Day 207: Creature

Creature

There's so much suck going on in this poster

Horror has a long history of incorporating local legends into plots. There are countless movies about the Yeti, Sasquatch, the Mothman, the Boogeyman, and all sorts of critters. Some legends transcend borders and countries while others are limited only to an area or town. When people already know a legend, the movie is forced to differentiate itself from other films of the same subject. Using a more obscure legend allows for a freer storytelling experience and can be a fun watch. Of course, when you completely make up a legend, you can do whatever you want. Sometimes that is not a good thing.

Creature is a 2011 horror movie starring Mehcad Brooks (In The Valley Of Elah, Glory Road) as ex Navy SEAL Niles and Serinda Swan (Breakout Kings, Recoil) as his girlfriend Emily. They go on a road trip to New Orleans with their friends Karen, her brother Oscar, Emily and her boyfriend Randy. On the backroads of Louisiana, the group stops at a local shop run by the strange Chopper (Sid Haig, House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects). Inside, Oscar finds a flier for a local legend Lockjaw, a half-man, half-alligator. He tells the group the tale of Lockjaw who was a local man named Grimley Boutine. Grimley came from a family of inbreeding and with the family line coming to an end, he impregnated his sister. Before he could marry her, she was captured by a giant albino alligator called Anon. Enraged, Grimley tracked down Anon, and discovering his dead sister, killed the alligator. In a stupor, he began to eat Anon, as well as his sister, and mutated into a horrible alligator creature. The group finds Grimley's home. They set up camp for the night and indulge in drinking and debauchery which includes, and no I am not kidding, sex, attempted female-on-female sexual assault, voyeurism, and incest. As Karen is walking in the woods, she is knocked out and tied up by Chopper, who is revealed to be her and Oscar's father. Chopper is actually the leader of a local cult that worships Anon and Lockjaw and they intend to provide Lockjaw with brides to produce more family members. Will the group be able to survive?

You're weird, but hot, so it's cool

Wow. For the first 30 minutes of the movie, I thought Creature wasn't that bad for a straight to DVD movie. Not good, but not bad and it had the added advantage of having a legend I had not heard of. It turns out I was wrong on both counts. Creature was actually released in over 1500 theaters and made a record low $327,000 it's opening weekend. Due in part to targeted marketing to horror fans instead of trying to attract a wide audience, the movie swallows a whole bunch of crazy pills and does a 180 and dives headlong into the insane abyss. The movie includes scenes of consensual incest and attempted sexual assault, neither of which are portrayed in a negative light. It was truly stupefying to see that on screen. The movie also has a large amount of nudity for a relatively wide release, including seeing all three leading females topless. I'm not really complaining, but it wasn't necessary. All of these things just distract from the story being incredibly stupid and boring. A man eats an alligator and then suddenly becomes one? Really? They couldn't say it was toxic waste or a meteor or something? That's just lazy.

The creature itself looks still and cartoonish. They couldn't even get it's mouth to move when it lets out a yell. There is some action, but not as much as you'd expect from a monster movie, with a few shots of blood and gore. Sid Haig is very entertaining, but his character is too similar to Captain Spaulding from House of A 1000 Corpses/Devil's Rejects. The rest of the cast is passable, but the dialogue is so stiff that they can't work around it. The director came off as amatuerish with scenes being too dark and a final action scene shot in slow motion for no particular reason other than to torture the audience praying for the movie to end. 

"Hey, can't we talk this over?"

Monster movies are supposed to be simple, but fun. Creature starts out that way, with a basic story of sexy young people going to an isolated area to find a monster. It's been done a million times and that's perfectly fine. The movie then decides to go nuts, showcasing incest as a main theme of the movie. If they wanted to imply it, that would have been fine, but no, they had to show it. The movie lacks the proper amount of action and violence and the monster does not look good. The script is weak along with the directing. Do yourself a favor and skip this abomination. There's a good reason why it bombed so hard in theaters.

