The Worst Of 365 Days Of Horror

A "Worst Of" list from all the movies I have reviewed

Going down

 

I gave you the best, now here's the worst. When you watch 365 horror movies, you're bound to find a whole bunch of duds. When a horror movie is great, it is truly great. It's far easier to make a bad movie than a good one and it's very apparent in horror. Go to your local Wal-Mart, convenience store, or gas station and you'll probably see a pile of cheap horror movies, most of which you've never heard of. This project allowed me to see some truly great classic horror movies. It also allowed me to see some of the worst bits of entertainment committed to film. There were some movies that were so bad that I couldn't even get through them. While I could probably write for days about each terrible movie, below is a comprehensive list of the worst offenders, split into sub genres. Hope you enjoy my hate!

Worst Overall Movie

H.P. Lovecraft's The Tomb

How can one movie get something things wrong? H.P. Lovecraft is one of my favorite writers, but for whatever reason, most of the movies based off his work are terrible. I can't say that The Tomb falls into this category because it does not follow the Lovecraft story. I mean, at all. The original story is a great work of the macabre. The movie is just a confused, muddled mess of nothingness. I understand that budget constraints make some of his grander stories hard to create. The Tomb doesn't have that problem because there is no budget. I have no idea who the characters are or what is going on in this movie. The acting is horrible and the direction is almost non-existant. The best part of the movie is when I stopped watching it. Easily the worst out of 365 movies.

Runner-Up: The Zombie Diaries

Zombie Movie (Romero)

Survival of the Dead

It's no secret that I love George Romero's original “...Of The Dead” trilogy. They are what got me into a horror. While some of his non-zombie movies have been less than stellar, he is still the godfather of the undead. Like criticizing your favorite band for putting out an album that you don't like, I find it hard to point out the problems in Survival Of The Dead. Not because there aren't any (believe me, there are plenty) it's just that it's almost painful to see where things went wrong. I appreciate that the story connects with Diary Of The Dead as it adds a nice touch of continuity. Unfortunately, the rest of the story feels incredibly forced and, at times, confusing. Why are there two Irish families feuding on some island in America? And more importantly, why do we care? There is some decent action, but nowhere near the level of brutal violence and gore we've come to expect from a Romero zombie movie. Rather than going out with a bang, Survival ends the second zombie trilogy with a sad whimper.

Runner-up: Diary of the Dead

Zombie Movie (non-Romero)

The Zombie Diaries

A picture is worth a thousand words. The cover for The Zombie Diaries dvd looks like a fun, action-packed zombie bloodfest. None of that happens in this shaky found-footage borefest. It starts off relatively interesting, but the action never picks up. The story is as excruciatingly slow as the snail-paced zombies. It jumps between different groups of people, whom the audience does not know or care about. I was left bored and confused the entire length of the movie. The ending tries to be shocking, but by the time I reached the end, I just didn't care. It's shocking that they actually made a sequel to this movie considering just how bad the original is. I highly recommend that you stay far away from this movie.

Runner-up: The Quick and the Dead

Vampire Movie

Bloodrayne

Just about everything in this movie is bad, but what do you expect from Director Uwe Boll. He's the reverse Midas. Everything he touches turns to garbage. I knew that the movie was going to be bad before I watched it, it was just a matter of how bad. The story is moronic, the acting is terrible, and Michael Madsen's wig should be considered a dangerous animal. At least the movie has lots of blood and violence. Stupid, pointless violence, but violence nonetheless. I've never played the video game, so I can't compare and contrast it with the movie. Either way, Bloodrayne is further proof that video games should never be made into movies.

Runner-Up: Against the Dark

Werewolf Movie

Wolves Of Wall Street

There are no werewolves in this movie. None. Zero. Nada. Sure, there are some wolf sounds and some suggestive shadows, but no actual, on-screen shots of werewolves. I regret watching this movie so early into 365 DoH. If I had watched it later on, I would have been able to rip it apart even more. The story is goofy in the made-for-tv sense. It's clearly made on the the cheap and shots of the moon are reused so many times that it deserves top billing. There's no real horror or suspense to speak of. The only redeeming quality for the entire movie is that Elisa Donovan is in it. Beyond that, Wolves of Wall Street is just a pile of terrible.

Runner-Up: The Beast Of Bray Road

Monster Movie

Creature

Monster movies shouldn't be complicated. The old Universal monster movies got it right. Nowadays, monster movies need wild gimmicks to separate themselves from the plethora of horror movies that are churned out every day. The first 30 minutes are passable. Not good, but passable. It's not until the story finally kicks in that things fall off the rails, catch on fire, and crash into the side of a mountain. It's a goofy, convoluted legend about a man turning into some sort of alligator. It could have been fun in a SyFy sense, but it's not executed in a way where the story can be enjoyed. There are scenes of incest and sexual assault throughout the movie and neither are portrayed in a negative light. The monster does not look good and there is not as much violence as you'd expect. There's a reason why Creature made the least amount of money ever for a wide-release movie.

Runner-Up: Monsters

Foreign Movie

Ju-On

This one is partially my fault as I thought I would be watching the original Japanese version of The Grudge. I was half-right as there are certain parts of this movie in the American remake. I found the movie really hard to follow, even beyond language and cultural differences. It's relatively short, but still manages to bounce around between characters too much. I could not forge a strong connection to any characters because they would be out of the movie within 15 minutes. There are some unsettling moments and some decent suspense, but the movie lacks the proper amount of action. Most of the violence is implied and while there is a decent amount of blood, some special effects are less than convincing. Ju-On isn't horrendously bad, it's just not good.

