The Best Of 365 Days Of Horror

A "Best Of" list from all the movies I have reviewed

Better than all the rest

Greetings fellow horror fans. Have you missed me? I sure missed you. I know I posted back in January that I was going to post a few more things, but life always manages to get in the way. To make up for my lack of posting, here is my "Best Of" list where I break down some of my favorite movies from the past year. If you think I should add another genre or missed out of something, leave me a comment. I'll be doing a "Worst Of" list soon as well. Hopefully it won't take me four months to get to like this post.

Zombie Movie (Romero)

Dawn of the Dead

George Romero sure does love his zombie movies. Most people split them up into two categories: The original “...Of The Dead” trilogy of Night, Dawn, and Day and then the recent trilogy of Land, Diary, and Survival. Most would agree that the second trilogy is far inferior to the first three movies. Each of those movies have their moments, but they have too many flaws to even be mentioned in the same breath as the original trilogy. While Night and Day are both entertaining, Dawn Of The Dead is really head and shoulders above the rest. The action starts off right away, the characters are good, and the violence is great. The movie really picks up when they get to the mall, fulfilling the audience's fantasy of doing whatever they want. As is common with Romero's other movies, Dawn has a lot of smart social commentary and really positions people as the real monster.

Runner-Up: Night Of The Living Dead

Zombie Movie (non-Romero)

Pontypool

Pontypool really caught me by surprise. I watched the movie on a whim with no prior knowledge. I saw no trailers, read no reviews. I hadn't even heard of it until I started watching. It's a smart zombie movie that is also incredibly scary. While it may not have as much blood or violence as your typical zombie movie, it stays true to the basic tenets of zombie horror. There is a true sense of panic and utter hopelessness as the movie progresses. I also appreciated that the zombies come about not because of radiation or the dead coming back to life, but because of “infected” words that change people. It's abstract and unique, yet still plausible.

Runner-Up: Exit Humanity

Vampire Movie

From Dusk Till Dawn

Despite almost half the movie having no vampires, From Dusk Till Dawn is still an incredibly entertaining vampire movie. It doesn't hurt that the cast includes George Clooney, Harvey Keitel, Juliette Lewis, Quentin Tarantino, and a bikini-clad Salma Hayek. The movie has equal parts action, suspense, and horror, all of which make for an incredibly fun watch. It's over-the-top entertainment thanks to the great performances and director Robert Rodriguez's incredible eye for action.

Runner-Up: John Carpenter's Vampires

Werewolf Movie

An American Werewolf In London

Director John Landis manages to create a werewolf movie that is both scary and funny. The movie is best known for it's werewolf transformation scene. Unlike previous movies, the transformation takes place in clear light for an extended period. Thanks to incredible special effects, the audience practically feel the pain of the transformation as well. It's your traditional werewolf movie, but thanks to good acting and solid direction, An American Werewolf In London is a great watch.

Runner-Up: Ginger Snaps

Monster Movie

The Host

The Host is fashioned after the classic Godzilla movies from Japan. The movie has plenty of emotion and lots of social and environmental commentary. The monster itself looks very good thanks to some great special effects work. The characters are all likable and relatable. Thankfully the movie is in it's native Korean and not dubbed. It's a little long, but it's worth it.

Runner-Up: Monster Brawl

Foreign Movie

Frontier(s)

Frontier(s) came out of nowhere for me. I had never heard of it before and decided to watch it on a whim. It is shockingly violent, but does not rely on gore alone. It's brutal, grim, and gritty, and not for everyone. The sets and natural locations both look very good and transport the viewer to another place, fully enveloping them in horror.

Found Footage Movie

Cloverfield

Cloverfield manages to put the audience directly in the path of a gigantic monster. The movie uses Manhattan to it's advantage with scenes on bridges, on the streets, and in subways. You really feel like you're right there with the characters. There's even a decent love story thrown in for good measure. The monster looks great and some great camera work makes Cloverfield more than just another shaky-cam headache-a-thon.

Runner-Up: Quarantine

Favorite Slasher Movie

Satan's Little Helper

I have a special love for Satan's Little Helper. It's cheap, simple, and occasionally stupid, but it's still incredibly fun. The mask for “Satan” looks great and I love that we never see the killer's face. Technically, we're not even sure of the killer's true identity. The ending manages to be both scary and depressing, a high accomplishment for a lesser-known movie. While it might not make it on many (or any) lists, I enjoyed it immensely and have given it multiple views.

Runner-Up: Halloween

Favorite Universal Monster

Dracula

The classic story is full of horror, romance, and romantic horror. Bela Lugosi is the one and only Dracula and everyone else after him is just holding his place until he inevitably rises from the grave once more. The movie is over 80 years old and hasn't lost anything to time or changing trends. The movie is drenched in shadow giving it an unshakable creepiness that stands to this day.

Runner-Up: Frankenstein

Favorite Horror Comedy

Dracula: Dead And Loving It

It's Mel Brooks and Leslie Nielsen. What more could you want? The movie stays pretty true to the Dracula story, but still manages to cram in loads of laughs. While it may not be Brooks' best movie, it's still far better than any sort of “spoof” movie that has come out in the past twenty years. Comedy doesn't always work in horror, but Mel Brooks manages to do the impossible.

Runner-Up: Suck

Favorite Satanic Movie

Prince Of Darkness

I don't know why, but something about this movie legitimately scared me the first time I watched it. The slow descent of the outside world, the race against time, and the supernatural elements all work together to create something awkward and unsettling. We only see the arm of the Prince of Darkness and it still manages to be frightening. An unsung gem by John Carpenter.

Runner-Up: The Omen

Favorite Stephen King Movie

Misery

Misery is scary because it is very real. There's no supernatural elements, no aliens, no magic powers. Just a man trapped in a room with a psychopath. The real praise goes to James Caan and Kathy Bates who put in award-winning caliber performances. Director Rob Reiner does a great job giving us both thrills and chills. Misery proves that you don't need wild stories and fantasy to make good horror. Sometimes a person is the scariest monster.