1.5/10

Day 206: The Dead

The Dead

You know my love will not fade away

With zombies being all the rage in horror now, writers and directors are in search of new ways to break away from the pack and be something special. Some use more special effects, or better makeup, or bigger stars, or viral campaigns to get the audience's attention. What many fail to realize is that while the blood, guts, and flesh-eating is a lot of fun and certainly memorable, it's the story that makes a lasting impact. If you don't have the story then nothing else really matters and you movie just becomes another zombie film, thrown into the dollar bin at a gas station, never to be viewed. Social commentary is also an important aspect of zombie movies, but many zombie movies forget that. Take away the story and the commentary, all you have is some blood and violence. That can entertain the individual (usually one that dwells in a basement, surrounded by Evil Dead action figures), but it does not entertain the masses and makes for a boring watch.

The Dead is a 2010 horror movie starring Rob Freeman (Smallville, Dark Angel) as Lt. Brian Murphy. Murphy is an American engineer that survives the crash of the last evacuation flight out of Africa. The continent has been overrun by slow-moving zombies with no help in sight. Murphy finds a broken down truck and is able to get it running before being devoured by zombies. After a short time, the truck gets stuck in the mud. As the zombies close in on him, Murphy is saved by an African soldier, Sgt. Daniel Dembele (Prince David Oseia). Together, they are able to free the truck and Daniel joins Murphy in his search for help. Daniel reveals that he has deserted the army to search for his young son who was rescued by soldiers. They arrive at an airport in hopes of finding a plane, but the buildings are abandoned. The get gas and set out for a safe haven in the desert. During the trip, the truck hits a tree, breaking the axle. They sleep outside during the night and Daniel is bitten by many zombies. Before dying, he asks Murphy to find his son. Will Murphy be able to reach the safe haven and find Daniel's son and has the zombie outbreak spread to the United States where Murphy's wife and daughter live?

Rocks, my mortal enemy!

Before I can get to the story, I have to address the blatant racism in The Dead. Now, I don't think the writers or director had the intention to be racist. The movie brings to mind the criticism that Resident Evil 5 faced when it first came out, showing a white character shooting black characters. Most of the movie is just scenes of Murphy, who is white, shooting zombies, who are all black. Some may argue that they're just zombies and race shouldn't matter, but it is too much to ignore, especially given Africa's history of oppression enslavement by white Europeans. To make matters worse, when Murphy kills a bunch of zombies, saving a group of Africans, they praise him as their savior, even pouring water into his mouth. That just doesn't sit well with me. By having a zombie movie set in Africa, they had a chance to make some real social commentary, but didn't even attempt to do anything of the sort.

As for the story, it barely exists and is extremely boring to sit through. A majority of the movie is just Murphy and Daniel driving around the desert, getting out to fix the truck or get supplies, be surrounded by zombies, and then driving off. I don't think we ever learned what caused the zombies as there is very little background given. It's not like they had to ignore because the story was so great or the action so fast-paced. Speaking of action, it's one of the few bright spots in the movie. There is a decent amount of blood and some good feeding scenes. The zombies don't have much makeup beyond some powder and contact lenses, but it works fine. I didn't even know what the characters' names were until about half-way through the movie. There's not much in the way of character development and their motivations are too basic. The acting is pretty mediocre, but it's not like they had much to work with. The direction is weak as well, with certain scenes lingering too long or shots far too close to the actors.

He may be dead, but his fashion sense is alive and kicking

There are certain expectations when watching a zombie movie. Blood and gore are fun, but it should not be the sole focus. A good zombie movie requires a thoughtful story, strong characters, and social commentary. The Dead goes 0-for-3 as the story is incredibly boring and weak, there is no real character development, and the movie doesn't even scratch the surface of social commentary. What could have been a good opportunity to explore the issues of class and race, were completely ignored in favor of a white soldier killing a lot of African zombies. The Dead is dissapointing on many levels and boring to boot. It was probably called The Dead because they couldn't come up with a creative adjective, noun, verb, or adverb.

