Day 227: Alice, Sweet Alice

Alice, Sweet Alice

I don't know, Mitt Romney as president would scare me

“People believe what they want to believe.” That is one of the truest statements ever, not just in a horror movie. The line comes from today's review, Alice, Sweet Alice, but it could pertain to just about anything. Whether it's politics, religion, or even education, people are going to believe what suits their needs or opinions. Global warming is a prime example. We just had the hottest July on record, and I mean ever, and there are some people that still claim climate change is a “myth”. Of course, many of those people have an agenda and need to be taken with a grain of salt when they appear on a news or “news” channel. The used to be the saying “Seeing is believing,” but a more accurate statement would be “Believing is believing”. In horror, the audience is required to believe in what they're seeing, no matter how fantastic or ridiculous. That's all part of the fun.

Alice, Sweet Alice (also known as “Communion” and “Holy Terror” is a 1976 horror movie starring Paula E. Sheppard as Alice Spages and Linda Miller as her mother, Catherine. Set in New Jersey in the 1960's, Catherine's young daughter Karen (Brooke Shields, The Blue Lagoon, Suddenly Susan) is preparing for her first communion. Karen's older sister Alice is extremely jealous of Karen and begins acting out, scaring the housekeeper Mrs. Tredoni, with a bizarre mask. Alice lures Karen out to an abandoned warehouse where she scares her with the same mask and locks her in a room. When she lets Karen out, Alice warns her that if she tells anyone, she'll hide her doll. On the day of the communion, Karen is murdered by someone in a yellow raincoat and the same translucent mask that Alice had been wearing. Her body is dumped into a bench and the crucifix, given to her by Father Tom, and set on fire. Alice is seen walking into the church wearing the same yellow raincoat when a nun smells the smoke and discovers Karen's body. Alice's father Dominick returns for the funeral and reconnects with both Alice and her mother. Catherine's sister Annie also visits, but is constantly berating Alice. One day while going down some stairs, Annie is repeatedly stabbed by the same person who killed Karen. She believes Alice is the attacker, despite having no definitive proof. Alice is given a lie detector test and passes despite saying the killer is Karen. After an evaluation, she is placed in a mental institution against her will. Dom receives a phone call that someone has Karen's crucifix, so he goes to an empty warehouse to claim it. He is stabbed by the masked figure and bashed in the head with a brick. The killer is revealed to be Mrs. Tredoni, who is using her religious fervor as the basis for the attacks. Who will stop Mrs. Tredoni and what will happen to Karen?

Waaaassssuuuuuuuup?!

Alice, Sweet Alice has shades of Hitchcock in it's scope and style. The movie is initially presented as a cut-and-dry slasher movie about a deranged child killing people she doesn't like. The quote from above, though, should obviously lead you to believe otherwise. The characters in the movie and the audience can't help but believe that Alice is the killer even though all the evidence is circumstantial. We want to believe that Karen is the killer because that is the simplest answer. I appreciate the misdirection, but felt a little more foreshadowing would have made the big reveal more believable. While it was a good surprise, once the killer is revealed, I feel that the movie switches gears and becomes a different movie. The heavily religious commentary didn't do much for me because there was a good chunk of the movie where it wasn't addressed. Of course, the previous movie titles “Communion” and the later title “Holy Terror” make more sense in this regard than the more popular name “Alice, Sweet Alice”.

The music used throughout the movie is wonderfully diverse, setting both the tone of the movie and, in certain scenes, juxtaposing the violence with jaunty sounds. When Dom is killed, I noticed there was no music at all, just the sounds of violence and his screams. It was truly unsettling and fit in well with a movie that, while having some scares, is far more uncomfortable than anything else. The acting is pretty good with Paula Sheppard putting in the best performance. This was also the very first movie that Brooke Shields appeared in, and while only appearing briefly, she played her part well. If you need a laugh, listen to her recent appearance on NPR's “Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me” where she discusses the movie with comedian Bobcat Goldthwait. There is a decent amount of blood and violence in the movie, made more effective by the belief that a child is committing the crimes. Director Alfred Sole is able to capture the fear and suspense very well for the movie and it's a surprise he only made one other horror movie before calling it quits.