Runner-Up: The Shining

Favorite Sci-Fi Horror Movie

The Thing

One of my all-time favorite movies. What can be scarier than an alien creature that can look like anything? An alien creature that can look like hideous twister monsters. Thanks to some great special effects, we see a monster straight out of our nightmares. The movie has plenty of mystery, action, suspense and horror. Kurt Russel is great as well as the rest of the supporting cast. One of John Carpenter's best.

Runner-Up: The Fly

Favorite Horror Anthology

Creepshow

When you combine two great horror minds like Stephen King and George Romero, you know you're in for a good time. Each story in Creepshow is highly enjoyable and could stand on it's own as a full-length. There are great performances from a myriad of talented actors that aren't necessarily synonymous with horror. People like Leslie Nielsen, Ted Danson, Ed Harris, Adrienne Barbeau, Hal Holbrook, and even Stephen King himself make the movie that much more enjoyable. The stories are all different and avoid falling into the usual horror cliches. Highly recommended.

Runner-Up: Trick R Treat

Favorite Masters Of Horror

Cigarette Burns

This was the one Masters of Horror episode that actually gave me the chills. I actually regret reviewing it so early because I feel like I probably missed some things. I really like everything about this movie; from the concept, to the acting, to the execution. Everything about it is as good as it is terrifying. The idea of a haunted video isn't new (The Ring anyone?), but once we actually see clips of said-haunted movie, everything becomes that much more terrifying. This could easily have been a full-length movie and could have even become a new horror classic.

Runner-Up: Family

Favorite Remake

The Crazies

The Crazies took a decent, if somewhat forgettable, George Romero horror movie and improved on it in just about every way. It manages to achieve both reasons for remaking a movie: Exposing the audience to something they might not have originally scene and making it better. The movie has lots of great action and some good scares. There are some memorable scenes and some pretty good acting that help the story along. I'm not the biggest fan of remakes, but The Crazies gives me hope for future ones.

Runner-Up: Fright Night

Most Shocking Moment

Eye-gouging scene from Zombie (Zombi 2)

Wow! This scene completely and utterly shocked me when I saw it. I was literally on the edge of my seat as I saw a woman pulled closer and closer to a piece of broken wood. Movies tend to cut away, leaving the brutal violence to the audience's imagination. Zombi stays with the scene, showing exactly what happens when the human eye meets something sharp. Here is the scene if you are morbidly curious.

Runner-Up: The “hobbling” scene from Misery

Day 359: Rare Exports

Rare Exports

Do not feed the Santa Claus

Happy Christmas Eve to all those who celebrate the holiday! If you don't, like me, Happy Tuesday Eve! 'Tis the season for gift-giving, face-stuffing, and terrible music. There are plenty of holiday horror movies out there, but Christmas seems to be the go-to holiday for horror. Most Christmas horror movies are slashers, which is a bit disappointing. Why not a vampire Christmas movie with Santa biting naughty children or a psychological horror Christmas movie where Santa plays mind games with bad kids. Actually, those sound like awesome movies. No one steal them! Trademark! Trademark!There's so many Christmas movies to chose from that I actually went in a different direction for today's review. Something a little colder. Something a little international.

Rare Exports is a Finnish Christmas horror movie written and directed by Jalmari Helander (Rare Exports Inc., Viimeinen Pisara). A man named Riley (Per Christian Ellefsen, Hotel Caesar, Elling) is leading a secretive excavation in the Korvatunturi mountains of the Finnish Laplands. His team drills deep into the mountain and discovers something strange: sawdust. Riley explains that people of the area would bury things in sawdust. He reveals that they are in fact on the largest burial mound in the world. As the crew digs deeper, young Pietari Kontio (Onni Tommila, Last Cowboy Standing, Eetu ja Konna) and his sort-of friend Jusso cut the fence surrounding the mountain and spy on the crew. Pietari thinks that they may have discovered Santa Claus, but Jusso makes fun of him. Pietari lives with his father Rauno (Jorma Tommila, Priest Of Evil, The Cradle), a butcher who is having difficulty raising his son alone. When the annual reindeer flock fail to show up in the village, Rauno, Pietari, Jusso, Jusso's father Piiparinen, and their friend Aimo discover hundreds of reindeer slaughtered right outside the fence surrounding the mountain. They blame Russian wolves for killing the reindeer and Pietari thinks it's his fault for cutting the fence. The men go up to the mountain and discover the crew is completely gone. Pietari is afraid that Santa Claus is now free and will come after him because he has been naughty. The next day, Rauno discovers that something has fallen into his wolf trap outside their home. It is not a wolf, but an old, naked man. With help from Aimo, Rauno brings him into his butcher shop and discovers that the an is an American named Brian Greene. Pietari sees the man and runs away, so Rauno has to give chase while Aimo watches the man. Pietari is picked up by the sheriff who is on his way to Piiparinen's home. A series of strange robberies have been occurring all over town, including heaters, hair driers, ovens, and now Piiparinen's potato sacks. Also, all the town's children are now missing. Back at the butcher shop, Aimo has his ear bitten by the old man. The three men and Pietari take the old man and try to ransom him to Riley. It is revealed that the old man is not alone as hundreds of similarly old, naked men surround them. They are, in fact, Santa's elves, who have kidnapped all the children and are thawing Santa out of his icy tomb. How will Pietari and the men stop Santa from awakening and spreading his reign of terror?