Runner-Up: Dead Cert

Slasher Movie

Rocktober Blood

Despite being quite bad, Rocktober Blood has a special place in my heart. I fondly remember watching it (on VHS!) with my friend and laughing at how ridiculous it is. As far as slashers go, it's not suspenseful or scary, just silly. The idea of a killer that comes back from the grave to kill again is not particularly original, but it doesn't matter as the killer is portrayed in such a way that no one anywhere ever could be afraid of him. The one good takeaway is that the music in the movie is performed by the metal band Sorcery. The songs are extremely catchy. Don't believe me? Well check out this song and see if you're not humming it later on. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvB78T2KUFc

Runner-Up: Bloody Birthday

Horror Comedy

Shocker

Wait, this movie was supposed to be funny? It's the worst type of horror comedy when the movie is neither scary nor funny. Even the Scary Movie series manages to force a chuckle once in a while. Shocker tries to give us some slapstick physical comedy, but it's so hackneyed that the Three Stooges would blush. The story of an executed killer gaining electric super powers and the main character being able to have weird visions doesn't make much sense, even for a horror movie. Things just kind of happen throughout with no regard for continuity or the audience's sanity. The biggest insult of all is that Wes Craven wrote and directed this terrible movie. It would have been scarier to see Rush Limbaugh naked. Funnier too.

Runner-Up: Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes

Demonic Movie

The Devil's Rock

Sometimes you take a chance on the movie, having no prior knowledge to guide your decision. It might lead you to a pleasant surprise, much like when I watched Pontypool. Then again, it might lead you to The Devil's Rock. I was drawn in by the World War II aspect of the movie. I feel that there is a serious lack of good war-based horror movies and always like to give them a chance. Unfortunately, The Devil's Rock is a boring story about some sort of demon being held in a German bunker. The cast is razor thin as I believe there are only 4 people with speaking roles in the entire film. The demon's mind games are as predictable as the characters actions, leaving me bored and annoyed. It doesn't help that the demon looks stereotypical and cartoonish. You might actually find a better demon at your next Halloween party. By the end, I didn't care what happened and just wanted the movie to be over. So much for good war-based horror. You win some, you lose some.

Runner-Up: Blessed

Stephen King Movie

Maximum Overdrive

Stephen King is one of the the best horror writers in the modern era. Just about everyone has either read or seen one of his works. Unfortunately, some of his stories have received less than favorable treatments on the big screen. Well, if you want something right, do it yourself. Maximum Overdrive is King's directorial debut. Of course, this was during his coked-up 80's faze and it shows. The killer machine idea is nothing new, but their portrayal in this movie is far too silly to be considered scary. The movie gets stuck in one location and drags on for too long. Emilio Estevez is fine in his role, though not much was required of him. As a first-time director King was passable. Still, the story is better suited for an episode of the Twilight Zone and not a full-length movie. The wailing soundtrack by AC/DC doesn't help, either.

Runner-Up: Graveyard Shift

Sci-Fi Horror Movie

Proteus

A heroin-addicted sea monster? Check. Cheap mid-90's sets? Check. Mullets? Check. Proteus is your basic science-fiction monster movie complete with ridiculous evil bad-guy plot thrown on top of everything. The hero and his companions are portrayed as a drug smugglers, so it's hard to cheer for them to survive. The dialogue is very bad, but actor Craig Fairbrass manages to do a decent job. His supporting cast does him no favors and bring down the entire movie. The monster itself looks hilariously bad. It actually makes Carnosaur look like it should be in Jurassic Park. If you can't make a good monster, don't make a monster movie.

Runner-Up: Splice

Horror Anthology

From A Whisper To A Scream

 

This movie suckered me in by having Vincent Price in it. Sadly, he's only in a few scenes, but still manages to be the best thing in it. Everything about this anthology is terrible. There are too many stories and none of them are particularly good. The horror is weak and the storytelling is just not there to keep the audience interested. The ideas for the stories aren't bad, just unoriginal. The problem lies in the execution as the acting is poor and the sets are cheap. A little bit of money and effort could have made the movie far more enjoyable. Instead, it's just a painful reminder that I could be watching Creepshow instead.

Runner-Up: Deadtime Stories Vol. 1

Masters Of Horror

Chocolate

Masters of Horror put out plenty of dudes (Dance of the Dead, Haeckel's Tale), but they usually managed to be horror-centric stories. Chocolate doesn't even come close to horror. The idea of seeing horrible violence through another's point of view has been done before (For example, The Eye) and done better. The acting is pretty bad (with the exception of Matt Frewer) and the story is meandering and pointless. There is nothing scary or even exciting about Chocolate. It's all just one big waste of time. I legitimately feel bad for anyone who buys this on a whim. I've seen Disney movies scarier than this.This was painful to sit through.

Runner-Up: Dance Of The Dead, Haeckel's Tale

Remake

Freakshow

I usually question the necessity for remakes, but I can understand the desire to remake the classic 1932 movie “Freaks”. It's old enough where a good chunk of your audience probably have not seen it. It doesn't help, though, when you classify your remake as a “modern retelling” and the only changes you make are nudity and violence. At first, I thought Freakshow was just ripping off Freaks until I did a little research. The original was supremely unsettling while the remake is just boring and uninspired. There's a lot of talk and planning in the movie with very little action until the rushed ending. I'm not a fan of watching torture which is a problem considering the last 10 minutes of the movie are just torture. The scene is painfully slow and unpleasant, just like the rest of the movie.