Take that, Tom Cruise

Alice, Sweet Alice is an entertaining horror movie that gets the audience to question their beliefs in terms of how they perceive things. The religious commentary, while good, fades in and out, occasionally losing focus in favor of Alice's story. The action is solid with some good scares and plenty of unsettling moments. There is some blood and violence with enough suspense to keep the audience on edge. The music is excellent and the directing is competent, complimented by good acting. The movie is a little long and gets a little muddled once the killer is revealed, hurting the flow and momentum. Still, Alice, Sweet Alice is a fun and startling horror movie.

8/10

Day 226: Monsters

Monsters

Looks like a fun horror movie, right? WRONG!

Political commentary is an important part of horror. Most movies have it, even the classics, though you may not notice it. This commentary can range from social issues such as women's rights and racial equality to political issues like healthcare and immigration. Most movies use this commentary as an undercurrent for the story itself, helping, but not overshadowing the horror itself. Dawn Of The Dead is a prime example of making many social points while still putting on an entertaining and fun zombie movie. Other movies, though, put the commentary front and center with less focus on horror.

Monsters is a 2010 science fiction horror movies starring Whitney Able (Remarkable Power, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane) as Samantha Wynden and Scoot McNairy (Bones, My Name Is Earl) as Andrew Kaulder. A few years ago, a NASA deep-space probe crash landed in Mexico, exposing the area to alien life forms. These life forms, which look like a giant octopus with insect legs, spread throughout the area, leading the United States to build a giant wall and quarantining the northern half of Mexico. Andrew is a photographer taking pictures in Mexico of the monster's devastation when he is hired by his wealthy employer to help his daughter Samantha escape Mexico. At first Andrew resists, but is pressured into taking the journey by Samantha's father. Samantha is engaged to be married, but has serious reservations about the man who is to be her husband. Andrew has a young son whom he loves, but rarely gets to see. Samantha plans to take a ferry back to the United States, but after forking over $5,000, they realize that their passports have been stolen. She gives her engagement ring in exchange for help crossing the border. Samantha and Andrew have to take various illegal means to get close to the border while dodging dangerous terrain and the monsters. As their journey continues, they grow close together, confiding in each other. When they reach the border, they find it deserted. As the cross into the States, they find an empty town that appears to have been hit by an air raid. Have the monsters made it across the wall and what will happen to Andrew and Samantha.

Smile! Your life has been ruined!

Monsters is probably more closely associated with science-fiction than horror, but there are just enough horror themes and tropes for it to make the cut. As I said before, it's important for a horror movie to have social commentary. Monsters decides to take that social commentary, shove entertainment out of the way, and bash the audience over the head with it. Believe me, I like social commentary. I studied political science and have worked in politics. I get it and appreciate it when it is done properly. The commentary in the movie is smart and well-thought out, but presented in such a way that made it difficult to sit through. I know what Writer/Director Gareth Edwards was going for, remarking on such things as immigration, the Drug War, Homeland Security, and the U.S. Government, but it's in such a heavy-handed way that professional wrestler Ronnie “Hands of Stone” Garvin should have gotten a production credit.

All of this commentary takes away from most of the scares in the film. The movie was made incredibly cheap which may explain why we rarely see the monsters. They look good, but we really should have seen them a lot more. I mean, the movie is called “Monsters”. Beyond the clever little commentary via the title, I want to see some fucking monsters, not skinny white people talking about their feelings. Most of the movie is just Samantha and Andrew wandering around, almost like a road/buddy movie without the humor. The scenery is pretty fantastic allowing the audience to at least look at something pretty while they're waiting for something to happen. It doesn't really occur as there is very little in the way of action. I found the characters of Samantha and Andrew fairly unpleasant, but not too annoying. Their blossoming love was far too convenient and not particularly believably. On the acting side, both Whitney Able and Scoot McNairy were fine. Not great, but fine.

Hey, put 'Jersey Shore' on!