At least the kid likes hockey

Well, I wanted something different and I got something different. The concept of an evil Santa Claus isn't a new one as several countries traditions are steeped in Santa snatching up naughty children. Sounds like a great idea for a horror movie, right? Unfortunately, Rare Exports doesn't really focus on horror enough. There are a few scenes throughout that skirt the edges of horror, but never reach a full scary potential. Instead, we get a little bit of fantasy, action, and adventure. The story is decent, if a little predictable and moves at a quick pace. I was happy that movie is mostly in Finnish, with a little English thrown in. Finnish is such a unique language and was nice to hear rather than having a bad dub on top of it. The cold, snowy mountains of the Finnish Laplands are a beautiful, if bleak, backdrop for the film, truly giving the audience a sense of isolation and hopelessness. One strange thing in the movie that I noticed was that there are no women in the movie. Absolutely none. Why is that? Pietari doesn't have a mother and we're not given any explanation as to what happened. It's briefly touched upon, giving the movie some much needed emotion, but nothing more.

The biggest disappointment of the movie is that we never actually see Santa Claus. What a tease! Instead we get dirty, old naked men running around with pick axes and other weapons. Now, some people may enjoy that, and there's nothing wrong with that, but that's not the type of horror movie I was expecting. I would much rather have had an evil Santa terrorizing people, much like in Sint. Another issue I had with the movie is with the character of Pietari. He goes from the typically annoying kid in a horror movie and does a complete 180 into the hero. The switch comes pretty quickly and without much warning, making it hard to believe. In about 80 minutes, he goes from walking around in his undies and constantly ignoring his father to saving the entire world. At least give us an inkling that he is capable of saving the day. The movie has some humor, keeping things a bit lighter than I would have liked. 

Grandpa got into the box wine again

Rare Exports had a lot of potential, but didn't really live up to the good idea. There are some touches of horror, but nothing particularly thrilling or scary. There is a little bit of action, some adventure, and a bit of humor, all of which actually take away from what could have been a scary movie. I was greatly disappointed that we never actually see Santa in action. Instead, we get his old, naked elves. The movie does showcase the natural beauty of Finland and the uniqueness of the Finish language. If you're looking for a fun Christmas horror movie, I'd say look elsewhere. Rare Exports is probably good for people who don't want to watch Rudolph and Frosty, but still want something with a little holiday spirit. It's a decent movie, sans old naked men, but it's not a particularly good horror movie.

6/10

Day 358: Dead Alive

Dead Alive

Peek-a-bleechh

“Horror movies are nothing but violence and blood.” Horror may be one of the most maligned genres in all of cinema. There are those who want to blame scary movies for all of society's failings and those who regard them as nothing more than filth. We know that this is not true. Horror movies can be beautiful, poetic pieces of entertainment that can make us laugh, cry, scream, and yell. The same can't be said for some other genres. The point is that despite the blood and gore horror movies are not just splatterfests, dumping gallons of blood and guts in front of the screen to the delight of weirdos and neerdowells. Unless of course, that's the entire point of the movie.

Dead Alive (also known as Braindead) is a 1992 New Zealand zombie movie written and directed by Peter Jackson (Lord Of The Rings, The Hobbit). The film stars Timothy Balme (The Tattooist, Mercy Peak) as Lionel Cosgrove and Diana Penalver (El comisario, Mediterraneo) as Pauita Maria Sanchez. An explorer visits Skull Island and captures the legendary Sumatran Rat-Monkey, a hideous creature who, legend has it, came about when large rats infested the island and raped all the monkeys. Natives try to stop him from leaving with the monkey, but he evades them only to be bitten in the hand by the monkey. His assistants chop off his hand to prevent the effects from spreading, but upon seeing scratches on his head, they are forced to kill him. The rat-monkey is then shipped to the Wellington Zoo in New Zealand to be put on display. Lionel Cosgrove, a Wellington resident, lives with his domineering mother Vera (Elizabeth Moody, The Lord Of The Rings, The Scarecrow) and has very little in the way of a personal life. He meets Paquita at a local shop who quickly falls in love with him after he fulfills a prophecy given to her by her grandmother. They go on a date to the Wellington Zoo where Vera follows them. She gets too close to the Rat-Monkey and is bitten on the arm. Lionel takes her home to care for her, but her condition quickly deteriorates. He calls a nurse to check on her, but Vera, now a ravenous zombie, kills the nurse, turning her as well. He keeps them sedated in his basement, but Vera escapes into the general population. She is hit by a trolly and Lionel is forced to tranquilize her during the funeral. That night, he returns to the graveyard to tranquilize her again, only to be attacked by hoodlums. Vera rises from the grave and turns the gang into zombies. Father Jon McGruder (Stuart Devenie, The Frighteners, Jack Of All Traders) uses kung-fu to fight off the zombies, proclaiming, “I kick ass for the Lord!” Unfortunately, Father McGruder is also turned into a zombie and Lionel is forced to keep him in his basement. Lionel's uncle Les (Ian Watkin, Charlotte's Web, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys) pays him a visit and discovers the zombies. He blackmails Lionel into giving up the house and inheritance in exchange for keeping quite. Lionel poisons and buries the zombies while Les throws a party at the house. The zombies awaken and start attacking the partygoers. Will Lionel and Paquita be able to stop the zombies before they spread throughout the country?

At least his jacket is still in one piece

Dead Alive is possibly one of the goriest films ever made. When someone describes a movie as being too gory, just point to Dead Alive and say “Is it gorier than this?” The movie has gallons of spraying blood, dismemberment, slashing, and flesh-eating all in the name of fun. If that sounds too tame, there movie is famous for a scene where Lionel uses an upturned lawn mower to shred a horde of zombies in what can only be described as the blood version of Old Faithful. The film is loaded with obscene violence, but presented in such a way that you can't help but laugh. Whether is a priest using martial arts or Lionel trying to feed zombies, the movie is full of legitimately funny scenes. Granted, there are some things in the movie that don't work, like the pile of guts chasing after Lionel or just about anything involving the zombie baby the shows up later in the film. Things progress at a quick pace which helps keep the movie going since the plot is fairly simple. 