Runner-Up: The Hitcher

The Best Of 365 Days Of Horror

A "Best Of" list from all the movies I have reviewed

Better than all the rest

Greetings fellow horror fans. Have you missed me? I sure missed you. I know I posted back in January that I was going to post a few more things, but life always manages to get in the way. To make up for my lack of posting, here is my "Best Of" list where I break down some of my favorite movies from the past year. If you think I should add another genre or missed out of something, leave me a comment. I'll be doing a "Worst Of" list soon as well. Hopefully it won't take me four months to get to like this post.

Zombie Movie (Romero)

Dawn of the Dead

George Romero sure does love his zombie movies. Most people split them up into two categories: The original “...Of The Dead” trilogy of Night, Dawn, and Day and then the recent trilogy of Land, Diary, and Survival. Most would agree that the second trilogy is far inferior to the first three movies. Each of those movies have their moments, but they have too many flaws to even be mentioned in the same breath as the original trilogy. While Night and Day are both entertaining, Dawn Of The Dead is really head and shoulders above the rest. The action starts off right away, the characters are good, and the violence is great. The movie really picks up when they get to the mall, fulfilling the audience's fantasy of doing whatever they want. As is common with Romero's other movies, Dawn has a lot of smart social commentary and really positions people as the real monster.

Runner-Up: Night Of The Living Dead

Zombie Movie (non-Romero)

Pontypool

Pontypool really caught me by surprise. I watched the movie on a whim with no prior knowledge. I saw no trailers, read no reviews. I hadn't even heard of it until I started watching. It's a smart zombie movie that is also incredibly scary. While it may not have as much blood or violence as your typical zombie movie, it stays true to the basic tenets of zombie horror. There is a true sense of panic and utter hopelessness as the movie progresses. I also appreciated that the zombies come about not because of radiation or the dead coming back to life, but because of “infected” words that change people. It's abstract and unique, yet still plausible.

Runner-Up: Exit Humanity

Vampire Movie

From Dusk Till Dawn

Despite almost half the movie having no vampires, From Dusk Till Dawn is still an incredibly entertaining vampire movie. It doesn't hurt that the cast includes George Clooney, Harvey Keitel, Juliette Lewis, Quentin Tarantino, and a bikini-clad Salma Hayek. The movie has equal parts action, suspense, and horror, all of which make for an incredibly fun watch. It's over-the-top entertainment thanks to the great performances and director Robert Rodriguez's incredible eye for action.

Runner-Up: John Carpenter's Vampires

Werewolf Movie

An American Werewolf In London

Director John Landis manages to create a werewolf movie that is both scary and funny. The movie is best known for it's werewolf transformation scene. Unlike previous movies, the transformation takes place in clear light for an extended period. Thanks to incredible special effects, the audience practically feel the pain of the transformation as well. It's your traditional werewolf movie, but thanks to good acting and solid direction, An American Werewolf In London is a great watch.

Runner-Up: Ginger Snaps

Monster Movie

The Host

The Host is fashioned after the classic Godzilla movies from Japan. The movie has plenty of emotion and lots of social and environmental commentary. The monster itself looks very good thanks to some great special effects work. The characters are all likable and relatable. Thankfully the movie is in it's native Korean and not dubbed. It's a little long, but it's worth it.

Runner-Up: Monster Brawl

Foreign Movie

Frontier(s)

Frontier(s) came out of nowhere for me. I had never heard of it before and decided to watch it on a whim. It is shockingly violent, but does not rely on gore alone. It's brutal, grim, and gritty, and not for everyone. The sets and natural locations both look very good and transport the viewer to another place, fully enveloping them in horror.

Found Footage Movie

Cloverfield

Cloverfield manages to put the audience directly in the path of a gigantic monster. The movie uses Manhattan to it's advantage with scenes on bridges, on the streets, and in subways. You really feel like you're right there with the characters. There's even a decent love story thrown in for good measure. The monster looks great and some great camera work makes Cloverfield more than just another shaky-cam headache-a-thon.

Runner-Up: Quarantine

Favorite Slasher Movie

Satan's Little Helper

I have a special love for Satan's Little Helper. It's cheap, simple, and occasionally stupid, but it's still incredibly fun. The mask for “Satan” looks great and I love that we never see the killer's face. Technically, we're not even sure of the killer's true identity. The ending manages to be both scary and depressing, a high accomplishment for a lesser-known movie. While it might not make it on many (or any) lists, I enjoyed it immensely and have given it multiple views.

Runner-Up: Halloween

Favorite Universal Monster

Dracula

The classic story is full of horror, romance, and romantic horror. Bela Lugosi is the one and only Dracula and everyone else after him is just holding his place until he inevitably rises from the grave once more. The movie is over 80 years old and hasn't lost anything to time or changing trends. The movie is drenched in shadow giving it an unshakable creepiness that stands to this day.

Runner-Up: Frankenstein

Favorite Horror Comedy

Dracula: Dead And Loving It

It's Mel Brooks and Leslie Nielsen. What more could you want? The movie stays pretty true to the Dracula story, but still manages to cram in loads of laughs. While it may not be Brooks' best movie, it's still far better than any sort of “spoof” movie that has come out in the past twenty years. Comedy doesn't always work in horror, but Mel Brooks manages to do the impossible.