2/10

Day 205: Farm House

Farm House

Well, it's better than the Out House

As someone who has done a decent amount of driving over the years, I know how easy it is for your mind to wander. You think about all that dangers that may befall you during your travels. You can get a flat, your muffler can fall off, your hose can go. All sorts of things can go wrong. You think you'll be alright because you have a cell phone, but once you get out of the populated areas, you can forget about having service. We've all heard stories about people breaking down and then going to a farmhouse to use their phone. Some of those stories are good (sexy daughter), but most end up with limbs being cut off by a deranged, and possibly deformed, farm family. It's a great setting for horror because the scenario a legitimate, if slightly weird, fear.

Farm House is a 2008 horror movie starring Jamie Anna Allman (The Killing, The Notebook) as Scarlet and William Scott Lee (Pearl Harbor, The Butterfly Effect) at her husband Chad. Chad and Scarlet are trying to make a new life for themselves after the death of the special needs infant son. While driving through the Mid-West, Chad falls asleep and crashes their car. They walk to a local farmhouse, where they meet the owner, Samael (Steven Weber, Single White Female, Wings), his wife Lilith (Kelly Hu, X2, The Scorpion King) and his helper, a deaf boy named Alal. Scarlet tries to use the phone, but the lines are down, caused by their accident. Chad and Scarlet agree to spend the night at the farmhouse. It turns out to be a bad decision as Samael and Lilith kidnap and torture them. It is revealed that Chad had a large gambling debt, and despite telling Scarlet he had paid it off, Samael and Lilith say he owes more. Scarlet is able to escape with the help of Alal, but Samael is able to capture him. He cuts out Alal's eye in hopes of drawing Scarlet out. When that doesn't work, he slits Alal's throat and finds Scarlet. As the torture goes on, it comes to light that Chad was planning to kill himself so Scarlet could get his life insurance policy and pay off his debt. Scarlet convinces him that it is best to kill their son as they could always have more children later. They are able to kill Samael and Lilith and make their escape, but things are not what they seem. How did they end up at this farmhouse and who are Samael and Lilith?

I only have demonic eyes for you

Farm House starts off as your typical “people tortured in the country” horror movie. The story is broken up with bits from Scarlet and Chad's past, telling us all about his debt and their son's medical problems. While that's helpful to explain their motivations, it really kills the movie's momentum. It comes in little drips, but they're not exciting cliff hangers, and come off as more annoying that interesting. It would have been better off telling most of the debt portion of the movie first, with the big reveal that they killed their son closer to the end. I am not one for torture movies, but thankfully the movie isn't just a vehicle for various means of hurting people. That's not to say there aren't some gruesome scenes, it's just not the entire movie. There was one scene where Lilith use a grater on Scarlet's knee that actually made me feel a little queasy. There is a small amount of blood and gore in the movie, but not as much as you'd expect from a movie based around kidnapping and torture.

The movie falls off the rails and crashes into a mountain made of crazy in the last 15 minutes. The movie has a big twist which comes out of nowhere. It's not that it doesn't make sense, it's just never really hinted at beyond the character's names. Foreshadowing is important when doing a movie with a clever twist, but Farmhouse never really gets around to it. Steven Weber and Kelly Hu carry the movie with their fun, twisted performances. They make good villains and almost had me cheering for them, especially after we learn that Scarlet and Chad are murdering scumbags. I don't know if it was his performance or just terrible writing, but William Scott Lee is incredibly annoying. I understand that he's supposed to be a coward, but he doesn't have to be a whiny douche on top of everything. He reminds me of Denny from The Room.

Oh, word?