Red Skull, is that you?

To the fans of The Lord Of The Rings and The Hobbit, it may come as a shock that Peter Jackson was involved in such a crazy movie. If you can get past the shock of such intense violence, you can see Jackson's creativity and keen eye. He includes lots of odd angles and plenty of closeups to really capture the emotion and overall strangeness of the movie. The movie has a good balance of action, comedy, and horror which should appeal to fans from different genres. There is also a nice little romance between Lionel and Paquita. Towards the end of the movie, the story is pushed to the side for the extended zombie fighting. It's a fun culmination, but there is no real progression until Vera reappears at the end. The acting is good by everyone involved which is impressive considering the movie traverses various different genres. The special effects, makeup, and prosthetics used in the movie are truly impressive and far better than any computer could do. The film quality is a bit dated, making the movie appear to be from the early 80's rather than the 90's. 

He'll need a lot of club soda to get that out

Dead Alive is a wild, gore-filled horror movie that has almost as many laughs as it does horrible acts of violence. Squeamish types may want to stay away because the movie is filled with more blood and guts than some medical school text books. Throughout all of this, though, the movie retains it's sense of humor with a mixture of slapstick, physical comedy, and clever lines. Director Peter Jackson captures the horror as well as the laughs while including a bit of romance and action. The special effects look great and are the real star of the movie. Without that effort and skill, the movie wouldn't be as good as it is. If you can, seek out the original version of the film under the Braindead title as it has extended scenes and even more gory violence. Dead Alive is a fun horror movie with an absurd amount of violence and is highly recommended.

8.5/10

Day 349: Trollhunter

Trollhunter

Trolleo and Juliet

The scariest villains and monsters come from our oldest stories. They have been passed down over the decades and centuries through word of mouth and stories. Even from a young age, we know about vampires, werewolves, and the boogeyman. These characters are so ingrained in our cultural that they're almost on the same level as George Washington and Babe Ruth. One monster that has been around for hundreds of years, but never received a lot of attention from the horror world is the troll. I don't know why they don't get a lot of attention. They're big, they're mean, they're scary, and they eat cute animals. And no, Troll and Troll 2 don't really count. It took a film Norway, land of the trolls, to bring them into the spotlight.

Trollhunter is a 2010 Norwegian monster movie shot in a found footage documentary style. The movie stars Glenn Erland Tosterud as Thomas and Otto Jespersen as Hans. Thomas is college student working on a documentary about a bear poacher with cameraman Kalle (Tomas Alf Larsen) and soundwoman Johanna (Morck). Bear poaching is a serious crime in Norway and Thomas is determined to capture the culprit on film. They interview local hunters as well as Finn Haugen (Hans Morten Hansen), the head of the Norwegian Wildlife Board. Despite certain bear tracks looking odd, Finn dismissed the idea that it could be anything but a bear. Their investigation leads them to a secretive man named Hans who is known to disappear into the woods every night. The film crew follow him into the woods only to be surprised by Hans running up to them and yelling “Troll!” Thomas is attacked by an unseen animal, sustaining a wound on his shoulder. When they make it back to their car, they find it completely destroyed. Hans takes the crew back, admitting that he is actually a troll hunter. Tired of all the bureaucracy and hunting, Hans allows them to film his work, no longer concerned with keeping trolls a secret. The next night, Hans takes them to find a troll that has left it's usual area. He asks the crew if any of them are Christian or believe in Jesus and they all claim not to. The troll, smelling Christian blood, finds them and gives chase. Hans hits it with UV light, turning it into stone, and then smashes the stone. Finn comes to the sight and has a crew bring in a bear carcass to cover up what really happened. It is revealed that many trolls have been leaving their usual areas and attacks on humans are increasing. Will Hans and the film crew be able to find out why and stop it before the world learns that trolls really do exist?

 Oh, kopulere!

I have to say that I am very tired of found footage horror movies. Trollhunter is made on a relatively small budget, so having the movie done in the found footage style makes sense. If you loved all the yelling and running through the woods of The Blair Witch Project, you'll really enjoy Trollhunter. There is a lot of the shaky camerawork during the action scenes which tended to make me nauseous. It's good for cheap thrills and excitement, but gets tiresome. Combine that with the cliché nightvision and the movie tends to feel amateurish in look. What saves the film from looking completely unprofessional is the quality special effects used for the trolls. The trolls have a lot of variety in terms of look, height, weight, and even names. It's fun hearing Hans go through the different types of trolls, explaining what they eat and how they live. The movie includes a fair amount of Norwegian folklore, which is interesting, though I probably missed a lot of nuances. The scenic beauty of Norway is on full display, ranging from the fjords to the wilderness to the frozen tundra.

I hesitate to call Trollhunter a “mockumentary” only because I don't see a clear mocking in the movie's story. The movie is fairly light-hearted for a horror film which I feel hurt the movie overall. When Thomas was injured from a troll, I was expecting him to eventually turn into a troll. Sadly this doesn't happen and takes a lot of suspense away from the movie. It's essentially a dead-end plot point. The action is good when the camera isn't shaking all around and there are some genuinely funny scenes sprinkled throughout. Pacing is a bit of an issue in the film as the character go from troll to troll almost like checkpoints in a video game leading up to the big boss battle at the end. When they're not dealing with trolls, I felt boredom creeping in. There aren't many scares in the film, though there are some intense moments. The acting is good with Otto Jespersen putting in the best performance. He exudes a quite, veteran confidence that makes the movie far more believable than one would expect. 

"Go to hell, paparazzi! You make me sick, you parasite!"