Runner-Up: Suck

Favorite Satanic Movie

Prince Of Darkness

I don't know why, but something about this movie legitimately scared me the first time I watched it. The slow descent of the outside world, the race against time, and the supernatural elements all work together to create something awkward and unsettling. We only see the arm of the Prince of Darkness and it still manages to be frightening. An unsung gem by John Carpenter.

Runner-Up: The Omen

Favorite Stephen King Movie

Misery

Misery is scary because it is very real. There's no supernatural elements, no aliens, no magic powers. Just a man trapped in a room with a psychopath. The real praise goes to James Caan and Kathy Bates who put in award-winning caliber performances. Director Rob Reiner does a great job giving us both thrills and chills. Misery proves that you don't need wild stories and fantasy to make good horror. Sometimes a person is the scariest monster.

Runner-Up: The Shining

Favorite Sci-Fi Horror Movie

The Thing

One of my all-time favorite movies. What can be scarier than an alien creature that can look like anything? An alien creature that can look like hideous twister monsters. Thanks to some great special effects, we see a monster straight out of our nightmares. The movie has plenty of mystery, action, suspense and horror. Kurt Russel is great as well as the rest of the supporting cast. One of John Carpenter's best.

Runner-Up: The Fly

Favorite Horror Anthology

Creepshow

When you combine two great horror minds like Stephen King and George Romero, you know you're in for a good time. Each story in Creepshow is highly enjoyable and could stand on it's own as a full-length. There are great performances from a myriad of talented actors that aren't necessarily synonymous with horror. People like Leslie Nielsen, Ted Danson, Ed Harris, Adrienne Barbeau, Hal Holbrook, and even Stephen King himself make the movie that much more enjoyable. The stories are all different and avoid falling into the usual horror cliches. Highly recommended.

Runner-Up: Trick R Treat

Favorite Masters Of Horror

Cigarette Burns

This was the one Masters of Horror episode that actually gave me the chills. I actually regret reviewing it so early because I feel like I probably missed some things. I really like everything about this movie; from the concept, to the acting, to the execution. Everything about it is as good as it is terrifying. The idea of a haunted video isn't new (The Ring anyone?), but once we actually see clips of said-haunted movie, everything becomes that much more terrifying. This could easily have been a full-length movie and could have even become a new horror classic.

Runner-Up: Family

Favorite Remake

The Crazies

The Crazies took a decent, if somewhat forgettable, George Romero horror movie and improved on it in just about every way. It manages to achieve both reasons for remaking a movie: Exposing the audience to something they might not have originally scene and making it better. The movie has lots of great action and some good scares. There are some memorable scenes and some pretty good acting that help the story along. I'm not the biggest fan of remakes, but The Crazies gives me hope for future ones.

Runner-Up: Fright Night

Most Shocking Moment

Eye-gouging scene from Zombie (Zombi 2)

Wow! This scene completely and utterly shocked me when I saw it. I was literally on the edge of my seat as I saw a woman pulled closer and closer to a piece of broken wood. Movies tend to cut away, leaving the brutal violence to the audience's imagination. Zombi stays with the scene, showing exactly what happens when the human eye meets something sharp. Here is the scene if you are morbidly curious.

Runner-Up: The “hobbling” scene from Misery

Day 324: Monster Brawl

Monster Brawl

Where's The Undertaker and Kane?

I admit it. I'm a professional wrestling nerd. I am well aware that the results are predetermined (it's not fake, it's predetermined. Get it right), but I am still wildly entertained by it. I was a huge Hulkamaniac when I was younger, but became disinterested in the mid-90's. It may come as a shock to some that know me, but I pretty much missed the entire “Monday Night Wars”. While professional wrestling was at it's zenith of popularity, I wasn't watching. I felt like it was kid's stuff. I randomly became interested again while flipping through channels and saw that both Mr. Perfect and Big Boss Man, wrestlers from my childhood, were back in the WWE. An occasional watch became a weekly love affair that has extended to this day, going to live events and watching pay-per-views. I know, I'm a dork, but I'm perfectly OK with that. Being a fan things outside the mainstream tend to go together. Comic books, horror movies, heavy metal, wrestling. It was only a matter of time before there was a wrestling horror movie.

Monster Brawl is a 2011 independent horror comedy starring Dave Foley (The Kids In The Hall, Suck) as play-by-play announcer Buzz Chambers and Art Hindle (The Brood, Invasion Of The Body Snatchers) as color commentator “Sasquatch” Sid Tucker. An independent wrestling promoter and self-professed horror nerd has gathered eight monsters from across the globe and through time to compete in the ultimate monster battle. The combatants are seperated into two categories: Undead and Creatures. On the Undead side is Frankenstein, The Mummy, Zombie Man, and Lady Vampire. On the Creatures side is Cyclops, Werewolf, Witch Bitch, and Swamp Gut. The battles take place inside a wrestling ring set amidst an abandoned and cursed graveyard. Jimmy “Mouth Of The South” Hart of WWF/E and WCW fame announces the combatants as we are treated to background clips of each monster. Each clip reveals a little bit of each monster. For example, Zombie Man is the product of the army and managed by the maniacal Colonel Crookshank (Kevin Nash of WWF/E and WCW fame, Punisher). UFC referee Herb Dean referees the match to ensure the rules aren't broken, but he is killed in the first match. Which classic monster will reign supreme and prove once and for all who is the baddest monster in the world?