Monsters is the type of movie other filmmakers love; All talk and very little action. I wish the budget had been bigger for this movie with more scenes of the monsters. It lacked the proper amount of action necessary for it to be entertaining. There are a few scary scenes and some suspense, but not nearly enough. The social commentary is smart, but there is just way too much of it. You are constantly slammed on all sides at all times by the messages. If you're not politically active, you may miss some of the references and ideas, but I don't have that luxury. As far as the story itself goes, it's nothing special and should have had more action. If you're a film school student, you'll probably appreciate it, but if you're looking for good horror and science fiction, look elsewhere.

4.5/10

Day 225: Black Sabbath

Black Sabbath

Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath

No, this isn't a review of a live DVD of the band Black Sabbath. Geezer Butler is not a werewolf, Tony Iommi, is not a zombie, Bill Ward is not the Blob, and Ozzy Osbourne is, well, Ozzy Osbourne. While that sounds like the best horror movie ever, today's review is actually for the movie from which the famous heavy metal band took their name. I always thought that this movie was British because the band was British, but to my surprise, it is actually from Italy. Originally titled “I tre volti della paura”, Black Sabbath is three unconnected tales of terror. It must be good if the original heavy metal band took their name from it, right?

Black Sabbath is a 1963 horror anthology directed by Mario Bava (Baron Blood, Shock). Dubbed in English from the original Italian, Black Sabbath tells three horror tales. An older Boris Karloff introduces us to each of the stories: “The Drop Of Water”, “The Telephone”, and “The Wurdalak”. In “The Drop Of Water,” Nurse Helen Chester is called to the house of a supposed medium and witch who has recently died. The old woman lays dead on her bed with her eyes wide open and a sickly grin frozen in place. As Helen prepares the body, she steals a sapphire ring off the corpse and hides it on her person. As she does, she knocks over a glass, causing water to drip on the floor. She is also harassed by a fly in the room that lands directly on the finger where the ring used to be. When she returns home, Helen is once again bothered by the fly. Strange events occur, such as flickering lights and the dripping sound of water. She begins to see the dead old woman in her house, her eyes wide and her grin still fixed to her face. What will happen to Helen? The second story, “The Telephone” tells the story of a beautiful woman named Rosy who is harassed by a phone-caller. The caller makes sexual comments and threatens Rosy, saying he will get her before the police arrive. Terrified, Rosy calls her friend Mary to come stay with her. Rosy believes the caller is Frank, her dead husband. As Rosy sleeps, Mary writes her a note begging for her to seek help. She is unaware that the caller is even closer than Rosy thought. What will happen to Rosy and who has been calling her? In the final story based on a story by Tolstoy, “The Wurdalak,” a young nobleman named Vladimir Durfe discovers a beheaded corpse with a sword stuck in it's back. He takes the sword and when he enters a village later that night, a man, Giorgio, recognizes the sword as his father's who had not been seen for five days. Vladimir stays the night with Giorgio and his family who explain their father, Gorca (Boris Karloff, Frankenstein, The Mummy) went to fight the wurdalak (vampire) Ali Beg. At the stroke of midnight, Gorca returns to the home, looking gravely pale and carrying the head of Ali Beg. His unkempt appearance, harsh disposition, and the baying of hounds convince the family that Gorca has in fact become a wurdalak. Gorca picks off the family, one by one, leaving only Vladimir and beautiful Sdenka. What will happen to them?

Ozzy looks terrible!

Black Sabbath is a prime example of how to correctly do a horror anthology. Each story manages to establish the characters and get to the point quickly. Director Mario Bava is able to craft each story well, with a good mixture of different horror styles. All three stories are both visually and psychologically appealing with plenty of fear. Boris Karloff is wonderful introducing each story adding a wry sense of humor not seen in his classic works. All three of the stories are simple, yet effective. If you read scary stories as a child, each of these should sound somewhat familiar. It's important to keep in mind that this movie came out in the early sixties and the stories were based on much older tales, so no need to scream about originality. I never like movies being dubbed as I find it distracting, but thankfully it wasn't too bad in Black Sabbath.