There is nothing particularly brilliant or innovative about Trollhunter. It's fairly flat in terms of storytelling and devoid of much emotion. The main selling point is that it's from Norway and features a monster not commonly used in horror. The natural beauty of Norway is quite enjoyable to look at while the film crew drives around the winding mountain roads. Thankfully, the movie is in Norwegian with subtitles rather than a terrible dubbing, like in fellow Norwegian horror movie Dead Snow. The trolls actually look pretty good and have a lot of variety in their looks. I didn't care for the shaky found footage-style camera work and the multiple scenes of walking through the woods. If I never seen another night vision shot in a horror movie, it will be too soon. The acting is good enough to push the movie into a more believable light and the direction is fine. While it was nice to see a movie from a country not particularly known for it's horror and starring a monster not known for showing up in scary movies, I just wasn't particularly impressed with Trollhunter.

6/10

Day 338: Dog Soldiers

Dog Soldiers

Sup, dog?

Today's movie is a special request from Julian of the super catchy band Glory Days. You should go listen to them now and follow them on Twitter. I'll wait. If you're on Twitter follow Julian at @juliandimagiba and Glory days at @weareglorydays. Now that we're all done swooning, back to the horror. I have had a few requests spread out over the course of this past year. Most people pick a movie that they think I'll like or may have missed. Not so much with this request. I was given this movie to watch with the knowledge that the movie was not good. A quick search on Rotten Tomatoes shows that it actually had a pretty high rating. Who would be right?

Dog Soldiers is a 2002 British werewolf movie starring Kevin McKidd (Grey's Anatomy, Trainspotting) as Private Cooper and Sean Pertwee (Soldier, Event Horizon) as Sergeant Harry Wells. An unnamed young couple are camping in the woods when they are viciously attacked by an unknown beast. Private Cooper has a tryout to join an elite military unit. In order to pass, Captain Richard Ryan (Liam Cunningham, Safe House, Game Of Thrones) commands Cooper to shoot a dog. Cooper refuses and Ryan shoots the dog himself, failing Cooper in the process. A month later, a group of British soldiers, including Cooper, drop into the Scotish highlands for a training mission with the elite unit. The find the unit savagely murdered with Captain Ryan wounded, but alive. He mentions being attacked by someone or something, but doesn't make much sense. The group is attacked by a pack of large werewolves and they try to fight back. Sgt. Wells is badly injured Their guns prove relatively useless and they make a run for it. The find a road and are picked up by a woman named Megan (Emma Cleasby, Doomsday, F). She takes them to an empty house where they tend to Wells' wounds and fortify their positions. They fight off the werewolves, but ammunition begins to run low. Surrounded, the group decides to plan for an escape. Will they be able to survive and are both Megan and Captain Ryan hiding something?

Awoooo werewolves of Scotland

This may be one of the few times where I've watched a movie in English and desperately needed subtitles. It's even worse than in Dead Cert. The combination of thick accents, foreign slang, fast talking, and a sprinkling of military terms left me utterly lost and confused in certain scenes. It didn't make much of a difference in terms of the story, but it would have been nice to know just what people are saying. Speaking of the story, it's a fairly predictable werewolf movie with more gun play than some war movies. There are plenty of guns and explosions which is all well and good except they don't really stop the werewolves. What's the point of wasting the ammo when it's not really doing anything? The movie tries to go with a few surprises, but they were pretty obvious. The movie also makes it a point to inject humor into many scenes. Some are funny, but others are eye roll worthy.

Dog Soldiers knows it's a low budget B-movie and revels in it. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's a bad thing. The camera work was a little shaky and erratic during the action scenes making it hard to focus on what's happening. About 80% of the movie is action scenes so you can see how that would get old fast. The werewolves actually look good, but a little stiff. It's a shame the camera never really focuses on them as we get quick shots and individual body parts instead. What the movie lacks in story and logic it makes up for in loads of blood and gore. Sgt. If you like the color red, you're really like this movie. Wells actually has his guts spilling out yet manages to push them back in and get patched up for a majority of the movie. Come one, really? Injuring him makes sense, but don't eviscerate the guy and play it off like he's fine. Some may think this is nitpicking for a cheap horror movie, but it's just too hard to ignore. The direction is fine and the acting is good. 

Plunker! Tallywhacker! Wanker! Uh...Loo!

Between Julian requesting Dog Soldiers because it was terrible and online reviews saying it was great, I have to side with Julian and not just because we're both wrestling nerds. While the violence is good and there's plenty of blood and gore, it wasn't enough to keep me from slipping into bored annoyance. The accents were so thick that I was reminded of the scene in Austin Powers: Goldmember where he and his father speak “English” English. I know it's supposed to be a B-movie, but I found it too hard to ignore plot holes and predictable twists. The werewolves look good, but the film doesn't really focus on them. If you look at a movie like The Wolfman or An American Werewolf InLondon, we see plenty of werewolf. Why hide them? There are better werewolf movies out there and I suggest you find them before settling for Dog Soldiers.

4.5/10

Day 336: The Horde (La Horde)

The Horde

Hordehouse

When you've seen a lot of zombie movies, they all start to blend together. When you need your zombie fix, you have to find movies with something special to separate them from the pack. Sometimes it's a gimmick like zombie soldiers or zombies in outer space. Sometimes it's absurd amounts of gore and violence. And other times it's as simple as being in a different language. Now that horror movies are cheaper to make and widely distributed across the globe, there has been an influx in scary international movies. For today's review, we go to France where I have already reviewed one movie, Frontier(s). I really enjoyed that one so I was looking forward to seeing some French zombies chow down.