"Say it's fake again. I dare you."

If the above rundown of the movie felt like it was short on story, character development, and all the other hallmarks of a typical movie, you'd be right. Monster Brawl pulls no punches (sorry for the terrible pun) and makes no bones (sorry, another bad one) about what type of movie it is. Like the SpikeTV show Deadliest Warrior, Monster Brawl takes every 7 year-old's question of “Who would win in a fight?” There was really only two ways of doing this movie: lots of plot and story with a little bit of actual fighting or lots of fighting and no real story. They went with the latter and I'm OK with that decision. If you're looking for an actual movie with story, plot, emotions, and love interests, you're going to be sorely disappointed. The little background clips are fun and help break up the dark monotony of the graveyard and wrestling ring.

"We're the real monsters, baby!"

The fights play out like typical wrestling matches with clotheslines, jumps off the top turnbuckle, and occasional outside interference from managers. Each fighter has skill in the ring, some even better than those in WWE and TNA. The movie obviously had help laying out the matches from professionals which is great because they would be a mess otherwise. They have a good amount of psychology and good back and forth action. Each fighter cuts a promo before their match which are fun, but by no means hysterical. Dave Foley and Art Hindle are funny and have good chemistry. Foley channels his inner Howard Cossell while Hindle, dressed similar to Jim Ross from WWE, is more of a typical veteran color commentator. Lance Henriksen (Pumpkinhead, Millenium) lends his gravelly voice as the narrator during the background segments. Fans of the Mortal Kombat will enjoy the voice-overs during the fight shouting “Excellent!” and “Disturbing!” It's fun to see Jimmy Hart and Kevin Nash, but I would've liked to see more professional wrestlers throughout the movie. I'm sure they could have used the paycheck. Wrestling fans should not be surprised that Nash didn't “do the job” even in a movie. 

What a slobberknocker!

There's not a whole lot to Monster Brawl, but it is still immensely fun to watch. Writer/Director Jesse T. Cook knows exactly what he is going for with this movie. Rather than muddling around with a half-hearted story, he goes right for the action. The final fight is a little long and I felt the ending could have been better in my opinion. The fighting is good as the actors are all skilled and someone with wrestling knowledge clearly helped lay out all the matches. The monsters all look good and there is a nice variety to pick from. If you're not a wrestling fan, you'll still get a kick out of all of the fights, but don't expect much of an emotional connection to any character. For the wrestling dorks out there that also love horror, Monster Brawl is a must see. Regardless of the story (or lack thereof), I was still highly entertained.

8/10

Day 318: Dracula

Dracula

Don't call him "Drac"

Dracula. The Mummy. Frankenstein. The Wolfman. Call them “classic monsters” or “cinema monsters” or the “Universal Four”. These four are the ones you think of when you hear the words “monster movie”. Their main stories come from literature, but the basic premise from each come tales passed down from generation to generation. Each theme, whether it's man battling the beast within or man versus the unknown, has played out for centuries. It's this ability to reach out across generations that has allowed these characters to be reused and remade over and over again across literature, entertainment and pop culture. The most popular of these Universal monsters is Dracula. Need proof? Next Halloween, count how many vampires you see with black capes and fangs. Kids aren't going around like sparkly vampires with emotional problems. At least, let's hope not.

Dracula is a 1931 vampire horror film starring Bela Lugosi as Count Dracula (Son Of Frankenstein, Bride Of The Monster). The film is based on the play Dracula by Hamilton Dean and John L. Balderstonr, which was based on Bram Stoker's novel Dracula. Renfield (Dwight Frye, Frankenstein, The Invisible Man) travels to Transylvania to meet with Count Dracula to settle a business deal. He is dropped off at a small village and informs some people that he is going to Dracula's castle. He is warned that vampires inhabit that castle, but insists on having a carriage take him. An innkeeper's wife gives Renfield a crucifix for protection. The carriage ride is particularly rough and when Renfield sticks his head out the window to ask the driver to slow down, he is shocked to find the driver has disappeared and a bat is now leading the horses. Once inside the castle, Renfield is greeted by the eccentric Count Dracula. Through Renfield, Dracula has purchased Carfax Abbey in London and is planning to go there the next day. Dracula turns Renfield into his slave who protects his coffin as they travel by ship to London. When the ship arrives, a raving mad Renfield is found to be the only living person on board. He is committed to Dr. Seward's (Herbert Bunston, Cardinal Richelieu, The Enchanted Cottage) sanitarium. At the same time, Dracula meets Dr. Seward at the theater, along with his daughter Mina (Helen Chandler), her fiance John Harker (David Manners), and family friend Lucy Weston (Frances Dade). Dracula charms them and later that night, drinks Lucy's blood, eventually killing her. Professor Van Helsing (Edward Van Sloan, A Shot In The Dark, The Mummy) is brought in to treat Renfield, and after studying his blood, begins to suspect a vampire is in their midst. Dracula then bites Mina with plans to turn her into a vampire. Will Professor Van Helsing and John be able to stop him before it is too late?

Can you smmmeeeeellllllll what Dracula is cooking?