The Drop Of Water is colorful and atmospheric, making for a creepy feel. The woman's distorted face is unnerving and far scarier than any computerized effect. The Telephone is your typical “scary caller” horror story, made most popular by 1973's “When A Stranger Calls” with the addition of a ghost story. If the story doesn't really make sense (why would a ghost call his former wife and then try to kill her?) it's because the English version has been hacked to pieces and reworked. The original Italian version has Rosy and Mary in a lesbian affair and Frank escaping from prison. That makes much more sense than the version I watched. I suppose American/British audiences weren't ready for that type of subject matter. The Wurdalak is the longest of the stories, but probably the best. Karloff is fantastic as the vampire Gorca creating a real sense of dread in the audience. There is a good amount of fear and action in this story with some good sets and costumes. 

Paranoid

Black Sabbath is a fun movie with a set of good, basic stories. There are some good chills and a decent amount of action. There are some changes from the original version, so if you are able to, watch that one instead of the altered version. Boris Karloff is very enjoyable, showcasing his range as an actor, from clever host to terrifying monster. The directorial talent of Bava is on display as well, mixing up different styles, but still capable of delivering the horror goods. Black Sabbath is quite enjoyable and well worth your time.

8/10

Day 224: Bruiser

Bruiser

Hey, wasn't this guy in "Dick Tracy"?

It's no secret that I love George Romero's “...of the Dead” series of movies. I even like the new set of “Dead” movies that have come out in the past few years, though not as much as the original trilogy. One of the reasons why I started doing this blog is to watch horror movies that I have always wanted to see, but never had to chance to. Another reason is to see less popular movies by directors I love. Sure, just about everyone knows that George Romero is the father of the zombie genre, but what about his other movies? I previously reviewed one of his non-zombie movies, Monkey Shines and while it wasn't ahmazing, I still enjoyed it for what it was. I might as well check out another Romero movie.

Bruiser is a 2000 horror film written and directed by George Romero (Night Of The Living Dead, Dawn Of The Dead) and starring Jason Flemyng (Snatch, Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels) as Henry Creedlow. Harry works at a fashion magazine called Bruiser under the abrasive and uncouth owner, Milo Styles (Peter Stomare, Fargo, The Big Lebowski). Henry tries his best to create a happy life with his wife Janine (Nina Garbiras, The Nanny Diaries, You Can Count On Me), despite an unfinished house and not having as much money as he once thought. People have walked on Henry all his life, but he lets things go. Despite his efforts, he goes fairly unnoticed at both work and at home, though he does have a good connection with Rosemary (Leslie Hope, Human Cargo, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), Milo's wife. At a party, Rosemary hands Henry a white, featureless mask to paint, but before he can, he spies Janine cheating on him with Milo. That night, he mentions seeing them, but Janine verbally abuses Henry and drives away, eliciting no response from him. The next morning, Henry wakes up to discover that his face has been replaced by the featureless mask from the party. Scared and confused, Henry observes his housekeeper stealing. Rather than letting it go like he used to, Henry kills her in a fit of rage. At the Bruiser office, Milo is caught having sex with Janine by Rosemary. While Milo tries to explain himself to her, Henry confronts Janine. He wraps an extension cord around her neck and throws her out a window. Det. McCleary (Tom Atkins, Creepshow, Escape From New York) investigates her death, believing Henry might be the culprit despite Rosemary being seen at the building. Now a featureless blank slate, Henry is free to express himself and take revenge on those who have wronged him. Henry has lived his life as an anonymous nobody, but now everybody knows that he is a killer. Will Det. McCleary be able to stop him and what will happen to Henry if he completes his revenge?

Joan Rivers in her most convincing role ever

It's no secret that George Romero loves social commentary as it is on full display in Bruiser. The movie brings to mind Arthur Miller's play, “Death Of A Salesman.” Both Willie Lowman and Henry Creedlow are down on their luck with their world's slowly crumbling around them. Even their names are thinly-veiled descriptions of who they are. By replacing the main characters face, Romero allows the audience to project whatever they want on to the main character, but it will most likely be their own face. Doing so provides both satisfaction and disgust as we, the audience, may want to gain revenge, but acknowledge that we can never lose control. It's this loss of control that is scary, far scarier than anything else in the movie. Somewhere along the line, the movie forgets to be a horror film and focuses more on the revenge fantasy. I mean, the poster says “Meet the new face of terror” but there is no real terror to speak of in the movie, unless we're getting abstract. While I understand the significance of having Henry work at a modelling magazine, it seemed out of place for a movie in the year 2000. That type of setting would fit better for the 80's or even early 90's.