Farm House is a mediocre torture movie that goes off in an expected at the end. The story itself isn't anything special and the main characters are more annoying than they should be. You can kind of see where things are going and while the twist isn't great, it didn't bother me. There is some decent action and blood, but not as much as you'd think. I could have actually used more if you can believe it. Steven Weber and Kelly Hu are both very good in their roles and should play villains in more movies. While there is a certain creepiness to some scenes, the movie is not scary, which is a shame because it could have been. While it wasn't bad, Farm House is nothing special and could easily be confused for countless other horror movies flooding the market today.

4.5/10

Day 204: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Night Pimp

Ret-conning literature and history is the hip thing right now. Call it a reboot, a reimaging, or an alternate universe, this trend involves taking established characters (or real-life figures) and altering their story to create a new one. I'm not exactly when it became popular, but I first became aware of this concept when Seth Grahame-Smith's book Pride And Prejudice And Zombies came out. I first experienced the concept when I saw Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds. It's a silly and fun idea, but I'm not a huge fan of it, at least in mainstream entertainment. I love the “What If?” line of comics from Marvel, but that's contained in it's own universe. I'm a little uneasy at the concept of someone taking an established character or saying “Nah, check this out. It's about Albert Einstein, but he is really a crime-fighting sideshow freak with a heart of gold set in a steampunk universe. Sounds insane, right? If the writing is strong enough and the story is entertaining, you could do just about anything.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a 2012 action horror movie based on the novel of the same name by Seth Grahame-Smith. The film stars Benjamin Walker (Flags Of Our Fathers, The Notorious Betty Paige) as Abraham Lincoln. As a young boy, Abraham sees his friend, a free African-American boy named Will Johnson, being whipped by a white man. Abraham rushes to his aid, but is whipped as well. His father, Thomas, stops the man and is fired from his job with a promise by the owner of the plantation, Jack Barts (Marton Csokas, Lord Of The Rings, xXx) that his debt will be collected one way or the other. That night, Abraham awakens to find his mother being bitten by a vampiric Jack Barts. His mother dies the next day and his father follows nine years later. Now a man, Abraham tries to kill Barts, but is unsuccessful due to a misfiring gun. He is saved by Henry Sturges (Dominic Cooper, Captain America, An Education), who then trains Abraham to fight vampires. After his training, he goes to Springfield, Illinois to kill the town's vampires. He takes up work in a shop while studying to become a lawyer. It is there that he reconnects with his friend Will (Anthony Mackie, The Hurt Locker, Million Dollar Baby) and meets and falls in love with a woman named Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, The Thing). Through Henry, Abraham learns that all vampires in America are descended from a vampire named Adam (Rufus Sewell, A Knight's Tale, The Illusionist), who owns a plantation in New Orleans and has a desire to take over the country. Abraham once again comes across Barts and is able to kill him this time, but not before revealing that Henry is also a vampire. Adam learns of Abraham and kidnaps will to New Orleans in hopes of drawing him out. Abraham kills many vampires, but is stopped by Adam and his enforcer, Vadonna (Erin Wasson). Adam tries to recruit Abraham, but he is able to escape thanks to his friend and employer, Joshua Speed (Jimmi Simpson, Breakout Kings, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia). Abraham marries Mary and puts down his hatchet to begin his political career, leading all the way to the White House. As the nation tears itself apart through civil war, Abraham's son is bitten and killed by Vadonna. Adam has aligned himself with the Confederacy and the Union is unable to kill them. Will Abraham Lincoln be able to defeat the vampires or will the South destroy the Union, turning the country into a nation of vampires?