The Horde (also known as La Horda) is a 2009 French zombie movie starring Eriq Ebouraney (Lamumba, Transporter 3) as notorious drug dealer Adewale Markudi and Jean-Pierre Martins (Empire Of The Wolves, Felina And The Master Of Darkness) as policeman Ouesse. Following the murder of one of their fellow police officers, Ouesse, Aurore (Claude Perron, Amelie, Bernie), Jimenez, and Tony plan to avenge his death by killing his murders. The gang is lead by Adewale Markudi, a well-armed Nigerian who lives in a nearly abandoned high rise. As the group of policemen are about to raid Markudi's apartment, the buildings superintendent accidentally interrupts and Markudi gets the drop on them. The tie up one cop and Markudi's brother Bola (hip-hop artist Doudou Masta) shoots him multiple times. As they are preparing to execute Ouesse, Aurore and Tony, the dead cop awakens as a flesh-eating zombie, biting members from the gang. The gang shoot him multiple times, but he does not fall until he is finally shot in the head. Chaos reigns as an unexplained zombie plague spreads across France. The police and gang are forced to work together in order to escape the high rise and make it to safety. Along the way Aurore and Tony are separated from the group. Tony is bitten and Aurore eventually shoots him. An uneasy truce is formed between Ouesse and Markudi. The meet an old soldier named Rene (Yves Pignot) who has been fighting off zombies with an ax. Together, they raid the superintendent's apartment for weapons and begin the long descent to the ground. Will they be able to survive the zombies and each other?

"Who wants a piece of me? Oh, right. All of you. Crap."

The movie's main selling point is that it's filled with loads and loads of blood and gore. Blood is on the actors, on the floors, on the walls and everything else. If you like your zombie movies violent, then you'll be pleased. The Horde tends to rely more on computerized effects than traditional makeup and blood. Certain scenes look very good while others look blatantly fake. There is one very good scene where the audience can see the destruction of the city from the reflection in glass doors. It is subtle yet powerful. Later, they show direct shots of the city in flames and it looks too much like a green screen. Of course, you may not be too happy with how certain things in the movie play out. The characters learn fairly quickly that shooting a zombie in the head kills it. Despite this knowledge, they spend the rest of the movie shooting zombies everywhere but the head. They also learn that bites change people fairly quickly, but when one of Greco, one of the gang members, is bitten in the leg, they don't just shoot him. There are also multiple hand-to-hand fight scenes with zombies that, while looking good, doesn't seem like a smart idea. They are intent on surviving, but choose to ignore some very important facts.

For better or worse, the movie is very bleak. It's not the bleakness that bothers me so much as the predictability and pointlessness. You pretty much know how things are going to end and it's fairly disappointing. While it makes sense in the full context of the story, it also makes a lot of the story rather moot. There is some social commentary and the movie questions who really are the good guys and bad guys. The movie has great action and a few scenes worthy of a “best of” zombie clip show. The acting is good with Eriq Ebouraney putting in the best performance. I was happy that the movie was in French with subtitles rather than being dubbed. Dubbing rarely works and takes away from the quality of acting. There aren't a lot of cultural barriers so those not familiar with France and the French language shouldn't feel intimidated before watching. 

Avon calling!

The Horde could be considered a gorefest, though it's mostly just blood instead of guts. There is a lot of violence and good action scenes. The story is just OK, favoring action over substance. The basic premise of a police raid on an apartment reminds me of one of the opening scenes in the original Dawn Of The Dead. It's fairly obvious where things are going and the ending is disappointing, if expected. The acting and directing are good with some really enjoyable scenes spread throughout the film. The social commentary is passable, but it doesn't break any new ground or force the audience to change their way of thinking. The Horde is good if you're just looking for a zombie shoot-em-up filled with lots of blood and guns. If you need something deeper or unexpected, try elsewhere.

6.5/10

Day 308: Ju-On

Ju-On

Ju-in, Ju-on, and Ju-out

OK, I admit it. I've been ignoring Japanese horror movies for too long. Sure, I reviewed Masters Of Horror: Imprint and Masters Of Horror: Dream Cruise, but those were made for an American audience. I'm talking about made in Japan for a Japanese audience. I've reviewed horror movies from Canada, France, India, Spain, Norway, Belgium, South Africa, Great Britain, Italy, Australia, New Zealand, China, and Holland. It's about time that I give some proper attention to Japan. What better way to do that than with one of the more well-known movies to be remade in the United States? Or more accurately, one of a series of movies remade in the United States.

Ju-On (also know as  Ju-On: The Curse) is a 2000 supernatural horror movie from Japan. The movie follows the lives of multiple people in connection with a specific house in Nerima, Tokyo. Shunsuke Kobayashi (Yurei Yanagi), a teacher, pays a visit to his student Toshio (Ryota Koyama), who has been absent from school. Kobayashi finds Toshio alone in his house, covered in bruises and surrounded by garbage. While waiting for his parents, Toshio begins to make a strange, meowing sound. The story then jumps to the next family to live in the house, the Murakami family. One of the daughters hears a strange croaking sound coming from the attic. When she inspects, she is attacked and killed by some sort of ghost or spirit. The spirit then goes on to attack other people connected with the Murakami family. When we return to the story of Kobayashi, we learn that Toshio's mother was obsessed with Kobayashi. He reads her journal which expresses her intense obsession with him. As he goes to leave, Kobayashi receives a phone call from Toshio's father. His father, jealous about his wife's feelings towards Kobayashi, takes his revenge on Kobayashi's wife and unborn child. In a state of shock, Kobayashi is unable to move when he begins to hear the same croaking sounds from the other story coming from upstairs. What unspeakable horror is coming to meet him and where is exactly is Toshio's mother?

"Help! I've been attacked by Windows 98 graphics!"

I initially thought I was going to be watching the original Japanese version of the Sarah Michelle Gellar movie The Grudge. Unfortunately, I was sort of wrong. Ju-On is actually a series of direct to video horror movies with this one being the first. The American version of The Grudge is actually a remake of Ju-On 2. I've only seen bits and pieces of The Grudge (and some jokes from the Scary Movie franchise) so I was quite surprised to see that the movie didn't really focus on the spooky meowing child. That's what happens when you don't do your research. The creepy meowing child is in the movie, though not as much as The Grudge. The movie does have some genuinely scary parts thanks to a good amount of suspense and sound. There is a good amount of tension and lead-up during the movie. We know something is going to happen and it pushes the audience to the edge of their seats. The strange croaking vocal sounds are actually done by director Takashi Shimizu and are probably the most memorable thing about the movie. The unnatural sound and some unnatural movements are very unsettling, similar to the spider-crawl scene in The Exorcist. Most of the action and violence is implied rather than shown, but we do get a decent amount of blood.