Jason Flemyng was a good choice for his role as he is fairly nondescript without a lot of face or name recognition. His soft, monotone voice is perfect for the role, making him all the more creepier. Peter Stomare is purposely over the top, but is almost to wild to believe. Tom Atkins plays his part well enough, but I feel like Romero was trying to go with an old-school film noir style with his character. Det. McCleary says “dame” so many times I expect him to be in black and white. There is also a cameo towards the end by the legendary horror punk band, The Misfits. They contributed songs to the soundtrack and appeared in the movie in exchange for Romero directing a video for their song “Scream”. The movie has plenty of Romero touches with it's bleak outlook and showcase of ugly people. The ending is a bit disappointing with no real lessons learned. It was far too simple for a movie with complicated social commentary. The movie does drag a bit in-between killings, which should have been more plentiful. There is some blood and violence, but there really should have been more of it, just to show how far Henry has changed from mild-mannered to bloodthirsty lunatic. 

Famous Monsters

Bruiser is a clever movie with smart social commentary. The action is limited, despite focuses on revenge. The movie needed a lot more blood and gore than was provided. Even though it was billed as a horror movie, there isn't much horror and no scary scenes. Romero does a good job of bringing his brand of storytelling to the screen, though some of the dialogue and characters are too over-the-top. Jason Flemyng is very good in his role and the makeup used for his blank face looks very good, allowing him to emote properly without much room for actual expression. Though not as good as his zombie movies, George Romero still manages to make Bruiser entertaining for what it is.

6.5/10

Day 223: The Hitcher

The Hitcher

Shouldn't he have his thumb out or something?

Another day, another horror remake. These days, remakes are everywhere. Remaking a movie is not a new concept, but Hollywood has officially run out of ideas. A majority of the movies are either comic book or novel adaptations or remakes. Was the world really clamoring to see a big screen remake of 21 Jump Street? In horror, sometimes a remake works out like Dawn of the Dead and The Thing. It can bring a formerly unknown horror movie to a new audience or make a mediocre horror film better. It's important not to write off a movie just because it's a remake. You need to see it for yourself before casting it into the fiery pits of hell.

The Hitcher is a 2007 remake of the 1985 movie starring C. Thomas Howell and Rutger Hauer. This version stars Zachary Knighton (Happy Endings, FlashForward) as Jim Halsey and Sophia Bush (Stay Alive, One Tree Hill) as his girlfriend Grace Andrews. Jim and Grace go on a road trip for spring break across the American Southwest. On a rainy night, Jim almost hits a hitchiker on an empty road, but keeps driving. Eventually, the hitchiker, John Ryder (Sean Bean, Lord Of The Rings, Silent Hill) catches up to them at a gas stop and asks for a ride. Caught in the awkward position, Jim agrees. Things quickly turn bad as Ryder is revealed to be a murderous psychopath, taking Grace hostage and trying to force Jim to say “I want to die.” Jim thinks fast and is able to kick Ryder out of his moving car. The next day, Jim and Grace see Ryder inside a station wagon with an unsuspecting family. They try to warn them, but are run off the road, crashing Jim's car. They start to walk when they come across the station wagon which is now covered in blood. The father is still alive so they drive the station wagon in search of help, only to be attacked by Ryder in a pickup truck. When things look grim, Ryder stops the assault and drives off. They reach a roadside cafe where Grace asks a waitress to call for help, but when the police arrive, they arrest Jim and Grace. Ryder arrives at the station, killing the police officers and free Jim from his cell, allowing he and Grace to escape. Lieutenant Esteridge (Neal McDonough, 88 Minutes, Walking Tall) investigates the crimscene and determines that a third suspect, not just Jim and Grace, has killed the police officers. On the run, Jim and Grace are confronted by another cop, whom Ryder shoots in an attempt to frame them. A high speed chase ensues, with Ryder killing all of the police officers in pursuit. What does he want with Grace and Jim and how can they stop him?

