Cliff is told that there is a procedure that will allow her to live, but she would not be able to take care of herself. He consults with his attorney, Ira, (Corbin Bernsen, Major League, L.A. Law) about her condition and is convinced to end her life. Cliff reveals that he had an affair with his dental assistant Trish and that Abby knew about it. Cliff hallucinates that he is having sex with Abby who then turns into her current burned form. Meanwhile, Abby briefly died in real life and Cliff appeared to have a strange burn mark on his skin. Abby's mother arrives at Cliff's house and tells him that she will not let him end Abby's life and that he will never get her money. While a public fight breaks out over the right to life and right to death, Cliff continues to have strange hallucinations involving Abby. Cliff eventually wins the decision to let Abby die within 48 hours. Ira goes to the hospital and thanks Abby for allowing him to win lots of money off her death. He walks into an MRI room and a mysterious force turns the machine on. The metal on his body starts to pull him apart when Abby's spirit appears and sets him on fire. Cliff puts out the fire and then publicly offers the money from the settlement to anyone who can provide skin for Abby's transplant. Will that be enough to save Abby and more importantly, save Cliff from Abby's spirit?

Snap into a Slim Jim

If it wasn't obvious, Right To Die relies heavily on the right to die case of Terri Schiavo. That heavily politicized incident still has ramifications today. If you type “Terri” into Google, her name is the first to come up. Does something so personal and political make for a fun horror movie? No, not really. It's one thing to have your horror movie “based on actual events” like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which is very loosely based on Ed Gein, it's another to have your movie literally based on actual events. It's kind of like having a horror movie based on the Trayvon Martin killing. Too soon, too political, and it's something that we do not to continuously relive. As for the actual movie, the way the story is told is a bit stunted as we only find out more of the story at the very end, thus negating most of our conceptions of the previous 50 minutes.

Another problem is that they make Cliff too likable. He cheated on his wife, got her into an accident, and can't decide if he wants to take her off life support. All of this and they still manage to not make him come off as a terrible person. This is supposed to be some sort of supernatural revenge movie and the audience is conflicted with cheering for Abby and cheering for him. The acting is decent enough throughout, with Corbin Bernsen putting in his typical Corbin Bernsen performance. If you've seen Major League or really anything else he's done, you know what I'm talking about. There are some decent horror scenes, violence, and nudity, so you'll have plenty to look at. The makeup on Abby is pretty realistic and the team involved should be commended for making her look so gross and beef jerky-like.

"I should have stayed with the Cleveland Indians!"

Making a horror movie out of a sad and divisive news story makes me feel all types of uncomfortable. Add that to a pretty boring story and you're not in for a good time. There's some action and horror, but nothing spectacular. The acting and directing are fine and there's enough nudity and sex to make you think twice before seeing this with young people. Overall, Right To Die is not a must-watch.

4/10

Day 18: Kill Katie Malone

Kill Katie Malone

Axl Rose looks terrible

Horror movies involving ghosts can either be hit or miss. Done correctly, a ghost movie can terrify you and make you sleep with the lights on. If a ghost movie has done it's job, you will jump at every noise you hear while laying in bed and question your beliefs in the afterlife. Done poorly, you'll have some unintentional laughs and question your beliefs in movie making. Welcome to Kill Katie Malone.

Kill Katie Malone follows three college friends who purchase a mysterious lock-box that supposedly contains a ghost. They open the box and find a locket with a picture of a young woman. Wacky, typical ghost events occur; broken furniture, sudden bursts of cold air, and bloody messages written on the wall. You know, the usual. People start getting hurt and they discover that Katie Malone was an Irish immigrant that was sold from owner to owner and brutally beaten to death. Her spirit now inhabits the box and whoever opens it, she belongs to them. It is up to the three friends to save each other and free themselves of the curse of Katie Malone.

She may be a ghost, but her churned butter is delicious

The biggest trick with making a ghost movie is to make the supernatural action believable. Effects are a minimum and when they are used, they look like they were done in Final Cut Amateur. I understand that sometimes you don't have the money to have great special effects, but try flicking a light on and off real fast or something. When the actors are being shoved and abused by the “ghost,” they just appear to be stumbling around like drunks. It comes off as very silly, which is never what you want in a ghost movie.

If you can't have good effects, having good actors is the next best thing. The acting in Kill Katie Malone ranges from fair to yell-at-the-screen terrible. Dean Cain (Lois and Clark) has a small part at the beginning and end, but was given top billing on the poster. Lies! The characters themselves are all pretty unlikable and you feel yourself cheering for the ghost to finish them off so we don't have to see them again. The dialogue is decent and they do the best they can with a boring script and an unremarkable story. They delve into the past of Katie Malone, but you never really feel any sympathy for her. By the end, I was just saying fuck Katie Malone.

It either contains a ghost or my POG collection

Overall, Kill Katie Malone missed on the major key points to making a good ghost movie. Barely-existant and sometimes laughable special effects, mediocre to bad acting, and a boring story are the “three strikes and you're out” rule. I never felt annoyed or angry at the movie, just kind of bored. There are far worse ghost movies out there, but there are also much better. Not scary and not enjoyable, Kill Katie Malone is not worth your time.

2.5/10