This movie is over 80 years old. Let that sink in for a moment. Some movies barely hold up 5 years after they've been released. Dracula is completely timeless, still capable of striking fear into the audience while maintaining an exciting story. Though the run time is shorter than modern movies (a little over 70 minutes), the story has a steady layout. The film has a great atmosphere thanks in part to keeping the aesthetics from the play it was based on. Simple tricks like lighting and fog add to the overall creepiness of the story. One interesting thing that I noticed was that there wasn't a lot of music throughout the film. Maybe I'm just so used to movies blaring strings and telling the audience when to be scared, but it was refreshing to see a movie that didn't assault my ears. Instead, we are free to focus on the fluid dialogue and, even better, Bela Lugosi's performance.

There are few actor's who so perfectly define a role than anyone playing the character after them will never come close to their greatness. Bela Lugosi is Dracula. His unblinking, steely glare and hand motions truly give the character a supernatural feel. He is both charming and dangerous throughout the film, making it difficult to root against him. The supporting roles are played well, adding credence to the story. While there were a few scary movies prior to this, Dracula was one of the first to completely embrace the supernatural themes. There was no wink-and-nod at the end saying it was just a work of fiction. Nowadays, the special effects may seem quaint with the giant rubber bat on a string, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love his invisible puppet trick

Dracula is the quintessential classic horror movie. It takes a classic character from literature and brings it to the big screen with the effort and respect it deserves. Bela Lugosi is fantastic as Dracula, creating a timeless character that is enjoyable to watch while still being scary. The story has a fast pace but hits all the important parts of the story. For the time, it has good excitement and even a bit of action. Dracula can be enjoyed by both young and old, though I would suggest waiting to show this one to the very young. You're better off with Hotel Transylvania or a box of Count Chocula. Dracula is still thoroughly enjoyable despite being over 80 years old and well worth your time.

10/10

Day 284: Blacula

Blacula

Going black in time

It's time to get funky, you jive turkey. OK, I promise never to do that again, but I couldn't help it. Today's movie comes from the deepest, darkest depths of movie hell: The 1970's. The era of unrest, ridiculous clothes, and disco did manage to spawn some great horror movies, but it also brought about the exploitation era. Many of these movies found their way into grindhouse theaters due to their high levels of violence and sex. With the exploitation movies came the blaxploitation movies, which was geared towards the African American community. It was only a matter of time before horror made it's impact on the sub genre.

Blacula is a 1972 vampire movie starring William Marshall (Pee-Wee's Playhouse, Scream Blacula Scream) as Prince Mamuwalde, the leader of a small African nation. The prince is visited by Count Dracula and asks for his help in stopping the slave trade. Dracula refuses and attempts to capture Mamuwalde. When he fights back, Dracula bites Mamuwalde, changing him into a vampire, and imprisons him in a coffin. In 1972, the castle containing the coffin is purchased by two interior decorators, Bobby McCoy and Billy Schafer. They open the coffin, awakening Mamuwalde, now Blacula, are both killed. At Bobby's funeral, Blacula meets Tina who looks identical to his now-deceased wife. Believing she is the reincarnation of his wife, Blacula pursues Tina, posing as a human Mamuwalde. At the same time, Dr. Gordon Thomas (Thalmus Rasulala, Sanford And Son, Mom And Dad Save The World) and Lt. Peters begin investigating the strange deaths around town. Eventually Tina begins to fall in love with Mamuwalde. The victims of the strange murders change into vampires and soon join Blacula as his undead army. After finding a picture in which Mamuwalde does not appear, Gordon and Lt. Peters, joined by the police, move in to stop Blacula. Will they be able to save Tina before she is turned into a vampire?

Don't fall for Blacula's "Free Hugs" trick

I have to say, I haven't seen many exploitation and blaxploitation movies. Most of my knowledge probably comes from other mediums making fun of the movies. I was expecting Blacula to be an over-the-top, jive-talking, funky vampire movie with goofy rhyming lines and the word “honky” being thrown around like a baseball. Much to my surprise, this wasn't the case. Blacula is far more of a real movie than I could have expected. That's not to say it isn't ridiculous, but it has character motivation and a somewhat decent story. I think a large part of the movie being watchable is the good performance of William Marshall . A veteran of stage, opera, and screen, Marshall brings an air of legitimacy to the role. Surrounded by polyester and blaring funk, Marshall's portrayal of Blacula is both regal and scary. Some may find his performance hokey, but I would attribute that to the rest of the cast playing their characters straight. Unlike many other vampire movies, Blacula manages to actually make the head vampire a sympathetic character.

The movie is very much a product of the 1970's which should be a surprise to no one. There are plenty of bell-bottoms, afros, and unnecessary long scenes of funk bands playing. The movie never goes full “blaxploitation” but you can still sense the racial overtones. While there isn't much in the way of racial slurs, the word “faggot” is used quite a lot. As they say, it was a different time. There are some scenes of violence, but I wouldn't call Blacula a scary or even creepy film. I think part of that is due to seeing the movie through 2012 eyes. The supporting acting is quite bad and certain scenes jump around with no explanation. It's not particularly clear just how Blacula made it to America, although I could have easy missed it while blinded by the ridiculous clothes. There are plenty of holes in the plot, but when you're watching a movie called “Blacula” were you expecting Citizen Kane?

Is it too soon to make a Whitney Houston joke?

Blacula is a fun and bewildering look into a strange time in American cinema and cultural history. Deeply entrenched in the 70's, the movie is full of stereotypes and certain language that would almost never fly in movies today. William Marshall is fun to watch, but he doesn't get a lot of help from some of his supporting cast. There is some violence, but not a whole lot of blood or gore. Blacula spawned a few other horror related blaxploitation movies such as Blackenstein, but I don't think I'll be searching for that one any time soon. Ultimately, Blacula has lots of problems, but it's still an entertaining watch, sometimes for the wrong reasons.