"I miss my hobbits."

It's important to acknowledge right off the bat that Michael Bay was a producer for this movie. Normally, I don't point out who produces a movie, because it usually doesn't matter. It matters a hell of a lot with this movie because it reeks of Michael Bay's horrendous style of directing. Despite Dave Meyers sitting in the director's chair, you would be hard-pressed to differentiate The Hitcher from some of Bay's other movies like Transformers and Armageddon. The best way to describe this movie is “Explosion, explosion, high-speed car crash, gun shots explosion, pretty girl running, explosion, high-speed car crash, pretty girl running, more gun shots.” Everything else is just window dressing. There is a gratuitous amount of violence and blood, but it's not very thrilling. The movie certainly doesn't lack in the action department. Unfortunately, the movie forgets that it's a horror movie and ignores the tension from the first film. The original was engaging and creepy while this version is made for the MTV generation, down to the unappropriated choice of music. During a car chase scene, they actually play Nine Inch Nails “Closer”. It's a great song, but it's completely out of place with the scene. It's downright insulting that they chose to use this song, especially considering what this song is actually about.

The movie follows fairly closely t o the original material, with one big exception being the inclusion of Grace. She is simply not in the first Hitcher and I question why they felt they need to include her. This version does switch things up with the female character being portrayed as the hero, which is always good, but this doesn't happen until the last 15 minutes or so. She can barely keep it together for most of the movie and we're supposed to believe she is able to escape burning cars and wield a shotgun? Why bother doing that if you're not going to commit the entire movie to that notion? Sean Bean puts in the best performance despite not being on screen all that much. Rutger Hauer was a far more sinister version of Ryder than Bell, who was more like an unstoppable, Terminator-like villain. There is not much in the way of character development, especially in the case of Lt. Esteridge. He just kind of shows up at certain times and Neal McDonough chews so much scenery that I'm surprised the sets don't have teeth marks.

This gets the "Michael Bay Erection Of Approval"

Remaking The Hitcher wasn't a bad idea. It isn't a particularly well-known horror movie from the 80's that could play well with a modern audience. The original was smart in it's creepyness, playing on the fears of picking up a stranger. This version ignored the nuances in favor of lots of explosions and car chases. Michael Bay's stink is all over this movie, so if you hate his style of “KABOOM! BLAMMO! POW POW!” storytelling, you'll be annoyed by this as well. The characters lack the appropriate mount of development and the inclusion of a new character was unnecessary. Sean Bean is decent as Ryder, but doesn't get much help from his fellow cast members. What was once a decent horror movie has now become another run-of-the-mill action movie for unremarkable teenagers to watch when Fast and the Furious isn't on.

2.5/10

Day 222: Day Of The Dead

Day Of The Dead

Nothing makes sense in this picture. Nothing.

In “Shaun of the Dead,” Ed asks Shaun, “Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?” Despite still being alive, the answer to that question would have to be George Romero. Romero is the father of the modern zombie genre with his original trilogy of Night Of The Living Dead, Dawn Of The Dead, and Day Of The Dead being the litmus test for all other zombie movies. While many zombie movies try to achieve the same greatness of Romero's movies, most of the time they end up just ripping them off. There are countless “... Of The Dead” movies out there just hoping that an unsuspecting horror fan will pick it up in hopes of a good zombie movie. I know that's true because I've done it before. In 2004, Zack Snyder directed a remake of Dawn Of The Dead to wide success and acclaim. It took the essence of the original along with some important scenes and made it a modern horror movie. It was only a matter of time before we got a remake of Day Of The Dead.