"George Washington ain't got nothing on me"

I can't remember the last time I saw a horror-based movie with so much action. Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter is best described as a popcorn flick. The story gets to the point quickly, but still takes the time to establish characters and motivation. Most of that is window dressing as most of the movie is filled with high-octane fight scenes and computerized special effects. There is plenty of action and lots of fun explosions, though certain scenes, such as the train heading scene, that were a bit too fantastical, even for a movie about the 16^th U.S. President fighting vampires. It's a bit strange to see Abraham Lincoln twirling a hatchet-gun and throwing roundhouse kicks. That's part of the problem with ret-conning characters, especially historical figures. We know how Abraham Lincoln's story ends, and if you step back and think about it, there is no real danger to him. Of course, this could have went the way of Inglorious Basterds and given the middle finger to history in order to create a different story, but that wasn't the case.

As a fan of U.S. History, I felt a bit conflicted while watching the movie. I got a kick out historical references such as a spot-on Jefferson Davis teaming up with the vampires to take down the Union and Abraham Lincoln's ill son, William. At the same time, the movie skips over, ignores, or replaces history to suit it's purpose which is irksome at times. Benjamin Walker is god as a young, awkward Lincoln and plays an action star well. He's not quite as good as the older, Presidential Lincoln, which requires an air of stateliness and raw emotion. Lincoln is the Great Emancipator, but was still treated as an action star. The supporting cast is very good which helps create a fuller experience. The computerized vampire faces look good and more terrifying than your average vampire. I am a traditionalist when it comes to my classic monsters and wasn't happy that the vampires in the movie can walk about in the daylight. We see Henry put on sunscreen but it takes too much suspension of disbelief to think that all vampires do and that it doesn't run in the Southern heat. I've learned to accept fast zombies, but vampires in the day still doesn't work. 

Ta-da!

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a strange concept for a novel and a movie, but it is still entertaining. The action sequences come at your quickly and can be a bit much at times, but they are well choreographed and have a decent amount of blood for a summer blockbuster-style movie. The historical references are fun to catch if you know your U.S. History and I would have actually liked to see more. It does take some effort to ignore the actual historical facts and a lot of suspension of disbelief to enjoy some of the action scenes. The vampires look good, but I wasn't happy to see them walking around in sunlight. The acting is good, but Benjamin Walker didn't play an older Lincoln the way he should have. The special effects are good, but I feel like they relied on them too much instead of good storytelling. Ultimately, it's a fun movie with a few flaws that doesn't require much thinking. I am still wary of historical figures and characters being thrown into horror situations because it comes off as being lazy and cashing-in on someone else's work. Only time will tell if we will see William Taft: Luchador Wrestler.

7.5/10

Day 203: The Lawnmower Man

The Lawnmower Man

Finally, a movie about lawn care

In the late 80's and early 90's, virtual reality was the way of the future. The entertainment expected to be living and working in a virtual world and brought us computer-graphic heavy television like Reboot and Beast Wars. There was even a video game console put out by Nintendo called the Virtual Boy. Things didn't quite work out the way people were expecting and virtual reality has pretty much gone the way of the dinosaur. Blame probably goes to the internet, but plenty should go to the terrible movies that came out around that time praising virtual reality while throwing terrible graphics at the audience. But a movie can't be bad when it's based off a Stephen King story, right? Right?

The Lawnmower Man is a 1992 science-fiction horror movie starring Pierce Brosnan (Goldeneye, Dante's Peak) as Dr. Lawrence Angelo and Jeff Fahey (Lost, The Marshal) as Jobe Smith. Dr. Angelo works for Virtual Space Industries, which is under the employ of a shadowy group known as The Shop. conducting experimental treatments and virtual reality trainin on increasing the intelligence of chimps. VSI is hoping to use Angelo's work to create a new weapon, but one of the chimps escapes and is killed. Angelo begins to experiment at his home on Jobe Smith, a special needs man who mows lawns. Jobe is lives a simple life, living in a garden shed owned by Father McKeen. McKeen routinely beats Jobe with a belt whenever he fails to do his chores. As the experiments continue, Jobe's intelligence begins to increase. He also becomes more self aware of his emotions and desires. He begins to have a relationship with a local woman named Marnie. Angelo takes Jobe to VSI to continue his experiments, exposing Jobe to the virtual reality machines there. Jobe begins to exhibit telepathic and telekinetic abilities, reading people's thoughts and lifting objects with his mind. The Shop takes an interest in Jobe and secretly increases his aggression levels, similar to what was done to the chimp before its escape. Jobe begins to lose his mental stability, acquiring a God complex. He uses his abilities to kill those who wronged him, such as Father McKeen. Jobe believes he has unlocked the keys to the mind and believes that by connecting himself inside VSI's computer mainframe, he will reach every computer system in the world. Will Dr. Angelo be able to stop him?