5/10

Day 237: From Dusk Till Dawn

From Dusk Till Dawn

Don't bring a gun to a vampire fight

While the technique of “misdirection” is mostly associated with magic, it's nothing new in the world of horror. Many horror movies portray themselves in a certain way and then pull the rug out from under us in an effort to create shock and surprise. Some movies, such as The House Of The Devil, let you know that the big surprise is going to happen and make you wait. This can lead to a very boring watch that no payoff can make up for. The key to any good movie is to have a completely enjoyable start to finish. It sounds simple enough, but you'd be surprised how many movies make you sit through an hour of nothing just for a half hour of action. Of course, when you have a movie written by Quentin Tarantino (Reservoir Dogs, Inglorious Basterds) and directed by Robert Rodriguez (Planet Terror, Machete), you don't have to worry about a lack of action.

Or blood

From Dusk Till Dawn is a 1996 horror action movie starring George Clooney (The Ides of March, O Brother, Where Art Thou?) as Seth Gecko and Quentin Tarantino as his brother Richie. Seth and Richie are professional thieves that have left a swath of destruction across Texas after a bank robbery. They hold up in a hotel near the border with a bank teller they took as a hostage. While Seth goes to get food, Richie, a convicted sex offender, rapes and murders the hostage. When Seth returns, he is infuriated, stating that he is a thief not a rapist. Needing new hostages, Seth and Richie kidnap a family driving an RV: Jacob (Harvey Keitel, Pulp Fiction, Bad Lieutenant), a former pastor with a crisis of faith, his teenage daughter Kate (Juliette Lewis, Natural Born Killers, What's Eating Gilbert Grape?), and his adopted son Scott. Seth makes a deal with Jacob that if he can get them across the border safely, he promises not to harm them. He also promises to keep Richie from doing anything to Kate. After a close call, they make it across the border and Seth has Jacob drive to the rendevous point, a bar called The Titty Twister, where they are to meet their partners. As they enter the bar, they are briefly stopped by a worker named Chet Pussy (Cheech Marin, Up In Smoke, Nice Dreams), but Seth and Richie beat him down. Inside, Seth and Richie drink heavily an enjoy a performance by the main dancer, Santanico Pandemonium (Salma Hayek, Desperado, Four Rooms). After the dance, Chet returns and confronts the Gecko brothers. Richie is stabbed in the hand and Santanico, excited by the blood, turns into a vampire and bites him. Suddenly, all the stirppers and workers at the bar turn into vampires, attacking the patrons. Joined by a biker named Sex Machine (Tom Savini, Machete, Dawn Of The Dead) and a Vietnam veteran named Frost (Fred Williamson, Black Caesar, former Oakland Raider) Richie and the slain patrons begin turning into the vampires and the group is forced to kill them. Sex Machine is bitten who, in turn, bites Frost and Jacob. After hearing the sound of bats flapping outside, the bar is filled with more vampires. Seth, Kate, Scott, and Jacob retreat to a back room where they find all the supplies from various trucks that have stopped at the bar over the year. They arm themselves with weapons including condoms filled with holy water, a crossbow, and a drill. With Jacob about to turn into a vampire, will Seth, Kate, and Scott be able to survive?

The only good vampire is a dead vampire

I can't remember the last time I had fun watching a movie from start to finish. The first half of the movie plays out like a crime action movie while the second half goes for a completely over-the-top horror movie. The great thing is, if either half of the movie continued in it's original direction, I still would have enjoyed it. Credit goes in many directions. It's no secret that Quentin Tarantino can create interesting characters as we've seen in many of his other films. The dialogue is quick and snappy while not getting bogged down in words for the sake of using words like in Tarantino's “Death Proof”. Robert Rodriguez is no stranger to great action movies and is able to mix in horror very well, using creative angles and good wide shots to capture the action. If you enjoy references to other movies, keep your eyes peeled for a few nods to both Tarantino's and Rodriguez's work throughout. Admittedly, the horror is ridiculous, but in the fun way, never taking itself too seriously. There are a few scares, but it's never the movie's intention to be too scary. More focus is given on the action and genuinely funny humor. The vampires look good and there is plenty of blood and violence to keep things exciting. The movie tries to keep the vampire mythos from straying from the path, even having a discussion of what can actually kill them. There was one part where Sex Machine gets his head pulled off, only to have his body grow a new one and become some sort of giant rat vampire monster. I'm not sure where they were going with this idea other than to have a big monster. Didn't really make sense, but at least it looked cool.

The character of Seth Gecko is brutal, but oddly charming, forcing the audience to cheer for him despite being a murderer. It certainly helps that George Clooney is so good in the role. It's strange that he hasn't been in more villainous roles, because he is flat-out perfect as Seth Gecko. Quentin Tarantino is his usual hammy self as Richie which is a mixture of a good and bad. It is a little weird that he keeps playing rapists, though. Harvey Keitel is great as the southern pastor Jacob, making you completely forget that he's a nice Jewish boy from Brooklyn. Jacob's crisis of faith is quite believable as Keitel plays him with a quiet exhaustion, beaten down by an act of God that has broken his beliefs. The movie is full of fun smaller parts for well-known actors as Salma Hayek, Tom Savini, Danny Trejo (Machete, Con Air), and Cheech Marin in three separate roles.