One thing that always worries me when I watch foreign films is that I may not understand certain cultural themes or ideas that the movie is focusing on. While it hasn't been a problem before, I did find myself a bit lost during certain scenes. I have a general idea of the significance of cats in Japanese culture, but not to the point where I could relate to one characters incredible fear of them. Maybe I just missed something in translation. The movie has a tendency to jump around too much, telling multiple short stories. I couldn't feel a strong connection with most of the characters because they only had about 15 minutes of screen time here and there. It doesn't help that the movie has a run time of about 68 minutes. Maybe that's all just the stupid American in me, but the movie would have been better off focusing on, say, 3 extended stories. The acting and directing are fine with not serious complaints. The film quality is on the cheaper side which I find brings down the entire viewing experience.

Did I just walk in on a Danzig music video?

Though it wasn't the movie I was expecting to see, it was nice to find out where the story began. The haunted house/curse is interesting on the surface, but the movie jumps around way too much. I find it hard to connect with the characters and follow just what is happening on the screen. There are too many small stories and with the short run time, everything feels rushed. The movie has a few good scares thanks to good suspense and the creative use of sound. If you liked the American version of The Grudge, you may enjoy seeing where the story got it's start. Otherwise, there's no need to rush out at see Ju-On: The Curse.

4.5/10

Day 290: The Shrine

The Shrine

Shrine on, you crazy diamond

Don't go to a foreign country. Don't leave your state. Don't even leave your couch. The world of horror has taught us that going anywhere is a recipe for a disaster. Help is not coming and no one will ever find you. That's being a little dramatic, but it does occasionally happen in real life, which makes these movies more plausible. Granted, you're not going to be horribly murdered visiting the Hockey Hall Of Fame in Toronto, although that would be an awesome horror movie. Most of these travel horror movies take place in remote locations and require the main characters to be incredibly dumb. It's a a tried and true horror recipe.

The Shrine is a 2010 horror movie starring Cindy Sampson (Swamp Devil, Supernatural) as journalist Carmen and Aaron Ashmore (Smallville, Warehouse 13) as her boyfriend and photographer Marcus. Carmen gets wind of a story where a young American man named Eric Taylor disappeared while traveling in Poland and wants to investigate. She also mentioned that his luggage showed up in the Czech Republic despite never traveling there. Her boss does not give her permission to go and instead gives her a story covering bees that have gone missing. Carmen and her intern Sara (Meghan Heffern, Chloe, The Fog) visit Eric's mother and borrows his journal. Ignoring her boss, Carmen takes Sara and Marcus to Eric's last known whereabouts: a small village in Poland called Alvania. The find the villagers to be extremely secretive and unwelcoming. They talk to a little girl and show her a picture of Eric. She shows shock and fear at the picture, but a farmer named Henryk (Trevor Matthews, Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer, Teen Massacre) stops her from speaking to the group. Walking around, they take note that the villagers all treat their religious leaders like royalty. The walk out to the woods where a strange, unmoving fog hangs over the land. Sara disappears into the fog and Carmen goes in to find her. She comes across a large statue of a demon holding a heart. The statue's eyes begin to bleed and the heart starts to beat. Both Carmen and Sara escape the fog and begin to hear strange whispering. As they head for their car, the little girl from before brings them to a hidden tomb that contains the bodies of several people, including Eric. Each body has a white robe on and a strange mask that cannot be removed. They are locked in the tomb by the little girl and have to pry the door open to escape. They are attacked by the villagers who capture both Sara and Carmen while Marcus is forced to dig a grave. The girls are taken to a sacrificial tomb and Sara is strapped to an altar. Her wrists and Achilles' heels are slashed and one of the masks is forcibly placed on her face, killing her. While trapped, Carmen begins to see demonic faces on the villager's bodies. Marcus is able to escape his captor and rescues Carmen, fleeing into the woods. Will they be able to escape, what really happened in that fog, and why are the villagers killing people?

Making her wear white after Labor Day? You monsters!

Have you ever watched a movie and picked out scenes that were similar to 4 or 5 other movies? I kept doing that while watching The Shrine, more so than any other horror movie to date. It doesn't help that they remind me of much better horror movies that I'd rather be watching. The general torture of Americans in a foreign land, combined with the Achilles cutting scene reminded me of Hostel. The foreign land with a weird , archaic religion is like The Wicker Man. On top of not being completely original, the movie's biggest problem is that the story is just not very good. There are a lot of holes in the plot that really stuck with me. If the villagers know that going into the fog is a bad idea, why don't they warn anybody? Put a sign up, erect a road block, tell foreigners not to go in there. Something, anything to avoid this apparently constant problem. Another issue I had was the character of Sara. It was blatantly obvious from the beginning that she was there just to be killed. She didn't have a lot of development or even a love interest. A good amount of dialogue in the movie is in another language (I'm assuming Polish). Normally, I much prefer movies taking place in another country to be in it's native tongue. The problem is, there are no subtitles, so I have no clue what is going on. If giving away part of the plot is an issue, just rewrite things to keep the story vague.

I kept waiting for the story to lead to something important and that only happened in the last 10 minutes or so. There is a decent twist in the movie, you just have to wait an absurdly long time for it to happen, which is a shame because the twist was far more interesting that a majority of the movie. The movie touches on a few too many horror subgenres, including torture, possession, and exorcism, which leave the movie without a solid identity. There is a good amount of action and violence, with the final scene upping the ante in terms of blood and gore. If the rest of the movie had been like the last 10 minutes, I would have enjoyed it a lot more. The acting is fine with no real complaints. Composer Ryan Shore actually received a Grammy nomination for the soundtrack, but I honestly don't remember anything about the music in this movie.