Trey Parker, is that you?

It's true that Stephen King wrote a short story called The Lawnmower Man, but save for one brief scene, this movie has absolutely nothing to do with Stephen King. It is so far removed from his work that King successfully sued the film's producers for using his name. It's with good reason that he decided to sue the makers of this movie because I know I wouldn't want my name associated with it. The story is pretty weak and falls into a cliche-a-thon very quickly. Lawnmower Man has the magical “simple” character, the pacifist scientist being forced to make a weapon, and even a horny cougar wanting to bone the simple character. The movie is very heavy-handed when it comes to the religious overtones, throwing subtlety out the window in favor of a computerized crucifixion scene. There is some action throughout, but it's not particularly thrilling or entertaining. There are a few scenes of creepiness, but nothing that would qualify as scary.

The biggest problem with The Lawnmower Man is that it is a victim of it's time. Virtual reality was the “in” thing with everyone touting it as the wave of the future. That being the case, the movie relies heavily on computer graphics. Normally, this might not be a bad thing, but keep in mind that this movie came out in 1992. Try to remember what computer graphics looked like in the early 90's. What looked futuristic then looks completely ridiculous 20 years now (yes it's been 20 years since this movie was released if you can believe it). A good chunk of the movie uses these graphics hoping to dazzle the audience rather than creating a cohesive and entertaining story. It's funny to see a young Pierce Brosnan with longer, almost grunge hair and a hoop earring. He looks like he's ready to go see Lollapalooza, not conduct futuristic experiments. Jeff Fahey is OK in his role, but tends to chew the scenery towards the end. His haircut was out of place as he looked like he should be a starting forward for the 1977 Philadelphia Flyers, not a man in the 90's. It's not a critical part of the movie, but when you're bored, you notice little things. The movie is full of unintentional comedy, from the hilariously dated graphics, to the cartoonish storyline and overacting.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Originally, The Lawnmower Man was not a bad concept for a movie. Today, we are so plugged in all the time that it still relates to today. Unfortunately, the movie bet on the wrong horse in terms of virtual reality, and it doesn't hold up 20 years later. The movie focuses far too much on computerized effects and graphics which look terribly by today's standards. A barely-there story, questionable acting, and unintentional laughs doom the movie. In it's time, The Lawnmower Man was a cutting-edge movie with some serious, if not heavy-handed, social commentary. The commentary still holds up, but the rest of the movie does not.

2.5/10

Day 202: The Orphanage (El Orfanato)

The Orphanage (El Orfanato)

Get that orphanage some color, fast!

Orphanages don't really exist anymore at least not in the traditional sense. When we hear orphanage, we think of a Dickensian-era building, filled with dirty children just hoping to be adopted by a wealthy family. Nowadays, there are group homes, foster parents, and other ways of adopting children. Movies and television, though, still like to portray orphanages in the a more traditional way. This works in favor of horror movies because it has been ingrained in our minds that orphanages are scary places. It's also a good excuse to have scary children.