Way better looking than Nosferatu

From Dusk Till Dawn manages to do so many things right that I find myself hard-pressed to find many flaws with it. It's a little long and there are a few scenes even too ridiculous for a movie such as this. What starts out as a fun action crime movie becomes an equally fun horror comedy. Tarantino's screenplay flow well, especially considering how wordy he tends to get. The movie has good, believable characters as well as fun, ridiculous characters in the bar. Rodriguez does a good job capturing the action with lots of bloody violence and good-looking vampires. George Clooney is great as Seth and should really play more villains in the future. Harvey Keitel is equally as good as the broken-down Jacob. If you can't decide on whether to watch an action movie, a crime thriller, or a horror movies, you should watch From Dusk Till Dawn because it is all those things and more.

9.5/10

Day 225: Black Sabbath

Black Sabbath

Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath

No, this isn't a review of a live DVD of the band Black Sabbath. Geezer Butler is not a werewolf, Tony Iommi, is not a zombie, Bill Ward is not the Blob, and Ozzy Osbourne is, well, Ozzy Osbourne. While that sounds like the best horror movie ever, today's review is actually for the movie from which the famous heavy metal band took their name. I always thought that this movie was British because the band was British, but to my surprise, it is actually from Italy. Originally titled “I tre volti della paura”, Black Sabbath is three unconnected tales of terror. It must be good if the original heavy metal band took their name from it, right?

Black Sabbath is a 1963 horror anthology directed by Mario Bava (Baron Blood, Shock). Dubbed in English from the original Italian, Black Sabbath tells three horror tales. An older Boris Karloff introduces us to each of the stories: “The Drop Of Water”, “The Telephone”, and “The Wurdalak”. In “The Drop Of Water,” Nurse Helen Chester is called to the house of a supposed medium and witch who has recently died. The old woman lays dead on her bed with her eyes wide open and a sickly grin frozen in place. As Helen prepares the body, she steals a sapphire ring off the corpse and hides it on her person. As she does, she knocks over a glass, causing water to drip on the floor. She is also harassed by a fly in the room that lands directly on the finger where the ring used to be. When she returns home, Helen is once again bothered by the fly. Strange events occur, such as flickering lights and the dripping sound of water. She begins to see the dead old woman in her house, her eyes wide and her grin still fixed to her face. What will happen to Helen? The second story, “The Telephone” tells the story of a beautiful woman named Rosy who is harassed by a phone-caller. The caller makes sexual comments and threatens Rosy, saying he will get her before the police arrive. Terrified, Rosy calls her friend Mary to come stay with her. Rosy believes the caller is Frank, her dead husband. As Rosy sleeps, Mary writes her a note begging for her to seek help. She is unaware that the caller is even closer than Rosy thought. What will happen to Rosy and who has been calling her? In the final story based on a story by Tolstoy, “The Wurdalak,” a young nobleman named Vladimir Durfe discovers a beheaded corpse with a sword stuck in it's back. He takes the sword and when he enters a village later that night, a man, Giorgio, recognizes the sword as his father's who had not been seen for five days. Vladimir stays the night with Giorgio and his family who explain their father, Gorca (Boris Karloff, Frankenstein, The Mummy) went to fight the wurdalak (vampire) Ali Beg. At the stroke of midnight, Gorca returns to the home, looking gravely pale and carrying the head of Ali Beg. His unkempt appearance, harsh disposition, and the baying of hounds convince the family that Gorca has in fact become a wurdalak. Gorca picks off the family, one by one, leaving only Vladimir and beautiful Sdenka. What will happen to them?

Ozzy looks terrible!

Black Sabbath is a prime example of how to correctly do a horror anthology. Each story manages to establish the characters and get to the point quickly. Director Mario Bava is able to craft each story well, with a good mixture of different horror styles. All three stories are both visually and psychologically appealing with plenty of fear. Boris Karloff is wonderful introducing each story adding a wry sense of humor not seen in his classic works. All three of the stories are simple, yet effective. If you read scary stories as a child, each of these should sound somewhat familiar. It's important to keep in mind that this movie came out in the early sixties and the stories were based on much older tales, so no need to scream about originality. I never like movies being dubbed as I find it distracting, but thankfully it wasn't too bad in Black Sabbath.

The Drop Of Water is colorful and atmospheric, making for a creepy feel. The woman's distorted face is unnerving and far scarier than any computerized effect. The Telephone is your typical “scary caller” horror story, made most popular by 1973's “When A Stranger Calls” with the addition of a ghost story. If the story doesn't really make sense (why would a ghost call his former wife and then try to kill her?) it's because the English version has been hacked to pieces and reworked. The original Italian version has Rosy and Mary in a lesbian affair and Frank escaping from prison. That makes much more sense than the version I watched. I suppose American/British audiences weren't ready for that type of subject matter. The Wurdalak is the longest of the stories, but probably the best. Karloff is fantastic as the vampire Gorca creating a real sense of dread in the audience. There is a good amount of fear and action in this story with some good sets and costumes. 

Paranoid

Black Sabbath is a fun movie with a set of good, basic stories. There are some good chills and a decent amount of action. There are some changes from the original version, so if you are able to, watch that one instead of the altered version. Boris Karloff is very enjoyable, showcasing his range as an actor, from clever host to terrifying monster. The directorial talent of Bava is on display as well, mixing up different styles, but still capable of delivering the horror goods. Black Sabbath is quite enjoyable and well worth your time.

8/10