Day Of The Dead is a 2008 direct-to-video remake of the 1985 George Romero movie of the same name. The movie stars Mena Suvari (American Pie, American Beauty) as Corporal Sarah Cross. An outbreak has occurred in a small town in Colorado, leading the army to quarantine the area. The town also happens to be the home of Corporal Cross, who travels with Private Bud Crain (Stark Sands, Six Feet Under, Generation Kill) to her mother's house to check up on her. There, she walks in on her brother Trevor (Michael Welch, Joan of Arcadia, Twilight) making out with his girlfriend Nina (AnnaLynne McCord, 90210, New Moon). Sarah checks on Trevor's friend, Kyle, and discovers that his parents have been brutally mauled. She takes her sick mother to the hospital along with Trevor and Nina. The hospital is overrun by sick people who all stop moving at the same time. The infected suddenly reanimate, turning into super-fast, super-agile flesh-hungry zombies. Trevor and Nina are able to escape while Sarah and Bud hide in a storage room along with Dr. Logan (Matt Rippy, Torchwood, Boogeyman 3) and Private Salazar (Nick Cannon, Drumline, RollBounce). They are attacked by a zombified Captain Rhodes (Ving Rhames, Dawn Of The Dead, Pulp Fiction) who bites Bud on the hand before they are able to kill him. Trevor and Nina find safety in a radio station while Bud, Sarah, and Salazar fight their way out of the hospital. Dr. Logan makes a run for it on his own. Bud eventually turns into a zombie, but through his strong feelings for Sarah, retains some of his human traits and is helpful in fighting off the zombies. They pick up Trevor and Nina and head to a supposedly abandoned bunker. Inside, they find a laboratory with Dr. Logan inside. How is he connected to the outbreak, what is “Project: Wildfire” and how will they survive?

I don't think the camouflage is working

Calling this a remake is a real stretch of the imagination. The Dawn Of The Dead remake, while not exactly the same as the original, kept the same themes and general idea intact. I mean, a majority of the movie takes place with the humans holed-up in a mall, just like the original. This remake has a completely different story and only a tenuous connection to the source material. Just because you use the same names as the original, have the main characters be soldiers, and having a zombie remember things doesn't mean you have a remake. The movie also lacks the serious political and social commentary that made up so much of the original. All of this could be forgiven if the movie itself was good. There is plenty of action to go around, so if you like exploding heads, you'll be entertained. While it does have some entertaining moments, the story is too much of a mess to be overcome.

Things happen too conveniently in Day Of The Dead. The main characters survive too easily while everyone else dies around them. The last 15 minutes or so when they randomly find this bunker that had never been previously mentioned is when things get out of hand. They try to cram in an explanation that should have been addressed earlier and then throw in some horrifically unrealistic action. I've come to accept fast zombies, but I can't allow zombies that can crawl on ceilings and make Super Mario-like jumps. These things are so fast that it's hard to believe anyone would survive. The fun of having slow zombies is the crushing realization that a character is surrounded and no matter what they do, they are dead. Some zombies look good while others look like a pizza from Domino's. There is a good amount of blood and gore, enough to please most horror fans. To put it lightly, the acting is just not very good. Mena Suvari does her best, but I just can't believe that she is a Corporal in the army. Ving Rhames is only in the movie for a few brief scenes, which is a shame, because we know he can be very good. Between this and Zombie Apocalypse, I don't know what Mr. Rhames was thinking. The real problem comes from Nick Cannon who spits out contrived, cliched lines with all the conviction of a rapper-turned-actor. The special effects look particularly fake and they would have been better off using traditional effects and makeup.

I didn't know zombies could smile

If you enjoyed the original Day Of The Dead, you will be greatly disappointed with this remake. It does have more action, blood, and gore than the original, but lacks the story and commentary that made the original so enjoyable. There are a few connections to the original, but, for better or worse, this Day Of The Dead is really it's own story. The acting is questionable and the special effects are worse. The super-fast zombies add more fear to the movie, but look silly as they sprint and flail about. If you like lots of violence in your zombie movies, you'll really enjoy this one. If you need a little more substance to your horror, you should look elsewhere.

4.5/10

Day 221: The Relic

The Relic

Red is totally your color

Monsters, monsters everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Or something like that. If that's not how the saying goes, it should be. Monsters are the bread and butter of the horror genre, not just movies. When books, comics, television, and video games need a scary villain, they go with monsters. They can come from outer space or under the sea, from magic or from our ancient past. They can look and act like whatever we desire. Sometimes they are written with strict rules, such as vampires or werewolves, but outside of the classic monsters, any goes. This is a huge advantage for new monster movies because the freedom allows the creators to let loose and have fun.