The Orphanage (also known as El Orfanato) is a Spanish horror movie starring Belen Rueda as Laura. Produced by Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy, Pan's Labyrinth), the movie was written by Sergio G. Sanchez and directed by J.A. Bayona. Laura moves into the orphanage she grew up in along with her husband Carlos and adopted son Simon in hopes of helping out special needs children. While walking along the beach with his mother, Simon runs off into a cave and is seen speaking to someone who isn't there. He claims he is speaking to a boy named Tomas, but his mother dismisses this as just an imaginary friend. A social worker named Beninga Escobeda (Montserrat Carulla) arrives at the orphanage along with Simon's adoption file which says that Simon is HIV-positive. Angered at her intrusion, Laura kicks her out of the house. That night, Laura hears a sound outside, and finds Beninga in her shed, carrying a shovel. She escapes before Laura can stop her. The next day, Simon takes his mother on a scavenger hunt, supposedly done by his invisible friends. At the end of the game, he finds his adoption file and reveals to Laura that he knows he is adopted and and is going to die. During a children's party at the orphanage, Laura and Simon argue, causing Simon to hide. While searching for him, Laura is trapped in the bathroom by a boy in a mask with “Tomas” written on his clothes. She is freed by Carlos, but they are unable to find Simon. Six months go by with no clues as to Simon's whereabouts. Laura suddenly sees Beninga crossing the street. As she gets out to confront her, Beninga is hit and killed by a truck. It is revealed that Beninga used to work at the orphanage and has a deformed son named Tomas that she kept hidden beneath a sack mask. He was accidentally killed by the children when they stole his mask. Laura hears strange banging sounds in the house and other strange occurrences and contacts a medium to have a séance. The medium sees sick children in the house, but does not see Simon. Laura begins searching the orphanage, finding clues, leading to her shed where she discovers the bodies of the children who used to live at the orphanage. Laura recreates the original orphanage and hopes to contact the ghosts of the children so they can help her find Simon. Will it work or has Laura gone insane?

Gah! Kill it with fire!

The Orphanage was definitely not the movie I thought I was going to watch. I expected a movie somewhere along the lines of The Others or A Haunting In Connecticut. I thought this was going to be a scary ghost story where the orphanage was haunted by the souls of tortured children looking for revenge. That's not how the movie played out, but it was for the best. More emphasis is put on storytelling, character development, and solid acting than your typical ghost movie and it's hard to complain about something like that. The movie forgoes the usual scares and tricks which make it a better movie, but does make it less of a horror movie. There are scenes of general eeriness and the movie does leave the audience feeling uneasy, but it's due more towards the content of the story than any special effect or sound swell. This uneasiness reaches it's zenith with the movies incredibly depressing, but sort of happy ending. I liked it, but it was quite a bummer. There are plans to adapt this movie for an American audience and I don't expect that version to contain the same ending.

The movie is strong thanks to the great acting. Belen Rueda brings genuine emotion to her role as Laura causing the audience the share sympathy with her. The supporting cast compliments her well, but she is the true star. J.A. Bayona does a fine job directing with some good shots and an overall horror-style atmosphere that lead to some tense moments. The movie relies more on old-school atmospheric scares, which is a nice change of pace, but there should have been more. The story is good, but it had a few plot points that kind of bothered me. Unfortunately, I can't go into them or else I'd ruin the movie, but there were a few basic things that, in real life, would probably end the mystery a lot faster. Despite being a foreign movie, I never felt lost in any cultural differences, but did not feel catered to as an American viewer. That's far better than a foreign movie trying to be an American horror movie.

Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's door

The Orphanage is a good movie built around a good cast and film making. The story is decent, but did have a few flaws that stuck with me after the credits rolled. The movie lacked scares making it feel less like a traditional horror movie, but the focus is always more on the story than terrifying the audience. The sets look great and the scenery fits in well with the overall feel of the movie. You won't be terrified by The Orphanage, but you will be entertained.

7/10

Day 201: Masters of Horror: Sick Girl

Masters of Horror: Sick Girl

Bug off

Insects don't bug me. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Some people are creeped out by bugs and kill them without remorse. Personally, I don't feel that way. Sort of a live and let live type of deal. That's not to say I haven't killed them in the past or won't in the future, I just prefer not to if I can help it. Insects have a long history in science-fiction and horror. Movies like Them!, The Fly, The Swarm and heck, even Mothra. People are generally freaked out by insects do to their alien appearance and sounds so it's no wonder they appear in horror movies. It's not like you can cuddle with a praying mantis.