"Sup, baby. What's a demon gotta do to get your number?"

A lot of things in The Shrine just feel forced and rushed. The story progresses only because the characters make terrible decisions. There are a lot of plot holes and general annoyances that are too much to ignore. The story is all over the place and hard to focus on, especially since a lot of the dialogue is not in English. There is a good amount of violence and some great gore at the end, but it's just not enough to make you want to sit through everything else. The Shrine desperately wanted to be all sorts of different horror movies and we end up with something unoriginal and not terribly fun to watch.

4.5/10

Day 256: The Brood

The Brood

Hands up, baby, hands up!

I've reviewed a few David Cronenberg movies before and the major constant in each movie is physical transformation. We've seen it in The Fly and Videodrome with scary results. Cronenberg's mental and psychological transformations are matched to the physical thanks to fantastically graphic special effects. His capability to combine the gruesome special effects and tense atmosphere make for fun and scary horror movies. Can the same be said for a movie by Cronenberg that I had never really heard of?

The Brood is a 1979 horror movie starring Art Hindle (Paradise Falls, Dallas) as Frank Carveth. Frank's estranged wife Nola (Samantha Eggar, Hercules, Metalocalypse) has been receiving treatment from psychotherapist Hal Raglan (Oliver Reed, Gladiator, Tommy). Raglan runs the Somafree Institute where he performs an experimental form of therapy called “psychoplasmics”. Frank allows his five-year old daughter Candice to visit her mother at the institute and is shocked to find her covered in bruises. Frank informs Raglan of her injuries and tells him that he will no longer bring Candice to see her mother. Wanting to protect Nola and her progress, Raglan intensifies her sessions hoping to quickly solve her issues. He learns that Nola was abused by her mother and neglected by her father, leading to her current fragile mental state. Frank considers legal action against Raglan and seeks out a former patient of the doctor who claims the treatment gave him cancer. While meeting with the former patient, Candice stays with Nola's mother, Juliana. A crashing noise is heard in the kitchen and when Juliana goes to check, she is viciously attacked and murdered by what appears to be a dwarf or child. The police inform Frank of the murder and explain that Candice has been traumatized by the incident. Nola's father Barton returns to attend Juliana's funeral and tries to visit Nola. Raglan turns him away and Barton plans to take revenge on Raglan. While Frank goes to check on Barton, Candice's teacher Ruth Mayer stays at home to watch her. She answers the phone, which has Nola on the other line. Believing that Ruth is Frank's new love interest, Nola becomes enraged. Frank finds Barton murdered by the same small child from before. He confronts the child who dies during the altercation. An autopsy reveals the child has strange deformities such as being asexual, color blind, toothless, and without a navel, suggesting it was burn unnaturally. Raglan quickly closes Somafree, discharging all of the patients in order to focus only on Nola. When Candice returns to school, two dwarf-children kill Ruth and kidnap Candice, bringing her to Somafree. Frank learns from a discharged patient that Nola was Raglan's “queen bee” and the children live in a shed on the Somafree compound. When he arrives, Haglan explains to Frank that the dwarf children come from Nola, an accident byproduct of her psychplasmic sessions. She is telepathically linked to them as her rage causes them to kill. Will Frank be able to save his daughter and stop Nola before it's too late?

"But I don't wanna go to bed!"

The Brood is probably one of Cronenberg's more straight-forward films, but that doesn't mean it's your average horror movie. The movie is laid-out with a good mystery, giving the audience slow drips of information. While the slow reveal makes for a good mystery, it does feel a little too slow at times. Things don't really pick up until the first murder which does take a little while to get to. Any good mystery forces the audience to question just exactly what is happening on who is to blame and The Brood accomplishes this very well. The misdirection with Dr. Raglan is a good plot twist as for most of the movie, I suspected he was the villain. The slow build also creates a sense of horror and dread as the dwarf killers are slowly revealed. They make unnatural sounds and grunts which make the scenes more frantic and terrifying. We don't see them right away and their unnatural natural makes everything quite strange. The movie has a great, creepy atmosphere thanks in part to the usage of string musical flourishes. It's not quite the music from “Psycho”, but it's very close.

Most of the movie is all a build to the big reveal at the end and it is quite a reveal. As I mentioned before, most of Cronenberg's work involves physical transformation horror. Only until the very end did we see this signature plot device involving Nola and it's very disturbing. Without giving too much away, the scene is both gruesome and graphic, which forced the film to be censored in certain places. It earned the film a spot on Bravo's 100 Scariest Movie Moments. The movie has some very good, if a bit graphic, scenes of violence with a large amount of blood. Most of the special effects and makeup are used on the dwaves and on Nola at the end. Both look very good as both are natural-looking, but distorted just enough to make the audience uncomfortable. The acting is good and believable and Cronenberg is able to create characters the audience cares about. Samantha Eggar is particularly good at portraying Nola's frantic insanity. The movie doesn't quite reach the exploitation genre, but it skirts the area with the scenes of what appear to be children murdering adults. 

That smile could light up a room

The Brood is well-made, but there's just something about it that doesn't create that spark of greatness found in other Cronenberg movies. Maybe it's the straight-forward nature or the disconnected big reveal at the end that just didn't set my world on fire. The action and violence is good and the mystery is quite entertaining. There are some scary scenes, but I never felt overwhelmed with fear or suspense. The movie does contain the usual Cronenberg physical transformations, but they don't come until the end which was disappointing. The movie has it's good moments and is by no means bad, it just doesn't really reach the level of his future movies. It's a good introductory movie to David Cronenberg's work and worth a watch if you're new to him.

7/10