The Relic is a 1997 science-fiction horror movie based on the novel of the same name written by Douglas Preston and Lincoln child. The movie stars Tom Sizemore (Saving Private Ryan, Red Planet) as Chicago police Lt. Vincent D'Agosto. A ship from Brazil is found floating aimlessly in Lake Michigan with no crew on board. Believing the disappearances are drug-related, D'Agosto and his partner Sgt. Hollingsworth search the ship, and discover mutilated bodies in the bilge. Dr. Margo Green (Penelope Ann Miller, Kindegarten Cop, The Freshman), an evolutionary biologist at the Museum of Natural History in Chicago, has received crates containing some jungle leaves and a stone statue of a mystical monster called Kothoga. The leaves appear to have some fungus on them, so Margo decides to analyze them. That night, a security guard is horrifically murdered by an unseen assailant. D'Agosto investigates the bloody scene and believes there is a connection between this murder and the empty ship. Believing the killer may still be inside the museum, he orders the building closed. An autopsy reveals that the security guard had his hypothalamus removed from his brain.Margo's analysis of the fungus shows that it contains hormones found in several different animals, supposedly an impossible feat. Two police officers searching the museum come across a homeless ex-con living in the museum and shoot him when he attacks them. Pressured by the mayor, D'Agosto reopens the museum so the rich locals can celebrate a gala event. That night, the security systems go haywire, trapping the guests, Margo, and D'Agosto. They are soon attacked by an enormous, reptilian monster, the real life Kothoga. The Kothoga grabs people by the head, ripping out their hypothalamus so it can injest their hormones, causing it to evolve and grow stronger. Margo believes that it started out as a small animal that mutated when it ate the fungus from the leaves. How will D'Agosto and Margo stop this monster before it is unleashed on the city?

Another awkward high school yearbook photo

It is very easy to confuse The Relic with the movie Mimic. Both came out in 1997, the heroine is a beautiful scientist, and the monster is an evolving animal. It can also be compared to the movie Alien , with the location just being switched from space to a museum. The Relic goes a more scientific route than Mimic, going into the specifics of hormones, animal genes, and cultural anthropology. It is certainly a welcome addition to the monster genre where a lot of movies tend to either glance over or completely ignore the scientific explanation of what is happening. The problem is that the movie gets a little too specific with hormones and other scientific information. Combine this with a run-time of 110 minutes and the story became slow and bogged-down at certain points. They tried to alleviate this with some good “end of the world” panic and violence, but that doesn't occur until the last 40 minutes of the movie. The monster itself looks pretty good, with a smart mixture of “live” rubber and latex and computerized. For 1997, the special effects look pretty good. The movie wisely keeps the monster in shadows and darkness, making it's reveal all the more terrifying.

The movie also possesses a fun charm to it not seen in a lot of monster movies. This is due in large part to Tom Sizemore, who plays Lt. D'Agosto very well. He's hard-nosed, but smart, never coming off as a superhero cop, like a John McClane or Steven Seagal playing Steven Seagal in a Steven Seagal movie. Penelope Ann Miller is good in her role as well and has decent chemistry with Sizemore. The movie does tend to have cliches, such as a doctor doing whatever he can to keep the museum open despite the danger, rich people being attacked by the monster, and the super-specialized scientist who is the only person capable of stopping the monster. Despite being a simple monster movie, The Relic manages to still be entertaining. If you like special effects (by mid 1990's standards) and gore, you'll really get a kick out of The Relic. When I say gore, I mean lots of evisceration, decapitations, bloods, and brains. There is probably more body parts in this movie than some “torture porn” horror movies. It all serves a purpose, though, and is never shoved in the audience's face.

Are you saying you lost my jars?

The Relic is your typical monster story that still manages to be entertaining. It tries to include more science than your average horror movie, and while I appreciate the effort, they could have pared it down for timing purposes. At 110 minutes, the movie does drag at certain points. It has plenty of violence and gore to keep people entertained with some sly humor thrown in to lighten the mood. Both Tom Sizemore and Penelope Ann Miller put in good performances that give the movie a lot of charm. Though it is similar to Mimic, The Relic is certainly it's own movie and worth a watch.

7.5/10