Masters of Horror: Sick Girl stars Angela Bettis (Toolbox Murders, Scar) as entomologist Ida Teeter and Erin Brown aka softcore adult actress Misty Mundae (The Rage, Dying God) as Misty Falls. Ida is a shy woman who keeps many insects as pets. She has a difficult time finding a relationship due to her love of bugs. Her coworker Max Grubb (yes, really) informs her of a young woman named Misty that sits in the lobby of their building sketching all day. A mysterious package arrives at Ida's apartment containing an insect she has never seen before. Dubbed “Mick”, the insect escapes it's containing and hides in Ida's apartment. Ida's landlady Lana Beasley is concerned about Ida's insects, but Lana's granddaughter Betty enjoys them and likes Ida. The next day, Ida gets the courage to ask Misty out on a date and Misty says yes. The date is silently awkward, but Misty and Ida hit it off and end up back at Ida's apartment. Misty is too drunk to drive, so she stays the night. They become intimate and they are unaware when Mick extends it's proboscis into Misty's ear, injecting her with some sort of fluid. The next morning, Misty reveals that she is the daughter of Professor Malcolm Wolf, Ida's favorite professor from college. They try to search for Mick, but are unsuccessful. Misty begins to feel pain in her ear and undergoes changes in her mood, turning her aggressive. Ida receives an apologetic letter from the same person who sent the insect, informing her about it's behavior and origin. During an argument with Mrs. Beasley, who was offended by the lesbian relationship, Misty starts to transform into an insect and pushes her down the stairs. What will happen to Ida and why was the insect sent to her?

So awkward. So cute.

On paper, Sick Girl might be a decent story, but on the screen it just doesn't work. The movie focuses too much on the cutesy relationship between Ida and Misty and not enough on horror. Watching the two women grow to like each other is nice and makes the audience relate to them better, but it doesn't help further the story along. The movie is in no rush to get to the point, which, in an hour-long show, is never a good idea. We get treated with such wonderful schemes as both women crawling on the floor looking for the bug and Ida having girl talk on the phone with Max. I mean, the show is called Masters of Horror, not Masters of Situational Comedy. When we finally get to the action, it's predictable and not scary. It takes about 3 sentences to explain why this is happening and it doesn't make much sense. Why would this person send the deadly insect, then send a letter apologizing for it. Why not just go and get the freaking bug? That's a real half-assed apology.

Erin Brown is very cute in her role as the shy and awkward Misty. She plays the part very well and is convincing when she becomes more aggressive and angry. Angela Bettis was fine, but her voice was very distracting. Her voice sounded as if Joan Cusack had swallowed marbles filled with molasses. I'm not sure if that's her actual voice or she was just acting and frankly I'd rather not know. Director Lucky McKee (The Woods, The Woman) uses some creative shots, but never achieves a real sense of atmosphere or horror. Most of that can be blamed on the weak material and poor special effects, but I never felt like I was watching a horror movie. 

"Special" effects

Insects are a good source of horror and science-fiction. They're weird looking, making scary sounds, and can bite or sting. Throw in a little movie magic and you have a bonafide monster. Unfortunately, Sick Girl is a weak, boring story that takes far too long to get to the point and when it finally does, it's not entertaining. There are some plot holes and a lack of action to keep me even mildly entertained. You pretty much know how the story is going to unfold and there are no twists or surprises. Erin Brown is cute and plays both of her parts well. The movie never feels like a horror film or even a science-fiction story. It's not particularly bad, but it's not good. The Masters of Horror series actually has worse episodes, but don't rush to see Sick Girl.

3.5/10